The Nightcaller
by madreag
Summary: This is an AU story. Kate Beckett-Sorenson is a detective, Richard Caste a famous writer. A chance encounter brings them together for one night, but is there more for them? Can love transcend space and time? Is life the search for the one and is there really just one for each person?
1. Chapter 1

**The Nightcaller**

 **Story by Madreag**

* * *

I'm giving you a nightcall to tell you how I feel  
I'm gonna drive you through the night down the hills  
I'm gonna tell you something you don't want to hear  
I'm gonna show you where it's dumped but have no fear

There's something inside you  
It's hard to explain  
There's something inside you, boy  
And you're still the same

Written by Belorgey, Vincent Pierre Claude / Christo, Guy Manuel Homem

Preformed by London Grammer on _If You Wait (2013)_

* * *

 **Prologue**

 _ **Cinderella's Ball**_

They sat and listened to him. By many standards he was the eminent modern-day philosopher. He would scoff at such talk, dismissing it as mere nonsense. He was an old man with an audience of young men. He both envied and pitied them. They had so many days ahead, time was a luxury to them. But in those many days would be many difficulties. Like a man who sits to write a simple story, where his tale begins, and ends, is like life, full of surprises. Each will find the truth, that we are masters of nothing.

"Sir, are you saying, find the right one or you're up a creek?

He smiled at the question, "Precisely! The most difficult task before you is not finding the right career, or picking the right company to build, or whom to work for, or how much money you earn, save or invest. Your most difficult task is finding her. Do that and you will have a life and then, everything else will fall in place. Miss her and it is, what the ancient writer said? "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity."

A voice from the back, "That's a bit harsh isn't it? And not very fair."

"Who said anything about fair! This is far to important for that notion."

 **XX**

Richard Castle hated doing these things alone. Sure he may owe the Mayor, but it seemed like he owed everyone something. The 'Gala Events' were tiring to him. He laughed to himself, he'd rather play laser tag with Alexis, but that wasn't happening, not with her living in a dorm. He'd promised to be there, and so he would.

As he looked through his closet, the clear choice was black. He wasn't 25, and could never dress like Tom Wolfe. In fact he had been twice the size of Wolfe when he was twelve years old, so a simple black tux would do.

He made himself another promise, he would not do the front door thing. The greeting, handshakes, hugs and what-have-you-been-up-to-dance, that was always played out before a legion of cameras. He'd been up to writing, just not with much success. He did not want to answer the, "When's your next book coming out?" question, at least not more than a thousand times. Because in truth, he had no idea. It was still stuck in his head, someplace.

He knew of a service elevator that would drop him at the back of the crowd. He could at least start the mingling on his own terms. Find someone he knew, chat, and then do a couple of laps and head for the door.

He had no idea what lay before him.

 **XX**

She could see her shadow, hear her breathing. Captain Victoria Gates stood over her best detective. "Detective Beckett, What! Are you still doing here?"

"Sir, I'm just doing some paper work I have to get done today." She presented a sour look to go along with her task.

"Detective, maybe I didn't make myself clear earlier?" Her voice growing more stern.

"No sir, you were very clear."

"Then answer me this, what are you still here?"

"Like I said sir..." The Captains hand swung up, ending any further comment.

"Detective, I'm walking back to the office to lock the door. When I return, I better, let me emphasis this, not see a trace of you. Am I making myself clear?"

"Perfectly, sir!"

"And Detective, I better see you within the next 90 minutes, looking your best on behalf of this Precinct."

"Yes sir."

 **XX**

Kate Beckett-Sorenson hated these things. She didn't like them when Will was with her, and she liked them less alone. She could not grasp why she had to dress to the nines to go to such stupid events. She seriously doubted it helped the Precinct at all, the only one it helped was the Mayor.

As she ran into her apartment, it dawned on her she had broken a number of laws just getting from the police station to her place. She laughed, that was just so wrong. And then she was greeted at her closet door was the, "What shall I wear dilemma?"

In the end she gobbled down a nearly expired yogurt for dinner, took a shower, and picked the safe option, simple but elegant.

 **XX**

He made his way to the service elevator, pushed the up bottom and waited. He had thought he was at the lowest level in the garage so it should be there immediately. It wasn't, he saw from the indicator there were two floors below him. He feared he was loosing his grip.

The bell pinged and the doors opened. He stood frozen for a moment, his eyes stuck on the woman standing alone in the car. She was beautiful, and he couldn't get his feet to move.

"Are you getting in or what?" She barked at him, in a _how-stupid-can-you-be_ tone.

"Yeah, sorry." He thought, beautiful but cranky. He stepped in, started to push the 14th floor button, but it was all ready lit. He stood on the opposite side of the car and watched the indicator, he said nothing.

The car was filled with the smell of cherries and something. It was wonderful, he closed his eyes for second and just breathed her in. He silently said to himself, "I think I'm love," and then, "I don't do love."

The car rose two floors and stopped. The doors opened and a man stood with his back to them. He was barking at someone ,"What part of, this crap was suppose be up there 20 minutes ago, don't you idiots get! They're hors devours, get it, before the food. Now go!"

He spun on his heels and looked at Castle, "Buddy get your lady friend over. We have two rolling cabinets coming in and she's about to be crushed."

"Madam," he indicated to the spot in front of him and pushed himself back into the corner. She stepped over quickly. Within seconds two large cabinets were rolled onto the elevator, followed by four young men dressed in white service uniforms.

They crowded into Beckett's spot without even looking at her. She stepped back into Castle, her heel landing on his left shoe. He groaned and she quickly moved her foot and placed it between his legs. The crowd of waiters pushed more against her and she in turn against Castle.

Kate Beckett thought to herself, "So how shall I tell Lanie I practically laid on top of Richard Castle tonight, albeit while standing-up". She was not entirely nonplussed by the experience. She wondered what her Mother would have thought about such an encounter, with her favorite author no less. The thought brought both a smile and a sigh, she missed her so. She shook at the thought, and felt herself shutter over the old wound.

"Are you OK? Sorry there's no more space." His voice was kind and filled with concern.

She turned her head but could not make eye contact. They were pressed to tight. "Fine, thank you." She was surprised at the contrast between, what she had guessed about this well known author, and the actual man now standing behind her.

When the doors opened on the 14th floor the frantic waiters, along with the carts almost exploded into the hall way. She felt his hand move to steady her as she moved one foot forward so she would be fully up right and could walk out.

They stepped out of the elevator and made their way towards the roar in the main room. As they entered someone yelled "Ricky" stretching out the 'y'. He smiled, but sighed. He turned to look at her, she was staring at him for his response, sensing he was taking a moment to prepare himself. He ended their brief encounter with, "Have a good evening," and headed into the crowd.

While he mingled and said hello to a number of friends and acquaintances, he decided the elevator ride, would probably be the best part of the night.

A few minutes later someone called, "Hey Rick!" He turned to see the Mayor smiling and waving him over. He was standing with a tall, thin African-American woman, and beside her, the beauty from the elevator.

The Mayor shook his hand then gave him a shoulder hug. "Rick, I'd like you to meet Captain Victoria Gates of the 12th Precinct and one of her best Detectives, Kate Beckett. Ladies this is Richard Castle."

Castle smiled and extended his hand, "Captain Gates it's a pleasure," and then to Beckett, "Detective Beckett nice to meet you." As he shook the Detectives hand he was momentarily lost in her emerald green eyes. He realized as he stared at her that he'd failed to let go of her hand. Beckett wiggled her fingers, reminding him to let go.

In a friendly voice she added, " It's nice to meet you Mr. Castle."

"Thank you." He shifted his focused to the Mayor, "Sir this looks like a big success, hope it goes as planned for you tonight."

"Thanks," the Mayor's eyes continuously scanned the crowd and then stopped now face to face with Castle, "Rick you can help it be a bigger success." Castle waited and the Mayor turned to the women, "Detective Beckett, would you two do me a favor? That dance floor is pathetically empty, and what's the saying? 'nature hates a void', and so do I. Would you two go out there and dance, a couple of numbers, smile, and I'll be in your debt?"

Before they could speak the Mayor continued, "Sorry folks I see someone I need to talk to, gotta go. Again, enjoy the evening and thanks for your help."

It was now just the three of them, and the Capitan wasted no time. "Mr. Castle, sounds like you and my Detective have a brief assignment, but before you go, you're the Derrick Storm author, correct?" Castle nodded, "I've read a couple of your books. So, when can we expect your next best seller?" Gates waited with a smile.

"Soon Captain, soon." smiling at the two women. He then looked to Beckett, "Detective are you willing to do the Mayor's bidding?" Extending his arm to her, which she took it and accompanied him to the dance floor.

The small orchestra began with a lush version of _Moon River_ , after a few introductory bars one of the younger members stood at the mike and played a soulful harmonica version of the famous song. Castle and Beckett floated through the waltz. The roar in the room lessened and almost every eye was on them. The floor was a pale blue and the lighting made it appear as if they were floating.

Off to one side the Mayor beamed, thinking this was more than he had hoped for when he asked them to help. Gina Cowell, Castle's agent, watched with the rest of the crowd. She had no idea who the woman was, and didn't care, she was just delighted that her best author was the center of attention.

Castle and Beckett had for all practical purposes left the building. They were lost in a moment neither expected. A serenity settled on the couple as they glided across the empty floor. Both were oblivious to the numerous people standing near watching and envying the couple as they moved in nearly perfect sync to both the music and each other.

Castle was uncharacteristically quiet, his face covered in a content, warm smile. His focus was on the lines of his partners face and her deep green eyes. So too Beckett was lost in the moment. She was surprised at the ease and comfort she felt in this simple dance. She felt secure in his embrace and momentarily was not even sure where they were as she stared at his face and blue eyes.

After the music stopped, they continued the dance for a few seconds longer, then suddenly realized the music had ended. They stopped and separated but Castle with arms extended held her hands, "Thank you Detective Beckett for...an incredible dance."

"Thank you Mr. Castle." She beamed back, unable to hide her delight.

"You dance well Detective."

"Thank you, I did some modeling when I was young, as well as dance and ballet..." She stopped, why was she telling him her life story? And why was she was babbling?

As the next song began, he reached for her, "You would still make a beautiful model!" She immediately blushed, but he pulled her close and they continued to dance. The floor around them filling with couples, no doubt seeking the magic they had just witnessed.

For the third dance the orchestra leader chose, _Beautiful Tonight_ , by Eric Clayton. Again Castle pulled her close but this time feared she'd hear his heart thumping. He wondered what in the world was going on, and who was this woman. He could smell the fragrances of perfume and shampoo mixing, it was like a drug. But all he was hoping was that the song would never end so he wouldn't have to let go.

Beckett could not believe the final song. Her father had loved it and told her it always reminded her of her mother. Every time she heard it she thought of them and their great love for each other. It made her believe in the hope of loves power. She found herself swamped in melancholy. She clung to this strange writer. Again as with _Moon River_ she relished the arms about her. When she was ordered to attend she never dreamed she would find herself in the role of Cinderella, it made her smile.

When the dance ended Castle was breathless and fumbled for words, finally he said, "We should do this again." She just smiled.

As they walked off the floor he asked why she'd become a Detective. She said she found it very challenging, "You know Mr. Writer, following the clues, seeing behind the obvious." She went on a little about her desire to get justice those for whose lives had been cut short.

"Certainly not the answer I expected Detective, some day I'd like to pick your brain."

"Couldn't resist a chance to pick-up a girl Mr. Castle?"

He just laughed, "It wasn't a pass, I've given up on love." She felt a stab of pain at the causal confession. She knew the feeling.

She then added, "I think we've helped the Mayor," extending her hand to the now full dance floor.

"Detective, I'd dance the rest of the night with you, if you're so inclined?"

"Mr. Castle, I've monopolized enough of your evening, go see your fans." She smiled and slipped into the crowd.

After the dancing he visited and mingled. He meant it, he would have danced all night with the cop, she was not only beautiful but mesmerizing. He was heading to the nearest bar, thinking about dancing and lying, he smiled to himself, he had just danced with the most beautiful woman at the event, and lied to her Captain, great. He figured he was safe from arrest, his defense would be literary license. As he stood waiting to get a drink he felt someone bump into his elbow. He turned to see the green eyed Detective.

"Well, my dance partner" He lifted his glass to her.

She ignored his comment, "By the way, do you really have a book coming out? Because it seemed to me, you we're slinging it my boss." Before he could respond the bartender appeared, she waived her hand to get his attention, "Can I have a Macallan on the rocks?"

"Tell me you didn't come to arrest me, especially after not stepping on your toes?" She smiled warmly at his comment. "On the book! I've got nothing, plus I hate that question." His face went serious, "People don't understand, stories don't just jump onto the paper, your boss sounded like my agent."

His mood shift concerned her, clearly this was a topic that was raw for him, "Not going to arrest you tonight, Mr. Castle, maybe another time."

"Well tonights about done, I'm about to, Slip out the back Jack." Castle smiled weakly.

"So you're a real party animal?" The bartender handed her the drink.

As he turned to walk away,he looked over his shoulder, "Not me, I'm off to hide from you and your boss."

 **XX**

Over the next hour, Castle ran into the Mayor twice, he was still elated with the boost Castle and Beckett's dancing had given the party. The dance floor was still brimming. "Rick, you and the cop, you two are magic."He just smiled, and thought to himself, 'my work here is done, now I can safely slip away.'

He'd seen his agent Gina, she was also ecstatic, except for the missing date. But she liked the dancing with the tall dark-haired woman. Where were the camera's when she needed them? She wanted some paper splash, page six stuff, but he'd resisted.

Castle would be the first to admit, he'd been in a slump, ever since he and his friend had been in the grisly encounter, he just hadn't been himself. But now there was a new twist, for the first time in his life he was struggling with sleep. The combination had been hard to deal with, still Gina wanted theater along with a dashing playboy, there had been several discussion, but in the end, he told her that for now it was beyond him.

He slipped through the crowd, making his way to the rear of the large room, and then his escape. When he finally got to the back hall and its elevator, he reached for the button, but before he could reach it a voice said, "What floor?" He didn't even look over.

Still facing the doors, he spoke to the metal, "Detective Beckett, I think you know what floor. Are you stalking me?" He turned an smiled.

"I promise, I'm not stalking you. I might shoot, but I would not stalk you."

"So is that some kind of cop pick-up line?"

"The only thing I want to pick up, is these shoes, my feet are killing me." She grimaced.

She stepped out of the shoes as soon as the doors to the elevator closed. Before she could move, he reached down and picked them up, placing them behind his back.

"You do not need to carry my shoes Mr. Castle."

"Just being a gentlemen." He smiled at her, "I left my cape at home so, I can't throw it in a puddle for you." Bowing slightly.

He now looked down at her. She glared, "I need my shoes!"

"You know, you're not near as menacing when you're not ten feet tall. I will return them by the end of the ride."

She rolled her eyes, but said nothing.

When the car stopped he handed her one shoe. " Ah...Mr. Castle there were two."

"I was hoping you let me keep one, just in case I ever needed to find a princess."

"No, that's not going to work for me." She looked at him with the best serious glare she could muster. How could she be enjoying such foolish banter.

"You don't need to glare at me! You've already threatened to shoot me, as well as a possible arrest." He handed her the shoe and held up his hands.

He stepped off the elevator, "Hope you catch all the crooks." He turned and headed towards his car.

"Hey Castle!" He turned and looked back at her, "Good luck on your next book."

 **XX**

As she let herself into her empty apartment she wondered why she had been so hard on the writer. He didn't try to hit on her, didn't spin any BS lines her way. He'd only been a gentleman. She on the other hand had given him grief at every turn. She found delight in goading him, then she reconsidered, she should of given him the shoe. No one had ever asked for her shoe or called her a princess, except for her Dad.

She decided she might do some follow-up with the writer. Buy him coffee maybe and give him some more trouble. She smiled to herself, thinking she wasn't that sorry for the grief, it had been a great evening.

 **XX**

The party had been more pleasant than he expected. He was still thinking about the Detective, who clearly didn't care for writers, or maybe just him. But he'd enjoyed the interaction. It had been months since he even talked playfully with a woman. Gina and he had gone on a couple of dates, but there was simply no fire. He knew she was more interested in his public persona rather than him. He didn't feel the Detective cared in the least about the public stuff.

Just before heading to bed, he Googled Detective Beckett. She was 36 years old, married to an FBI agent named Will Sorenson. Her full name was Kathrine Beckett-Sorenson. There were a several picture of the couple, but none for the last year or so. He thought again about how beautiful she was, and if she was his wife, she wouldn't be going to parties alone.

As he turned out the lights he said to the ceiling, " A good life to you Mrs. Sorenson."

 **XX**

 _Six Months Later_

Richard Castle sat in the back of the court room, his testimony long over. He was glad he was only a witness, but his friend was still being grilled for that he was sorry.

Dr. Martin Strait was a respected psychiatrist who was being sued by both the victim's and the patient's families. Each arguing the doctor had breached his duty. To the patient they argued he should have known and intervened, to the victim he owed the duty to warn.

Castle had met Strait years ago at a fund-raiser. He liked the doctor and the two had become friends. Castle was working on his 10th book in the Derek Storm series. The thrill was gone. He felt like he was scraping the bottom of the bucket, fresh out of ideas. He wanted to create a sinister culprit. He had done lots of reading but needed some first hand assistance on the treatment of the criminal mind. He contacted Strait who agreed to help if he could. He told Castle that patient privilege was essential and he was duty bound to honor anything his patients shared with him. Still he could discuss the practice as well as cases he'd studied or been asked to advise on. Castle hoped it would help him out of his writing slump.

He and Dr. Strait had met on a number of occasions, normally in mid-town which was mid-way between Castle's loft and the doctors office.

The men had met for lunch to continue their discussion. Neither could have guessed what mayhem was about to take place. As they exited the restaurant one of the doctors patients encountered a young woman, it would later be determined she was an ex-girlfriend who found the man too volatile and had broke off the relationship. She wanted him to stay away. As they argued briefly the man pulled a gun and shot her in the face. Castle and Strait were so enough that they were covered with blood and bone. Strait was momentarily stunned but recovered and called out to the his patient, who simply looked at the doctor, smiled, then stuck the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

After the shootings the law suits began. Every lawyer and doctor knows the name Tarasoff and the story behind the now famous case. Tatianna Tarasoff had been stalked and murdered by a man who was enamored with her. A doctor named Moore, had been treating Mr. Poddar and when he feared what his patient might do he contacted the police expressing his concerns for his client and his intent to possibly harm Ms. Tarasoff. However he did not contact the Tarasoff family. Ultimately the Supreme Court of California found he had breached his duty when he failed to contact the family of the woman.

Martin Strait now found himself on both ends of the sword. In this case the parents of the assailant sued him claiming he should have taken more intrusive measures to stop their son. They believed he should have know the extent of their sons homicidal tendencies.

The parents of the murdered girl made the legal argument that he had a duty to warn them, as set forth in New Yorks equivalent of the Tarasoff case.

It had been eight months since the shooting. But now Castle had his own issues. While he had written a number of books on murder, he'd never been a witness to one. More than just seeing the gruesome events he had ended up covered in blood. As the months wore on his sleep had been increasingly invaded by the scene. Over and over he would wake up as the murder played out. Each time he tried to stop the events, but could never do so. Just when there was some improvement the legal actions began.

The trial had lit up a new round of nightmares. His sleep cycle was decimated and now if he could sleep two hours at a time, it was a good night.

 **XX**

The trial had ended with the doctor being found civilly liable to both families. While he had good insurance it was not sufficient. He was forced to sell his primary residence and a vacation home. He and his wife moved into a small home outside the City. The doctor rode the subway to work and struggled to make ends meet.

Following the trial Castle had sought new medical treatment for his sleep disorder The various sleep aids had failed, along with sleep therapy and acupuncture. Finally he was prescribed a combination of medications, Zolpidem and Lorazepam. Because of Castle's height and weight he was given 20 mg of the Zolpidem and the maximum 2 mg of Lorazepam, the medications had not been that successful.

On August the 3rd, he had taken the medication as prescribed but slept for only three hours. He was staying at his home in the Hampton's at the time. At 4 am he repeated the dose of both medications, hoping for some rest.

He slept on and off, and awoke at 7:30 am, feeling groggy. After fussing for another couple of hours he showered and decided to go to a small café not far from his house. He wanted breakfast, and lots of coffee.

At 9:55 am a call came into the East Hampton's Police Department, there had been a single vehicle accident. Car versus tree, the driver was believed to be dead.

Tuesday, August 3, 2015, started as a normal day for most people, but for two residences of Manhattan, it would be the day that would forever change their lives.

* * *

AN - This story was inspired partly by London Grammers song, along with the some other ideas. The characters are not meant to be canon based, but near. Thus far there are 21 chapters, which I started early this year. Appericate comments and thoughts.


	2. Part I - Chapter 1 - On the Wind

**AN: This is the second installment of the story The Nightcaller. Again this is an AU tale. It is set in late 2015.**

 **Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 **Part I**

 **Chapter 1**

Manhattan Island

August 3, 2015

7:15am

 **On the Wind**

Kate Beckett-Sorenson sat at her desk and stared at the papers in her hands. It was the legal documents confirming the end of her three-year marriage to Will Sorensen. There were no tears at this point. But the failure of her marriage felt like another wound that would never heal. Looking at the papers, which had been served by the court notifying the parties the divorce agreement and terms had been approved by the judge, hit her like hard blow to her already damaged heart.

Kate Beckett had always said she was a 'one and done' girl. She would wait for the right man, and they would be together forever. She had resisted Will Sorenson but he finally won her heart. They married after a two year courtship, things went well for them. He was a field-agent with the FBI and she a homicide Detective with the New York City Police, 12th Precinct.

They had a small apartment in Manhattan, which on their salaries was not an easy thing for two cops. It was expensive but they loved the island agreeing they'd pay the extra cost to live there, even if it meant having a less.

They came to a divide in the road of this happy existence when Will was offered a promotion. The kicker was, it was in DC. He assumed, Kate would quit her job and follow him. She would have sworn, he would never ask such a thing.

Kate Beckett's rise to detective was the fastest in the history of the NYPD. It wasn't not because she was a woman. It wasn't because she was beautiful. It was because she was smart and had a cat-like sense in a murder investigation. She was livid with her husband for thinking her career would simply be thrown away, because he had a job in another city. But worse, he didn't have the courtesy to even discuss it with her and the implication s for their life.

When the dust settled, Will moved to DC and got an apartment. Kate moved from Manhattan to a more affordable situation, the commute was not that bad.

After the blow-up over the job and the following twelve months she came to a painful and cold realization, she'd made a mistake. The truth was she didn't miss Will. If he called she was happy to hear from him, but if he didn't, that was OK. The truth was, for the first two years of their marriage, they'd lived separate lives, in the same house. Besides their contribution to rent each month, all other money was separate. They still had old friends they saw on their own. Will would take a day off without seeing if she could do the same. At times, she felt more lonely married, then she had when she was single.

All of this came together after an everyday event, a pocket dial. She saw his face light up the screen and answered, "Hey Will." But there was no response and what she heard left nothing to her imagination. Clearly her husband was not missing his wife, no matter how busy he said he was at work. She listened for a few minutes then turned off her phone, and sat down and cried.

From the outside, someone would say Kate Beckett had it all. She was the youngest Detective ever, she was beautiful, she had poise, as well as the necessary grit for her job. But up close, she was a mess. She considered herself a loser. She'd blown the most important decision in life. She had fallen in something, she wasn't sure what it was, but it certainly wasn't love.

The pocket call had been a moment of clarity for her. It brought to light an unspoken truth. Her marriage was over. The call was not an audio version of sex tape. It was much worse. Will Sorenson, her husband, explained to the unidentified women why his marriage was over and why he didn't love his wife any longer. He then reflected that he may have never really loved her at all. He was likely blinded by her beauty, but not her heart. In fact he questioned if he or anyone could ever access, the heart of Kate Beckett.

She was a type 'A', she knew it and so did anyone who ever met her. She was a scrapper, a fighter. But she found herself battling with a foe she could not defeat. She had been trained for street-fighting. To find a way in the worst of circumstances, to not let an opponent overtake her. But on this foe, Kate Beckett could not land a single punch. With the crumbling of her marriage, and the battery of her self-esteem, the new enemy was depression and anxiety. It's was unseen and crept in like a heart-stopping fog.

It first revealed it's ugly head a few weeks after the accidental phone call. She awoke one morning with a sense of dread along with a pressure on her chest, and finally unseen weight on her shoulders. She found normal daylight an offending glare. She'd struggled to engaged with her team. When Esposito and Ryan asked if she was OK, her response was some where between a growl and a flip of her hand, essentially ignoring them.

It had been more than a year but the divorce papers were like scalding water on a open wound. She reeled under the finality of it all. The separation from Will was easy compared with unsolicited visits of gloom and sadness.

Beckett had argued with herself that this was a stupid response to the divorce. They had drifted apart, acknowledged the mistake and gone their separate ways. But the phone call played over-and-over in her head, especially in the wee hours of the night. Her sleep was disrupted, more than she wanted to admit and her found herself battling between depression and anxiety. She felt things were getting, beyond her control.

She thought of her conversation with Lanie a few weeks before, in a moment of weakness, she had said, like the old song, she was, "A lost soul, falling between two worlds." It was the one of the worst experiences of her life.

"Yo Beckett," she snapped back to the present.

"What?" Her tone, flat and hard.

"We just got a call on the location of that slug Adams."

Her gears shifted, "Where?" She perked up with the information.

Esposito gave her the details.

"Okay, I want to converge, not let him get away, we need to get him this time."

"I need you and Ryan to take..."

But before she could do the map in her head, Esposito suggested, "How about you take 5th and we'll arrive via 7th Avenue. The park may slow you down a bit, but we can keep in contact and work it out to so we get there at the same time." She nodded her approval as she grabbed her stuff.

A tip had just come in on Frankie Adams. He'd started out as a small time car thief and graduated to the higher-end game, stealing luxury cars instead of Honda's and Chevy pickups.

Something had come undone in Adams' head. Maybe an increase in drug use, maybe it was just the adrenaline rush of the chase. Six months earlier it appeared he had intentionally swerved to run down a pedestrian at the far edge of a cross-walk. Witnesses said there was plenty of room but Adams made a hard deviation to run over the man. He was DOA on arrival at the ER.

There had been two more incidents with near misses, as the car thief fled from the police. The consensus was, he was delaying his escape, to guarantee that a chase would take place. But a month earlier he'd killed two high school students in a crosswalk, again swerving hard to make sure he hit them. Obviously it was blood lust, or adrenaline, or both that fueled this guys behavior. He had to be stopped, but he had proven allusive.

Beckett itched for him to be in custody. She could feel her pulse quicken when news on the tip came in. She was chaffing to get in her car and then left the precinct parking lot with squealing tires. Once underway her adrenaline level dropped, she felt it being replaced with gloom and she groaned. It seemed at times like she had an extra passenger, her uninvited tormentor. She turned to the empty seat next to her and spat, "Get outta my car!"

The tip was not the first they'd received on Adams, she hoped they weren't being played, but she had to take the chance. Getting him in custody was a necessity.

When she crossed the intersection of 5th and 79th, she never saw the old Buick that ignored the red light and the flashing gum ball on Beckett's car. The impact flipped the cruiser on its side and shoved it onto the edge of Central Park. Beckett did not have her seat belt on, but luck was with her, she remained in the car instead of being ejected through one of the broken windows.

XX

Richard Castle sensed things were not good. His head throbbed, along with his left arm. He couldn't feel anything from the waist down. His thoughts were splintered light reflecting light, they made no sense. He struggled to focus and thought, maybe it's all a dream.

Then he heard voices, but wasn't sure if they were near or far. Then they were clear, "Man, this guy looks like a goner," someone said.

Then a another, slightly higher pitched voice, short of breath, "Let's see if we can get the back part of the car away from the tree, these doors are crushed on both ends."

"That happens when you flip a car a couple of times, and then run it into a tree."

He could hear them working, hear the groan of metal as a winch keened under the stress of its burden. Then the world shook, he felt the car move and a pain shot through his hip and left leg, a burning electrical current. He groaned at its surge.

"Hey man, did you hear that? This guy just groaned." A new urgency in the voice.

The high pitch guy replied, "Man get the jaws of life, now!"

Castle found himself fading in and out and things began to grow darker, then he heard another voice, but it not one of the men, he didn't recognize it, and then knew it was a woman. It wasn't his Mother or his daughter Alexis.

He thought he felt a hand on his shoulder, he struggled to open his eyes. A woman knelt over him, with her back to the sun. He squinted to look at her, but could only make out her shape. Her voice was low, but distinct, "I need you to hold on...don't let go..."

He thought he recognized the voice, but from where? He tried to speak and his voice rasped out, "Where am I?"

She moved closer, he thought he could see her eyes, maybe even feel her hand on his face, he felt her hair against his cheek and breathed, she spoke into his " I need you, do you hear me, I need you...don't let go, please, please don't go."

Again he struggled to open his eyes, then she lightly kissed his forehead. As she pulled away he thought he saw a small tattoo, a cluster of three stars, on her left shoulder. She spoke again, "Hold on, hold on."

XX

"Hey Troy, this is a cop, her badge is laying on the floor." His voice was strained while he contorted to get a view inside of the car, "I thought this looked like Crown Vic, but the plate is normal."

The other medic crawled through the gapping hole, where the back window had been. Beckett had ended up in the back seat, she was crumpled into a ball. He checked her pulse and called out to his partner, "Mack, her pulse is good but she's out."

They weren't sure how they were going to get her out. Their concern was the risk of pulling her clear since they weren't sure if any thing was broken, or worse, if she'd suffered a spinal cord injury.

The one nearest her did a quick inspection, patting her down, feeling for blood or anything jagged, protruding glass or broken bone. He found nothing. In the end they decided to delay moving her until the tow truck arrived. They'd see if they could right the car and carefully take her out one of the rear doors.

After an eight minute wait, and then some quick work, they were on the way to the ER. She still had not regained consciousness.

The word spread fast, Lanie Parrish was the ME and a good friend, she along with Beckett's team were at the ER when the ambulance pulled in. Unfortunately the tip had been a rouse, again.

Lanie looked down at her friend, she pushed back tears, and kissed Kate's forehead, "Oh Sweetie, please, please be well." She leaned back into Esposito who pulled her into his shoulder. He said nothing, his face angry and tight with frustration.

"Damn, damn" Her partner Ryan muttered as he paced, "How could this happen...damn!"

The three watched and waited. They collectively willed her to wake up. She did not.

XX

The weeks following the encounter with the tree had not been good ones for Castle. His left femur had been fractured and required a intramedullary nail to repair the break. There were other things, sprains and bruises, but the main problem was the femur.

He had been released within a week of the accident. The goal was to start some limited Physical Therapy as soon as possible. The doctor wanted him to be cautious but, he also wanted him to bear weight as soon as possible. He had only been in PT for two days when he developed an infection at the surgical site. After 72 hours and then obvious failure of the oral antibiotics, he was back in the hospital.

When the infection was stopped with a cocktail of intravenous antibiotics it was decided a short stint in Rehab with daily PT would help speed his recovery.

In mid-August Castle checked into Fort Tryon Center for Rehabilitation.

XX

A week had passed since the accident and Kate Beckett-Sorenson had not yet regained full consciousness. She drifted between a full coma and a semi-conscious state. Her eyes would open and she would move here mouth but she never fully alert. She did not speak or respond to questions or instructions.

Following a battery of tests, including MRI, CT scans and numerous diagnostics the doctors concluded there was no unseen problem, yet still they could not explain her failure to wake-up.

Lanie Parrish and Jim Beckett bore the brunt of her situation. Lanie would drop by as often as possible and talk with Kate, but there was never a response. After work her Dad would visit her, sitting near, reading to her, hoping she would hear and respond.

On the tenth day the doctors decided it would be best for her to be transferred. She was not in need of urgent care, or the intrusiveness of a regular hospital. Another concern was the associated costs. It was now a waiting game.

On doctors advice Kate Beckett was transferred to a rehab facility.

XX

It was 11:45 pm, he pushed at the walker as he made his way slowly down the corridor. Sleep had again proven to be allusive. Between his leg pain and the dream that triggered a frantic wakening, Castle was driven out of his bed and into his 'zombie walk,' he was so weary.

He rounded a corner and almost collided with a tall thin man, who looked to be in his late fifties. He apologized as did Castle,"Sorry sir, I'm half awake, half asleep, just roaming. I didn't expect to see anyone out here in the hall this time of the night."

"No problem, I was just visiting," he paused and stared blankly down the hall, "just visiting and heading home" He started to leave and then turned back, "Hope you get some rest."

Castle continued to make his rounds. He'd lowered his expectation and now hoped for at least a slice of rest. He knew real, deep sleep was not in the cards for him.

XX

At 6:45am, Lanie Parrish stuck her head in her friends room. The was no motion. She looked at the still figure of Kate Beckett. She moved to the bedside and took her hand.

"Oh, Sweetie...when are you coming back to me?" She sputtered, a hitch in her voice, "Kate I can't bear this much longer, we have so much to talk about. I need you to tell me I'm nuts...I need you to ignore all my advice. I need you back Kate."

The ME was silent for awhile and found herself in usual war with tears. This was tearing her up. She knew there was no reason for her friend to be in this semi-conscious state. Occasionally her eye lids would flutter open, but there was no accompanying response to the world around her.

Lanie thought about the weeks of gloom and depression she'd seen Kate wade through. She wondered if all those things, and now this, were somehow connected. She knew she was over Will and the divorce. But she also was certain Kate was not over the whiplash of the failure. Her friend was proud and determined. She had not rushed into the relationship with Will, nor had she rushed into marriage. Still Lanie wondered if the signs of trouble had not always been there, but simply ignored.

Kate and Will were not needy with each other. Love and marriage, seemed more like merger and contract, from Lanie's viewpoint. They liked each other, they seemed happy around each other, but there was no fire, no consumption of self for the other.

"Kate, I was on my way to work, had a call...Yeah! Someone new got dead...somethings never change. But, the boys miss you, they need your help on this one. A twenty-five year old college student..."

When she'd finished a quick run of details and her expectations, like she'd do at at a one of their crime scenes, she gently kissed the sleeping woman's forehead and left. It her own gloom that swamped her as she made her way down the hallway.

XX

In horror the head exploded, pieces of bone and flesh were projected at him. Before he could flinch or move he felt himself being painted in warm human blood, it splatter across his face. As her lifeless form crumbled to the ground he stared into the wild eyes of Stephen McKuen. He heard his friend call to the young patient, "No!No!" and then McKuen, smiling at the doctor, placed the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. It had all played in mere seconds, but the carnage, would last a life-time.

Richard Castle sat straight-up in bed. Sweat covered his shoulders and chest, he glistened in the darkness of the room. The clock on the night stand read, 11:47 pm, he had been asleep for an hour and forty-seven minutes, a new record. He was glad for anything more than an hour.

He left his room and started down the quiet corridor.

XX

It was after midnight and the two men met again.

"We'll I see you're still cruising the hallways late at night." The older man smiled weakly.

"Yeah, seems like sleep and I are, incompatible."

"You know after we met last night I was thinking...you remind me of an author my wife use to read."

"That doesn't sound good. Does that mean she got tired of my work?"

"No, not like that, she passed away a number of years ago."

"I'm sorry Sir, my brain is not working real well these days."

"You don't have to apologize, but it sounds like I was right, are you Richard Castle?"

"I am, but I've seen better days" He pointed at the full leg brace on his left leg.

The older man stuck out his hand, "I'm Jim Beckett, my wife would have loved to have met you."

Castle took his hand, and shook it firmly, "I'm sure it would have been a pleasure. I'm sorry for the loss."

"It's been years, I think I'm good, I think I'm over it," the man went silent for a beat or two, "But then I'm not."

Castle read the pain still evident in the man's voice and could see it in his demeanor, "What brings you to Fort Tryon in the middle of the night?"

"I'm here visiting my daughter. She's a police detective," another pause and gulp for air, he started again, "She was in a car accident almost two weeks ago. She hasn't woken up since."

"Months ago I meet a Detective, at some big thing for the Mayor, your daughter's not Kate Beckett is she?" He saw the expression on the man's face and knew, before he answered, it was her.

"Yes, I'm Katie's Dad." The senior Beckett was surprised at the pain that covered this strangers face.

He let out a painful growl, and then sighed deeply. "I'm sorry Mr. Beckett, you have a lovely and wonderful daughter." Castle stared down at the floor.

"How well do you know Katie?"

"Not that well. We rode an elevator up to the party, she was kinda testy with me. Then we were officially introduced to each other by the Mayor. No one was dancing, so he asked Kate and I to dance. One dance ended up being three dances. The Mayor was happy, it gave his party a push." Castle was quiet for a few beats, "It was an OK evening, but she was the best part," he smiled at the older man, "I had the distinct impression, she didn't care much for me."

Beckett laughed, "Just like her Mom! She was so mean to me. It's the Beckett woman's way of showing they like you. They just ignore the rest."

"Why is she here?"

"She was in a accident on the way to nail a possible murder suspect a few weeks ago, and hasn't woken up since."

It was not often that Castle, the word-smith, was without words, but he was, so he just groaned, but then added a faint, "Again I'm so sorry Mr. Beckett."

"She's healthy otherwise, so she should be with us soon. It's just hard to watch and wait."

"Sir, I'm here, if I can do anything. Help, look in on her, whatever you need, I would be happy to do so. It might give me a 'one-up" on her when she's back with us.

Jim Beckett let out a small laugh, "I see why you two got along so well."

After Beckett's Dad left Castle leaned against the rail and looked down the empty hall. He felt a palpable shadow descend upon him. It was not the first time he had the experience. He replayed the night at the Mayor's party. Their meeting in the elevator, the dancing, the teasing at the bar and then the spat over her shoes. Each time they parted he felt a sense of loss. He thought it was stupid on that first night. He wrote it off as lust. But not tonight, and not again. This was a bone pounding sorrow.

He didn't notice when Jim Beckett returned, when he put his hand on Castle shoulder, Castle flinched, "I'm sorry Mr. Castle, I saw you leaning against the wall, are you OK?" Concern painting his tone.

"No! Yes!" Castle shook his head, "This just makes me sick."

"Me too son, me too."


	3. Part I - Chapter 2 - Between Worlds

**Part I**

 **Chapter 2**

Manhattan

August 2015

Fort Tryon Center for Rehabilitation

 **Between Worlds**

 _She thought she heard voices, maybe she was at a crime scene, no a motor vehicle accident, that's strange. They were working on a car and she realized someone was in the car. She made her way over, knelt down and spoke to him. She knew him and the idea that she might lose him was overwhelming. She was instantly both anxious and fearful. She knelt next to him, implored him to hang on, to not let go, telling him she needed him and then the scene faded._

 _They would not move. To her they felt like lead. No amount of will-power could persuade her eyelids to open. After many more attempts she gave up. She needed to stop this, whatever it was, she needed someone to help her, she would cry out, there had to be someone. Maybe the men at the car accident could help her._

 _She was unsure of what to say, she formed the word, or words, in her head but knew immediately her vocal chords would not obey. Like everything else, they would refuse to assist her. She was on her own._

 _As fog covers water, she could sense its coming. If her eyes worked, she knew it would remain unseen. But to her it was pressing. It covered her with icy fingers, pulling at her, bumping into her, rattling her bones, sending chilling waves across her limbs. She gasped, tried again to cry out, but she could make no sound. And then it descended upon her, oppressive in its bulk. It pushed at the remnants of breath within her lungs. She knew for certain, it had come to end it all. To take her from the land of things living, to swaddle her in darkness and fear._

 _She wondered if she could survive the attack, push off the weight, and live. But then the panic that was spreading through her suddenly stopped. She felt something, or maybe she was hearing something. The oppressive force jerked back, releasing her, and thereby acknowledging the other power._

 _She heard a vibration, distant, but familiar. She was desperate for it to resonant, to increase, to save her. Then she became aware of a second vibration, which she did not recognize at first, but was drawn to it. Suddenly heat spread up her legs like warm sunlight. She was shocked at the pleasure of it. The chill in her bones fled, she wanted to laugh for liquid hope was pouring into her like a healing balm. She sensed an easing in her chest, her entire body began to calm. The thing was gone and hope had come. She felt safe for the first time, in a very long time._

XX

 _She woke to a soft humming sound. Her head hurt, but as she opened her eyes she took in familiar surroundings, It was a room much like the one her Grandmother had for her. White lace curtains, a small circular table with books, a chair on each side, all set in a small bay window._

 _She threw back the blanket and put her feet on the carpeted floor, wiggling her toes. At the foot of the bed, her bath robe lay. She pulled it on, slid on the slippers and made her way to one of the chairs._

 _One of the book titles caught her attention, she picked it up and started to read. The words danced in her head, she knew she'd read it before, but could not remember the story clearly. She settled back to take it in._

XX

He stood at the end of the hospital bed wondering if God hated him. Trying to decide what he had done to deserve such misery. With his wife taken from him, and now her, life represented series of daggers that plunged into his heart. He'd never know such loneliness, it thrashed at him with the sting of a whip. How could he live on a planet with billions of people, and feel so incredibly alone, with the two people he loved most taken from him. He wondered if he could survive this pain, endure the agony of another day.

He scooted the chair near her bed and began to read. By the second sentence he had to stop, grief overruling his voice. Tears burned his cheeks, he whispered, "O Katie my love...oh Katie, please come back to me."

He cleared the tears with the back of his hand, and then continued the story in a low plaintiff voice.

It was his ritual, he would come to the rehab facility, enter her room, greet her with a kiss on the forehead and tell her about his day. Then read for the next two hours. She was the final tether for him, he needed to reach out to her, he needed to cling to the hope that she would return, that she would wake-up and grant him access to life again.

XX

He walked, hobbled down the hallway of the facility, night after night. Sleep would not come to him. He refused any sleep aids, they'd already provided him a one-way ticket to this private hell.

He still needed a walker, although it had been less than a month, it felt like a lifetime, he wondered if he'd ever walk again.

He made his way past her room, thought about their meeting months ago, he would have never had guessed they'd met in these circumstances. Her father visited her faithfully. He was there again tonight. It was a ritual of sadness, but he could tell it was the man's only hope. The brief conversations between them, left no doubt in his mind. The man was tittering on the edge.

As he neared the doorway to her room her Father saw him and came out. Castle spoke first, "Hey Mr . Beckett, how are you? How's she doing?"

In truth he didn't want to talk, but this man's plight tore at his heart. He'd lost his wife years ago and now his daughter was in this coma-like state. The doctors were still baffled with no idea why she would not respond to the various stimuli tried.

"There's no change. I hold her hand, and read to her, but she doesn't seem to hear." He paused switched subjects, " How's your leg doing?"

"About the same. I think I'm leaning on this damn walker a little less."

The older man looked at the floor, "Can I ask a favor?"

"You can ask, but I'm not worth much. As you can see."

"I got a call today, I have to be out of town for a few days. I hate to leave Katie alone."

"Sir, I can look in on her. Don't worry about that."

"Thank you, but my favor was for something else." He looked away again, "Could you read to her? Tell her about yourself, talk about your meeting and tease her about being so ornery. Maybe just hold her hand for a few minutes?" The tears where running down the elderly man's face. He spoke haltingly, "I'm sorry...I just don't want her to think she's been forgotten. That no one cares about her."

"Mr. Beckett, I'll visit her. Take her hand each day you're away, tell her my life story, read to her. I'll make sure she knows someone is here with her."

"Thank you Rick, I owe you."

"No, you don't. I have time on my hands, if I can help her, it would be great."

"Does she like to be called Katie?"

Mr. Beckett smiled, and then laughed, "I call her Katie, but when she wakes up, if she finds you called her that, she'll punch you out."

"Katie it is!" Now he smiled, it felt good.

XX

 _There was something different today, about the room. Maybe it was the light, she wasn't sure. It seemed brighter. She'd been awakened by one of the neighbors playing their radio to loud, or maybe just talking to loud. If they didn't keep the racket down she'd have to complain._

 _She was embarrassed by what she was about to do. As she found herself straining to hear what it was. She walked over to the door between the rooms and put her ear to it. It was music, but she couldn't make out the tune. She thought she heard the thump of the bass and then, just the lead vocalist._

 _She laid her head against the door and then put her hand on the door knob, she tried to turn it, but it was locked._

XX

It was his second night with her. She was pale and thin, her long brown hair had been pulled to one side by the nurse. It was painful to see the change. She'd been so full of life before, calling him a liar and threatening to shoot him. Now this and then he was struck by a thud of sorrow.

He sat in the chair, his walker near, but to the side, just in case he needed to stand-up. He just watched her for a few minutes. Willing her to open her eyes, but she didn't.

He found himself fidgeting, so he read a story to her but after a period of reading he took a break, put down the book and took her hand. He wanted to talk to her, ""Katie! Alright Kate, it's Rick again. Like I told you last night, your Dad asked me to talk with you and do some reading." He paused for a few moments,

"I've been re-running our conversations from the Mayor's big party earlier this year. You know you were pretty mean to me. I thought you didn't like me, but, your Dad tells me you're just like your Mom, and, I shouldn't take your mean streak to seriously. Anyway I'm taking a break from the book and wanted tell you about the day."

The door opened and a nurses-aide stuck her head in, "Everything OK Mr. Castle?"

"Alls well, thanks." She pulled the door shut.

He turned back to Kate, "First, the food really sucks here, so rest assured you're not missing anything." He snorted.

"You know Katie, yikes I didn't mean that, your Dad said you'd punch me out if I called you that. So Kate, when you wake up I want to take you to this place in Manhattan, you probably know it, it's called Remy's. The hamburgers, fries and milkshakes are to die for." He waited, hoping again for a reaction but there was nothing.

"I have a teenage daughter, her name is Alexis, and she just loves the place. Anyway, once you're well, lets make it a date." He smiled at the still form. "Go ahead, just squeeze my hand if you accept." He literally jumped. If he had good legs he would have stood, but he could have sworn he felt her fingers twitch in his hand.

"Kate, Kate, did you just wiggle your fingers?" Nothing.

He thought about it again, he must have bumped her hand against the bed-railing. Maybe he was the one twitching and needing some hope or, just needing a date.

XX

 _She went to one of the chairs and stared at the stack of books. She had no interest today. Again she felt something had changed in the room or maybe just in her. Something or someone moved, she was certain of the motion but everything else in the room remained the same._

 _Her focus shifted to the light as it filtered through the atrium at the top of the windows. She could not see out but the sun was warm, she felt safe, but still isolated._

 _She turned her attention to the door, the one to the room next door. She hadn't noticed before but it was a French door, consisting of ten separate panes of glass. At the bottom was a gold plate. The curtains were lace, but layered thick and heavy, they completely blocked any view into the adjacent room._

 _She just stared at the door and then heard the sound. The music, the voice was there again, it pulled at her, she crossed the room and stood before it. She felt an ache, a longing to understand, an urge to open the door, to find what lay beyond._

XX

After a lengthly period of reading, he was both tired and frustrated. How was it that he found solace in talking to a person who was unconscious. That was strange. He liked to hold her hand and tell her stories. He was certain he always wanted to hold her hand since the night they first met. He still shuttered that even in this state she was beautiful.

The frustration was in wanting her wake- up. He was in a one-way conversation pouring out secrets, confessing much and he wanted her with him, He wanted her reactions to the truths he was laying before her. Her Dad had put a picture of her next to the bed. He thought it paled compared to the person he'd met at the party, with dancing eyes and a quick tongue. Still Mr. Beckett wanted everyone to remember that this was picture was close to the vibrant woman, his daughter. What they saw was only a sleeping shell.

The day had been like the rest of his days here at the facility. He slept poorly, then gave up on it altogether, had breakfast and then physical therapy for his leg. What didn't change was how much he hated PT, secretly he believed they were licensed to do harm. They all seemed to be about 18 years old and a day, constantly encouraging, "you can do it." He'd yell at them, "No, I can't." He wanted to walk like he had before the accident. Wanted a normal gait, real strength in both legs. If he didn't want so badly to return to his prior life, he thought he could kill one of them. But he needed them, and so he did his AM and PM sessions, and complained.

He knew he needed to get out of the place, needed to leave behind this antiseptic, but dirty smell. Lysol could only hide so many germs. He just wanted to go, to return to life.

He returned his focus to Kate, for a few moments he sat and stared. If she had moved. There was no evidence. She looked like a statue. Beautiful, carved in this bed setting, a Madonna of illness and tragedy, lashed in silence, a victim of a world which was possessive and unwilling to release her.

He decided to banter, "Hey Kate, it's Rick again. "How was your day?" He smiled at his own attempted humor, but immediately felt the sagging ache in his chest. Her condition felt like a personal loss to him, an emotion he could not explain. He was certain of this, he wanted her wake-up, to be herself and to make fun of him.

After a brief pause, "Let me pick up from our last conversation, still a writer, but still not able to write. Remember your boss thinks I working on my next best seller, if only. Someday I'd like to tell you about the ...well the mess I was involved in with a friend. I'm sure you know about the murder and suicide, but I'd like to tell you my part of the nightmare. Meanwhile I'm going to hold your hand so you know I'm really here and this isn't just some bad dream."

"I'll let you in on some more secrets, my full name is Richard Alexander Rogers Castle. You never told me if you read anything of mine, your Dad says you Mom liked my stories." He paused, "Kate I'm sorry you lost your Mother, that must be so hard on you."

He paused again thinking about her loss and his own. For the first time in months felt the full weight of his own loss. A single encounter with a crazed young man had driven his perfect life into a fractured world of sleeplessness. It had sapped his creative abilities and left him with almost nothing. He didn't know if he could recover. One night he went to bed, the next day everything changed.

He looked down at the long fingers of Kate Beckett. He spontaneously bent over and kissed the top of her hand, lingering on the warmth of it. He didn't even know why, but as he did, he felt a tear run down his cheek, it slipped from his chin and dropped onto her fingers, again they moved and squeezed his hand, ever so gently. He did not start this time when she moved. He was almost certain of the movement yesterday although he tried to talk himself out of it. He was an observer, this second response convinced him she could hear, she was getting nearer to this world.

XX

 _She stood still before the door for sometime. Then as she first felt the vibrations from the sounds on the other side, she placed her ear against the door. She listened intently but again could not distinguish what was making the sound._

 _While she stood there, she was surprised at a new sensation. She felt something warm and wet roll down the sides of her fingers of her left hand. She looked down but the fingers appeared dry. Instinctively she reach for the door-knob, clasped her hand around it and twisted to see if it would open._

XX

He decided to tell her the story, what happened on the street that day, "My good friend had a patient, his name was Stephen McKuen, he had suffered with mental illness as a child. With treatment he was able to get through high school. When classes began in a near-by junior college, he and his parents, agreed he should continue his education."

He noticed the tear on her finger, and wiped it dry with a tissue.

"It was not too far into his second year that things began to unravel. The emotional problems that had been on a low controlled simmer began to boil over. Stephen was handsome and attracted girls easily. In high school his past was somewhat common knowledge, but in college, unless a student knew him from his high school days, they'd have no clue."

He found himself re-running the day, he stopped and returned his focus on Kate, "He met this attractive girl, her name was Janie Silver." He went through the details of the lunch and the sidewalk encounter and finally the ending. He felt himself squeezing her hand and let up on the pressure, reminding himself he didn't want to hurt her fingers.

After he'd finished he leaned his head against the railing of her bed and closed his eyes. The telling was exhausting. He'd put his hand under hers and relaxed.

As the dream began, he was back on the street, he could see the scene about to play out in front of him.. He called out, "No, no!" but just as he anticipated the shot, a passerby step in front of him. It forced him off the sidewalk and broke up the sequence. As he turned his head to see the drama play out, his line of sight was blocked by the pedestrian who'd cut across his path. He could only see her back, she was tall, thin and wearing a full-length camel hair coat, her long dark hair moving in the breeze.

He startled awake, realizing he'd fallen asleep. The guardrail was down in the upper half of the bed. He had laid his head on the bed, he was still beside her. Her hands now covered his, neither had moved as he slept. He turned to look at the clock. It was 5:59 in the morning. He slept for over six hours, the longest night of rest since Janie's death.

XX

T _he sound stopped on the other side. She held the handle but as the accompanying vibrations ended, she was alone._

 _She moved to the bed, laid down to rest. Disappointment colored her thoughts. The sounds had been pleasant, reassuring, but more than anything, they'd been company._

 _She did not know how much time had passed but she heard a new sound, a new voice. This one was different, but familiar. She arose and moved quickly to the door, placing first her hands against it and then her head, she rolled to the side so her ear was flush._

 _She startled at the sound, it had a sad almost wailing quality. Whoever was on the other side, was in pain. Of that she was certain. Her hands moved to the door-knob, she gently grasped it and tried to open it, it would not move. She continued for a long time to simply lean against the door and hold onto the knob. The sounds changed, the sadness seemed to dissipate. She waited._

XX

It took a few seconds to fully wake up and then he noticed it immediately. He stared and wondered how this could be possible. It had been weeks, according to her Father, and now this.

With his free hand he reached for the cable with the call-button attached. It had never been used by the young Detective or her Father. He pushed the button and waited. It was answered quicker than he expected. The door to her room gently swung open and the young caretaker, her eyes wide, cautiously stepped inside.

"Look!" was all he said.

The caretaker moved to his side and smiled at what she saw. The patient had moved. She was not fully on her side, but she was leaning towards the side of the bed, both of her hands were holding Rick Castle's left hand.

"How did this happen?" The caretaker asked.

"I have no idea! I guess I feel asleep, and when I woke-up, this is how I found her." He spoke softly as though she was a sleeping baby.

"I need to contact the exchange and report it to the doctor on-call, he may want to come and see her." The woman seemed genuinely excited.

"Do you mind sitting with her for awhile longer?"

"No, I'm fine. I'll stay with her."

After the nurse left to make her call, he shifted in his chair and moved even closer to the edge of the bed. He placed his free hand on hers, in a low voice almost a whisper, " Kate, I think I saw you in my dream. Is that why you're holding my hand?"

He stopped and kissed her hand, "Kate, thank you for the first night of sleep in months. It feels, ah, just wonderful."

XX

He spent the next three nights at her bed side. Talking to her. Telling about his life, the unexpected things that had come along. His early plans and the subsequent reality. He laughed at himself as he told her about all his big plans, he re-told an old joke, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." He said God must be in stitches over Richard Castle's life.

From that point on, each time he fell asleep his dream would return, but each time the mystery woman appeared. Every time she intervened in the disturbing murder re-run but before he could be pulled into the nightmare, and catapulted out of sleep into his fractured insomnia. But that stopped because she was there to break the sequence. Each day he awoke early in the morning, there beside her, she holding his hand and he had been blessed with a glorious night of rest. He actually felt alive and hopeful, for both of them.

XX

 _The routine was new, it gave her purpose, it gave her hope. She would be drawn from sleep by a rumble or familiar gentle noise, beyond the door. Her sense was always the same, the person was in trouble, stuck or trapped in...she wasn't sure what, but stuck._

 _Once awake she would listen as the tension and fear steadily increased, like a rapidly beating heart. Slow at first but then faster and faster. She tried to push it out of her mind, but she'd failed each time. And so to her attempts to open the door, to get to the other side, to the sound she was drawn to, the person she needed, remained unsuccessful. But she had hope.._


	4. Part I - Chapter 3 - The Hampton's

**Part I**

 **Chapter 3**

 **The Hampton's**

He was anxious to see his daughter. To Jim Beckett the trip had seemed endless. There had been trips in the past that were good, not this one. His world was tilting, his daughter was at risk, the time away had only proved to be drudgery. Even though it was 5:30 am and he was dog tired, instead of going to his home he went straight to the rehab facility. As he entered he met the guard at the front desk, who recognized him immediately, "Mr. Beckett, missed you over the last week."

"Good morning George, I've been out of town, before the day started I wanted to drop in and see how my daughter is doing." The guard looked equally tired, "Shouldn't you be heading home? What time do you get off?"

"6:30 sir, thanks for asking, hope you had a good trip," He extended his arm in the direction of Kate's room, "you know the way."

"Thanks, George."

The corridor lights were set on low, the patients were asleep, and the staff was minimal at night. When he got to the nurses station, there was no one there, either Rose or Elaine must have responded to a call.

He walked to Kate's door and opened the it slowly, beside her bed Rick Castle had fallen asleep in a chair. There was a book on his chest, opened but laying flat against him, he'd obviously dozed off while reading. Beckett just stood for a moment and took in the scene.

Castle held Kate's hand but the shock for him was her positioning, she'd rolled onto her side, toward the sleeping man, and held his hand with both of hers. Beckett's heart jumped in his chest. He wanted to scream, or jump up and down, instead he remained silent and continued to watch. His eyes clouded with tears, his daughter was coming back. He could not understand the connection between her and this writer, but something was going on.

XX

 _She realized she was beginning to distinguish between the sounds. Not just at the door, but now when she was waking up, between sleep and full consciousness, in that place where sounds often distort. The first time it happened, she felt a quickening in her pulse. She was hearing words._

 _It was the voice of a man._

 _The words were a story, something about him. It was about things he'd done, places he'd been. She was uncertain, but something had happened to him, he was injured, in a hospital. It was hard for her to piece it together._

 _He often said her name. She liked the way Kate sounded when he said it. But there was more than just words, more than the story he was telling. There was a darkness that clung to him, she could feel the agitation start, like her own fog, cold, it would chill her until she was fully awake. She rose from the bed and moved to the door, leaning into it, listening, trying to open it._

 _Still the voice was there. It spoke to her, warmed her heart, gave her hope._

XX

He sensed another's presence, he was disorientated by sleep. He had been sleeping five or six hours a night, for the first time in months, instead of his usual ninety minutes. His body was hungry for the rest. His sleep had been deep, hard and dreamless, except for a brief encounter with the mystery woman. She shooed him from the street killings, allowing his slumber to continue.

With great effort he forced his eyes open. As he went to move he felt something pull at his hand. He focused on the sleeping figure. She had rolled more towards him, she held his hand with both of hers. He smiled. He wondered who, was watching over whom.

He heard another noise from the corner of the room and turned to see Kate's father standing silently in the corner. Rick shifted, and pushed himself into a sitting position. He reached over with his free hand and gently open Kate's fingers, freeing his other hand. As he did, she let out a slight groan, her first sound.

Rick reached for his walker, and once it was positioned, rose.

"Mr. Beckett, I didn't realize you were returning today." Castle's voice was sleepy.

"Rick, what happened while I was gone," as he walked quickly to the other side of the bed, "Did you hear her groan when you released her fingers from your hand?" Beckett was excited and spoke rapidly.

"Yeah, that's the first time I've heard any sound from her. Has she done it with you?"

"No, Rick. Not a sound. But she hadn't moved either," her father's eyes were wide, "Was she holding your hand?"

Castled looked embarrassed, "Yes, she's been doing that for three days. At first it was just a touch. I thought maybe I had moved and bumped her fingers, but then her hand position had changed. Then next night I read for her and fell asleep, when I woke up she was holding my hand with both of hers."

"Does the staff know?"

He shook his head up and down, "I called the nurse who called the doctor, he was here within an hour. He seemed very pleased with the contact and the change in her position."

"This is just incredible. I can't thank you enough. I don't know what you did, but you've helped my girl...for that I'm in your debt." He stopped abruptly, suddenly struggling with his emotions.

"Mr. Beckett, she has helped me too...maybe more..."

Beckett looked surprised at the comment, "How has she helped you?"

Castle considered his answer, he did not want to go from rehab to a psych hospital. If he told the man about her interventions in his dreams, he'd end up...he didn't want to think about it. "It's hard to explain, but for some reason I've been able to sleep, here beside Kate. As you know, I spent most nights roaming the halls. A couple of hours was a lot of sleep for me." He turned and pointed at the chair by her bed. "But there, I've been able to sleep five or six hours a night. For reasons I can't explain, her presence turns down the storm in my head...and at last I'm able to sleep."

The father was staring again, now at the new world before him. He saw that his daughter had moved, she'd reached out and held on to Castle. All because Castle had agreed to read to her, to hold her hand, to remind her that she was not alone. It ending up as a quid pro quo, an exchange for him, one that he did not expect, sleep, for the first time in months.

"Rick, we need to meet with the doctor."

XX

 _She was awaken by a the tremor, a vibration. It was not the voice. She left her bed and moved toward the windows, taking a seat and picking up one of the books. She attempted to read a story, but struggled following the plot._

 _The vibrations continued but she was not inclined to stay at the window. Her interest the voice, and the adjoining door, but he was not speaking. She found herself growing anxious, the vibration were familiar but did not sooth her like the voice. An urgency for him to return nagged at her. After some time, she sat the book down, walked to the door, kicked it twice and returned to her bed._

XX

The next afternoon Jim Beckett returned. After parking, he made his way into the facility. He was more hopeful than he'd been at point in the last month. He longed to walk into the room and find his daughter awake and talking. Today he was disappointed.

He sat near the bed and told her about his trip and some of the things he'd done. He held her hand, hoping she would respond, but she remained still.

After reading for half an hour he felt the bed shake and looked up. He watched as Kate jerked her right foot, saw the bed shake for a second time, and then she went still. He waited for her to move towards his voice or hand but after another fifteen minutes there was still no activity. He placed the book on the nearby bed-stand and went out for a walk.

As he moved down the hall he encountered Castle, " Rick, how are you today?"

"I'm OK, just wish this leg would start working quicker. I'm sick of rehab, it feels like those guys in PT are trying to kill me."

"I doubt that's their goal?" He laughed, "I was just in reading to Katie, she didn't respond, but she did just move her foot."

"Interesting. A new activity, she's never done that with me."

"I'll tell the doctor, he's going to be here at 4 pm, maybe he'll have an idea about what it means. Are you able to meet with us still?"

"Of course, I just finished my last PT for the day, I'm trying to walk out the sore muscles," he smiled and held up a hand, "OK shuffle. I'm trying to avoid some of the stiffness that always settles in."

"Makes sense to me. Do you have PT on the week-ends too?"

"No, Monday through Friday. In fact, my daughter is picking me up tomorrow morning, we're going to our place in the Hampton's, my first furlough since arriving here."

"You must be looking forward to that?"

"You have no idea." Castle paused, "When Kate's back to normal, I'd like the two of you to come out for a few days. It's always been a great refuge for me."

"I'd like that Rick, thanks."

XX

After Rick was introduced to Dr. Lowe, a neurologist who specialized in comatose patients, the physician examined Kate. There was no change. No response to light or pin-prick. Her muscle responses were on the margin of normal and clearly the doctor was concerned about an extend delay in activity. Since muscle strength can diminish quickly, even in the young, the facility was doing therapy three times a week, but time was working against them.

For the doctor, the big topic was her response to Rick. Dr. Lowe's eyes shined as he questioned Castle, "Tell me about any outside stimuli you can recall, Mr. Castle."

"I've thought about it. Everything was like it is today, I'd sit and either talk or read to her." He gestured to her father, "Jim, Mr. Beckett, was concerned about physical contact, you know, letting her know someone was here, and so I followed his suit and would hold her hand while I read to her."

"Could you sit as you normally do, at least for a bit and demonstrate?" Rick nodded.

Then the doctor speculated, "Maybe it's the angle at which you sit, or the intonation of your voice. Even a minor difference might be sufficient to trigger something in her."

Rick sat in the chair and pulled the book from the bed-stand. He opened to demonstrate his routine, and took Kate's hand.

"Go ahead Mr. Castle, read as though we weren't here," he paused and added, "is that how you normally start?"

"No, I talk to her, tell her about my day...talk about her dad's trip. Tell her about the funny things I've seen around the facility. You now just," he shrugged, "chat."

"Then start in your usual way."

Rick sat the book down and took Kate's left hand in his. "Hey Kate, it's Rick. How are you today? I finished PT a little while ago..."

Jim Beckett watched as Castle eased into his daughters world. He was relaxed, even laughed when he told her about the day. He rambled as though she was actually responding to what he was saying. After about ten minutes of just talking, he stopped and told her he was going to read from the Patterson novel they had started a few days ago. He read like he was reading to a audience, he brought the story to life, just for her.

XX

 _She startled again at sound. It was not the vibrations she'd heard early, it was the voice. She swung her feet down from the bed, quickly slid into her slippers. Unlike before, she did not go to the windows, but straight to the adjoining door. She laid her palms against the door, turned her head and pressed her left ear against it. She listen intently, soaking in the sound of the voice, his voice._

 _As she listen she felt the agitation beginning to build. She was tired of her room, tired of the routine, she wanted to open the door, wanted to face the speaker, to talk to him and not just listen._

 _After what seem liked a long spell of listening, she decided to act. She had to try to get the door open. She thought about her early attempts, and failures, to get it to even move. She felt a wave of depression at the idea of failing again. She pulled her head back and then laid her forehead against the door, and groaned. She jumped back at the sound of her own voice. It was loud, and unlike before, her vocal chords obeyed._

 _Buoyed by the hope of progress, she placed both hands on the door knob and pulled hard. She rocked as she pulled at the knob, groaning with the effort. It would not budge. She held tight, but stepped back and with her right foot, kicked at the bottom of the door, three times. Nothing moved, nothing gave._

 _This time her groan was not from straining but from frustration, anger, she wanted to get to the other side, she wanted it now._

XX

Kate's doctor continued to watch as Castle read to her and moved his hand between page turning and touching her hand. He was surprised at what happened next. His patient began to rock gently in the bed, her right hand moved from her stomach over to where her left hand was in contact with Castle's hand.

The three men then heard her softly groan, they looked at one another. Castle hesitated for just a moment, but Kate's doctor rolled his index fingers to urge him to continue reading.

After a few minutes the right hand joined the left as she curled toward him, grasped his hand in hers. He didn't stop reading, but instead moved the book to his lap where he could turn the pages with one hand. He smiled as she rocked, holding his hand tightly, emitting a soft humming sound.

As he listened, he decided the sound was sad and felt a twisting in his gut. He felt her sadness, and sensed her distress. Then her right foot shook three times. Once the foot movement stopped she moaned again.

Castle was reminded of a time when his daughter had a high fever. Alexis would trash and moan, not even responding to his voice. He felt he had traveled back to that time, it was deja vu for him. He wanted her to rally, to wake-up, to be free of whatever pained her.

After another minute, she seemed to calm, but continued to hold his right hand with both of hers. He looked at her still form, she seemed smaller, even more frail. The sounds had changed his perception of her, he added vulnerability to his description of this woman he called, _sleeping beauty_.

Dr. Lowe was speechless, when he spoke it was a hushed, "That, was amazing!"

He looked between Kate and Castle, "I have never seen a comatose patient respond in that manner, and on so many levels. First to sound, then touch and the movement of her legs. This is new ground for me, we need to do an EMG early next week to see what type of brain activity occurs with, and without, your involvement." He looked at Rick as he spoke. "Are you available on Monday Mr. Castle?"

"Of course, I would like to help in anyway I can."

"Rick I'm astounded at how she responds to you. I had no idea. It gives me great hope." Jim Beckett beamed and placed his hand on Rick's shoulder."Thank you, so much." His voice now thick.

"Jim, again, I haven't done anything but just be here." Castle seemed embarrassed by the reaction of the Doctor and Kate's father.

Dr. Lowe looked at his watch and announced he had more patients to see, he was late. Jim Beckett, talked for a few minutes and then said he had to return to work, but he'd be back later.

Rick turned to face the sleeping form, "I'm going to sit here with her for awhile."

Jim Beckett left with a smile, his daughter was in good hands.

XX

Rick sat for the next 45 minutes with her. He was battling with himself. For the last week he'd sleep in the chair next to her bed. The rest had been wonderful. He'd forgotten what it was like not to move through the day in a fog of fatigue, it was wonderful to sleep. With Jim Beckett's return his duty was done. Mr. Beckett would check on her, usually late in the evening, or early morning just before he would go to work. Castle didn't need to watch over her any longer.

Finally he chalked it up to being selfish. He had no idea why he slept better beside her, or how she could be the mystery woman in his dream. He used his free hand to gently open her fingers and free his hand. When he did, she moaned. He reached for his walker and pushed himself into an upright standing position. He studied her and saw her twitch and her hands search for his. It bothered him that she was struggling, he didn't see how he could help much.

After a meal in the dinning room he returned to his room and watched some TV and read. Before going to bed he made a lap around the facilities corridor. He passed her room, the door was slightly ajar. As quietly as he could he peeked in, Jim Beckett sat in the chair by the bed, reading to his daughter. Castle backed away and returned to his room.

He found himself on the sidewalk, the young girl was walking towards him, behind her he saw McKuen make his approach. Castle could feel his pulse start to race, his voice failed him as he tried to warn her. His eyes were riveted to McKuen's hand, gripping the 9mm handgun which he hid against his leg. Castle saw the hand come-up, followed by several quick steps and then the flash of the muzzle.

Blood splattered across his face, Janie Silver crumpled onto the side walk. His eyes popped open, he could feel the sweat running down the side of his face, his t-shirt damp. He rolled his head to his left, the clock on the bed-stand read, 11:47 pm, he groaned. He sat-up, readying himself for his routine.

The hallway was dark, it was now after mid-night as he started his night vigil. The murder scene had called him back to his drudgery. He felt like a character from _Dante's Inferno_ , trudging an endless corridor of sleeping patients, in his misery he thought of them as corpses, and he was alone.

XX

 _She had felt him leave, his voice stopped, and now she could no longer sense his presence. She tugged again at the door handle, but knew it was hopeless, he was gone. She groaned at his absence, she could not understand why he would abandon her._

 _She returned to her bed and curled up, holding her pillow against her chest. She slipped into a dreamless sleep._

 _The vibrations woke her, lifting her head she twisted and looked to the door, but the sound was coming from the window area. She arose and made her way to one of the chairs. She sat and picked up the book she'd been reading from before. This time she sat it on her lap. Again turning her head to look at the door. Where had he gone?_

XX

At 3 pm on Friday Alexis arrived, she found her dad sitting, reading in one of the guest chairs of his room.

"Hey Dad, you ready to escape?" Her greeting cheery.

"So ready." He smiled at her.

As they drove he told her about the past week and particularly about Jim Beckett's request that he read to his daughter.

"What happened to his daughter?

"She was in a motor vehicle accident and hasn't come out of a coma since it happened."

"How old is she Dad?" Her voice full of concern.

"I would guess, early to mid-30"s."

"That's terrible, how'd the accident happen?"

"She's a cop. She was on her way to an arrest when her car was T-boned."

"So it was a head injury?"

"Well, they don't know. They can't find any brain injury, they're just not sure. She had some bumps and bruises but nothing major."

"That doesn't sound good, Dad."

"I know, it's pretty unsettling. But, there's...more to the story."

She glanced over at him, "What do you mean?"

"The woman's name is Kate Beckett, we met earlier this year..."

"Oh, not one of your conquests?"

"No, heavens no Alexis."

She swatted at him, "Just teasing, tell the rest of the story."

"We met sneaking in the back of a building in a service elevator, where we were crushed by the food staff. Later the Mayor made an official introduction and asked us to dance, to get his party moving. We did. Anyway after the dancing we kept bumping into each other. At the end of the night, when I was sneaking out the back, she was there again."

"That's a lot of coincidences Dad, don't you think? Maybe it's Karma?" She looked over and saw him shaking his head.

He continued, "On the way down I sorta took her shoes."

Alexis let out a laugh, "How do you _sort take_ someones shoes?"

"I was trying to be helpful, but changed my mind and wanted to keep at least one of them."

"Oh Dad, this is sounding like TMI."

"Not that, I just wanted..." He trailed off.

Alexis picked up the conversation, "It sounds like a little magic was happening between you two."

"Funny you say that, it was magical."

"So why didn't you follow-up?"

"I did! I Googled her, and," he sighed, "and she was married, so, end of story."

"So why are you sitting and reading to her if she has a husband? Where is he?"

"Her dad told me she's recently divorced."

XX

The decision to take a sleep aid was both good and bad. He was able to sleep but the dream kept repeating itself and with the medication, he didn't wake up. To him it was like being trapped in a repeating loop of the shooting. Finally at 3:25 am he escaped the effects of the drugs. He awoke in a strange room. It took him a few seconds to realize he was not at the rehab center, but instead at his own house in the Hampton's. He rolled out of bed.

He studied the dark house, at least the first floor, wondered again, as he'd done on so many nights in the past, just how could he fill the day ahead. But more perplexing to him, was how could he continue in this rat-race of sleep-deprived nights.

Rick Castle had never been depressed. Disappointed, sad, low in spirits, but not depressed. He'd studied depression for his writing. He'd seen it described as a fog, a quagmire like existence that so many people faced. It was hard to treat, and left them hopeless in the drudgery of another day, another lap, but to what end. Now he was there, and he found that it was beyond him. He was ashamed to admit that he'd never really understood what he had read.

He was depressed and he saw no way out. When the sun rose, later that morning, its rays were bright and flooded his deck. But to him even the sun was on some giant dimmer switch. He questioned whether or not he should have left the facility. Feeling it would be just be a burden on Alexis to help him around in this environment.

Five hours later Alexis made her way into the kitchen. Her dad was leaning against the counter, weight on his good leg, crutches beside him with his phone in one hand reading something. He smiled when he heard her slippered feet scuffle across the floor.

"Hey Lex, how'd you sleep?"

"Great Dad," sleepily pouring herself orange juice he'd left out on the counter.

"This isn't very cold, is the frig OK?" For the first time she looked up at him.

"Oh, Dad! You look terrible!" She moved to his side.

"Sorry about the juice, I forgot and left it out."

"I don't care about that, are you OK?"

"I only slept until three something, which is pretty good for me, but I pooped."

"I thought you said you'd been sleeping most of the nights for the last week or so?"

"That was last week, it spoiled me, I really..." his thought drifted away.

"I take it the medication didn't help?"

"Sorta, it kept me asleep but I had a dream filled night...and...Hey what are we going to do today?" Anxious to change the subject.

"Anything you want Dad, this trip is for you."

XX

After breakfast Alexis got cleaned-up and Castle made his way around the house. The surfaces where not as conducive as the hard surfaces in the rehab facility. He'd never thought about how many obstacles the Hampton's had for someone who used crutches. The drive-way was gravel, which seemed to swallow the crutch point. There were steps everywhere. The decks were OK once you got to them, but inside there was carpet and tile, one good, one not so good.

He avoided the stairs at all costs. The seventeen-step journey, up or down, took about five minutes.

XX

They returned after a late lunch. Alexis helped her dad out onto the patio. He sat wrapped in a light blanket and faced the sea. It was beautiful, he felt momentarily normal. But as sat the weariness crept over him. He was reluctant to give in to sleep, but too exhausted to resist.

The sound came from far away and he struggled to open his eyes, but before he pushed the heavy eye-lids open it stopped. Once awake, he was immediately aware of the sounds of the ocean. It make him smile.

On the table beside his chair his phone showed a call. He looked at the number but didn't recognize it. He wondered who would be calling him, he hadn't been getting many calls lately. When he pushed on the voice mail button it ID'ed Jim Beckett. He swiped the screen and called back.

"Jim, Rick Castle here."

"Rick, thanks for calling back" He smiled. If Mr. Beckett knew how small Castles world had become, he'd know it was no problem.

""I'm sorry to bother you but..."

"Mr. Beckett, you don't need to apologize."

"Rick, Katie had a horrible night, they had to restrain her..." the older man went silent. "The doctors think it's good progress, she not just lying in bed...but somethings going on with her. I'm here beside her and she's moaning, her feet kick from time to time and she's rocking against the restraints."

"Jim I'm sorry to hear this, is there anything I can do?"

"I don't know..." another long pause. "I was thinking, trying to figure this out, and..."

"What are you thinking, sir?" Castle was awake, suddenly not tired at all.

"Would you talk to her?"

Castle considered the request, maybe he should just go back, he'd considered it even before the phone call. "Sir, I could be back in three or four hours."

"No, no, that's not necessary. I just wanted to put the phone next to her and let you talk...you know just chat...see if your voice will help." The man's tone verged on desperation.

Alexis walked out and saw her Dad on the phone, she mouthed. "Who is it?"

He pointed to the chair beside him, indicating he'd like her to sit. She did.

"Mr. Beckett, I'd be happy to talk to her."

He put his hand over the phone. "I need to talk to Detective Beckett, the friend I told you about, she's having a difficult day."

Alexis watched. She knew this was the comatose lady they'd discussed on the drive up. She was fascinated with his description of their brief time together, with the Mayor. She thought there might be more than he was letting on. She watched as he waited for something on the other end of the line.

"OK, Mr. Beckett, let's try."

"Hey Kate, this is Rick. How are you doing?" His voice was soft and casual, mimicking the tone of two old friends having coffee. "I'm with my daughter Alexis, we're in the Hampton's at my beach house. I wish you could see the ocean today, it's beautiful...maybe someday I can bring you here."

Alexis listened for a few minutes, then stood and kissed her dad on the head. She was certain his monologue would last for a while. Needing a Diet-Coke she headed for the kitchen.

* * *

AN - Thank you for reading and for your comments.


	5. Part I - Chapter 4 - The Darkest Hour

**Part I**

 **Chapter 4**

 **The Darkest Hour**

It had not been his plan to call Rick Castle, but as he watched his daughter's restlessness dissipate and calmness paint her features, he knew he had done the right thing.

Friday night had been a complete disaster. The facility had called him shortly after 8 pm. She had begun to display signs of agitation about an hour earlier, but now she was thrashing. Before he arrived, it had gotten so bad, they'd called the doctor who ordered her to be restrained.

Dr. Lowe arrived at 10 pm and found her in a highly agitated, moaning and pulling on the restraints. Reluctantly he gave her a mild sedative, medicating an already unconscious person, was always a concern.

Jim Beckett had slept in one of the chairs in her room, at 6:15 am he'd been awakened by his daughter's moaning, thankfully she had not started the thrashing. His relief was short-lived, as the morning progressed her activity increased with louder vocalizations and more intense pulling against the restraints, Finally he decided to call Rick Castle, maybe he could talk her down.

Now he stood by, feeling he'd made the right decision, he watched as she nearly immediately relaxed at the sound of Castle's voice. She rolled slightly toward the phone and, simultaneously tried to bring her hands up to find Castles.

XX

 _She was tired of the room, tired of spending time at the window seat, reading the books was losing it's appeal. She knew what was wrong, her attention was always on the door. Where was he? Why wasn't he talking to her? She needed to hear his voice, to be comforted. Finally she could no longer stand it. If he wouldn't wake up and speak to her, she'd wake him._

 _At the door she again pressed her ear to detect any sound. There was nothing. Why nothing? It angered her, hadn't he heard her kicking, seen the other side of the door-knob twisting. She tried to call-out, gritting her teeth and groaning at the barrier._

 _After awhile she heard it, the voice, his voice, just beyond the door. She sat on the beds edge and her world spun._

 _She made her way to the door and laid her head against it. The sound was different, further away, but it was his voice. Her breathing steadied, she relaxed, and relished in what she heard._

XX

Alexis found him on the phone when she returned nearly an hour later.

"Dad, who was that you were just talking to?"

"It was Detective Beckett's father."

"How is she doing? Did it help for you to talk to her?"

He looked up at his daughter. This was not chatter, but sincere interest. He loved this girl and her great heart.

"He says it did, says she calmed down. She'd been trashing and moaning and it got so bad they had to restrain her."

They sat in silence for a few minutes and studied the ocean.

"Dad," she turned to face him, "You know, this is real weird don't you?"

"Yea Pumpkin, I know."

XX

Jim Beckett had a quiet day after the call with Castle. He settled into her room, did paper work and kept his vigil, he felt she was almost to the end of the coma thing.

In the Hampton's Alexis and her dad also had a quite day, he'd slept terrible and had been awakened again by the dream. He'd then tried reading a book a friend had given him, _Black_ by an author named Ted Dekker. He didn't get far before he decided he needed food. They had an early dinner and Alexis decided on a bath and a book of her own. Castle found a comfortable chair and returned to reading, the strange book about a strange land.

For both men, Saturday night ended up being a repeat of Friday. Castle was awake fighting off the street murder scene, Kate was full of anxiety and appearing inconsolable. At 2:49 am a text message shook his phone, _Rick if you're awake could you call Kate's room?_ He dialed the number.

He talked to her for over two hours then her dad informed him she'd calmed down again and was resting. It was shortly after 5 am, Rick laid down on the sofa and closed his eyes. There were no dreams for the next few of hours, when he looked again at his watch, it was 8:10 am. He smiled and mumbled, _Thank you Kate._

XX

As they drove back to the facility Castle found himself, jittery, or just antsy. His two sleepless nights, except for the three hours early on Sunday morning after his talk with Kate, had left him exhausted. His old, hated companion fatigue was back.

"Dad why don't you take a nap, we have more than an hour before we're back in the City, you look so tired."

When the car rocked, he forced his sleep heavy eye-lids open. Alexis was pulling into the circle drive at the rehab facility.

"Wow, I guess I faded out longer than I thought."

XX

As he sat in his room, he found that within minutes he was fidgeting.

"Who are you trying to kid?' He spoke the words out loud to himself, and then answered his own question, "I'm going, I'm going." He thought to himself, _Yeah you're either going crazy, or you're already crazy._

The traffic was light in the corridor as he made his way to her room. When he entered he saw Jim Beckett sitting next to the bed. His stomach turned as he saw the restraints that held her wrists and ankles.

"Hey, Mr. Beckett."

Jim Beckett stood immediately, his face morphed from weariness to elation. Castle wondered if someone was standing behind him, the man looked so happy to see him.

"Rick, I'm so glad your back!" He smiled at Castle.

"She's had a pretty rough week-end. Today has been..."

"Mind if I talk to her?" Castle asked, wanting to assure the man of his willingness to help.

"Of course, you don't have to ask."

He sat in the chair next to her bed. He saw the reddening above the restraint. Even though padded, they had cut against her skin.

"Can I undo this restraint?" He turned to look at Mr. Beckett.

Beckett, turned and glanced at the door, his face suggesting he feared an observer, "They're concerned, but if you watch her close...just do it. I hate those things on her."

Rick looked at her wrist, the bruise would bloom and looked painful, obviously she'd been pulling hard against them. He was struck by the rush of empathy, it rolled over him like wave, he blinked to push back the tears, careful to keep his back to her father. He took her hand in his, and leaned into the bed. "Hey Kate, how ya doing?"

He turned to Jim, "Mr. Beckett, could you undo the other three, I'll put them on later."

After taking off the restraints he told Castle as long as he was there, he was going to go have dinner, he'd be back later.

"I'll be here, sir. I'm not going anywhere" He looked at Kate and then back to her father, "Don't worry about her."

"I won't! You have my number, if something comes up."

XX

It was after 11pm when Jim Beckett returned to see how she was doing. He found both of them asleep. Her restraints still lay cast aside. She was on her side, both hands holding on to Castle's who had moved the chair closer and left the guard rail at the top of the bed down. He was sitting in the chair but leaning forward, his head on the edge of the bed. Their heads were only inches apart.

The nurse came in and raised her eyes at the sight. She pointed toward the hallway. "Mr. Beckett how are you?"

"Phyllis I'm better, just glad Mr. Castle has returned. For some reason he's able to calm her."

She smiled, "I see that! I have to tell you, I've been a nurse for fifteen years and I've never seen something like that before." Gesturing back towards the room.

XX

 _The fog had returned when she woke up, her bones were cold. Although she couldn't remember, she must have gotten up from the chair and returned to her bed. The blankets seemed to close, too tight, but she was unable to get free of them. Her hands and feet hurt, it felt as though they were being squeezed._

 _The next thing she heard was the voice, the volume was higher and very near. The blankets came free and she rose and moved to the door. She listened, he was steady and close. She groaned softly to herself. She was happy but she wanted desperately to open the door. To see him._

XX

Castle heard a noise or something moved, he wasn't sure. He lifted his head and she was just inches from him. He sat up and looked at the clock on her bed-side stand, it said 5:27am. He smiled and softly said, "Yes, yes."

After splashing water on his face from the bathroom sink, he walked the hallway for a few minutes just to stretch.

He was compelled to return to her and found her as he left her, calm and still curled toward his chair. He sat back down beside her. He was still exhausted and took her hands in his and scooted even closer and laid his head down next to hers again.

He startled awake, it was 7:45 am. He was stiff from the awkward sleeping position, but it was sleep, wonderful sleep. He moved the chair back, watched her, peaceful and relaxed. What he wanted was to climb onto the bed beside her. But thought better of the idea and decided it was time to return to his room. He found himself both calm and energized.

XX

"So tell me Rick, how's the recovery coming along?" Dr. Clay Dubbels asked while looking at his notes from their previous session. They had met once a week for the past three months, they'd charted his progress, mentally. While his leg was getting there, his night issues were not.

"Doctor I see progress, it's just taking longer than I expected. PT is still murder." He grimaced at the thought of the session in later in the morning.

"How much longer do you think you'll be here?"

He was quiet for a few beats as he considered the answer, "Just a few days, the problem is not the hip or leg...it's still the terrible nights."

"Rick you look pretty good for not sleeping."

"Doctor, I look good because I slept well last night and on and off during the past week."

"So the dreams are not nightly?"

"Yes, and no."

"OK, tell me about that." The psychiatrist leaned forward in his chair, anticipating the answer.

"It depends _where_ I sleep."

"You mean, a bed or a chair sort of _where_?"

"No...I really mean _whom_ I sleep near."

The doctor help up his hands, indicating, tell me, "I don't understand."

Castle started tentatively, it just sounded so insane, "I've been watching a patient because her Dad asked me to while he was away...when I'm with her, I sleep...I'm...not awakened by the dreams."

"Define, _with her._ "

"I read to her and talk to her and I hold her hand, and...I sleep." Castles head was down.

"What does she think about this arrangement."

"It's complicated."

The doctor laughed, "That sounds like an excuse, not an answer."

"This last week-end my daughter drove me to Hampton's. On Friday and Saturday night her dad called, saying she was having a bad time and needed to be restrained." The doctor was intently listening. "So, he held the phone for her and I talked to her. She calmed down, stopped thrashing and relaxed."

"Did she tell you what was wrong? What had upset her?"

"No, she doesn't speak to me, she's been in a coma for nearly a month."

"Rick, you know how strange this sounds."

"Yeah, I do. I was reluctant to tell you. It sounds like what I need is a...well a different type of rehab."

"Why do you think she's calm when you're around? Or when you talk to her?" The doctors face was curious, suggesting no skepticism in Castle story.

"At first, I was just asked to read to her because her dad had to run and do somethings. He's a lawyer and he knew she always liked reading. He felt it would help, maybe pull her out of her coma. When I talked and then read, she started to move for the first time. Her doctor was really surprised at the response. And then she moved her hands to find mine."

"Has her doctor seen this?"

"Yes he saw it." The doctor just moved his head up and down. "When I was gone she became very agitated. That's when Mr. Beckett called and asked me to read to her, over the phone. It seemed to work. I returned yesterday and read to her and then fell asleep beside her."

"So, back to you. Tell me why you sleep better when you're near her."

"It's a pretty strange story Doctor."

XX

He watched as the two men talked, he thought he recognized the stranger, but just couldn't recall where he fit. He continued his slow pace towards them, he was getting better with the crutches, but he did not want to fall and start over on his rehab.

"Rick, how you doing?"

"OK Mr. Beckett."

Jim Beckett gestured to the other man, "Rick this is Will Sorensen, Katie's ex."

Castle had spent over two weeks, on and off, with this man's wife, and he had not made it by to see her one once? He instantly disliked the guy and wondered, _what had she ever seen in this dip stick?_

"Mr. Sorenson," Castle extended his hand and shook.

"Castle, that name rings a bell. Are you the writer and, what brings you to Tryon?

"I am the writer, I'm here following an MVA, pinned femur and lots of rehab."

"Sorry to hear that. Do you know Kate?"

"I met her once, about eight months ago at a fund raiser for the Mayor. He introduced me to Captain Gates and Detective Beckett that night."

"I heard about that night from a friend, are you the mystery man who danced with her?"

"Not sure there was much of a mystery, but yes we danced and gave the Mayor a hand in getting his party going."

"Interesting," he paused, as if he thinking over his next words, "Well, I'm sure you've got a fan in the Mayor for that work."

"Well, she'd probably be excited if she knew you were here, I think she's a fan of yours. I remember seeing your books around our place in Manhattan." Castle just smiled.

"That news, she didn't say anything to me, but you know her better than I do." Again, thinking, _you are a jerk._

"Mr. Castle, I need to go see her but it was nice meeting you. Good luck with that leg, oh, watch for trees. Castle nodded. Sorenson turned back to Jim Beckett. Castle reflected, _I never said anything about a tree._

"Jim, which way?" The men headed towards her room. Jim Beckett looked over his shoulder at Rick, it was not a happy face. Rick made a slow u-turn and headed in the opposite direction.

XX

 _The room was quiet, but peaceful. He'd come and talked to her last night. She'd sleep in the chair near the door, held onto the door handle._

 _She felt rested, the thumping in her head had stopped, the shortness of breath was gone._

 _But now there where other vibrations, they agitated her, she wanted the voice, wanted the other to be still. She would wait for him. She closed her eyes, shutting out the world._

XX

He deliberately avoided her room that afternoon, having no interest in running into her ex. He guessed it was part jealously and, and he didn't know what, he just didn't want him around Kate. Castle smiled to himself, _like it matters what I want._

He had stopped at the cafeteria and grabbed a box meal. He put it in a bag, tied it to one of his crutched and made his way back to his room. He sat in the quiet, chewed slowly and rested. He'd had two gruesome sessions of PT, one in the morning and another that afternoon. He was glad the walker was gone, and was getting use to the open cuff crutches. He'd looked forward to losing the crutches too, he wanted to use a cane, but he realized a cane was a long way off.

He felt the pressure change in the room, someone had entered. He turned to see Jim Beckett standing tentatively in the door way.

"Jim, you don't look so good. You don't have any Scotch in your brief case do you?"

The senior Beckett laughed at the inquiry, " No Rick, I've been dry for years. Can't help you."

"Well, don't stand half in and half out, come into my mansion." Flashing a weary smile.

"I didn't want to bother you, but..." Beckett looked away. "I wanted to apologize for my ex son-in-law today. He's..."

Castle jumped in, "There's nothing to apologize for, seriously."

"You know how long Katie has been here, weeks, nearly a month, and he makes it by one time. After she started the divorce paper work, suddenly he wanted to fix things up. He'd call, try to cajole her. Tell her...I don't know what, but she was done. He on the other hand was acting like the wounded husband." He stopped again and looked at the floor, "If he's so wounded, and cares so much, where's he been?"

"Sir..."

Beckett kept going, his eyes now hard and full of anger, "He's suppose to be the pinning away ex-husband, and it takes him nearly 30 days to get here?" He just shook his head in disgust. "You've spent..." He stopped, knowing this was pointless.

"How's Kate doing?" Rick knew the look on the mans face. Jim Beckett bore his worry and pain for his daughter like a cross, he could not hide it, "I take it she's not doing very well?"

Beckett shook his head, "No, she's starting to thrash again."

Castle pointed at his leg, "I was just sitting, my leg and hip are real sore. If you could find a wheelchair, and wheel me over to her room, she and I can visit for a bit." He paused and shook his head, "I meant to check in on her between sessions but it was a busy day." Avoiding the real reason, the ex.

Beckett thought, if Kate's husband had been like this man, he'd still be married to her. He switched gears and focused on Castle, "That would be great, I'll find a wheelchair."

Castle put his crutches between his legs and Mr. Beckett wheeled him to Kate's room. As they passed one of the nurse stations, one of the staff said , "You're not stealing our patient are you Mr. Beckett?"

"No Lorraine, just borrowing him to sit with my girl."

"Sounds good, sounds real good."

XX

"Hey Kate," his voice low, his head near hers. "How are you?" She was rocking her shoulders back and forth. "I'm sorry I didn't get back after lunch, I had a session with Dr. Dubbels, and a then couple of PT beatings today. "

He watched for a few minutes and took her hand. "I graduated today from a walker to crutches." He sounded like he was bragging, "I'm in the big leagues now. You know like having your training wheels taken off your bike when you were a kid."

He smiled at the memory of Alexis, how excited she was when she could ride her bike on her own, "You know Kate, I bet you were a beautiful little girl."

Jim Beckett watched again as his daughters restlessness dissipated at the sound of Castle's voice and story he told. He understood why he was a writer, why his wife liked his books so much.

After she calmed down Castle let go of her hand and turned to her Dad, "Jim you can go, I'll sit with her tonight."

"Rick, you don't have to do that every night, I can stay."

"Jim, it's a two way street. For some reason I sleep better here than in my room. She and I, seem to...to calm each other." He didn't elaborate, didn't want to tell about his daughter's nightly invasions into his dreams and how she drove off the demons of murder. He was sure the man would be afraid to leave him alone with her, if he knew the whole story. "It's gives me a purpose, which in turn helps me sleep."

"Sleeping in that chair can't be that comfortable. I don't care if they call it, a sleeping chair."

"Really, it's not that bad," Mr. Beckett still looked skeptical, "It's fine, honestly."

XX

After the senior Beckett left, he sat by her bed and watched her sleep, she was beautiful, like sleeping beauty. He laughed at himself for thinking of this situation in terms of a fairy tale. But he was stumped. None of this made sense, but he could not deny the effect she had on him, with something as simply as just sitting near her. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a flickering of what he'd seen their first night together. It made him smile.

"Kate, it's Rick," he leaned close and almost whispered, "I really need you to wake-up...we need to talk, we need to figure out what is going on with us. It's just...just weird and I'm out of answers."

She did not stir and he didn't think she would. But he felt it was time, he wanted to invite her again, back to the land of the living. It had been nearly a month. He knew it couldn't be rushed, but it didn't change the longing for her to return.

At 10:30 pm he was tired and got the night nurse to help him move the chair into place, he needed to sleep. As he closed his eyes he looked over at the sleeping form, he took her hand in his.

XX

 _She heard the sound, he was back. She could hear the vibrations of his voice. She arose from the bed and made her way to the door, sat in the chair and placed her hands on the handle. She twisted and it moved slightly, tried to move it more but it refused._

 _Even though his voice stopped, she knew he was near. She had never felt his presence to be so strong. She relaxed in the chair and closed her eyes. She felt secure again, no fog, no fear._

 _She didn't know how long she had slept, but she felt stiff and could feel her left hand was holding something. She tried to sit-up but couldn't. She wasn't even sure where she was. Her body felt strange to her and when she tried to move her legs, they were to weak to budge. It was the same with her arms, they were so heavy, heavier than she could ever remember. She moaned slightly and decided if she was stuck, she could at least look around, she forced open her eyes._

 _She found herself in what appeared to be a hospital room. It was almost dark, but there was light coming through the side of one of the curtains. She heard a sound, it frightened her, it sounded like someone was asleep, breathing softly._

 _She rolled her head to the side and there was a man. He was reclined in a chair next to her bed, asleep. The fingers of their hands were intertwined. She gasped and pulled her hand back, but with great effort. He stirred and looked up at her._

XX

The murder scene had played out again, but the dark haired woman walked into it. He fidgeted and briefly opened his eyes, but just enough to confirm her hand was in his. Sleep washed over him and he could remember nothing more.

He didn't know what time it was but, even with his eyes closed he could see the room was bright with the morning light. He willed himself to move, to open his eyes but he needed just a few more minutes of sleep. And then without moving he knew something had changed. He'd memorized her breathing, listened to it for hours, for days, but today, it was not the same. His heart rate increased and he moved his hand which he sensed was empty, her fingers were no longer entangled with his.

He knew he had to open his eyes, knew he had to look, to see what had changed, but he felt a loathing, even a fear, a sick sense that his world was shifting, again.

The ceiling was there, no change. He rolled his head and could see her legs still under the blankets, he pulled his elbow under his side and scooted up to look at her.

Her voice was raspy, the eyes were wide and green, she looked intently at him, "Where am I?"

He jumped and sat as quickly as he could, "Kate!"

She stared back at him, looking disoriented, struggling to focus, she repeated herself, "Where am I?"

He had gone from a slow-dreamy half awake state, into a full-throttle heart racing jolt. He found it difficult to breathe, difficult to think. She was back.

His mind flashed back to the last time she'd spoken to him, it was on the day of his accident. She'd come to him, he thought he was dying, and she'd told him to stay with her, she said she needed him.

He then switched to his nightmare early this morning, she had been there, he was certain it was her, she'd interrupted the murder scene and granted him sleep.

He stood, swung his legs to the floor and grabbed his crutches, "Kate...I need to go get a nurse," and quickly made his way out of the room.

* * *

 **AN - Again thanks for your reviews and comments.**


	6. Part II - Chapter 5 - Daylight Again

**Part II**

 **Chapter 5**

 **Daylight Again**

The call, at 6:05 am, jarred him, he'd been sitting at the small kitchen table nursing himself on coffee and the morning paper. After listening to the message, he sat the phone down and found himself momentarily stunned, not sure what to do. His daughter was awake, his life was back. He stood to go to the bedroom to change, but instead, sat back down at the table, and wept.

The drive to the facility took nearly 35 minutes, the longest half-an-hour of his life. He parked as near as possible to the entrance and made his way through the front doors, as he entered he greeted the security man, "Hey Johnny , she's awake, my girl's awake!"

The guard beamed back, " Great news Mr. B., great news!"

As he neared the room he saw his daughters partners, Ryan and Esposito standing in the hall, pacing. "Detectives, glad to see you. This is great news."

"Yes, Mr. Beckett it is, we've missed her," Ryan gestured to Esposito standing to his left. "Lanie's in there with her. We didn't want to overwhelm her."

"Thanks for coming on such short notice," he shook hands with both men.

As he turned, he paused at the door, the letters 214 stared back at him. These three numbers had scared him before today. He had been haunted by that 2-1-4 would steal his last link to his wife, forever. The idea had terrorized him daily and at times been nearly paralyzing, but no more.

As he opened the door his eyes were wide with excitement. Kate was talking to Dr. Parish she didn't notice him slip in. He walked cautiously to the edge of her bed. She turned to face him and smiled, "Hey Dad."

He thought her voice was softer than usual, but it was her, "Katie..." but the words stuck in his throat, and errant tear erupted and slipped down his cheek.

He didn't try to say anything for a few minutes. He sat down in the chair next to the bed and kissed her hand. Across the bed Lanie said nothing, while tears flowed unabated.

Kate spoke first, struggling with her own emotions as she watched her best friend and father openly weep, "Dad, are you OK?"

Through flooded cheeks, he smiled weakly, " Yes Katie-bug, of course...just so glad you're back."

XX

Rick Castle stood down the hall, far enough away to not be noticed and just watched. It was like someone had pulled a fire alarm. First the nurse, then 20 minutes later the doctor, shortly thereafter two police officers in plain clothes and a pretty African-American woman. The two men were in the room for a few minutes each, but the woman had never come out again. Then Mr. Beckett arrived, his face a mix of happiness and maybe even shock. Castle knew he'd been hoping for this day. As a father himself, he could only imagine the agony Jim Beckett had endured during the weeks of few answers and abundant uncertainty.

What stuck Castle were his own emotions. He'd thought a lot about this day, it too was full of uncertainty. He remembered the vibrant Detective at the Mayor's party, the sparks that flew between them. The attraction was strong, it had been that hitting-on each other vibe, and he'd liked the feeling, liked the pull. But over the last few weeks things had shifted to a much different place, He'd dabbed tears from her eyes, wiped her nose when it ran. When the staff left food on her face from the nasogastro feeding tube, he'd cleaned it. He'd pushed back her hair when it feel into her face and once when she'd torn a nail on the guard-rail, he clipped it for her. All these things made him smile, she had needed him, and if he was honest with himself, he needed to be needed. There was no question, he did not want her left in that dependent state, but he knew there were serious doubts about any future they might have together. By no choice of her own she'd been almost fully exposed to him, he'd seen her at the very bottom. It was miles from a first impression with lights, party glitter and scotch.

As he continued to watch, next to arrive was Will Sorenson. It had been only a day since he'd visited, and now he was back to talk with his ex-wife, something Castle may never be able to do himself.

He returned to his room. His work done for Kate Beckett. He laid on the bed and looked at the ceiling, and then spoke familiar words, "Have a good life Ms. Beckett."

XX

She and her Dad spent the morning talking as he tried to bring her up to date on what had gone on while she was unconscious. She had visited with Lanie for awhile and then talked again with the boys before they returned to the Precinct.

Finally she looked at her Dad and asked, "Did Will come bye?"

The question took him a second to answer, the delay gave away the answer, "Yes, he came by yesterday, I sent him a text telling him you were awake. I suspect he will be here in a few minutes. Are you OK with that?"

"Dad, I'll be polite, but really, Will and I are done. He wants me because I told him it was over, not because he loves me. He's never even apologized for expecting me to quit my job and follow him to D.C." She put her head back as weary with the limited exertion.

"I know."

She went quiet for a few minutes then sighed softly, having again revisited the failure and pain it caused her. She was so head strong, so certain that while so many screwed up marriages, she would not. She was different. She knew her heart. She'd never mistake true love for a counterfeit but, she'd been wrong.

The doctor returned with a nurse and they talked a bit about what to expect with a normally recovery. She had been unconscious for 26 days. She would feel tired and groggy. There was a lot of stimuli for her to process, it would take its toll and wear her out.

As the three were talking Jim Beckett went silent and turned looking around the room, Kate saw his head turn, "What is it Dad?"

"Where's Rick?"

"Who's Rick?"

"Richard Castle, have you seen him today?"

"I..I thought I was seeing things. I think he was the first person I saw, but I," she paused, suddenly looking very tired, "I don't understand."

XX

Within the hour, Will Sorenson arrived. Kate was surprised at how unhappy she was to see him. She was cordial but fained being tired to shorten the conversation. Her mind was other places, she was trying to process the Castle information. Her dad had been brief on the subject, simply saying Castle was in rehab for an auto accident due to a broken leg. He'd sat with her and read to her, when her Dad couldn't make it in.

She felt grimaced at the news, she felt exposed by the fact that Castle had spent time with her in this state. Not exactly what anyone would call glamed up.

"Did I have that nose thing in?" She looked down.

Jim Beckett smiled, "Katie, how else could they feed you?"

"Oh Dad, I want to puke!" She shook her head. "So Richard Castle sat here with me while I had a tube running down my nose and a tube...oh crap, gag me. He must think I'm a real beauty. I don't think I can ever look him in the face again."

Jim Beckett let out a laugh, "You're too much Katie! He couldn't care less about tubes. His only concern was you getting better."

"Dad I met him the one time, and one time only. Why would he care or do this..." She did try to complete the sentence.

XX

Around noon her Dad began to notice a change in her demeanor. The first clue were her eyes, they had been placid and content. Then they starting darting about, like she was being chased.

"Dad, I need to get out of here. I need to get home or back to work."

He knew what was going on without anyone telling him, "Katie that's between you and the doctor. You've been in a bed for weeks, you're weak and need to regain your strength."

She shook her head, "It seems like only minutes ago I was speeding to the perp's location, and now weeks have passed." She closed and then opened her eyes.

"Are you OK Kate, I can leave you and let you rest." He wasn't sure what to do.

"No, don't leave! Please." She didn't say anything for a moment, "I am tired, in fact, exhausted, but I'm..."

"You're what?" He looked intently at her.

"I can't explain it, its like I need to be awake but my chest just starting feeling tight...I feel like I'm caged in here, breathing is...hard."

It was now her Dad's turn to sigh. He hoped the thrashing and groaning would end once she woke up. He watched her eyes, and silently thought, this part is not over.

"Let me call the nurse for you, see what she thinks. Maybe they can give you something to help."

"Dad, I don't want drugs. What's wrong with me?" She looked at him and it reminded him of when she was a little girl, needing her dad's help.

"OK let me ask her what the doctors instructions were, I'll be right back. Will you be OK?"

"Yeah." She looked small to him. She'd lost weight but it was her state of mind that reflected a frailty he'd seen in his daughter for over a decade.

He returned from the nurse's station with a promise she'd contact the doctor. He decided to change the subject,"Tell me about waking up?"

She looked at the window and then back at him, "I expected to be in my car. I never saw the guy that hit me. Instead I opened my eyes and found myself in this room. "

"No memory of the accident? No dreams?"

"Nothing. It was like waking up from a nap. You know a little disorientated. But I've been in hospitals enough to know where I was, still I looked around trying to get my bearings. The strangest thing was the guy holding my hand, asleep next to my bed...he looked shocked when I looked at him."

"As I said, Castle and I met by accident. As we talked he remembered meeting you. He was very upset by your accident. Anyway I kept running into him in the hallway when I'd come by to visit you. We began to chat and after the second or third encounter. It was obvious he didn't sleep much at night."

"So how'd he end up in here, holding my hand and sleeping next to me?"

"After a few days, I asked him to read to you. He was awake and agreed to help. Then a case came up and I had to be out of town for almost a week. I didn't want to leave you alone, so I asked him to sit with you, to read and to hold your hand. I wanted human contact for you."

"Dad you actually asked a stranger to stay with me?"

"He wasn't a stranger. You two had met, in fact even Will knew about your dancing for the Mayor, plus you and your Mother had read his books. When I asked him to cover for me, he agreed and has spent more time with you than anyone, and..." He paused.

"And what Dad?" She looked both irritated and anxious.

"You appeared to like his company," he paused and looked out the window for a moment, "you appeared to like having him near."

"What does that mean? That's ridiculous, I couldn't even talk." Now all agitation.

Before he could answer, the nurse came in. She had a small paper cup in her hand which she handed to Kate, "Ms. Sorensen..."

Kate barked, "It's Beckett, my name is Beckett."

The nurse seemed surprised at the spunk from the patient, "Ms. Beckett, the doctor wants you to take this medication to keep you calm."

"I don't want any medication." Still barking and with eyes flared, "I just want to get out of here."

"You can discuss that with the doctor, meanwhile he wants you be calm, to avoid a relapse." Kate's eyes went wide with that news, she did not want that. Without a word, she reached for the cup, took the pill and washed it down with water.

After the nurse left, her Dad had picked up a book and was reading. After a few minutes she felt the medication pull her back from the edge," Dad, I need to rest, I'm really tried...and Dad, tell everyone, I just don't want any visitors for awhile." She closed her eyes.

Jim Beckett frowned to himself. There was only one person in the facility who had not visited her this first day, but he got her point.

XX

He felt sorry for her Dad, his face was a mask of sadness as he explained his daughter's request for no visitors.

It was what he'd expected once she awoke. He had no expectations of contact with her after her recovery. Before all this, their only contact had been brief, but now he'd interloped into her life. Uninvited to her personal twilight zone, he knew a lot more about her, but not in the usual manner. In fact most the knowledge had come from conversations with her father.

Based on his own recent experiences, it would take time for her to recover both physically and emotionally. He knew he had healed yet, and it would be awhile longer. He'd considered her anxiety issues as well as the connection between them, but that was no history. They were in a new day.

He had been at the facility for almost three weeks. His PT had helped, he'd gone from barely walking to a walker and now to crutches. Life was good and if he could ever walk again on his own, he swore he would never take the gift for granted. The whole ordeal had given him first hand insight into why people struggled with depression and anger after an injury.

He recalled a story his friend Dr. Merrill had told him about a middle-aged woman who'd been active, including jogging working -out and lots of outdoor sports. She'd been injured in a skiing accident. After her recovery it remained difficult for her to even walk. Her body had healed as well as could be expected but she was overwhelmed with depression and anger. Ultimately her therapy and anti-depressants failed and she'd taken her own life. The story troubled him. He now began to grasp her despair and understand the grind the injuries had done to her body and mind. He wanted to be careful, he appreciated the danger like never before..

With his end of treatment now just a few days away and the return of sleepless nights he set about his last task for Jim Beckett's daughter. He'd been working on it for over a week, It helped him pass time and he missed the nights with his silent companion. He found comfort in her presence, her hands interlaced with his, the soft breathing and her assistance in holding his demons at bay. But she was no longer available and he had to get on with it.

The dreams had started again the first night without her. He was back on the sidewalk, the drama of death playing out before him. As Janie Silver fell to the ground, he was ratcheted awake, sitting up straight, sweat coating his neck and back. It was 11:58 pm, which meant he'd gotten less than two hours of sleep for this night.

The pattern did not change. He was slipping back into the numbing routine of naps and long nights. His body craved sleep but, his mind refused to yield.

On the third night he encountered Jim Beckett in the hall, it was 12:15 am.

He recognized the voice behind him, "Rick!"

"Hey Jim,! What brings you here so late in the evening?"

"Just another long day of work. I was just checking on Katie before I headed home. So...I see you're back on hall patrol." Offering a weak smile.

"Yeah, just wanted to make the sure there are no prowlers. If I can find something to hold on to, I'll beat them with one of my crutches."

"Hey you look to be doing pretty good on those crutches. You scared me the first few times I saw you on them."

"It scared me too." Both men laughed.

"So, how's your girl doing?"

"She's...doing OK."

"That sounds...pretty tentative."

"I didn't mean for it to sound that bad, she is still struggling with the anxiety. They've prescribed citaopram, which helps. The problem is she hates taking it." He paused for a moment and looked back down the hall way. "The attacks are the same as when she was in her semi-conscious state, every six hours or so she says there's a wave that sweeps over her."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Back to you Rick, seriously, same sleep problems again?"

"Yeah."

Beckett looked at the man, the toll of sleep loss was written all over him. He wanted to help, but had no idea what he could do. He still felt very strongly, that there was some unexplainable connection between this man and his daughter. They did something for each other, but, Kate had always been strong willed and was adamant, she didn't want visitors. Still he knew she'd seen Lanie and the two other cops. So when she said no visitors, she meant Castle as well as her ex.

"Jim, listen I'm finished with the PT work. I'll be checking out tomorrow. They feel I can negotiate most environments, and time will do the rest for the healing, plus I can do my exercises at home. Progress will be slow." He stopped talking for a second, like he was reluctant to go on.

"What is it Rick?"

"Over the last week or so I've been working on something for Kate. If you have a minute and can follow me back to my room I'd like to give it to you."

"Happy to." They turned and made their way to his room.

Castle handed over a package of CD's.

"What's are these?"

"I recorded one of my favorite books for her by Ken Follett, it called _Pillars of the Earth_. I thought maybe she would like to listen." Both men knew what was not being said. Obviously, each believed the same thing, the connection was real and maybe his _voice_ would help calm her.

"Rick...I don't know what to say. I keep saying that to you, but you keep surprising me, so thanks again...still in your debt."

"Wish her well for me. You have my number, call me sometime and you can buy me a cup of coffee, we'll be even." Castle smiled at his midnight friend, he'd enjoyed their time together.

XX

The next day Jim Beckett was distracted from his reading when the hospital bed creaked. Kate had said she needed to rest. Fifteen minutes into her nap the attack hit. She started at first to moan and then trash.

He went to the side of the bed and stood over her. Placing his hand on hers she woke immediately. Her eyes were wide and panicky.

"Katie! It's OK I'm here." She focused and frowned.

"I hate this! I hate that damn medication." Her breathing was rapid, her eyes again darting around the room.

"I'll call the nurse, we'll get you something."

"No, not yet. I have to work through these Dad...I can't just pop pills the rest of my life." Her face was set and angry.

"I have something for you, maybe it will help." He turned, walked over to his brief case and pulled out the bundle of CD's.

"A friend gave me this audio book, let's see if you like the story."

"Dad," her words still clipped, "I don't feel like listening to anything."

"Katie, try this, I think it will help."

She growled at him, "Fine, start the damn book." Irritation thick in her voice.

He sat the small CD player up on the table beside her bed. Pushed the play button and Rick Castle's voice began the story.

Ten minutes later she lay still, her breathing had calmed and her eyes fixed on a vase of flowers a friend from work had sent to her.

Forty-five minutes into the first CD her Dad pushed the pause button, "Katie are you OK?"

"I feel better and I like...I like the story, can you let it play." He pushed the play button and returned to his chair, hiding the smile on his face, and thinking, _of course you like it._

XX

It was good be home. He was so sick of the rehab facility, but now he could walk and at least get around. He took comfort in even his limited progress. He was certainly stuck on the ground floor, but with Alexis away at school and his mother away most of the time, he didn't need access to the second floor.

What to do? That was his biggest problem. Yeah his body was beat up,but he'd been adrift for months. He needed to start writing, but nothing would come. He was so tired he could barely make it through a sentence. There were no surges of words and ideas, just painstakingly stilted work.

His intent was to set up a routine. He would try to get six or seven hours of sleep a day by sleeping a couple hours, three or four times a day. He needed to hold the exhaustion at bay. The sleep intruders were always near, but he could beat them, he had to beat them. He felt desperate in his need to win this fight.

XX

The following week he visited Dr. Dubbels at his office, in had been two weeks since their last meeting. Rick had been home for nearly ten days.

"Rick, it's good to see you. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing OK, still struggling with the sleep thing. I tend to be cat-napping in lieu of the real deal."

The doctor thought he looked exhausted, "You know we can try to medicate you for more effective rest."

"Doctor, every time I hobble I think about what got me into this mess, I just don't want to risk another problem." Anticipating what the doctor would say, " I know I'm not driving but there are other problems."

"Tell about those."

"The meds tend to make me a prisoner of sleep, but it doesn't stop the nightmares...I find myself stuck, but I can't even wake up to escape."

"Maybe what we need to try relaxation therapy, see if you can ease yourself into a deeper and longer rest state."

"I would be willing to try it, I need to get through this rough patch."

"What happened with the policewoman at the hospital, did you speak with her again?"

"No, her father said she didn't want any outside guests, only close friends. Apparently her waking up with me there...well it was unsettling for her."

"I can understand that, but I'm sorry to hear it worked out that way."

As they came to the end of the session the doctor set down his glasses, "Rick at our next session I want to tell you about a...an alternate theory I have about you and the cop." Castle said he'd listen to anything, they agreed he'd return one week. The doctor prescribed the relaxation therapist. Castle thought it was worth the try, but had no real expectations.

XX

"Don't stop it Dad." He was reaching to hit the stop button on the CD player.

"Katie you've listened to the entire book, at least twice. I went to the bookstore and found a couple of audio books for you."

"Dad I'm not interested, you know this book...it seems to help me, with...with my anxiety."

"Why don't you find the reader and pick up more of his books?"

She had asked him about the reader and where he got the CD's but he'd always offered either an aloof answer, or changed the subject. He didn't want her to know it was Castle. He was afraid she would just get angry and refuse to listen. Thus far the book worked better than any medication. He'd told her doctor about it and it's source, the doctor was amazed. He still could not understand how someone's voice could have such power and how it quelled her onsets of anxiety.

Kate Beckett had taken to playing the book on low volume as she slept. If it stopped and she was asleep she would either wake up or the nurse would push the play button and the same CD would run again.

Jim Beckett knew he was running out of stories and time. He would have to tell her sooner or later. He hoped she would be reasonable and at least listen. He wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't all already figured it out.

When the subject came up again, he decided it was time to come clean, "Kate, I need to tell you something, and I'd like you to hear me through."

She hit the stop button on the machine and looked at her Father.

"I told you about when you were unconscious that you'd have the anxiety attacks. There were times when they had to restrain you." He grimaced at the telling, "The only remedy, the only thing that calmed you was," he paused and then told her. "It was Rick Castle."

"What does he have to do with me calming down? And why are you telling me this?"

She got up from her chair and walked over to the CD player and grabbed one, her face flushing with anger. "What's it got to do with finding more of these books." She shook the CD at her dad.

He ignored her, "Castle was upset about the restraints and convinced the doctor and the nurses to...to let him try to calm you down."

"Dad, that's ridiculous, he's not a doctor, he a writer. Why would he even think he could do do that? And why would the doctor agree to something so stupid?"

He sighed in frustration, "Katherine Houghton Beckett you are so bull headed! You ask why? You want to know why? Because it worked!"

She knew she was being impatient and she'd pushed his buttons. He never called her by her full name unless he was seething. She looked down at her hands avoiding eye contact. She did not like upsetting her father. He was all she had.

After a few moments of silence she looked up. Her fathers face was still red. He started to say something and then stopped. Finally he walked to the door, pulled it open and turned to her before leaving the room, "That book you've been listening to for the last ten days was recorded for you, by Rick Castle." He practically spit the words, "I'm going to get some coffee," but then he stopped and turned to face her again,"And Katie, don't tell me you didn't know that, your too smart." When she looked up, he was gone.

XX

It was Friday afternoon. Castle was stretched out on the sofa after a brief 45 minute nap. He had tried to sleep more, but had failed.

In his semi-sleep state he heard his cell phone vibrate. He sat up and looked at the number flashing on the screen, he had no idea who it was. But he didn't get many calls, so he hit the green icon.

"Rick Castle." His normal answer, but was greeted by silence.

"Hello...hello," and then he heard someone on the other end take in a breath.

"Can I help you?" Not feeling like a wrong number discussion, "Or do you have the wrong number?"

A woman's voice, " I have the right number." He waited, it sounded like her.

"I'm sorry, I'm far too tired to figure this out. If you want to say something, please do."

"This is Kate Beckett, how are you Mr. Castle?"

"I'm OK Detective, good to hear your voice. You had us scared for awhile there."

She was still for a second, "Thanks for worrying about me."

Happy to do so." It was good to just hear her voice.

Then she added, "I guess I was wrong before, maybe I should have let you keep my shoe."

He laughed.


	7. Part II - Chapter 6 - A Different Path

**Part II**

 **Chapter 6**

 **A Different Path**

It felt good to laugh, it had been a long time. It was good just hear her voice. He'd rehearsed her words from months ago, trying to retain who she was despite the coma. But this was better than his memories, it was liquid light flooding his head. His fear and worries seemed small in this new day. The uncertain dread, that she would not return to the land of the living, was finally vanquished.

When she spoke again, the humor was gone. Her tone was now tentative, "Mr. Castle, my Dad and I have been talking, " she went quiet for a few beats, "it seems I owe you an apology."

"Detective Beckett, you don't owe me anything, apology or otherwise."

He waited on her again, "I'm a cop Mr. Castle, I live and die by facts. I wade through evidence to figure things out. I should have figured this out before now."

"Detective there's really nothing to figure out, your Dad and I read to you, and then you woke up." He wanted to down play his role. He did not want this woman's sympathy, or pity because her Dad had maybe told her too much.

She could hear his hesitancy, his discomfort over this topic. Maybe this had been a bad idea, but she needed him to hear her out, "Mr. Castle, this is what I know. You did more for me than anyone at this facility. It sounds like you did, what no one else could do."

"Detect..." She cut into his response.

"My Dad told me you returned early from the Hampton's because I was freaking out. And the night before you returned you talked me to for hours on the phone...just so I wouldn't be restrained," she paused, sounding upset to him, her voice turning thick and raspy as she spoke, "Thank you, and I'm sorry it's taken nearly two weeks for me to call you."

"Detective, your Dad was very worried, the reading seemed to help you, and I certainly had the time."

She was committed now, she needed to say it all, "I want to thank you for Follett's book, I've been listening to it, a lot. I thought you'd just give me one of your books, but again thank you, its been...very helpful."

"Detective, please stop this Mister Castle thing, it's Rick or Castle."

"And you call me Kate or Beckett?"

"Alright. About my books. I don't read them for the audio sales, we have a reader, he's been with us from the beginning and does a great job." Enough of that, so he changed subjects, "Tell me how are you doing? Will you be released soon?"

"I should be going home in the next few days. I'm up and walking the halls, my strength is returning."

"That's good news. I wish you the best in your recovery. I'm sure you want to get back to work." He tried to sound as cheery and up-beat as he could muster. He sensed this conversation was coming to an end. He wanted her to feel she'd accomplished her goal of thanking him. He wanted her to be free, and well. He had no desire to lay his problems at her feet.

"Castle...you've done so much, and I have yet another favor to ask of you."

He heard the hesitation in her voice, " Go ahead, I can always say no."

She paused again, "Would you be willing to come by and visit for a few minutes this afternoon?"

XX

This would be their first real meeting since she came out of the coma. Castle entered the facility and was surprised at his apprehension. He told himself, _she won't bite._

He made his way down the hall to room 214. He knocked softly. When there was no answer he gently opened the door. Kate Beckett lay in the bed with her eyes closed. He could hear his own voice playing softly from a small CD player beside her bed.

He started to step back out into the hallway, "Mr. Castle, don't go!"

He took a step back into the room, it felt familiar, "I thought you were sleeping. I was going to walk down to the dinning room and wait for awhile."

"No, I'm good. Please come in." She pushed the bed control and raised herself to a upright sitting position. She turned and hit the stop bottom on the CD player.

He remained at the door, still hesitant to get too close.

"Castle my gun and handcuffs are at home, you're safe!" She batted a full smile at him, "Remember I invited you here."

"I do recall it was your invitation. Are you always this rowdy after a nap?" She laughed out loud and put her hand over her mouth.

"Well, you looked like you thought I was going to bite."

Now he laughed, "Funny you say that. I told myself on the way in that you _wouldn't bite._ "

"And why would you even think that?"

"Come on, I feel like I've been foisted onto you and, suspect your Dad was behind this meeting." He paused for a second and she said nothing. "Honestly you don't have to do this. You can call it done, tell him I came by and I'll be get out of your hair."

Kate thought about his statement, he'd sorted it out, and he was right. Her Dad was partially behind the meeting, but she was faced with a dilemma. She could not deny that she relied on his reading. Nor could she deny that his voice alone was able to calm her when the anxiety attacks struck. But she now knew what happened while she was unconscious and what his voice and his touch did for her. She needed to figure this out and she needed him to do so.

"You're right, my Father was partially behind this. But that's not why I wanted you to come visit. The book, or Follett's book, has been...helpful in some difficult times over the last week."

"He's a good writer, I'm glad the story helps, even though the lives of the characters are a little frustrating." He paused, "Plus your Dad was very concerned and I thought something like it might help."

"Well, he was right, but it's not the story." She abruptly stopped. Then she sat up and swung her legs to the floor. "I need to get out of this bed and sit in a chair."

They settled into the two room chairs. "So Castle, how have you been since the night we saved the Mayor."

He smiled again, "I've had some," he stopped and held up his hand, "Let me paraphrase another author, I've been through some of the best of time and the worst of times. And you?"

She ignored his questions, " _A Tale of Two Cities,_ really?" Followed with another smile at him.

It was his turn to smile under her beautiful gaze, "You have a beautiful smile," and as she blushed he added, "Detective, I steal when I must."

"Hey I'm a cop, you shouldn't confess to theft."

"Literary theft only, and for the record, the credit goes to Mr. Dickens."

She looked at him serious again, "And to answer your question, I'm feeling fairly well." She didn't say anymore on the subject, "So, tell me about your car wreck."

XX

Jim Beckett was late arriving to the facility. Some things had come up at work and he'd called his daughter telling her he'd be late.

He pushed open the door to her room, "Katie, I'm sorry it's..," and stopped mid-sentence.

"Rick!" Again pausing, "It's good...really good to see you." He smiled at the two of them.

"You too Sir, I was just talking with Kate about some writing I've been trying to do. The time just got away from us." Turning to Kate he started to rise from his chair, "I should get out of here, let you and you're Dad visit."

"No don't..." He heard both Beckett's speak at the same time. He laughed. It was like stereo.

Kate spoke first, "You're fine. Dad and I would be happy to have you hang around."

"She's right Rick, there's no family secrets here. I just wanted to check on my girl." He turned an appraised his daughter, "And by the way Katie, you look good tonight." He walked over and kissed the top of her head.

"It's been a good day, plus Castle has been kind enough to entertain me. We even walked down to the cafeteria for some dinner."

The three chatted about their respective days. Shortly after nine, Castle said he needed to head home. At that moment Jim Beckett's cell phone rang and he stepped out into the hall to take the call.

She reached over and swatted his arm, "Castle, thanks again for coming by but, before you go, I have a question."

He smiled, "That's how this got started earlier today."

First she looked down at her lap, "My question is, can I do something for you?" She looked intently at him, almost pleading.

"There is one thing," Now he paused, "But you can say no and I'd understand."

"What is it?" She said eagerly.

"Would you be willing to record your favorite book for me? It can be a short one."

She seemed pleased with the request, "Actually most of my favorites are in an audio format already. They're better readers than me, I could just tell you which one I like."

"It's not the story." For the first time in this day, he looked genuinely embarrassed, "It's your voice."

She felt stupid as soon as she made the suggestion. Just as it was for her, it was not the story, but the reader that provided the help. He had tried to give Follet the credit and now she had done the same thing. There was no question, it was his voice she'd relied upon to get past her anxiety. Her father had told her how he was able to slept when he was near her. She inwardly shuttered when all these points came together. This was the first time she even considered how difficult the last ten days must have been for him.

"I'd be happy to do that."

"Thanks," While rising and pulling his crutches to himself, "I'll be off...and Kate, if you need something just call. I'm awake around the clock, so don't hesitate."

XX

The night of the visit he'd slept for six hours. He felt wonderful and hopeful, but it was short lived.

The following night, he was back on the sidewalk in front of the café, Dr. Merrill was next to him. As always, he saw McKuen from the corner of his eye moving up behind Janie and pulling the trigger. Castle bolted awake, panting and sweaty. The clock read 12:15 am., two hours and ten minutes since he'd closed his eyes. He was so weary, so tired. He ached for the days when he could sleep, when the sun woke him and not the spray of blood and brain matter. How long could this go on, how long could he survive?

He'd never questioned his will to live or even his own survival instincts but, he has never faced a foe like this before. He sensed that the weariness of all the missed sleep was seeping into his bones. This had to change, he desperately wanted his life back. But how?

XX

Two days later, at 10 am. he sat in the office of Dr. Dubbels.

"So," the doctor paused, "I can see you're still struggling with the sleep problem. Any relief at all?

"Honestly not much. I go for three or four days and then collapse for five or six hours like a dead man. It's the best part of the week, six hours of uninterrupted sleep. It's like dying and going to heaven. But then next four days are just hell."

"Was the night of rest was a first for you? Why do you think it happened?"

Castle studied his hands, "The six hours of sleep came after I visited the lady at the rehab center."

"You mean the cop?"

"Yeah."

"How did that come about?"

"She called and asked if I would drop by and see her."

"And how did the visit go?"

"It went well. A little awkward at first, I felt like her Dad had put her up to it, but we started talking and had a good time. It was a good day and good to laugh again."

"Are you going back to see her again?"

"We didn't really talk about that." He decided not to offer up his request for a recording of her reading for him.

"Maybe you should drop in. See if it impacts your sleep again."

"I was thinking about that but, I don't see her as my solution. I need to work this out on my own. Like the rest of the world does."

The doctor's sat quietly for a few moments. Castle watched him and then asked, "What's on your mind?"

"As I said at the end of our last session, I've been thinking, about a non-psychiatric explanation to your problem."

"And what have you come up with?"

He steepled his hands and leaned forward in his chair, "Are you a religious man Rick?"

"No! I don't attend any type of service, except maybe at Christmas...I don't pray, if thats what you're asking?"

"Yes and no, I've had many patients who would not qualify as religious, but they've proven to be very spiritual." He paused again. "A friend of mine is Jewish, awhile back, we were talking about mysticism and he mentioned the idea of _Bashert._ Have you ever heard of it?"

"I don't know! No sleep mean my memory is pretty trashed." Castle sighed heavily.

"The idea's is from the Kabbalah, you know it?"

"Yeah, I've done some reading or research on it, I think. Makes me think of Madonna."

The doctor smiled, "It precedes her a bit. Anyway Bashert is a Yiddish word, it means you're destined for some particular end. If you miss a train and it's in a wreck, it's bashert! In love and marriage it has much deeper implications. The idea is, all people are created as half of one whole person. The mission of life, is to find your other half."

"The destiny, soul-mate thing, right?" Castle asked interrupting.

"That's a _Cliff Note_ version of it, but there's more." he pointed at Castle, "Take you, and the cop you've been spending so much time with lately. I've wondered how, what you describe, is even possible. She has anxiety attacks, while in a coma, then you're able to calm her."

Castle nodded, "Yeah, that's is different."

"Well now that she's awake, are you with her? Like before?"

"No! I've only seen her once since she woke up."

"Then my guess is she's still having the attacks, is that right?"

"Yeah, she is. She's not to happy. She's a cop and those things are a big problem."

"Then there's the other half of the story. You suspect she's the one present in your nightmares?"

Castle shook his head, "It's someone who looks like her. Tall, thin, dark hair and she distracts me, and then the replay...the shooting doesn't happen." He paused, "I don't see the connection between her anxiety and my nightmares."

The doctor smiled, "You and the cop are the connection, period. The other stuff just illustrates how deep the connection is, don't you think?"

"I'm not sure what to think Doctor."

"What your telling me makes...I started to say _no sense_ , but that's not correct. Yes, there's no medical explanation. There are no studies on what you're describing. The communication on a sub-conscious level, between two people, who have only met on one other occasion." He paused again and then added, "And one of them was unconscious."

This time Castle just raised his hands, palms up and shrugged.

The doctor continued, "Without explanation you sleep. But only near her, and, for some reason the nightmare ends." The doctor stopped, as though he was out of breath.

Castle just stared for a moment, "I don't know what to say. You're right, I only met her one time before seeing her in rehab, and she was comatose for almost a month." He paused, thinking over the words, "Doctor, there's no question about the connection...but when you describe it as you did, it's way beyond the soul-mate thing."

"The idea of someone's bashert, is that they intuitively understands each other. Your joys, your needs, even your sorrows. It's the only person who can know the real you and love you while knowing all your flaws."

"Sounds like a relationship, Nirvana?"

"Not so! The cold reality is that life, even with your bashert, you are not shielded from life's problems. It doesn't take away the stress and strain. Doesn't erase each one's personality. It gives an edge, but no sure win."

Castle groaned, "Doctor, how do you venture this far from home?"

"In the search to understand the human mind, there are many sources that need exploring. Religion has many confines, mysticism steps outside the lines and searches with a more skeptical heart, but still seeking truth."

"So faith does not play a part in the search?"

"I'd never say that. It's helped many of my patients. Suggesting faith is without value, misses the point. Look at you, the story you've told me. It's incredible. It can't be proved or disproved, but I have have faith in you, I believe it." Then he smiled at Castle, "Wouldn't you say it takes faith to believe something like that?"

"Yeah it does. So are you a religious man Doctor?"

"Yes, but I'm not traditional. Nor am I blind to the wisdom of people. A guy named Tozer, is one of my favorites,He writes that the intellect must kneel outside the Holy of Holies, while the heart, or soul, enters in. To me that means, there are things of the heart that the intellect simply cannot understand. Tozer reminds me, while he probably irks both Jews and Christians with his statement, that not all things can be weighed or understood. The heart has better eyes, and ears, than the intellect."

"Interesting!" Castle looked at the doctor and shook his head, "Gee Doc, I feel like I've been on a religious retreat."

"Rick, I think you get my point. You and...the cop, demonstrate something that falls way outside of the norm. You don't need a doctor to label the unexplainable in order to validate it. But you need to sort this out, it might be the best thing in your life and maybe even a solution to your problems."

XX

As he left the doctors office he was struck by a wave of exhaustion. He wasn't depressed, but the desperation of his circumstances pulled at him. With or without the why. He needed it to be resolved. He sensed he was near the end of his rope, and that realization was scaring him more and more.

He decided to walk for awhile. He hoped the exercise would help him recharge, at least a little. After a half hour or so, he finally made his way to his car just as his cell phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID he snapped, "Castle."

"Castle, ah... this is Kate Beckett, am I... interrupting something, you sound..."

"No, no, I was just walking to my car, I'm sort of out of it today." Not entirely true. He was was really grouchy and still angry. He didn't want to snap at her. He considered telling her the her the truth, but decided against it.

Kate's voice brought him back, "I wanted you to know I've got a few chapters recorded from _To Kill a Mockingbird_ for you. I thought it was at least a start."

"That's great. Should I drop by and pick them up?"

"That's why I was calling and this is my last day at Tryon. I can hardly wait to get out of here."

"I know the feeling. I'll swing by on my way home."

"That would be great. See you soon."

XX

Kate Beckett thought about the last few days, and that she hadn't spoken to Castle. The days had not been the greatest. The day of his visit she'd slept well with no anxiety problems, but since then not so good.

She'd been plagued with more attacks and with a greater frequency. She was forced to rely on her medication, which for her meant, no return to work. It was so discouraging. She had almost called him, but still felt foolish about their unspoken connection,

As she waited for him, she again felt the anxiety coming on. But she was hopeful over his visit, felt her call to him was the right thing to do. She reasoned that since the first few chapters had been recorded, she would use it as an excuse for him to visit her. It would give her a chance to do another test, on herself and on them.

After ending the call, she began to feel better. The dread of an attack began to diminish. He was coming by. She would try to keep him with her for awhile. It could only help.

Thirty minutes later she heard the knock on her door and waited for it to open. He stepped inside and smiled warmly at her. She thought she read relief on his face when he saw her. Maybe he was testing the idea, just like her.

"Hey, how are you today?" He remained near the door again.

She gestured him closer, "I'm OK...had a couple of so-so days, but it's good to see you."

"You didn't call, I hope it wasn't too bad." He reflected on how bad she had been, and how unpleasant the restraints were.

"Honestly I didn't want to bother you." She looked down at her hands.

He laughed, "Trust me, you will _never_ bother me. What bothers me is that I might have been able to help, but you didn't call." His voice serious and laden with concern.

She didn't respond, but stood and just looked down at him, he looked extremely tired, even pale. Stepping towards him, "Are you OK you...you look awful pale."

"I've been..." As he moved across the room, he almost lost his balance. She reached out, caught his arm and helped right him. She held onto his arm for a moment, "Come sit, get off those crutches," and pointed to the chair next to hers.

He sat beside her and she sighed. "Castle you look so exhausted. You didn't have to come by today. We could of met later in the week."

"It's been a pretty difficult week...the sleep thing is driving me nuts." He tried to conceal the yawn, but failed. "I'm sorry."

"Listen," she pointed to the bed, "I'll do anything not to be on that thing, and as luck would have it, they just changed it. Why don't you lay down and let _me_ read to the reader, and you rest for a bit. If you konk out, I'll stop reading and let you sleep."

He thought to himself, _I did not come here to sleep,_ and knew he would never agree to such a thing but, he was beyond tired, he even doubted if he could make it home.

"Kate I can't do that...drop by and crash on your bed."

"Sure you can. Just rest for a few minutes. How many nights did you sit by me when I was...out?"

"That was different."

"Castle, just for few minutes. Humor me."

He had no fight left in him. He moved to the bed, and laid back. She moved her chair next to it and began to read. In less than two pages he was asleep. He was laying on his side facing her so he could hear her reading. Once he appeared to be in a deep asleep she stopped and sat. He'd watched over her for many nights, she could do the same for him.

After a twenty minutes he started to mumble and moved from his side to his back. She picked up the book and started to read again. As she read, he stilled again and after a few minutes, his breathing changed again to slow and steady. She put down the book.

XX

As he lay down on the bed he felt himself start to fall. It was as though he was going over a waterfall, backwards. But he had no fear, instead he knew it was the welcome decent into sleep.

He found himself in the restaurant with Dr Merrill. They were making their way to the door to leave. Just as he went to reach for the door handle, a hand touched his arm. It was the dark haired woman. She stepped so close he could not she her face, but she whispered to him, "You need to sit here and rest for awhile," directing him to a nearby chair. He felt her hand on his shoulder and plummeted into sleep.

XX

At 4:45 there was a knock on the door of her room. Beckett was still sitting next to the her bed, next to the sleeping Castle. She turned to see Will Sorenson, her ex, step into the room. She steeled her face to reveal nothing. Then she simply held her index finger to her lips and pointed to the hall.

For a second or two Will stared back at her and the man laying on the bed, slightly curled slightly towards her. Without a word Beckett stood and walked to the door.

When the door was pulled shut, he spoke first, his voice hot and angry, "What is that about?" Pointing back to the room.

Her first instinct was to lash out, but instead she chose to respond calmly, "He wasn't feeling good, so I got him to lay down. He's fallen asleep." Her tone suggesting it was pretty simple.

Still clearly angry at her, he tried again, "I'm not stupid, I know who that is, and what is _he_ doing here in the first place? He checked out..." And then he stopped, fearing he'd gone too far and he had.

Her eyes flashed with anger, she jabbed her finger into his chest, "First, what business is that of yours?"

She turned and took two steps away from him, then spun and charged back at him and jabbed again, but this time harder, "And how do you know when he checked out?" Her voice was increasing in volume, "What the hell is going on here?"

Will stepped back and looked away, a vein bulging in his neck. Before he could speak, she lowered her voice and growled at him, " I asked you what is going on here Will?"

He finally made eye contact, " You need to keep your distance from that guy."

To contain her rage she put both hands on her hips, "Really...and what gives you the right to tell me anything?"

He spat back, "You're my wife! And I'm telling you, _that guy_ is trouble."

"Wrong Will, you're dead wrong, I am not your wife and...and leave him out of this!" Her word were forced, her face now reddening.

She spun in a circle again, hands still on her hips and ended up face to face, " You know what, you need to leave!"

Sorenson just stood his ground and glared at her. She lowered her voice again, "Now Will, now!" And then disappeared back into her room without even looking back.


	8. Part II - Chapter 7 - Confessions

**Part II**

 **Chapter 7**

 **Confessions**

When he opened his eyes Castle saw Kate Beckett sitting in the chair next to the bed. She was flushed and chewing on her bottom lip. He had arrived just after 1:00 pm, the clock on her bed-stand read 5:17 PM. He was embarrassment that he'd slept for almost four hours, but he was also relieved, it was so good to sleep.

When he stirred she looked up at him. "Hey Castle, what are we in kindergarten? Taking naps in the middle of the day?"

As he studied her and the funny question, he could see a look in her eye, it was strained and distant, but still he laughed at her comment, "Well Detective you certainly are chipper for being the one who didn't get to sleep, Looks like I can fall asleep anywhere."

"You were one tired camper." She smiled at him. "You looked like you were about to drop."

"If you only knew!" He stretched, but plopped his head back on her pillow.

"Wow." Trying to rub the sleep from his face, "I'm sorry I slept so long."

"No need to apologize, you were obviously exhausted. I wasn't even sure you were going to be able to stand for long."

He sat up, reached for his crutches and then moved to one of the chairs. "Beckett are you OK?"

"I'm fine." She answered quickly, too quickly.

"That's not what your face is saying. You looked calm and happy before I crashed...but now you look like you're ready to fight. Did I say something in my sleep?"

"No, it's not you. Someone dropped by while you were sleeping and...we had a disagreement. I told him to leave. I'm just stewing. There are some conversations you don't need to do over and over, but..."

"I understand." Castle knew without asking or saying more. The jerk had been back. He could have said he didn't want to get between she and her ex, but based on the few comments she had made, there was nothing to get between.

"Castle, you in there?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking?"

"Pray tell?"

He lied, "I'm hungry, how about you?"

She smiled, "We could go down to the cafeteria for the last supper or, at least a final snack here at Tryon."

"That sounds good." He extended his hand towards the door.

XX

She had been dying to be home, to get out of the rehab environment. The people, the crowd, the smell and the food, was all too much.

It had taken longer than she thought to regain her strength. She left with an improved stamina, but also a container of pills to help ward off the spells of anxiety. They seemed to assail her on a daily basis. If the anxiety didn't drive her mad, the implications did. She knew stood on a precipice with disaster gaping up at her. If she could not step back and gain control, she would no longer be able to work as a detective. The department would do everything it could to help her, but in the end, she would be the determining factor. She had to get a grip, to wrestle this thing to the ground and then subdue it and throw away the key.

But she was not there yet, and so she fluttered between reasoned panic and unabated anxiety. She was so screwed. She was taking the medication three times a day. There had only been a couple times she hadn't needed it, but that had nothing to do with her.

As a child, her mom and dad had pushed her to problem solve. To work her way out of difficulty. She still believed in those tools, but the faith in her ability to use them was waining. Mind over matter was not working. But something else was helping.

The irony was, that in this mess, there was a single bright spot, an eye to this storm of despair. A fellow traveler. She had found a strange connection to Richard Castle, the one constellation prize, for her out of control life.

She had been home for three days. The last time she'd seen Castle was her final evening at Tryon. She was surprised how he'd read her mood after the encounter with Will. Her intent was to put on her best game face and forget it ever happened, but Castle knew within one minute of waking that something was amiss.

They had sent texts back and forth and checked on each other. The book on tape exchange was not working as well as she had hoped. She had been with the real thing, the reader instead of just the voice. Now she found less relief in listening and a more urgent need for him to be with her. But when he had invited her over she'd declined, still arguing with herself that she needed to work out, and on her own. But now she was worrying about him misunderstanding her reasons for saying no.

Everything was a contradiction in her head.

She sat on her sofa and the walls were already starting to close in again. It was 6:05 am, she should have been sleeping, but she wasn't. Instead she'd awaken early and found herself perched on the edge of a funk, yet again. Her phone vibrated, _"Hey you awake?"_

She picked it up and pecked at it, " _I am. How are you?"_

The response was nearly instantaneous, _"Awake, and hungry."_

" _You're always hunger."_ She laughed at her unstrained urge to tease him.

" _Breakfast my place, 20 minutes. You in?"_

She thought of her unending dialogue about working this out alone, needing to be strong, and so she responded, _"What's the address? Give me 45 minutes."_

She read the address and _"...don't be late."_ She smiled, did I just accept his invitation, crap. So much for working this out alone.

Her final text was simple, _"See ya, soon."_

XX

She looked at him he was flopped out at his end of the sofa. After a groan she threw the pillow at him,"Stop groaning, pig! Why did you eat that much?"

"Beckett, you had five strips of bacon and four pieces of French toast, buried in butter and syrup and that," pointing at the coffee table, "Is your second or third mug of coffee. Where do you put it?"

"Are you trying to flatter me by telling me I eat to much Castle?"

"Never, I just..." He was wondering how he could get in trouble so quickly.

"You just what?" Taunting him.

"You know, I just noticed, you have beautiful green eyes." He smiled innocently.

"Since I'm your guest, I'm going to put the overeating subject behind us." She shifted and straightened up. " Now tell me what's really happen, since the party months ago."

"A lot!" He shook his head, his brow furrowing.

"Do we have time? Or do I need to get?"

"No! You do not need to _get_ , and yes we have time." He had sat up straight, looking like he was readying himself to prevent her exit.

When he saw she wasn't going anywhere, he relaxed back against the corner of the sofa and turned towards her some more, "I was in a writers slump, a long dry-run of nothing, and it wouldn't end, I needed some fresh ideas. So, between you and me, Mr. Storm needs to retire."

"I love Derrick Storm." She blurted out.

"Ah, a fan." He smiled at her, "You've been holding back on me Detective."

"Didn't want to stroke your ego, too much." Accompanied by another sheepish smile.

"I started meeting with an acquaintance, a psychiatrist, to discuss mental conditions and treatment outcomes. I wondered if some of his patients never recovered, or even got worse. He could not be specific but, his broad profile helped me outline a character." He paused.

When he spoke again, he lowered his voice, "The problem was my writers block. Even though I had an idea, I couldn't sell my self on the story. Regardless we became good friends. We were very different, but we just got along well. Our custom was to meet one or two times a month for lunch."

Another long pause, so she waited on him."On a Tuesday in early February we were leaving this restaurant when some one called his name. We turned to look and one of his patients stood, holding a woman. My friend switched into doctor mode, moved toward the pair and began trying to calm the young man down. I heard the young man call the young woman's name and for some reason I followed my friend to stand behind him."

Castle looked down at his hands and said nothing.

"Castle?" She said softly.

His head came up to face her, but his eyes looked as though he was seeing something far away. "The sidewalk broke into pandemonium. But not for me, not for us. The world was swirling in panic...and I was standing in a...field of surreal calm."

He stopped again and now focused on her. "You've been in those situations as a cop haven't you? When everything, sounds, people, cars...everything is shut out and there's just your heartbeat, your breathing...the air is static with intensity..."

"I have Castle, I know what that's like." She suddenly was filled with sympathy for him. He had entered a land he was not prepared for, few citizens are. Civilians, no matter what they think, are not prepared for the world of the warrior, whether it be a soldier or a cop. It is far too intense and far too invasive.

"Time stopped for me. I heard and saw the people on the sidewalk dive to the ground, I saw them scream, but could not hear any sounds. Ironically, I looked up and saw a bird in flight. Then...then a deafening roar. I watched the womans face...dissipate and both the fear and light, go out of her eyes. It was followed instantly by something striking my face, it felt like sand or dirt but it was sticky. And then I was pulled back into time, there was screaming everywhere around us."

She sat quietly as he spoke and watched his expressions change. Breakfast had been causal and light, they were still getting to know each another. But now his face seemed to sag under the weight of his tale. The outer corners of his eye lids drooped as if pulled down, his voice turning flat.

"I looked up from the collapsed body, just as the young man placed the gun in his mouth and then, there was a second roar. It was a horrific sight, one I cannot seem to erase." He laughed sourly, "What a joke, the writer of the macabre, the spinner of tales of death. Haunted by the reality of murder." Again silence, as his head slumped down.

"Tell me about your sleep." Her voice was soft, and calm.

As if he hadn't heard her question, he continued, "It was not dirt or sand. It was bone and blood. I washed it off...for days, and there are times I still think I feel it on my face." Another long pause.

"Beckett, can I get you more coffee or some water? I need something." He started to work his way to a standing position.

"No, Castle I'll get it," She held out her arm, "What would you like?" She now stood before him.

"Just a glass of water, would be great. Glasses are in the upper cabinet, to the left of the frig."

"Be, right back. Don't leave." Working to lighten things a bit.

"Yeah, I promise not to run out while your gone." He picked up a small cork coaster and flung it at her. She yelped as it flew by her.

"Calm, Castle, be calm."

She returned with two glasses of water. She sat one before him and one at her place at the other end of the sofa. She'd been sitting with her back against the arm rest, facing him, with her legs pulled up against her chest. She returned to her position.

"Detective, let's talk about you. I've had enough about the life and times of Richard Castle."

XX

Now she was quiet for a long time. She bit her lip and did a slight but noticeable wringing of her hands. Finally she turned her attention to him, "Castle, I don't..." She was still searching for an excuse, but was coming up empty, "I'm not one to discuss things. I..."

"Beckett, we're not discussing. You and I are caught in this storm, this dilemma. There's no group discussion, no bearing of your soul for... " He looked away, but then back, "We're screwed and the only link to sanity...has something to do with each other, at least for the time being."

"I'm not willing to accept that I can't work this out. Somehow, in sometime, I don't think there's an option. I have to do it, alone. I have the advantage of knowing about you Castle. But for you, I'm a almost a complete stranger."

"Are you?" He looked at her but his face revealed nothing, "That's not entirely true, your Dad has told me about you, about your life," he raised his hands, "no family secrets, just broad strokes, and always couched in his deep concern and love for you."

"It's all backwards. It's...creepy, that you know about my life, but I didn't get to tell you. Don't you think?" She had a perplexed, frustrated look on her face.

"I get that! But what you _knew_ about me, and what you now _know_ about me ...did I match your preconceived ideas? Isn't there a creep factor in being seen as someone your not, and now having to bear my soul?"

"No, and you're right, but again I'm not willing to accept...accept this situation. I have to fix this, it's up to me. I just don't think you can help." She stood and paced.

"Then why are you here? Why did you call?" His tone was not accusatory.

"I just wanted...I promised myself I would tough it out, but..."

He cut her off, "Have you noticed that over the last three or four hours you haven't displayed a single suggestion of anxiety? Why is that?"

"Castle...I have no idea. We are new acquaintances, new friends. How can this be?"

"I don't know, but there is something in each of us, that the other responds to..."

"So I'm your Pavlov's dog?" Kate's eyes were hard as she looked at him.

"No, we're each others Pavlov's dog, Beckett. Somehow we grant each other peace. For me it's sleep and for you it's the escape from anxiety."

Her face softened at his response. Again, it was not what she had expected. She'd spun it in her head that he fancied himself her savior. He'd spent hours and nights with her, almost a total stranger, reading, talking and sleeping beside her with only a single point of contact, her hand. She signed audibly. He remained silent.

But in his response was the undeniable truth. They were both trapped in difficult and unexplainable circumstances. And for a time, they alone could offer one another solace. He was telling her, he needed her as much as she had needed him. It was a quid pro quo, an exchange draped in sadness.

"Thank you, Castle." Her tone did not reveal her own embarrassment at his kindness and her insensitive bluntness.

"Thank you Kate, now tell me your story."

For the first time since she arrived she appeared anxious. She had returned to the sofa, but now shifted about in place. The war in her head was coming to an end, she knew she had to open up and be honest, at least with him. He posed no threat, they shared no common friends, except for her dad. The mess will have to work it's way out and then they'd go their separate ways.

At that thought, her mind clouded over, and she encountered her first big shock. Even the idea, the thought of separation, felt like a knife slicking across her hand, she gasped. Surprised at the sound, she looked up and he was sitting, staring at her in silence. She hoped her brief mental trauma went unnoticed, and she pressed on.

"You met Lanie?" He nodded. "She is my closest friend. At times she can be brutally honest and over the last several months she's been, vocal about...my mood...and my attitude."

"Concerned how?"

"You know, like I'm too closed off, too stubborn, too idealistic...maybe even being stupid."

"I'm met her once, I don't think she would ever call you stupid."

"OK, lets say she's inferred it." She stopped speaking and turned away and refused to make eye contact.

After a minute or so, "Castle I cant' do this."

"Beckett, I'm not holding you here. If you need to go, go...I can connect the dots."

She returned to studying her already well mapped hands. "You know...you can be very irritating Mr. Castle."

He laughs, "And you call yourself a cop."

She responded with a hand gesture.

He laughed, "Well, I'll take that as an expression of endearment."

It's her turn to laugh, "No wonder you have writers block."

"And there we have it, the Detectives nasty side." He laughed loudly at his joke.

"Castle you don't want to see my nasty side."

"That's true, but what I need, is to see...the inside."

The banter ends, but she does not leave. She again goes quiet, moving her attention to different spots in the room, but not on him.

She started in with what sounded like a monologue, "I have no explanation for the weeks of unconsciousness. I wonder if I had just grown too weary of the land of the living and the accident gave me a reprieve."

"What was it that made you so tired, so weary?"

"All of it! But mostly me." And there was the first errant tear.

"The foolishness of me. My idealism and the reality of where it landed me." She paused again and then looked intently at him, "Do you ever get just get exhausted with your own BS Castle? I see myself as just so full of it. Fancying myself as a 'one and done' girl. I'd find the guy and we'd ride off into the sunset of life."

She stopped again, a couple tears escaping, and then began in a voice so soft, "And we did. Just on different horses...in opposite directions." She paused again, "People say move on, get over it...easy to say, even when it's the right thing to do...but..."

He studied her as she hit another mental road block, "Right thing, but?"

"You loose part of you in the process...like a hole in your heart. It's not the loss of them. It's that you've lost part of yourself...that good, that trusting, the loving part and...I hate it." She didn't hold back the tears now, she looked straight at him, "Hate that I'm far more damaged by this divorce than I ever bargained for..." Her tears now moved to flood stage, she rose and walked into the kitchen.

Castle sat on the sofa and considered. He knew what she was talking about. The dead zone in the heart, and that fear, then the belief, you'll never fully recover. He hadn't and it had been eighteen years.

She returned and sat down, dabbed her eyes, "Castle, can we just sit for awhile without any more of that?"

"Tell you what, do you mind if I just stretch out on this end of the sofa for a few minutes. I'm still exhausted. You're welcome to that end."

She tried at a smiled, "Sure, let me grab book."

XX

Martha again made her stealth entry into the loft, always hopeful her son would be sleeping. No more grand entries. Her eye popped wide, but she said nothing. Sitting at one end of the sofa was a thin dark haired woman with a book in hand. At the opposite end was her son, who had stretched out the length of the sofa, his feet on the womans lap.

Martha put her fingers to her lips, to indicate silence. She put down her handbag and coat and walked quietly over to to the woman and extended her hand, whispering, "You must be Kate. I'm his Mother." Beckett smiled, squeezed her hand, and then pointed at his feet, indicating she couldn't get up.

Martha smiled, she liked the woman and she hadn't even said a word. She pointed to the stairs indicating she was going up, she mouthed she'd be down when he woke up.

Kate was glad she was awake when Castle's mom arrived. She had slept two and a half of the four hours he'd been out. She thought how embarrassing it would have been to be caught sleeping, on the sofa with her son. At least he had talked to his mother about her, so she wasn't completely blown away at finding them together.

Twenty minutes later she felt him start to stir. He opened his eyes and looked down at her.

He growled her name, "Kate...I'm sorry and...oh man, my feet are on your lap."

"Castle it's OK."

"No, it's not. Why didn't you just push them off, I was so tired I probably wouldn't have even noticed." He was now sitting, stretching and rubbing his eyes.

"I didn't want to take the chance that I'd wake you up."

Before he could speak again, "Richard!" she paused ramping up the theatrics, "Richard Castle did I teach nothing growing up?"

"Mother..." Honest exasperation evident in his tone.

"Don't Mother me! You invite a friend over, again so nice to meet you Kate," she smiled at Beckett, then turned back to her son, "and fall asleep on the sofa, and then tie her down with your feet on her lap?"

"Mother, stop. I was asleep. I'm still asleep. If I can get a word in here, I will happily apologize to my guest."

He turned to Beckett, "Kate Beckett, this is my Mother, Martha Rogers, she taught me nothing about manners." Beckett and Martha both laughed.

"And now, if I could stand, I would do so and apologize for the misconduct with my feet."

"Mrs. Rogers it is good to meet you. Your son does not need to apologize, I was just so happy he was sleeping."

Richard Castle remained silent for a minute, actually he was in shock. His over-the-top Mother had suddenly teared up. "Mother what's wrong?"

She shook her head and wiped her tears, "Where did you find this wonderful girl? I have been so worried about you, and she..."

Kate had stood, concerned about the woman. Martha closed the space between them and hugged her. "Thank you my dear, thank you so much."

Fifteen seconds later Beckett and Castle were alone, Martha had scurried back up the stairs.

She looked at him, "Kate, I have no idea what to say. My mother never, I mean never cries, you must have tugged on her heart strings."

"All I said..."

He smiled and interrupted her, "Thanks for letting me sleep. This is really getting to be embarrassing, I spend more time asleep around you than awake. Honestly, I am not bored with you...you just create a sense of comfort...and then, I'm out."

She laughed,"There has to be a joke in there, just not sure how it should go."

"It's no joke for me, let me fix you something to eat, we had breakfast seven or so hours ago."

"You don't have to feed me again, I can go..."

"I really wish you wouldn't do that. Let me feed you and we can watch a movie, just relax."

"Castle, I did not intend to crowd in on your day when I sent the text this morning, I just..."

He interrupted again, holding up his hand, "You don't have to say another word. Wait, do you like quesadilla?"

"I do."

"Then you'll love my special home made, to-die-for, three cheese and chicken version." He grabbed his crutches and headed to the kitchen.

XX

After the meal, they'd watch some art film he liked. They returned to the kitchen to clear the dishes that had been left out, "Castle that was a wonderful meal, prepared by a cripple."

He laughed and choked on the drink of water he'd just taken. Kate jumped up and came to his side. Water was running out of his nose. "Damn you Beckett!"

She let out another laugh just as Martha Rogers entered, "We'll I see you two are having fun in the kitchen."

He whined, "She tried to kill me Mother."

"Richard, you're such a whimp! How did I raise such a sissy." She flopped both hands in the air, "I have no concerns with her in the room."

"If you'd let me explain." Working up his best incensed demeanor.

"Not interested." Again she flipped her hand like she was swatting at a fly, "So, what did you guys have for dinner?"

"Mrs. Rogers, he may be a sissy, but he can sure cook." Kate smiled at a still pouting Castle.

"Please, it's Martha and I agree. And, he did not get that from me."

"Well kids, I'm off to a girl friends for a night of trool...I mean reading."

"Mother, you're killing me here. This poor woman may actually believe you."

"Toodaloo!" And she was gone again.

"Well Castle! Now she's something." Beckett let out a laugh.

"If you only knew. Can I get you anything?"

"Castle it's 8:15, I have been here for, what thirteen hours?"

He beamed at her, "I have enjoyed your company, and my wonderful nap. Thanks again."

She smiled and pushed at his shoulder, "It was a good day for me too."


	9. Part II - Chapter 8 - Rummy

**Part II**

 **Chapter 8**

 **Rummy**

When she arrived at her apartment, she was still smiling. She had not enjoyed a day like this one in months. He had pressed her on whether her idea of him had matched who he was, she had to admit he was much different. He was funny, childish, kind, caring and most surprisingly, intense.

She'd seen the pictures of him in the papers with all sorts of women hanging on him. In fact she'd been one for a few brief hours at the Mayor's party. But the man she'd spent the day with was nothing like the newspaper article version. Her thoughts were interrupted by her cell phone ring.

"Hey Dad"

"Katie how are you doing today?"

"It's been a good day."

"I can tell by your voice, you sound like your old-self." She was alone but felt herself blush. "So, what did you do today?"

She considered her answer, and then wondered why she was thinking so hard about it.

"Katie, are you there?"

"I'm sorry Dad, I zoned out for a couple of seconds."

"Are you OK?"

"Of course, I was just thinking, sorry."

"Well I just wanted to check on you. See how things were going?"

"Really every thing's fine."

He paused for a second, she knew her dad was shifting to a new topic, "Have you talked to...to Rick Castle lately?" Her face lit up red with the question.

Sounding as casual as she could, "Yeah, I talked to him today."

"How is he doing? Has he been able to sleep any better?"

"He said he'd slept four or five hours today."

"Well for him that's a lot of sleep." Jim Beckett paused again, "You know I really like that man, I feel indebted to him," this time the pause was longer, "He was so attentive to you at rehab..." She could hear the emotion bring her Dad's voice to an abrupt end.

"I like him too Dad. I doubt he feels you owe him anything, he's just a very kind and caring man."

"Well I'm glad you spoke to him. Say hello for me when you talk to him again." His voice return to its normal tone, "Katie, I need to run. I'll check on you tomorrow."

"Thanks for the call."

She returned to her thoughts about the day. Another surprise was the ease with which they interacted. They had not know each other that long, but it was as if they were old friends. They would drop a subject, and then return to it two hours later and carry on as if there'd been no interruption.

She pondered again her decision to not tell her dad she'd spent the day with Castle, what was she hiding? And from whom? She had no doubts her father would only be happy, so why the secret?

There was another unanswered question and if she was honest the biggest surprise of the day. What had happened when she zoned out thinking about getting through this contact thing and then on with their separate lives. Even thinking about it brought on a strange let down, along with an immediate twisting in her stomach. She wondered if she was nuts, that whatever had happened in the accident had unhinged her. It was not just a passing thought, it was sobering. She felt like she was dealing with two people, one was her logical self, who was trying to reason through things. But there was also the more impulsive version of her. She found the later was winning. At the moment her stomach twisted at the thought of any separation from Castle. She was crazy.

Now it was time to get to bed. After a quick shower, and while brushing her teeth, she felt the first symptom of anxiety standing in front of her bathroom mirror. For just a moment she struggled with catching her breath. She was well aware of what it meant. She spoke out loud, "I don't want to take that crap."

She talked herself into bed and picked up a book to read. She was relaxed, there was no pressure, no breathing problems. Within 20 minutes she turned out the lights and shortly fell asleep.

At 3:45 the foot stepped on her chest. She felt a clammy film coating her face. Her eyes popped open, she pushed back the covers and swung her feet to the floor. She was alone, there was no one in the room, the weigh on her chest were her own constricted muscles. She tried to slow her breathing, but could not do it. She stood nearly frantic and paced around the room. The anxiety level decreased, but only slightly. She quickly made her way to the kitchen and took two pills.

Standing with both hands on the kitchen counter, her face towards the floor, she worked at slowing her breathing. Her brow was still wet with sweat. She continued to argue with herself, _get a grip, come on you can do this_. She moved to the front room and pushed the button on the CD player, Castle's voice filled the room with Follett's story.

Within ten minutes she was beginning to calm down. She covered herself with a blanket and laid on the sofa. She closed her eyes and imagined him sitting next to her reading. She could picture his posture, his head bobbing as he read, an occasional turning of his head to smile at her. There was a cascade of thoughts, she wished he was here. Again she thought she was going crazy and she'd never be able to return to work, she needed help. Then sleep won.

XX

The five hours of sleep had been wonderful, but it was dark, it was time to hit the sack. He moved slowly through the house with his crutches and finally made his way to bed.

He closed his eyes about 11:15 and slipped into a deep sleep.

He found himself back at the restaurant they were exiting, he heard the young man call out his friends name, he sat straight up, his heart racing.

As he placed his feet on the ground and reached for the crutches, he was pleased to see it was 3:07a m. He softly said to the dark, "Thank you Kate."

He thought about using her name, Kate, instead of Beckett. He tried to rely on Beckett when she was around. It was more, business like, but after the many nights at her side there was no business side for him, it was personal and it was Kate.

XX

At 7:15 his mother came down the stairs.

"Darling is that you?"

"Yes Mother, tis I."

"Well, I see you're up," she looked around the room, "and alone."

"And why would I not be alone Mother? Who did you think would be here?"

"I was just wondering if Kate was still here."

"No, she went home about 8:30 last night."

Putting her hand on her hips and turning to face him , "Richard, what's going on with you and Kate?"

"What do mean?"

"I mean she arrived at the crack of dawn yesterday, and then spent the entire day with you. That's not the norm for you my dear."

"Mother," he paused unsure of what to say. "She's been struggling and called me, I told her come to breakfast...and then the day just got away from us."

"Twelve hours got away from you?" She gave him a skeptical glare.

"Well actually I slept for a few of those."

"Yes, and we discussed your horrible manners."

"Why didn't you just send her home and go in the bedroom and lay down for awhile, she would have understood."

"Because I needed..." He stopped, certain he did not want to lay the truth on the table quite yet.

"What did you need Richard?"

"Mother I don't want to talk about it," Trying to move to a new topic, "So why are you up so early?"

"You want the truth? Worrying about you." She paused, her face expressing her concern, "And don't try to change subjects! Stop fooling around and tell me, what did you need Richard?"

He looked at the ground, then across the room, and sighed. "I needed her, near."

"Thank you! Now was that so hard?" He knew she was not done, "Now, back to my question. What is going on with you two?"

He decided on a half-truth in lieu the whole story, "As you know, when I was at Tryon Rehab I met her dad. At one point he was going to be out of town for a few days and asked if I would read to her, or just sit with her. After a while it became clear that she was suffering from anxiety attacks, even while in the semi-conscious state. " He paused for a second and looked away, "In fact they got so bad, they had to restrain her."

She humphed, "So, that's a interesting story, but it doesn't tell me anything about the two of you, does it?"

He thought to himself, _so much for half_ , "We discovered that when I read or spoke to her, that she'd calm down. She would even roll towards me and take my hand."

"That's a bit different. So when you say semi-conscious what do you mean?"

"Her eyes would be open but she didn't respond to questions or instructions. The tests showed it was like she was actually asleep, like a sleep walker."

"So how many times did she respond to you?"

"Every time I was with her."

"And what did the doctors say about that?"

"They, don't know what to say. They had never seen anything like it before."

"I feel like you're telling me...only part of the story." She stopped speaking and looked at him, giving him her well practiced, suspicious glare, head titled down, one eye arching up. "What does her response to you have to do with you _needing_ her?"

He thought of the old saying, _in for a penny in for pound_ , "I began falling asleep in the chair next to her bed, and for the first time in months, I started sleeping. I could sleep six or seven hours a night."

"Wait, you can sleep without interruption, if she's near? How near?"

He shook his head, "If we are touching each other...that seems best."

"Oh my dear, dear boy." Her face was masked in concern, "When you say you need her, you mean, literally."

"Yeah, it appears that way."

"Let me guess, and then she woke up?"

"Exactly. She told her Dad she didn't want any visitors, which really meant me. It kinda freaked her out."

"Well, that's understandable."

"So, they started medicating her, for the anxiety, and she didn't like the idea. After her Dad told her everything she contacted me and we started talking and then meeting."

"So where do you go from here?"

"I don't know Mother," he rolled his head back and looked at the ceiling, "I don't know."

"Let me tell you, first, I don't understand it. But, I can tell you this, the two of you have an uncanny rhythm around each other, very interesting." She paused and took a sip of coffee and started to pace.

"And another thing and I just have to say it." He started to speak but she hushed him with a raised hand, "I have not seen you as happy as you were yesterday, in...well lets just say months. I think I know what's going on here."

"What Mother? What's going on?"

She shook her head, "Some days," another long pause, "You're just not that smart my son."

XX

On Wednesday, just after lunch he received a text message. _RC, how goes it? KB_.

He read the message and smiled to himself, speaking yet again to an empty room, "It just got better."

He was brief _, OK, and you?_

 _About the same, I hate the Rx's._

 _It's better for you then the alternative. Take them and be tough._

His phone rang, he smiled at the number lighting up his screen, "Yes Detective?"

"I don't want to take them, they make me feel weird." She was cranky.

"I thought you were suppose to take them to prevent the..." He didn't say the word. It was hard enough on her without bantering over her demons by name.

"They do. I just want to stop. I need to stop...or I can't go back to work and..." She was stilled by the recurrent fear of not being able to return to the job she loved.

"Beckett," He paused, wanting her full attention, "Don't go there. You'll get past this. You'll forget it ever happened."

"Yeah, maybe but what..."

"Honestly, what ifs are just guesses. Like the flip of a coin. Your recovery is much more certain than a 50/50 chance." He didn't want to dwell here on this subject, she would only get more upset. "Hey have you had lunch yet?"

"No. I'm not hungry." Her words were short and clipped. He didn't think she had even given the offer a thought, or whether or not she really needed to eat.

"Beckett, a girl's got to eat. If you can stand the company, how about some chicken noodle soup and a grilled cheese sandwich?"

He heard her laugh. He liked her laugh, there was a lightness to it, "That sounds good." Sounding immediately more up beat.

"Can you be here in the next thirty minutes? I'll start with the soup."

"Give me forty-five."

"If it's fifty, the sandwiches will be cold."

"See you soon." She ended the call.

XX

She sat at the kitchen counter and watched him move with his crutches pressed between his body and his upper arms as he finished up the grilled cheese sandwich.

"Castle, ah, you don't hold back on the butter do you?"

"Detective! Butter is the _secret_ to a great grilled-cheese." He smiled widely, she laughed.

"You know, it looks like you could get by with just one crutch Castle?"

"Soon, but not quite yet."

He looked down at her plate with the mug of soup and sandwich, "You really OK with just soup and a sandwich?"

"You don't have fix a five course meal to you feed me. This is great."

"Just wanted to make sure. By the way, are you a card player?"

"You, Mr. Castle, are looking at the Beckett family World Champion." She pumped air light Rocky Balboa.

"What's your poison then Ms. World Chump?"

"Champ Castle, Champ, not Chump. Poker, Rummy, you name it, I'll kick your butt." Now her eyes were dancing.

"Seven or thirteen card Rummy?"

"Castle, I've never heard of thirteen card Rummy."

"We use it to make the game go, real fast." He smiled devilishly.

She set down her sandwich and held both palms up, "Makes no difference to me, just get yourself some Kleenex."

"Thirteen card Rummy, it is. What shall we play to, 300 or 500?" taunting her some more, "You know Beckett, you're sure cocky for such a skinny thing."

"Chump! Skinny! Keep up the trash talk Castle, I can make you cry by 300."

"You deal, O Skinny one."

They didn't quite finish their meal. The card game became too distracting for them. Castle lost the first hand then Beckett the second. One had had 90, the other a 105 points. He continued his trash talking, she accused him of being a cheater.

"How can you cheat at Rummy Detective?"

"You can memorize the cards dealt, you can fish my hand. I think you've been doing both." She wagged a finger at him, "You obviously know how it's done."

"You know, it's a good thing I'm not sensitive! I am your host. I invite you over for a home-cooked meal, offer to check your card skills, and this is what I get?"

"Castle, canned soup is not home-cooked. White bread grilled with a cube of butter and four slices of cheese was banned by the AHA years ago. And you still cheat."

"American Heart Association, wow a name dropper, Beckett. If there's any cheating going on here, it's you!" He was laughing so hard his eyes were running.

XX

Martha Rogers was rehashing the conversation she'd had with her son earlier in the day as the cab rolled up to the curb in front of the loft. She paid, exited and turned to see a second cab pull up behind hers. She thought nothing of it. She started walking towards the entry door of the building when someone called out her name.

"Martha!" She turned to see her sons agent, Gina Griffin walking away from the other cab.

"Gina, how are you?" Martha stopped and waited.

"Good thank you, I was just dropping by to check on Richard. I have a meeting in 20 minutes but it's just down the street, I wanted to see how he's doing."

"He's still not sleeping great, but he's getting around better."

The pair greeted the doorman and took the elevator up. As they approached the front door. They heard a woman's voice yell, "Damn you Castle!" Then his response, "You asked for it you cheating wench!"

Martha with key in hand quickly opened the door and she, along with Gina, hurried in and headed to the kitchen, and froze.

Castle was standing on his good leg, with a crutch extended toward someone crouching down on the other side of the counter. At that moment Kate Beckett stood, pulled a hand towel that had landed on her head, and started to throw it while yelling, "Take that you piece of..." Beckett froze mid-sentence and mid-throw, Castle turned to see what has stopped her.

"Mother, Gina!" Nice to see you." A broad smile, but clearly an awkward moment.

"Richard Castle, have I taught you nothing! Stop waving that crutch at your guest. And did you throw that towel at her?"

"She's a cheating..." Faining both indigence and injustice.

"The hell I am, you card counting freak." Trying to refrain from laughing.

Castle took a deep breath and plopped down on the nearest stool. Pointing at Beckett, "Gina this is Kate Beckett, she's the woman at the hospital I told you about. Kate this is my agent Gina Griffin."

Beckett offered a subdued hello. She was actually embarrassed they had been caught in this card war.

Martha was also trying, but not succeeding, at suppressing her amusement. "Clearly, you two cannot be left alone to play."

Gina's face reflected anything but amusement. On the granite top were two partially eaten lunches. Cards were spread out on the counter and some had ended up on the floor. The woman from 'the hospital' was drop-dead beautiful, 35-ish, with long dark auburn hair and deep green eyes. Gina shuttered to think what she would look like, without the dish-towel having been drug off her head. Her eyes danced. Her writer and sometime boy-friend looked like he'd swallowed a cat.

"What brings you by Ms. Beckett." Gina tried to sound, proper.

"Castle suggested lunch, and I accepted." She tried at polite but it came out slightly defensive. Territorial.

"Kate, I hope you're feeling better?"

"I am Martha, thank you."

"Let me pick up after my son, I'm guessing you beat him at this game and he...retaliated?" Martha moved around Castle and started picking up napkins and playing cards off the floor.

Beckett laughed again, "I had no idea."

"Really!" Castle taunted and it looked like they were about to start up again.

Gina intervened, "Richard, do you have some time for me, I have meeting in about 15 minutes. Can we go in your office, for some privacy."

"Sure." As he started toward the office, following Gina, he turned an mouthed to Beckett, "This is not over, cheater." She let out a small laughed, Martha just smiled, but Gina looked back and shook her head.

XX

"Why is _she_ here Rick?" No longer holding back her displeasure.

"I invited her for some lunch. Why do you ask?"

"It looked like a scene from a movie in there. You guys were throwing things, yelling at each other and...and acting like a couple of crazy people." she shook again in disgust, "We could hear your voices from the elevator."

"We were just finishing up a...a spirited card game. She beat me so...so I had to try and win the after match..."

Gina cut in, "You never told me she was so beautiful."

"I didn't really think about her looks." He lied.

"Then I am scared. You're either blind or really injured." She was in full glare mode.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, she should be a model, not a cop, and you're telling me you didn't notice?"

"I meant I didn't think of her as beautiful, I just thought of her, as her."

Gina turned her back to him and pretended to study the books lining the shelf nearest her. That was the worst answer he could give. If she wasn't just eye-candy to him, it meant something much more serious. She'd leave that alone for now, "Have you written anything Rick?"

"No, Gina." His voice was no longer light. "I don't sleep. So I'm still doing my endless night vigil. Let's just say it's not, conducive for writing." Bitterness in his voice.

"It's been a long time. There's some concern at the company."

"Look at me Gina. If you're concerned. If their concerned, well I'm ten times as concerned. It's my life that's in the toilet. It's me roaming in the night , not you, and not them. Yeah their cash-cow is broken. But I want my life back." His tone was hard and angry.

"I didn't mean it that way Rick. I'm just concerned."

"Well, figure out how I can sleep again and we'll have nothing to worry about." Again the words came rushed and hard.

"Listen I need to run. I just wanted to check on you. I hope you feel better and get some rest. By the way, today was the first time I've heard you laugh in months, I forgot how good it sounds."

XX

After Gina left, Castle joined his mother and Beckett in the kitchen. Kate was doing the dishes and Martha was drying.

"Beckett, I invited you to lunch. The dishes are mine to do."

"I'm just trying to make up for beating you at cards." He swooped another towel and tossed it high over her head.

"Are you a terrible shot or what?" Beckett was laughing again.

"Mother do you hear this?"

"What was in the sandwiches? You two are nuts this afternoon."

Kate surprised Martha and walked around the counter and linked her arm through his. "I'm just trying to lessen the agony of defeat." She jumped away and he swatted at her.

Castle started to teetered, slightly losing his balance after trying to hit her, Beckett was back in an instant, coming to his aid and holding him steady, with her arms wrapped around his waist. "Steady big boy."

Martha shook her head and said she was going up stairs. "I'll leave you two to continue the war without me."

"Castle I should leave you to the rest of your afternoon."

"Beckett, I do not want to be left to anything. I'd appreciate it if you'd just hang around. Unless you have someplace to be?"

"No, that's not it, I just don't want to crowd into your day."

They had come to an impasse. Each knew what was not being said. The elephant was back in the room. It was them. They both needed the other, but neither wanted to spell it out, so they left it unsaid.

After perusing his library, they moved to the sofa in the front room to just sit and read. They said nothing for a few minutes. Just enjoyed the quiet and the company.

"So what did you think of my agent and sometimes girlfriend?"

"Which question do you want me to answer?"

"What do you mean?"

"You asked what I thought about your agent _and_ your sometime girlfriend. Those are two separate questions, which one do you want me to answer?"

"Fine, what do you think about my agent?"

"I don't like her." She didn't look up from her book.

"OK," stretching out the k, "What do you think about my girlfriend?"

"I don't like her."

"Beckett! You could have answered that question without going through all the semantics?"

"You asked me two questions, I gave you two answers."

"No, you gave me one answer for two questions." He huffed at her.

"How about, we just read our books?" And it was her turn to huff.

"Fine!"

The pair read in silence for about fifteen minutes. Beckett sat down her book and looked over at Castle, "Why don't you just ask me?

"Ask you what?" Doing a poor job of feigning innocence.

"The question that's driving you crazy."

Castle looked at her, and now sat down his book, "Why?"

"See, was that wasn't so hard?" She just starred at him.

"Just answer the question Beckett, why?

"Because you deserve better."

A long period of silence followed the exchange. Finally he spoke. "Can I ask you to do something for me?" His tone was serious.

She looked at him with honest concern. "What do you need? I'll get it for you." Leaning forward to get up from the sofa.

"It's not that kind of need. Would you be willing to come to the Hamptons with us for the weekend? Just Alexis, my Mom, you and me."

Her mouth dropped open, she had not seen this coming.


	10. Part II - Chapter 9 - Ocean Air

**AN - A quick note to say thank you for taking the time to read my story. Thank you for all your favorites, followings and reviews.**

 **Finally, thanks to ABC and the Castle crew who have created these great characters and make this process so much fun.  
**

* * *

 **Part II**

 **Chapter 9**

 **Ocean Air**

Despite her reservations, in the end she agreed to tag along with the Castle clan. She'd called her dad and told him about the invitation. He thought a week-end at the ocean could only be good for her. She reasoned, it was not a date and she certainly wasn't running off for a week with a new boy-friend. In fact, it was more.

They had spent part of Thursday together planning and then planning some more. He asked if she would be willing to drive, without missing a beat, she spun to face him him and barked, "I always drive." He just laughed.

As soon as they were out of the City, Castle leaned against the passenger side door and fell asleep. Fifteen minutes into the drive he started to twitch, followed by some undecipherable mumbling. Kate Beckett reached over and put her hand on his leg. The twitching stopped immediately with her touch. He was soon silent.

Alexis Castle raised her eyebrows and looked at her grandmother, who just smiled back. The first surprised was how quickly he calmed down. But then she noticed that Detective Beckett didn't take her hand from his leg, another surprise. Her grandmother had commented on how they seemed to be able to calm one another. Alexis had written it off as one of her gram's embellishments. But now she'd seen, with her own eyes, the soothing effect the Detective had on her dad, she was amazed.

XX

He awoke at the sound of the crunching tires on gravel. As he stirred Beckett withdrew her hand. Castle was never even aware of her attention to him.

"Whoa, we're here? I must have fallen asleep." Beckett smiled and thought, _ya think_.

Before Beckett could speak, Alexis jumped in, "You lasted for about five minutes, Dad, and then you were out."

"Pumpkin, you know poorly I sleep."

"Maybe I should just drive you around the block, you know, like they do to babies?"

Martha chimed in, "Sorry Alexis, wrong driver." Kate looked in the rear-view mirror and caught Martha's eye, both women smiled.

Beckett sounded like a kid in a candy store, "Oh Castle, this is beautiful!" Now he smiled. He loved the reaction he got when he brought people to this house, which he didn't do very often. He loved it here, it held many great memories for him. But it simply was not his practice to bring woman here, not to impress, not for any reason. He and Alexis had spent most summers and many holidays here. It was one of the places where they had built family traditions of games, times at beach, storm walks, wonderful seafood dinners, but mostly just time together. This was private and only those of his inner circle were allowed. He surprised himself when he had asked Kate Beckett, but it felt different. She was different and it seemed right.

The ladies unloaded the car, while Castle supervised. The bedrooms were upstairs, including the master. Alexis and Martha had their usual rooms and he gave Beckett his master suite. She had argued that it was his room but he insisted, refusing to even try the stairs. He explained he would be just fine in the guest room on the main floor. It had it's own bathroom and walk-in shower. It all worked for him.

"Beckett, everything you need is in the master bath. You're welcome to use the jacuzzi tub and float away. I want you to make yourself at home. I mean it."

"Let me see your room." She looked over his shoulder, peering towards the direction he had pointed.

"You're welcome to see the room, but I'm not going up those stairs."

"I could help you, or Alexis and I could." She had this den-mother-can-fix-anything look on her face.

"Why does this matter? I've had this home for over 10 years, it's not like I'm being denied anything."

"We're all up there. You're down here...that doesn't seem right." Her brow wrinkled, "What if you need something?"

"If you'd put my bags in my room, down that hall, third door on the left, I'd appreciate it. And don't fret Detective, all is well." He gently turned her in the direction, "Then you can go check out my master suite and move your things in. It's at the end of the hall, through the double doors. Oh, and there's room in the closet for your clothes."

After putting his bag in the guest room, which was very nice, she headed up stairs while Castle made his way to the patio area overlooking the ocean.

When she opened the door to the master bedroom, it almost took her breath away. It was not a bedroom. It was a suite. She guessed the room, the sitting area, along with the master bath, walk in closet and connecting decks, had more square footage than her entire apartment back home. The bathtub was a cross between a hot tub and a small spa, with a reclining wall and massage jets. The shower was giant, with clear glass on three sides, a shower wall with two shower heads and finally a shower-shelf where water could spill like a water fall. The bath vanity had two large basin set in a beautiful multi-color granite also with water-shelves, instead of facets. She turned on one and a three inch wide stream of water poured out. She wondered how water could be too beautiful to touch.

Castle loved this view, the smell of the sea and the calming effect it fostered in him. He'd spent so many hours, reading and writing in this very spot. He thought back over the years here with Alexis and all the times he'd seen her run to him across that lawn. He was lost in thought and didn't even hear the door open behind him.

"Castle, this is...it's breath taking." He turned to see Beckett's eyes wide with wonder at the scene before her.

"Yes, it is. I love it here, always have."

"Castle, the master bedroom? Don't you think that's a bit of understatement?"

He laughed, "I thought you'd like it."

"You know, I forget."

"You forget what?" He said scrunching his face.

"Who you are? That you're...you're famous, and obviously rich. This house, the ocean, unbelievable."

"I'm glad you like it, and I'm glad you're here." He extended his arms toward the beach. "Hey, there's a wooden walk-way along the beach, almost like a side walk, would you like to stretch your legs?"

"That would be great, but there's one thing." She looked at him sternly.

"And what is that?" He knew her well enough now, to know the serious look was a ploy.

"One crutch!"

"On the beach, are you crazy?"

"No, I'm not crazy, but I am serious. You said it was like a side-walk, we can do it. I want to help you. So leave one behind and lean on me."

"You just want me to hang on you, don't you."

"No! You really do have a serious ego problem, don't you?" She moved next to him, took his crutch and slid in under his arm.

"We're going to fall Beckett, you know that?"

"We're not, and don't fret, we'll go slow." They made their way slowly across the lawn and onto the walk.

The raised wood walkway that ran along the top of the beach, was broad and smooth. It ran between the houses and the shore and allowed access to the ocean to everyone. It was made of redwood slats, nearly eight feet wide. She ignored his protests and added, "If it was sand it would be one thing, but this is nice and smooth, so be tough."

From the second story deck Alexis looked out towards the sea, then saw her Dad and the Detective making their way across the lawn. Her Dad had only one crutch but had his other arm was across Beckett's shoulder, she had her arm around his waist. She stepped back into the house and called her grandmother to come and see something. She lead her to the deck where she and Martha watched the pair make their way along the walk.

"Grams, what is going on with them? I've never seen Dad act like he does around her. It's like they've been together, forever."

"My dear, I'm not sure. She is so different from anyone he's ever gone out with in the past. They do seem to have some special link, a familiarity."

"Can you believe he's not using both crutches?" Alexis pointed in surprise at the sight.

"I think she wants him to be strong and get back to normal. She's just giving him a push. But meanwhile, I think we should see what your dad has in the fridge for dinner."

"Trust me Grams, it's stuffed, I heard him call in the order to Gene last night."

XX

After Beckett and Castle returned from their walk, everyone gathered in the kitchen to work out the dinner menu. Castle wanted to go crazy, but the vote was three to one. So it ended up as a simple meal of spaghetti and salad. Kate did add an old family dessert of upside down pineapple cake. It was quick, easy and one of her favorites.

During the meal Castle prompted Alexis to share some of her favorites stories for their guest. In the process she added some missing facts for Kate's benefit, which were new to her father.

"Alexis, that's not the story you told me before."

"It was Dad, I must have forgotten a few details at the time." Feigning innocence.

"Like, the ride in the Hampton Police car? How could you forget that?"

"It must have slipped my mind, and with a real Detective in the house...you know it just pops out." She beamed in sheepishly delight.

"Alexis. You're making me look like a terrible parent. Who knows she might call Child Protective Services if you're not careful," pointing at Beckett. "Maybe we should pre-screen your stories before you tell them."

"No, Dad! I'm sure the near arrest was the only detail I forgot."

"Richard! How can you say anything to her, after your mid-night ride...naked! Maybe you should let it go."

"Mother..." Throwing his arm up in the air.

"Whoa, what mid-night ride Castle." Beckett planted her elbows on the table, put her chin in her palms, she starred at him, and waited.

"This is not about me. Mother, Alexis, and Beckett! I know what you three are trying to do," he paused for affect."My history with the MRMP is not a topic for tonight's meal."

"Dad what is that? The MRMP?"

Never missing a beat he elaborated, "The Manhattan Royal Mounted Police."

"Castle, you are so full of it, there's no such thing." Beckett flopped back in her chair, crossed her arms and shook her head.

" _A_ _u contraire_ , it was before your time."

"No, it wasn't!" She wagged a finger at him, while Alexis just snickered. "Is this what literary license looks like?"

"OK, I'm ending this. Alexis, Mother would you like to play some Rummy, oh but before you say yes, know that sometimes even the police cheat."

"Castle!" He turned as she tugged on his sleeve.

"Detective, tonight! The world will know of your cheating ways."

"Alexis, Martha," She turned to the two women, "I would applicate your participation in order to clear my good name."

"We're in Kiddo!" Martha had grabbed Alexis hand and lifted it, mimicking a politician making a speech.

"You'll see! I'm telling you, don't let her beauty deceive you. Her heart is dark!"

Kate blushed at his compliment, but hid it with a laugh and a pushed again at his shoulder.

XX

By the games end, Alexis had beat both of them, Martha came in fourth. Castle just smiled.

"Why are you smiling like a Cheshire cat?" Beckett barked at him.

"Spoken like a prophet Beckett! Baby bird carried on the family winning streak." He smiled again.

"You came in third Castle, she's better than you, and I'm...

"Whoa Beckett, I think you cheated again. I saw you memorizing cards and holding." She stood, grabbed his crutch and walked into the kitchen. One minute later she return with a glass of water and took her seat.

"Beckett, where's my stick?"

"What are you talking about?" She studied the point tallies.

He reached for her but she slid away before he could grab her.

"Beckett!"

"Castle!" Mirroring his stern tone.

"Beckett give me back my crutch." She ignored him.

"Alexis, will you help your Dad here."

"Sorry Dad, I think you have some fences to mend."

"Alexis you're flesh and blood, and you're throwing me under the bus for this cheater? This wanton card shark?"

"Wanton, you're calling me wanton and a cheater. I could toss both your crutches in the pool for that." Her eyes now dancing at the taunt.

"Mother?" Pleading his case.

"Richard Castle! I am appalled at the way you treat guests. I'm turning in." She stood and headed for the stairs.

"Mother," stretching the _er_ , "Come-on, a little help here."

His Mother turned to face him, " I suggest you apologize to the Detective."

Beckett stood and walked slowly toward the kitchen, "Come-on Kate, give me back my crutches."

"You know Mr. Castle, a please would go along way in this situation."

"Yeah Dad! It would."

"Alexis, you've abandoned me in my time of need."

The phone started ringing in the kitchen. He called, "Beckett since you've stolen my crutches could you at least answer the phone?"

"But of course."

He heard her answer, "Hello, this is the Castle residence." A pause and then, "This is Kate," followed by a moment of silence. "Kate Beckett." Then another, "Oh, hello Gina. Yes, he's here. Let me get him for you."

She walked into the front room and handed him the phone, "It's Gina she'd like to talk to you." She turned to Alexis, "Like to show me what the pool looks like at night?"

"Sure." The two exited to give him some privacy.

XX

"Hey Gina, how are you?" Sounding as casual as he could.

"Richard, what is _she_ doing there?

"Whom?"

"Please don't give me that, you know who."

"Gina it's a long story, and she's just a guest, along with Alexis and my Mother."

"Rick you're spending a lot of time with _that_ guest," A moment of silence, "And I don't like it."

"Gina she's a friend, you have nothing to worry about with Beckett."

"Rick, I'm not blind, and I didn't get to where I am in life by being stupid. You're famous, you're rich and you're single. I think you can connect the dots on Ms. Beckett's motives."

Castle felt himself getting angry and struggled not to just hang up. "Gina. I invited her. She knew nothing about the Hamptons, and had no idea we were planning this week-end."

"Rick have you ever heard of Google? Fine!" She could always turn a simple word into a whine, "Where is Miss Innocence sleeping?"

"Gina, you've got this wrong, all wrong."

"Really? I'm wrong!? You haven't answered my question. Where is she sleeping?"

" _All_ the woman are upstairs. I can't do stairs, since, if you forgot, I have a broken leg. So I'm in a downstairs guest room. Where do you think she'd be?" His tone sounding more and more impatient.

"All I know is I don't like it. I've never even seen the house and you've got a complete stranger out there, acting like it's hers, answering the phone..."

"Gina, she answered the phone because I asked her to...she just happened to be walking into the kitchen."

"Rick, I have to go. I'm upset and I don't think I should say anymore. I'll talk to you later."

"Gina," but he was talking to a dial tone, she'd hung up.

XX

"Hey Dad, how was Gina?"

"She was fine Pumpkin, just wanted to see how I was doing. Where's Beckett?"

"She's out looking at the stars."

"Alexis can you put the cushions out on the deck furniture and maybe a couple of blankets. I'd like to sit out there for a while before bed."

"I'll get them."

A couple of minutes later Beckett returned, "Castle, I'm sorry I forgot I hadn't given you back your crutch." She hurried into the kitchen and returned immediately.

He stood and invited her to join him on the deck.

"I hope I didn't cause any trouble. Your friend didn't sound to happy to hear my voice." She sat beside him on a lounge chair looking up at the brilliant canopy of stars.

"You don't like my _friend._ " He didn't turn and look at her.

"You asked me what I thought, and I answered your question."

"Questions! And you're right, I did ask."

"What I'm trying to say..."

"Beckett, I am not concerned about Gina. I invited you, because I wanted you here."

"Sounds like she'd didn't approve."

"She's never been here, it's not up to her to approve or disapprove."

"You've _never_ invited her to see this." Waving her arms at the everything around them. Suddenly she was both embarrassed and excited at the unspoken honor.

"This is an important place for me. A private place, I don't share it. I was thinking earlier, it's almost scared ground for me, I hold it close, reserve it for a very few."

"Thank you." She reached over and touched his arm.

"I'm just glad you accepted my invitation. Now lean back and take in those stars."

She fluffed one of the pillows, threw a blanket over herself and stared up into the starry night. After a few minutes she whispered, like she was in a library, " It's breath-taking."

XX

At 12:30 am, on Saturday morning, Martha made her way downstairs for water and some aspirin. She had a splitting headache. She noticed the doors facing the ocean were still open. As she went to close them she saw two figures reclining on the lounge chairs. They were covered in blankets and the chairs were only inches apart. Her sons hand was extended over to the other chair. Kate Beckett was curled towards him, his hand clasped in hers.

She went inside and retrieved two more blankets and carefully covered each of them. She stood briefly and watched the two sleeping figures. She had not seen her son sleep in weeks. Her worries abated, she smiled to herself and thought how much she liked this woman who could lull him into such rest.

XX

At 7:15 the sun broke onto the deck. Beckett opened her eyes and lifted her head. She quietly groaned from the cold air and the stiffness that made her ache. She turned and saw his face, restful and asleep. She continued to hold his hand, not wanting to disturb him.

He stirred a few minutes later, probably to the sounds of gulls overheard. He looked lazily at her and whispered, "Has anyone told you how beautiful your are Ms. Beckett?" She just smiled.

"You always wake up full of hot air?" Pulling her hand under the blanket.

He closed his eyes for second, then opened them again. "I thought I was dreaming. You're still beautiful and still here. No hot, just the truth."

She plopped her head back and looked up at the morning sky. If someone had told her three months ago that she'd be camping on the deck of a mansion in the Hamptons, next to Richard Castle, she'd thought they were insane. But, here she was both comfortable and happy.

"What's on the agenda today Castle?"

He prompted himself up on his elbow and looked out at the sea and then back to her, "You're my guest, so it's your choice. Just name it."

"Can we go look through some of the small shops? I love the coastal stuff, and maybe we can have some clam chowder?"

"Absolutely. I know a place with chowder that will blow you away." He put his hands behind his head and stretched, "Let's get some coffee and breakfast."

"Coffee sounds wonderful."

She started to move but he held reached for her hand, "Hey before we get up. I want to thank you."

"For what?"

He laid his head back down, "I think I slept for nearly eight hours." He paused for a few seconds, just thinking, "I haven't' done that in, I don't know, months and its because of you. No nightmares last night, no interruptions, just wonderful sleep."

"Maybe it's the salt air, or a change of scenery?"

"I wish it was that easy. Alexis and I came here while you were..." he paused and rolled his head toward her, making brief eye contact, "it's not the location...it's you."

"Maybe."

He ignored her maybe, "And I'm sorry."

"What could you possibly be sorry for?"

"I didn't invite you to my home, offer you a king size bed and Jacuzzi tub...and then make you end-up on a deck chair."

"Hush Castle, I slept wonderfully too." She stood, extended a hand and helped him up.

XX

Martha and Alexis had some plans of their own for the day. They suggested Castle and Beckett do as they please. Later in day, everyone could met back at the house and decide what they'd do for dinner.

Beckett used the master suite shower, but was still itching to try the tub. Castle finished things up in the kitchen and got cleaned-up. He kept a second car in his garage, an old VW. It ran good and nothing to look at. He felt liked it helped blend into the local, laid back life style. He handed Beckett the keys, she laughed, shook them and told him to pick up the pace.

He took her to a small Ma & Pa restaurant he liked. As he promised the clam chowder was the best. He teased, "You put that much heavy cream in anything and it would taste good."

"It is so good." And immediately returned to the soup.

When she looked up at him, he told her, "That's why I ordered a bowl, instead of a cup for you, it's almost a meal in itself."

After lunch they made their way through the shops. She insisted on the one crutch again. Promising her support. While walking down the sidewalk they ran into Martha and Alexis. Both groups told of their exploits thus far and then continued on.

"Grandma, what do you think? Isn't it funny that he leans on her instead of using his crutch?"

"Like I told you yesterday, they find comfort in each other my dear. She's very relaxed and he's sleeping again. What more could you ask for?"

"I just never thought of Dad leaning on anyone."

"Chalk it up to one of the mysteries of life? So what did you want to show me?"

"It's just across the street and down that block," she pointed toward their destination.

XX

Castle did not have the stamina to walk endlessly. He found himself wishing he'd not listened and had brought both crutches. Instead of asking Beckett to go back to the car, he suggested some coffee at a the shop across from the ocean.

The sat for 20 minutes, just chatting about the day, the people they'd seen, and doing a little gawk and mock. Beckett was talking about a boat out on the ocean and a time when she and her dad had gone sailing. She turned at Castle who was just looking at her.

"Castle, you're giving me the dream-eye thing."

"The what?" Acting as naive as he could.

"Really Mr. Writer, you don't know what the dream-eye thing is?"

"I didn't mean to do that. I'll mend my ways Detective." He turned and looked out to sea.

"Castle, I'm flattered, but I just got served my final divorce papers about three months ago. I suck at relationships. I think being fresh off the divorce boat proves that up." She returned her attention to the scene before her.

"Seriously, I was not trying to look at you like lost pup, or a forlorn boy in love. I enjoy our time together and..." He paused, started to speak and then stopped.

"Cat got your tongue over there writer boy?"

"You have some real edges Detective!"

"Stop calling me that! I'm a cop on leave, with no end in sight. Just Beckett or Kate will suffice."

"OK, Beckett," he had been thinking, and decided it was time to put something on the table, "Do you remember when I told you about my accident, and the paramedics working on getting me out of the car...and when they talked about me being dead?"

She was subdued in her response, "I do."

He took a deep breath, "This will sound...well strange, but while I was lying there a woman came to me. I didn't see her...and then she was there. She knelt down on the ground, touched my face and spoke quietly, almost in a whisper."

"What did she say?"

"Hold on, don't let go, I need you."

Beckett sat-up straight, and turned to face him, "Who was she? Why did the paramedics let her so close?"

He looked down at his hands, "I didn't see her face, just her hair and one shoulder... and I don't think they saw her at all."

"How is that possible?" Her question was a mix of honest inquiry and confusion.

"Because...I was the only who saw, or heard her."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because, it was you Beckett."

She said nothing for more than a minute, then stood, pointed over her shoulder, and whispered, "I gotta go..." and walked off down the street.


	11. Part II - Chapter 10 - Pen and Paper

**Part II**

 **Chapter 10**

 **Pen and Paper**

After she'd left he sat for a few minutes, hoping she would return. She didn't. So he started to walk, actually it was really a hobble. He cursed to himself, this was the second time she'd done this, last night after dinner and again today when she'd gotten angry and huffed off. He swore to himself he would not listen to her again. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe he'd misread her and himself. He'd broken his own rule about who he'd bring to the Hamptons and now it was biting him back hard.

He looked both directions for her, she was no where to be seen. The car was about five blocks away. Then he remembered, like that would help, she had the keys. His only hope was that one of the doors would be unlocked, or a window down far enough so he could open it. His cell phone was in the glove box, then he'd call Alexis.

He re-ran the telling of the auto accident story to her. He'd done it poorly. He should have hedged his way into it, not just blurted it out. It was the risk one took when they told someone the truth, especially when it defied logic, it could be real hard to accept. He expected her to go into cop mode, thought she would react with an incredulously stare or just tell him he must have had a head injury too. What he did not expect, was for her to disappear.

He had been off the dating market for years now, except when it was just for show. The mistake with Meridith along with her abandonment of Alexis, for a bigger and better life, had left him permanently numb. He wasn't mad, he wasn't sad, he just didn't think a relationship was worth the crap. But he would never deny that from his worst mistake, he'd received the most wonderful gift of his life, his daughter. And now Beckett was confusing him and the scars from years ago were still evident, a living reminder of just how impaired he'd become. He was in unknown waters, and sinking fast.

It took some time, but midway through the third block, he spotted the car.

"Castle, what the hell are you doing?" He turned to see Beckett, with a look to match her question.

"I'm walking back to the car, isn't it obvious?" He pointed at the VW up the street.

"Why, you can't sit still for 15 minutes?"

"Sit still for what? Your reaction to me made it abundantly clear, there was nothing to wait for." Just as he turned to continue toward the car he told her, "Go do what you need to do, I'll wait at the car for you."

Before he took two steps, she moved in under his free arm, placing her arm around his waist.

He stopped immediately, "What Kate? What do want?"

"I _want_ you to let me help you."

"I don't need your help Beckett. I just need to get home and get my other crutch. I was doing fine until I got talked out of it." He spun from her support, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

Her eyes flared with what he read as anger and a mingling of hurt, "I was not fooling you. I want to help you get around better, want you to lean on me."

"So you do that by disappearing? How am I suppose to know what your thinking. I'm just a writer, not a cop." As he turned away again he muttered, "I rely on words. You apparently don't."

She grabbed his arm, "Stop! Look at me." She moved them to the edge of the sidewalk and turned to face him, "I'm sorry. You just surprised me with your..."

"My crazy story? Well if you had let me finish it wouldn't have been quite as crazy, but when you run off mid-sentence."

"Castle, I just needed to think."

"You can't say that? You have to just walk-off?"

"I'm sorry. That was stupid."

He sighed deeply. When he spoke it was with resignation, " Really Beckett...it doesn't matter. I 'd really like it if you would just get me back home I'm suddenly very tired."

XX

It took less than twenty minutes and they were back. As soon as the car stopped he opened the door and started climbing out. She turned off the motor and pulled on the brake, but before she could get to his side, he was heading toward the porch. Again she had the keys, so he waited for her to open the door.

"Castle, please let me help you." Her tone was conciliatory.

"No, Kate! I'm good, just get me the damn crutch."

Moments later she handed him the second crutch. He took it and moved down the hallway to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

She'd come full circle, she could feel the anxiety rising in her chest, even on the drive home. She did not want to take the medication. How was she going to handle this. She could feel the tension, pressure and weight as it pushed against her chest. She was struggling to breathe. It was back, the vise grip of anxiety was crushing her. The promises to herself to fight, to do it on her own, now seemed thin and hollow as it pressed against her. The idea, she laughed, the fantasy, that she was getting better and making progress, was an illusion. All she felt was fear, desperate and overwhelming. She needed to act, it was spiraling out of control. She started towards the stairs and then placed her foot on the first step and stopped. She looked up and then to the right and made her decision.

Castle was lying on his side facing the wall nearest him. There was about four feet between the bed and the wall, one hand hung slightly over the edge. He was still fuming. His anger was interrupted by a light knock at the door. He didn't answer, he knew who it was, but the door opened a few inches, "Castle, can I come in?"

"Sure Beckett, what can I do for you?" It was clear by his tone that she was not welcome.

"Don't be condescending!"

"I wasn't being _condescending_!"

She moved towards him, he thought she was going to sit on the edge of the bed. But then she turned and sat on the floor beside his bed and leaned back, directly below his hand. She slowly reached up and took it, but said nothing.

He immediately felt the tremor in her grip and could hear her gasping quietly, trying to catch her breath. Her palm was moist and in a much gentler voice he spoke to her, "Hey, how are you doing?" Deciding instantly that he'd over done his frustration with her, now he needed to be there for her.

She thought about being a child again, and reminisced about the many times her dad had comforted her, from a fall, or a cut, or whatever crisis she was in. He didn't take away the hurt, didn't stop the bleeding, but his embrace made it all bearable. Castle's was doing the same by just letting her hold on to him. She remained quiet, but kept the contact, and in a barely audible voice said, "I'm better."

"Kate," uttering her name like a prayer, "don't sit on the floor, come up here and lay down beside me. Let's rest for a few minutes."

She stood and quietly made her way around to the other side of the bed, stopping to kicked off her shoes, and in the next moment she was scooting up next to him. As she did he rolled over to face her but she backed up against him and he laid his arm over her shoulder. He could feel her breathing slow down. She backed as close as she could to him. They said nothing.

It was the smell of cherries that woke him. In a half sleep he wondered where he was. He'd been dreaming he was in a orchard. The trees were in blossom and the smell of the fruit filled his nose. For some reason the blossoms made his nose itch. He forced his eyes open and realized his face was buried in hair, it was Kate's. The smell of cherries was her shampoo.

As he lay there, with her pressed against him, for the first time in months, he had an idea. Actually more than an idea, it was a story, with characters, a plot and places for tension. The urge to get it on paper had his mind racing. He needed to write it down, now. He carefully moved away from her, then stood beside the bed and reached for his crutches. Quietly he left the room and made his way to the small office, where he grabbed his lap top and powered it up.

The words came slowly, but only for the first couple of minutes, then the story started to gain momentum. He was banging away on the keys and didn't even notice his visitor standing in the doorway.

"Hey Dad, what-ya doing?"

"Hey sweetheart. I had some ideas I needed to get it down before they got away from me," he paused and looked behind her, "Where's your Grandmother?"

"She's upstairs...said she had somethings to do. Is Kate with you?" He stopped, considering how to explain where she was napping.

"She's taking a nap," and returned to his typing.

He felt her before he noticed her lean against the desk, "Where Dad?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dad, do I look stupid? She's not in her room, and she's not out on the deck..."

"She's resting in my room down the hall."

"Oh!" with some edge to it.

He stopped typing, " Not _oh!_ Just a nap!"

"We had a...a disagreement and she got upset, she came in and fell asleep."

"On your bed?"

"Alexis it's not like that with Kate and me. She's had some issues since her coma and she ...anyway she was upset and I wanted to help. She feel asleep. That's it."

"OK Dad, but again, you guys are just..weird together."

He looked up at her, "Weird? What's that mean?" Before she could answer, they both turned at the sound of Beckett shuffling into the study.

"Hey sleepy head!" His tone warm.

"Hello Alexis!" Turning to Castle, "Why'd you let me sleep so long?"

"You were tired. This week-end is about relaxing, it's a good day for a nap."

She turned back to Alexis, "Did you and your grandmother find what you were looking for today?"

"Oh, not really, but we were just looking, they have some interesting things in the Hamptons I never see in the city."

"Yeah, I notice that when your Dad and I were looking around."

"Well, I'll leave you two, I'm going to run up stairs, I'll be back in a few so we can decide on dinner."

After Alexis left, Beckett turned to Castle, "What are you doing?"

"I had an idea and wanted to get it down, can't let inspiration pass."

"You mean a story idea?"

"Yeah. Just something that popped into my head."

"I thought you haven't written in months?"

"That's true, this is my first in, almost six months."

"Well, I'll leave you alone and let you work."

"You're welcome to use that chair and read if you'd like...or any place you choose, the house is yours."

"Castle...I'm sorry about earlier today," she stared at the ground, he said nothing. After a few beats she added, "And thank you for letting me lean on you when we got back."

"Kate, no apology is needed, and we're here to help each other."

"Still, thank you," She touched his arm lightly, "I'm going to go out on the deck, if you need something let me know."

After she left he was embarrassed and disgusted with his reaction to her walking away. He was quick to give into doubt, about his own judgments as well as his appraisal of her. She had not been malicious, just shocked at his story, and he'd pushed her into an anxiety attack because of his own selfish impatience. No wonder he'd been alone for so many years.

XX

"So what are we doing for dinner Dad?"

"You know me, I'll eat almost anything. Mother, Kate, what's your fancy?"

"Richard I suggest the The Cove Seafood, down in the village."

"Alexis and Kate, you guys good with fish?"

Everyone agreed and they packed into the SUV and took off for town.

There was no line and, they had their choice on dining inside or out. They were seated on the street side, facing the ocean. The weather was pleasant enough that the outdoor heaters were not even on.

"Hey Rick?"

Castle turned to see one of the locals who he'd known for years. "Hey Augie, how are you?" He stood and pulled his crutch up for support.

"Man you're doing better, one crutch? So is jogging next?"

"You know I've never jogged in my life."

"Well it's good to see the improvement. And I see you brought your own harem?"

"Augie, you know my daughter Alexis, my mother Martha and this is my friend Kate Beckett."

They all nodded, "Alexis you're more beautiful each time I see you and Martha you look wonderful" He turned to Kate, "Miss Beckett glad to meet you. So how long are you guys here for?"

Alexis chimed in, "Just the week-end Mr. Carter, we've all got a busy week ahead."

"Yes indeed Augie, the theater must go on."

Castle had glanced over at the ocean, "Maybe a few days longer for me."

"Well the weather is great, have a wonderful dinner, I've got to get." The owner made his way to another table to greet his customers.

"Richard? Dad!" Martha and Alexis spoke together.

Alexis finished, "What do you mean a few days?"

"I was just thinking..."

Before he could finish the waitress arrived, "Hello folks, my name is Connie, can I get you started on some bread, appetizers or drinks?"

He turned and looked at Kate, she just smiled at him.

After some discussion, Martha and Alexis ordered the catch of the day. Beckett went for swordfish and Castle requested scallops. As they ate and talked about the day. Beckett pointed to something on the ocean to distract Castle, when he turned she stabbed one of his scallops. They continued to dine.

When he finally noticed it, he looked at his daughter with a scowl, "Alexis, this plate had four more scallops on it a minute ago, and now I have three, is there something you want to tell me?"

"Sorry Dad I couldn't resist!" Covering for Beckett.

"You only had to ask." Huffing a bit.

Kate jumped in, "Thank you Alexis, but you don't have to do that."

He looked between the two women, "Do what?"

"I took your scallop, I couldn't resist. It looked so good and all that butter," she smiled devilishly.

"Beckett," leaning close to her ear, " A Detective by day, a thief by night?"

She hit him. "I am not a thief...you just didn't look that hungry."

"And how would you know that Detective?"

Martha cut in to their discussion. "Richard, speaking of secrets?"

"What Mother? There were no secrets being spoken of..."

She didn't let him finish, "You're not returning with us? Staying for a few days? Care to explain?"

"I started writing this afternoon...I thought if I could extend this, maybe I could get some more done. It felt wonderful to be...just doing it."

She shook her head, "And how do you propose getting home?"

"I was going to propose to Becket," he stopped and wagged his hand. "Not that kind of proposal, but suggest that we stay on and either take the VW into the city or just rent a car." He now looked at Beckett, "But before I could ask her, it sorta slipped out. But after her conduct tonight," raising his eye brow at her, 'There's a whole new side to...to her. I may need to guard the silverware."

Beckett didn't miss a beat, "Really Castle, and who's going to guard you?"

"From what? Oh, you mean from you?"

"In your dreams Castle." She snarled at him. In reality it was not his dreams she was concerned about. It was her own and her growing attachment to him. Not the road she wanted to go down. Yet looking at the last 24 hours, she didn't appear to be in very good control of anything.

"Well forget my dreams Beckett, do you think you could put up with me for a few more days? And then drive me home."

"I have a couple of things I'd have to change, but I think so."

For dessert they decided on a large slice of Mud Pie, and four forks. All protested they'd eaten to much for dinner, but of course squabbled over the equal division of the dessert.

They walked after dinner, Martha and Alexis in the front. Castle and Beckett following. She acted as his support, he had brought only one crutch. Again he placed his arm across her shoulder as she tucked in against him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

Alexis glanced over her shoulder, "Grams, I think something is cooking with them"

"No question about that Darling, no question at all."

XX

It was nearly 11pm when Beckett slipped into the giant tub. It felt wonderful, even though it took her more than a day to get to it. She laughed at the funny things that had taken place over the evening; dinner, walking, laughter, a redo of the Rummy challenge and a just a generally fun time with the Castle's.

She luxuriated for thirty minutes and began to feel a bit warm. Then her unwanted guest appeared. Before she even got out of the bath she felt the pressure in her chest, the constriction and finally the urgency in breathing. She quickly exited the tub, wrapped herself in the towel and started to pace. She opened the sliding glass door to the upper deck and tried to breath in the fresh ocean air. But she knew it wasn't an air problem, but her.

Castle had showered and toyed with the idea of dressing and moving to the study to write. But he was actually tired. He'd been very active throughout the day. He experienced his usual trepidation over sleep, but was at least hopeful. He turned out the lights and tried to get comfortable.

He must have dozed off. The sound of knocking startled him, he rolled his head to look at the clock radio, 11:58 pm. The soft knock came again, he sat up just as the door opened slightly.

"Castle, are you awake?

"Yes, Beckett," he lied, "Come in."

Even in the dark he could see her hair in a ponytail, she had on a light pair of sweats and a large pull over sleeping shirt. She sat next to him.

He placed his hand on her back. "You're warm, everything OK?"

"I just got out of a hot bath. Before I could get into bed...I had trouble breathing. Castle I need to get this fixed. What ever it is, it has to stop."

"It will Beckett, just give it time."

"I don't have time. I need to get back to work." Upset again, "It's been nearly a month since I woke up and this anxiety crap hasn't improved much, except in these last couple of days...but here I am again."

"Why don't you climb in here beside me."

She was in his bed for the second time in less than twelve hours. In the dark she shook her head.

He was quiet as she scooted against him. "Can you believe me Castle, what a mess!"

"You're over reacting Beckett" his voice was quiet and sleepy.

"No I'm not. This is my second time in your bed in one day."

"You won't hear me complain, get some rest."

XX

It's Sunday morning and he's slept like a baby, no nightmare, no dreaming, just sleep. He remembered Beckett coming to his door. He tried to open his eyes but they seemed to only be willing to flutter. The room was bright, really bright. He can smell coffee, maybe bacon too. But couldn't bring himself to move. He tried and realized there was a leg over his and a hand on his chest. He rolled his head and there, pressed against him was Kate. She looked wonderful, even asleep.

After a few minutes he decided he needed to get up, but reasoned he'd let her sleep and go do some damage control in the kitchen. He knows the coffee and bacon didn't happen on their own. He gently moved his leg from under hers and started his slide towards the edge of the bed. Before he was able to move two inches away her fingers tighten around his waist.

A soft, sleep voice says, "Castle, don't go," then a pause, "stay with me."

He literally froze and guesses his heart rate has doubled in last fifteen seconds. She's only half awake but she has just spoken the same words he heard at the accident scene months ago. Not only the words but that same voice low, sleepy voice. Now he is taking deep breaths as he tries to calm himself before he speaks, "Kate, I'm not going anywhere." Quietly and into the side of her head.

"Good...too early," She scoots and closes the small space he tried to create. She then surprised him and kissed his shoulder.

It takes her another five minutes to wake up. "Castle, it looks like I never made it up stairs. What time is it?"

"It's 9:15. How'd you sleep?"

"I think I could sleep more, which it unusual for me. Do I smell..."

"Yep, coffee and bacon."

Her eyes remained closed, as she slowly wakes up, "Beckett since you're not looking at me, I slept great too."'

"What's not looking at you have to do with sleep?"

"I'm veiling my eyes"

The fingers dig into his side, "Shut -up!"

"Shall we get up Detective?"

"Not for a few minutes. I want to tell you something."

"Please don't tell me your pregnant," he laughs at his own joke.

"Castle, stop. I'm being serious."

"Forgive my lightheartedness, it's been a long time since I woke up to a...anyway."

"What about your bossy girl friend?

"Bossy?"

"Like you said, agent, boss with an attitude...bossy"

"No...there's no waking up with her, if that's what your asking. Nothing. Period."

She is silent again and then, "Since I came out of my coma, I'm recalling things while I was out. I see myself in a room, sitting by a door waiting for a voice to speak on the other side. Then the voice tells or urges me to wake up..."

After she says nothing for almost a minute he turns to look at her, thinking she's gone back to sleep. She's staring at the ceiling. "Is that it?"

"No, there's more...I think the voice is yours."

"I read to you a lot, so that's not a surprise."

"The surprise for me, is how in each recollection, I'm waiting for you."

She suddenly sits up, fully awake like she's remembered something,

"What Beckett?" He's now up on one elbow.

"You don't have a housekeeper do you?"

Are you asking if there's someone, other than my mother or daughter cooking out there?"

"Yeah!"

"No housekeeper. So...so don't worry about it. But I have a question?"

She doesn't let go yet, "And what it that?"

"Are you always so full of kisses in the mornings?"

"What...what are talking about? What's that got to do with the kitchen?"

"Nothing, but as I tried to...to sneak out of bed, and let you sleep some more. You just held on tighter, and started kissing on my shoulder."

"I would never do such a thing." Huffing like he was delirious.

"Beckett, I'm not pulling your..." He was interrupted by another kiss to his shoulder.

Her voice was low and soft, " _Never_ Castle, I would _never_ do something like that."

XX

"Well, well! What have we here?" Martha Roger sat at the counter watching Alexis fry bacon but turned, as Castle and Beckett entered the kitchen from the back of the house.

"Morning mother, morning daughter!"

"Hey Dad, Detective Beckett. How'd you guys sleep?"

"Pumpkin, like babies."

Kate wrapped in a blankets smiled, "Good morning Martha, Alexis, I need to run upstairs and change." Pointing to the second floor.

As she headed toward the stairs, "Kate!" she turned to see Castle extending a cup of coffee towards her.

"Thank you, Castle!" Taking it from his hand, another smile, and then she was gone.

Someone cleared their voice behind him. He rotated on his crutch, "Well I need some coffee too, and a piece of bacon."

"Dad?" Alexis' tone was one of displeasure.

"No worries, your bacon is always good Alexis."

"Dad!" A pause for emphasis, "That's not what I was talking about. What was _that_?"

"What was what?"

"Dad, you and Detective Beckett, did she spend the night with you?"

"Sorta, but it's not like..."

"Dad, like what?" She rolled her eyes, "If I came down stairs at home, in my PJ's with a guy wrapped in a blanket, and told it was _not like that._..what would you do?

"I'd kill him!"

"Exactly!"

"Darling, I think what your father is trying to say...What are trying to say Richard?"

He was shaking his head, "I just want some coffee! I'm not trying to say anything, except...maybe...it's complicated."

Alexis turned and grabbed a pen and notepad near the phone. Then said out loud as she wrote, " _It's complicated!"_ Dragging out the words, "I'm saving this piece of paper," which she looked down at, and then up again at her father, "for another day."

XX

She stood in the shower in the master suite. The water was hot and felt wonderful, she felt wonderful. She had awoken only once in the night. She reached for him, and he was there, the calm was secure.

The walk from his bedroom, through the kitchen, the only way to the rest of the house, was not one of her favorite moments. But she was less embarrassed than she expected. She sensed in herself a wellness, or wholeness she hadn't known for a long time. He generated a happiness in her, even if she couldn't explain it. She finished her morning routine, dressed and headed down stairs.

"Well you look bright-eyed today Beckett."

"I feel bright-eyed." She surprised everyone, walked directly to Castle and wrapped her arms around him, "Thank you."

He was momentarily speechless but he felt an identical gratitude. It was his second full night of sleep since he been beside her near lifeless form in the hospital. He smiled broadly at her. "So we have bacon, toast and eggs, when you're ready."

"Let me start with another cup of coffee."

As she moved to the coffee pot Castle asked, "OK troops what's on the agenda for today."

"I'd like to visit a couple of shops on the north end today. You up for it Grams."

"Darling I'm more interested in going slow for awhile, could you go on your own."

Kate interjected, "Alexis, I'd be happy to go with you."

Her eyes lit up,"That would be great! But do we have to take him?" Pointing at her Father.

Castle feigned a frown, "Him! Would like to do some writing. So you two are free to do as you please."

"Great, I'm going to go and get cleaned up." The young girl scurried up stairs.

"OK kiddos, this lady is heading for the deck and some fresh ocean air."

After his mother left Kate looked at him saying nothing but just smiled.

"Why are you smiling at me Beckett?"

"I meant what I said, thank you Castle, for being there for me. You know I'm…"

"Kate, and you for me. No struggles sleeping last night..." He paused for a few seconds, then changed subjects, "Tell me the truth, what do you really think about a few more days here? Do you need to get back?"

"No I don't, I can stay, just need to change an appointment for Tuesday to later in the week. Oh, and I'll need to call my Dad."

"Good, I'll figure out the car thing before they have to leave."

"Castle, do I get to stay down here with you?"

He laughed, "You're my guest Beckett. The house is yours and I will try to be...how shall I say it...a gracious host."


	12. Part II - Chapter 11- Voice in the Night

**Part II**

 **Chapter 11**

 **Voice in the Night**

They moved at a leisurely pace through the small shops. Both looking, and lost in their own thoughts. It was not awkward at all, just quiet.

"Detective, thank you for coming this week-end."

She smiled, "That's not necessary. Thank you for including me. I'm a stranger and you've made me feel very welcome in your beautiful home."

"You know you're one of the few friends who have ever seen this world, this side of him?"

"He told me he doesn't bring many people here very often."

" _Not any_ , would be closer to the truth. He keeps this private and just for us. The fact that he invited you means you're important to him."

"Alexis, I apologize for this morning. It...it didn't look too good."

"That's between the two of you. You're both adults, so you know what you're doing."

Beckett let out a bigger than expected laugh, "Oh Alexis, I'm not laughing at you, just the idea. Don't let age fool you! Most of us seldom have any idea what we're doing." It was Alexis' turn to laugh.

"Well all I know is my Dad has been happier this week-end then he has been in months, probably since the accident, and it's not Grams and me."

"I'd chalk it up to the change of scenery, the ocean air." Beckett was facing the ocean, her eyes momentarily closed taking in the sun and salt air.

"Well, we tried that a while back and it didn't work at all. He just wanted to get back to the rehab facility. The only new scenery this trip, is you." Kate looked at the ground, not sure of what to say.

"Did your Dad tell you how we met?"

"He said at a party for the Mayor and then you both ended up at Tryon after your accidents."

"Did he tell you I was unconscious for over a month?"

"No, I didn't know that." She turned surprise at this news and faced Beckett, "It must be weird to be gone for a month like that."

"It was like sleeping so I don't really recall much, just some small bits and pieces." She paused, "I've remembered a few things, but not much. Your Dad came in and read to me. Then he'd spend the night in a chair near my bed. Actually that started when my father had to be out of town, he and Castle met at the facility and he asked if your dad would agree to check on me."

"So when did you wake up and know my dad was there?"

Beckett just smiled and shook her head.

"What's so funny?"

"I think about the old adage, making a good first impression, luckily we'd met before, but..." Alexis nodded, "Well being in a coma for the second meeting...is that gross? I try not to think about." Again shaking her head, "You know hospital hair, tube breath, anxiety attacks and from time to time, restrained. Ugh!"

"Oh my gosh, that is kinda gross!" Alexis laughed at Kate's litany of things.

"It's beyond gross, I'm surprised he'll even talk to me."

"What did you say when you saw him there in your room?"

"I woke up, scared him to death...and, another embarrassing turn of events," She just shook her head, yet again, "Told my dad I didn't want him to come back." She sighed deeply, "I wonder now, looking back, if things could have been any worse."

"We'll here you are, and he 's never said a bad thing about you. It fact he beams when he talks about you."

They walked past a food vendor, "Hey Alexis you up for a soda or something and then we can go sit on that bench and take in this beautiful day."

"Sounds good." They ordered and took their places on the nearby bench that faced the ocean.

"After I was released, I began to rely on a book on tape my dad gave me. I listened to it over and over. The story and the reading helped me with the anxiety thing, which was something new for me."

"What was the book?"

"Pillars of the Earth."

"Oh my Dad has always loved that story. Had you read before?"

"No, but after my third time listening to the 40-hour recording my dad finally said, enough! Just call him and talk to him. I was surprised, I had not idea what he was talking about, thinking who was I suppose to call?"

"Call whom? I'm confused too."

"Your Dad. He had recorded the book for me Alexis. After that, my Father filled in more of the story. He told me it was his voice alone that had been able to calm me whenever I started trashing during my coma."

"Oh," her eyes wide, "I see."

She looked around, scanning, for what she wasn't sure. She turned back to Alexis, "All of this is out of character for me Alexis. I'm not comfortable with touchy-feely, and here I am, locked in a strange post-accident twilight." She paused and stared out again, this time out to the distant sea, "Your Dad came and found me. He's pulled me back and now keeps me from the edge."

Alexia's tone was thoughtful, her voice low, "This morning he said it was complicated." She paused and gave an exacerbated huff, "I thought he was just trying to brush Grams and me off. He wasn't kidding."

"Alexis, when you were little did you play with magnets?"

"Of course, you know put them in dirt, and then pull out all the metal things, or the way they repel each other." She laughed as she thought about the childhood toy, "I know this sounds stupid, but I always thought of they were magic."

"It's funny you say that. There's a similarity between magnets and your Dad and I. You know how you can turn them around and they snap together."

"Oh yeah, you can't hold them apart."

"I was thinking about magnets, their pull, like undertow. There's a force that seems to draw us together. It's beyond me."

Alexis quieted again, "Back to complicated?" Beckett laughed and shook her head in response.

"Yeah! Hey, let's go shop. Enough of that." Beckett stood, and looked back towards the stores. Alexis agreed, and off they went.

XX

The SUV was loaded, it was just after 2PM. Castle was admonishing Alexis to drive carefully, and, to get going so they'd be back in the City before dark.

"Dad, stop. Enough!"

Martha and Kate stood near by, "Katherine he can be a handful!"

Beckett laughed, "Are you suggesting he'll need to be sent to time-out?"

"Oh, he's way beyond time-out." And then she turned serious. "You've helped him already. I want to..."

Kate held her hand up, "Martha, please don't thank me. We really do help each other."

"I know dear, but you've been the only one able to do so."

Across the driveway Alexis was giving her Dad a hug, "Be good Dad. Let me know when you'll be coming home."

"Of course Pumpkin, but I need a call from you today, once you arrive."

"I know and I'll be sure to call," she grabbed his hands and looked up at him, "and Dad...I really like her."

"Whoa, what did you two talk about today?"

"Just girl stuff! I'll call you in a few hours," followed by a last hug.

He turned to Beckett as his mother was giving her a hug, "Mother! Alexis is going to leave without you, so pick up the pace" Then pointing at Beckett, "And how come she gets a hug, she's not even blood. What about me?"

"You don't deserve a hug!" As she hopped into the car.

Kate came over and stood near so he could lean on her. He sang a few lines of, _I Put A Spell on You,_ waving as they drove off.

Beckett looked at him,"Who put a spell on who?"

"Actually you mean, who put a spell on whom?"

"Castle!" now facing him.

"You Beckett! You put a spell on both of them, and you know it."

"I don't know any such thing."

"Well my daughter thinks you walk on water, and my Mother is hanging on you. So what does that mean?"

"It means...what are we going to do for lunch, or dinner? We need a plan."

"Nice, real nice. I'll visit the topic later." He started for the house. "So, dining in or out?"

"Well, tell my how hungry you are today?"

They ended up calling one of the local restaurants who delivered a scrumptious meal around 4:00. The best of both worlds.

XX

They sat out on the deck after the late lunch. Most of the food ended up in the frig, she had her Kindle reader and he worked on his lap top.

"So writer man, what are you so feverishly typing."

"You know I can't tell." Never lifting his head.

"Why not, it's just you and I, and my lips are sealed."

"Humm, but you understand my reluctance. Do yo really want to know?"

"I'm a cop Castle, I want to know everything."

"Everything?"

"OK, almost everything. But before you spill any trade secrets, I...I wish you would tell me why you think I was at the accident scene."

"Beckett I'm not sure we should go there," As he turned a looked away, "Didn't work to well last time." Then sat down his lap top on the table between them.

"Castle, I think you're crazy, but not...insane. You've got to have a reason, I'd like to hear it."

He turned to face her, his eyes became shrouded, "They were working on my car, it was partly wrapped around me and the tree I hit. It sounded like they thought I was dead. I was fading in and out and able to some of what they were saying. Then I felt a hand on my face, thinking it was them, but also knowing it wasn't. The touch was different, it was comforting, it pulled at me, pulled at my heart, my emotions. I opened my eyes and there was a woman, her hair had fallen across my face, the fragrance was strong, like cherries."

"You mean like my shampoo."

"Yeah, it was the same or something close."

"I couldn't see her face, just her hair and part of her shoulder..." he went silent.

"Castle?" Imploring him to continue.

"Kate do you have any tattoos?"

She wondered where that came from, but didn't respond for several seconds, just stared at him, "Why do you ask?"

"I'll take that as a yes." He turned from her and stared out into the distance for a few seconds, "The woman had a four star tattoo, the smallest at the top of her shoulder, largest at the bottom. They were...sorta Cyrillic, with...something like a tear drop at the bottom of each star." He stopped again and just looked at her.

At eighteen, Kate Beckett had decided since she was in college, she would show her independence by getting a tattoo. She was not that brave and decided she wanted it to be discrete and do something to honor her Serbian and Croatian heritage. She picked a strand of four stars, descending in size, with a tear drop at the bottom. Few knew about them. Without a word she unbuttoned the top buttons on her blouse and pulled, exposing her left shoulder.

Castle leaned forward, he said nothing and she said nothing, he then gently kissed the strand of stars.

When he pulled away her eyes were wide. He moved his hand from her shoulder and placed at the back of her head. He pulled their foreheads against each other, "Those were what I saw," he pulled back and kissed the top of her head, "Thanks for being there."

"Castle," was all she could get out.

"I know it's hard to accept and if you're thinking like a cop you're wondering about all the time I spent with you in rehab, or even here over the last few days. But this was the first time since the accident that I've seen them. But there's more."

She just nodded for him to continue.

"I didn't see the womans face, but when she bent down to whisper in my ear, her hair fell across my face. It clean hair, with the fragrance of cherries. It was your hair Kate."

"Castle, I buy an off the shelf everyday shampoo. There are probably tens of thousands of woman in New York who use the exact same shampoo."

"It was you Kate. Yeah you may use a common shampoo, but when you combine that shampoo with the oils in your hair, it makes a unique fragrance. I'm around a lot of women, none smell like you." He pressed on , "The same is true of perfumes, the same fragrance creates a unique scent on every user."

"Sounds like you're telling me my hair stinks."

"Far from it! If you hadn't helped me walk with just one crutch, I would of never have been close enough to know. But when I leaned into you on Friday. I knew instantly."

She said nothing at first, "You seem pretty sure of this."

He wasn't done, "This morning when you were trying to wake up, you said something to me. Do you remember?

She looked up and scrunched her face, "You mean about having a housekeeper?"

"No no, before that. When I tried to scoot out of the bed, you pulled me back and said, _Don't go, stay with me._ I almost fell out of the bed."

"Why, I apparently didn't want you to leave yet," flashing him a big smile, "But why is that significant?"

"Kate, those were the exact words the woman at the accident said to me," pausing again, "it was you...but more than the words, it was your voice, tainted with sleep, but intent, like a prayer in the night."

She was quiet again, "So what does...this mean? Or what does it mean to you Castle?"

He sighed, rubbed his face with both hands, "I'm a writer. I make things up, come up with stories, most are throw aways, and then I come up with something...and surprise myself, and it works, but this..."

"This?" She held her arms wide.

"I'm having a hard time with this Beckett, on a number of levels. The facts confuse me, and you confuse me, like the first time I met you. I knew you were a force to be reckoned with, I was taken back from the first moment I laid eyes on you. I thought I was just being...a guy, looking at a hot woman. "

"A force ? A hot woman? This is sounding like old-fashion lust?"

"No, it's not about lust. Its not about the chase. It's much more." He paused and shook his head, "Do you know how many people I meet? How many woman...not my point. The point is the volume of things I hear, and read...things people say to me."

"I'm still not following Castle?"

"The words, the come-ons, all of it, it's a roaring distraction. In one ear and out the other, but not with you." He laughed out loud, "Do you know the first words you said to me?"

"No..maybe. I'm not sure, something about..."

"Are you getting in or what?" He smiled at her, like a kid who was just handed a candy bar.

"Wow," she laughed, "A real love sonnet!"

"For me it was! The only person I wanted to see that night, was you."

"How can, _Are you getting on or what?,_ mean something or have an impact on you? You need to explain."

"It wasn't just the words, it was _you._ I'm sneaking into a party, I don't even want to be at and, there you are sneaking in the back door too. The freight elevator doors open and there stands a beautiful woman. She doesn't smile at me, she glares, and barks."

"Was I that bad?"

"Not bad, but certainly not ordinary. I'm dying in a sea of ordinary and, there you are, attitude and mystery. My heart is racing, and then, two floors up, you're practically crushing me after the herd of waiters gets on board.

"I had no where to go." Her voice rising.

"And I had no complaints. In fact I wish it had been a five-hundred story building."

It her turn to laugh, "Five-hundred stories? And out of that encounter, you get attitude, force and mystery? Again I think you might just have been...well, over-enamored with a unknown person."

"Over- enamored? I need to write that down, but you're back to lust, and that's not what it was. At least not all of it, you did look so hot." His eyes gleaned with faking the best lechery he could pitch, "But, I think the connection was much deeper."

Shaking her head in confusion, "Then tell me. How? Why?"

"It will take a little explaining."

"We have a few days, is that enough time?" She smirked at him.

"Beckett, you are so sassy!"

"Castle, I'm just pulling your chain. Hey, can we go into the kitchen? I need something to drink and maybe something to nibble on, my stomach is growling for some reason."

"Let me whip up a quick snack for you. Do you like Mozzarella di Bufala?"

"Sure, but that's not a...a normal snack." Doing air quotes to emphasize her point.

"Yeah it is, you'll gonna love this!"

Within in ten minutes he sat two large spheres of cheese before her with a oil and balsamic dipping bowl, tomato slices, cucumbers, crackers and hard crust French bread.

She smiled at the spread, " What if I'd told you I was hungry?"

"I'd have gotten serious."

"I think you did."

They chatted about recipes and comfort foods, laughing at each others lists.

"Funny, there aren't many places that serve grilled baloney sandwiches, but there a lot of people who think its the ultimate comfort food."

"My Dad loves grilled baloney, think it's a gourmet dish." She didn't say anything but just stared out the kitchen window.

"Hey Beckett, you in there?"

She turned and looked at him, He took her in, eyes dark, slightly down, he thought he saw, something, he wasn't sure of, but she spoke before he could finish his thought, "I called you after the Mayor's thing."

His face immediately dropped, "You're pulling my chain again aren't you? Tell me it's not so."

She nodded,"It's true, I left a message for you at Black Pawn. You didn't call back so I figured you...were not interested in my offer of, an apology and coffee to prove my sincerity."

"Oh, Beckett...Aha, you not kidding!" He closed his eyes at looked at the ceiling, wenchiing as he did, "Who'd you leave the message with and when? O man."

"Castle it's OK. It just didn't work."

Unable to let it go he pleaded, "Tell me what the voice sounded like, I'll chew some butt!" He stood and started pacing in a circle using his one crutch.

"Castle calm down, where am I now?" He stopped and looked at her, the earnest and kind expression immediately dissipating his frustration.

She walked over and gave his a brief hug.

"So I wasn't the only one that night thinking...?"

"No, I felt what you did. When you didn't call, I told myself I was just foolish and star struck."

"I went home and Googled you Beckett. I saw your last name was Sorensen and that you were married. I was disappointed! But still impressed, I wished you a happy life."

She squeezed him again. But remained silent.

"I have a confession Detective."

"Well, I'm not a priest. Are you suggesting we need to make a run to the nearest church?"

"No. It's to you I must confess."

"I've heard a lot of confessions over the years as a cop. So are we testing my instincts here?"

"Not really. Yesterday, and last night when you were sleeping I took advantage of you."

"Really, and I missed it." She had returned to her chair, she leaned back and smiled at him.

"Not that kind of advantage! I kissed you hair and forehead."

"I thought I dreamt that! And to think I left my handcuffs in New York!" Beaming at him with mischief.

He laughed at her joke, "You looked so peaceful and I felt the same. I guess I couldn't resist your charms. So for penitence, would you allow me to kiss you while you're awake?"

"First, who's lips were on my shoulder a few minutes ago and, a kiss would not be the penitence I would suggest but...yes you may kiss me."

She stood and he moved to her, cupped her head, his fingers gently over her temples and ears, and leaned down. First he kissed her head and then her forehead. He paused and then moved to the tip of her nose, kissed it very lightly and finally moved to her lips and softly said "Thank you," his lips barely brushing hers.

She moved in quickly and kissed him hard at first and then gently, pulling at the edge of his lower lip with her teeth, "You're welcome."

They did not move but remained silent in the embrace. Finally he pushed back one side of her hair and kissed her neck, "I know a guy, I'm gonna call and have them all killed."

"Castle, shut-up, I'm here...and not I'm going anywhere."

After awhile they moved apart and quietly cleaned-up the kitchen.

"OK, Mr. Castle, are you ready to tell me your story?"

"How about a short walk along the ocean first. I'd like to catch the last sunlight of the day and some sea air."

"Sounds good to me, let me change my shoes and grab a wind-breaker." She scurried up stairs.

When she went upstairs he considered the calm that settled on him with her near. He had not felt such ease, such peace, in years. He wondered why it took so long to find someone like her, and how they'd missed each other after their first encounter. Considering the last six or so months, along with the turmoil and pain he'd lived through, he wished she'd been with him. He returned to fretting over her call, why had Black Pawn not forwarded the message? His thoughts were broken when her hand landed on his shoulder.

"You ready? You look like a statute standing there."

"Just thinking...I should grab a wind-breaker too."

XX

They ventured to the edge of the property where the hard path ended and redwood walk began. He stopped, closed his eyes for a second, letting the sea breeze blow ove him. Then open them so he could take in the light and surf.

From her position under his shoulder she asked, "Do you want to try and go out on the beach?"

"No, sand is hard with good legs, let's just stay on the walk, it provides the allusion that I'm actually out there." He pulled her against his side, she extended her arms around his waist.

"How often do you come to the Hamptons?"

"Not enough! Probably five or six times a year. I always ask myself why it takes me so long to get back."

"You said your last trip was not a good one?"

"Just the sleep thing. I'd hoped it would help, but I was missing something." He continued to stare out at the sea.

"What was that?"

"Actually it was not something, it was someone...you."

"Flattery will get you no where Mr. Castle." She pushed against his ribs gently.

"It was not flattery. It's true, but it's a hard truth."

"Why is it a _hard_ truth? We work our whole lives to...to achieve our goals, to be independent, be all we can be and...you know the speech." He paused, considering his words, "I find myself a stranger to my achieved goals, except for this week-end, I haven't written in eons. I fancy myself independent, but I'm not. Sure the leg slowed me down, but on a much deeper level...if I can't correct this sleep thing, I don't know what will happen." Again a long pause, "There is only one glimmer of hope on my horizon," he turned to face her, "and that's you."

"You make that sound bad."

"No, no I don't mean for it to sound bad. I want to be able to draw you with all I am, not..."

"Not what Castle?"

"This version of me!" He waived his free hand in a circle over his head, "The story is _not_ about a knight in shinning armor, on crutches, who can't sleep, unless he's with sleeping beauty. It's a twist with too many needs."

"If you recall, it's been me who keeps crawling into your bed."

He laughed, " You know I can't crawl Beckett!"

"And you know that's not what I meant Castle. We each bring something for the other, that's not a bad thing. We have each other, which is more than we had a few weeks ago."

"I don't see your crawling in bed with me as something needy, I was just teasing. I'm delighted to have you so near."

"Castle away from you, I still struggle with anxiety. I don't seem to be able to overcome get around it. You talk about needy?"

"Forget about needy. I want to relish in this," he pulled her close again, "just take in this beautiful ocean, and hold on tight."


	13. Part II- Chapter12 - Present at Creation

**AN - Thanks to all for reading, following and leaving reviews. This all belongs to the Castle creators who have provide us this great springboard for story telling.**

 **The mistakes are my own. Editing and tinkering is never done. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 **Part II**

 **Chapter 12**

 **Present at Creation**

They drove into the village for dinner, Castle picked yet another favorite restaurant. As they entered the manager smiled at the couple, "Hey Rick, and who is this lady? You married and keeping it a secret?" Castle lean on Kate, and laughed. "Not married, but this my friend Kate."

After the food came, each was quiet lost in their own thoughts. But If they had articulated it, each would have said the same thing, they were glad to have this time for just the two them. Castle was the first to break the spell.

"When I was in the hospital, Dr. Dubbles was surprised, and confused at my response to the patient in room 214."

She looked up her eyes dancing, "That was my room!"

"You really are a cop." She pursed her lips and shook her head.

"After I started sleeping through the night, next to you, he ran out of his standard shrink explanations. He was hard pressed to explain why I couldn't sleep in my room, which was just down the hall from you, but could sleep like a baby next to your bed."

"So what'd he come up with?"

"He knew about my sleeping and dreaming problems, which he suggested were some variation of PTSD, but when I told him about...about how I thought you..." he paused again, like he was looking for the right words, "That, I thought you came into the dream and shielded me from the shooting...he looked at me like I was crazy."

"Wait, what are you talking about? How am I involved in your dreams?"

He smiled, "Oh...I'm getting ahead of myself here. But you know, you're something Detective. You constantly surprised me, makes me wonder..." He reached across the table and took her hand in his.

"Whoa, what just happened there Castle?" Now looking genuinely confused.

"Nothing happen, you didn't looked at me like I was crazy, unlike my doctor...I thought he was going to have me thrown in the rubber room. But not you, your look was only of curiosity, and patience..." He looked down at his glass of wine and seemed to zone out.

"Castle, hey, come back. Tell me what he said next." She squeezed his hand.

"It was you that kept me out of the loony bin. The fact that I slept, and slept well next to you confused his science. He could spout any theory he wanted, but none of them worked, they didn't help at all. But your presence allowed me sleep."

"What about your affect on me? The dispelling of the anxiety attacks."

"That just compounded his confusion. We'd run his science over the edge. He was unable to explain any of it."

"Well he's still around, and you're still seeing him. So what was his answer?"

"His answer is the other part of the story, I started to tell you earlier today, before you made me kiss you." He smiled at her.

"I didn't make you kiss me." Her eyes dancing and teasing, "In fact I thought you thanked me for the opportunity...when I was awake."

"You make me sound like a perve! They probably won't serve us here again if they over heard this conversation."

"Don't drift," she leaned in and whispered, "perve!" He kissed his fingers and placed them gently against her cheek. She caught his hand and held it tight.

"So, Dubbles tells me he's out of ideas for treatment. Instead, he suggests _you're_ the treatment."

"And how am I the treatment?"

"Well it was my turn to look at the doctor like he was the crazy one. But I didn't. Neither he nor I could explain the the sleeping if I was near you, if I could simply hold your hand."

"Oh oh! Am I about to get another confession?" Working up her best cop stare.

"Beckett, you are just cruel. The only part of you I ever touched was your hand. Just as your father requested. So there's no confession here."

"OK fine! Now finish the story...and you can kiss..."

"Do you want to hear this? Or is it your intent to just tease?"

"Please continue." She sat up straight, like a scolded student.

He only got as far as, "So Dr. Dubbles..." and he was interrupted by the owner.

"So Rick, are you two having any dessert? Or is there anything left of her hand?"

Never missing a beat, "She had a splinter and I was just helping her." His delivery as flat as possible.

"Didn't know you could kiss a splinter out, but... I'm not from New York. Ya learn something everyday."

"Man, can't get anything by the locals." He flashed a smile at Kate, "Hey do still have the incredible Spumoni ice cream?"

"We do, how about two bowls? Maybe some coffee?"

Beckett interjected, "Coffees, how about just one bowl," holding up fingers, "and two spoons."

"Done!"

She crossed her arms and leaned forward on the table, "Back to the doctor?"

"Before I tell you what he said, I want to ask you something." He paused and stared at her intently, "But it won't be easy for you to answer." She started to speak but he held up his hand. "I promise, I'll tell you exactly what he said, whether you answer my question or not, it's up to you."

"What's the question?" She matched his serious tone.

As he stopped again and surveyed the other diners, he studied a place over her shoulder, then back to her. "You know, the more I think about it, we don't need to go there, at least not now," waving the question away with his hand.

He leaned forward, his face reflecting a new calm, "When he couldn't come up with an answer, he asked if I was a spiritual person..."

"Castle, Stop!" She reached out and took his wrist, pulling it towards her a bit, "Ask your question." Her tone softy, imploring him to respond.

He went quiet again for a few moments, "Will you tell about your heart and about your marriage. Where you were?"

She looked down at the table, but did not release her grasp on his wrist, "What do mean? My _heart_ and my _marriage_?"

"What was your heart saying when you got married?"

She shifted again, pulled her hand free from his and then seemed to sag under the weight of the subject, "Oh, Castle...I've asked myself that so many times." She paused, mulled something over in her head, "I was so cautious, determined to not make the same mistake so many couples do. Confusing love for something else. At first, I rejected my husbands proposals again and again because I didn't want to rush, didn't want to blow it." She remained cocooned in her folded arms and hunched shoulders.

She looked up, wide-eyed, "After we married, it was good for awhile, but then it scared me...how independent we were. It wasn't what I expected. We lived with each other, but really...we were living _around_ each other. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does."

"My heart started telling me things I didn't want to hear, didn't want to I had made a mistake, that he was not the one. I ignored the pressure as it built within me, even the creeping pain...and then it all changed." Stopping again, and thinking, not focusing for a few beats, "One day he announced he 'd received a job offer, where he'd move up in the FBI, but," she gave a weak smile, "and there's always a but, the position was in DC. He was excited and started talking about where we'd live and all the things we'd do. I was surprised and shocked and finally I blew up and asked why he thought I was moving to DC...my job was in New York. I told him there was nothing in DC for me." She paused again, the anger of the situation stirring in her.

"Hey Beckett, I wasn't..."

It was her to turn to hold up a hand, "No, it still makes me mad, but let me finish."

She took a sip of coffee, "He looked at me with a blank stare, like I was from some other planet, and asked how could it be that hard for me to find a job in or near DC. I was seeing red at that point, I tried to turn down the anger and suggested before either of us make a career change we needed to discuss it with each other. He just shook his head and told me this was an offer of a life time...they didn't come along that often and, there was nothing to discuss. Then he drove in the knife, severing what was between us. He said my job, as a detective, was not some sweet deal that couldn't be replaced in a minute at any police department on the east coast."

"Ugh,?" Castle thought, it not his best response, but he was speechless.

"Yeah, we continued to fight, but never got anywhere near agreeing. In the end, he moved to DC. Within a year it was over for us." She looked down at her hands and said nothing. Nor did Castle.

In a low voice she added, "But in truth, it was over before the offer. It just sealed the deal. My heart had been right, I just refused to listen."

Again he waited, she fiddled with a spoon in her coffee, "Why did you need to know that Castle?"

"First, my run at marriage was like yours, and my heart knew early on, what your's told you, I had made a mistake. Unlike you, I received a wonderful gift from that terrible mistake. The prize for me, was my daughter. I'm sorry it was so painful for you, but I know the misery.

"Alexis is a wonderful child, you're very lucky."

"The second reason for the questions, was what Dr. Dubbles...suggested to me. If you had told me your heart still believes your ex was the one for you, that you'd been abandoned, it would make things different. I needed to know that... that you and I had traveled the same road, before I said anymore."

"Castle, are you OK?"

"Yeah." But he didn't look OK to her. She'd seen the same look on the family members when she encountered them, even years after an investigation was closed. She would run into each other, at Starbucks or something, they'd would thank her again for her help. But in their eyes, was a sorrow that never went away. She could never help them, but here she had a chance to help with Castle, she would do all she could.

His voice pulled her back, "Dubbles said he was interested in Jewish mystical writings and ideas. There's a teaching about the heart, it is called bashert. He explained the idea...at the beginning of the world one heart or soul is created, but divided between two people. When they are born each one carries only one half of the heart. It's their task to find the other half, to find their barshert."

"Like one's destiny?"

"Yeah, the word bashert, its Yiddish, and it does convey destiny. Dubbles said, if you miss a plane and find out later it crashed, then that's bashert. But with people it has to do with the creating of the pair...a deeper connection."

"So why did he tell you this story?"

Castle laughed, "He thought you were my bashert. Nothing else made sense to him. You and I, without being able to speak to one another, could communicate on a subconscious level. While you were in the coma, I could read, speak to you and quell your anxiety, even over the phone. And you by a mere touch could grant me rest."

"I can see any doctor having a hard time with this."

"My first inclination was to think the good doctor had snapped. But I had to consider that he didn't know the whole story, I'd never even told him about you intervening in my dreams. It would only bolster his theory."

"You haven't told me about the dreams." Holding her hands palms up, but continuing, "And what do you think today?" She placed her elbows on the table, now folding her hands and resting her chin on them.

"I will tell you about the dreams, but, back to the doctors idea, I've thought about it a lot, but there is a new element in my considerations. I also have to face the truth of your impact on me, on a day to day basis. Like why am I writing again? Why do I sleep like a baby when you're with me? Why is this pull so strong to you?" Why do I

want you near? Why do I want your touch constantly?"

"That's quiet a list Castle!"

"I have worked hard to convince myself that the doctor was wrong...and then there's you. I think fate ran us past each other in February and we missed it and because it's so important, we got a second chance after our accidents. The fact that you came to me, while we we're both unconscious...gives me a headache. But it was you...I'm certain of that. Then your dad and I running into each other and he asks me to read to you, to hold your hand? That is just too much for circumstantial, all those seem more like cues in a play...and we are the actors." He paused and gazed across the restaurant.

"Castle..."

"I'm sorry...was zoning again. I was just listening to the craziness I'm spilling out...but then...but then there's you...and my heart races... and it all makes sense to me." He laughed, "Do I sound nuts or what Beckett?"

"No, you do not sound nuts. I just wish we weren't in this restaurant."

"Why? We can go? Are you OK?"

She smiled. "I'm more than OK. I just want to be alone, I need to hold you..."

XX

They walked towards the car, she held him tightly, providing some support. When they arrived , she unlocked the door and he started to open it, but she stood between him and the car, "I need you to kiss me now Castle."

He bent down and lightly kissed her ear, then forehead. He moved on to her eyebrows and then the bridge of her nose, she sighed quietly. "Castle..."

"Patience Beckett, patience." He moved to her jaw line and then her neck, barely touching her with each kiss. "Have I told you you're beautiful today Detective?" Followed by a low chuckle.

"Castle can you just kiss me? Now!" He took her face in his hand, and brushed his lips faintly against hers. He'd just covered her mouth, when his cell phone rang. He jumped back.

"Don't even think about answering that stupid phone Castle, you're busy."

"It might be Alexis, don't move." He fished for the phone.

"Hey Lex, you home?"

"Dad, you sound out of breath. Are you OK?" Concern painting her tone.

"Detective Beckett thought a brisk pace back to the car would be good for me." Beckett pulled him back against her and started biting at his neck. He yelped after she bit to hard.

"Dad what was that?"

"I...stepped on something." He lied.

"You need to be careful and don't be bull headed, let her help you Dad!" He tried to lean away from the biter, but Beckett wouldn't let go, just smiled as she over heard Alexis's comment.

He squirmed, "Pumpkin, I'm good and I'll let her help, don't worry."

"Good night Dad."

"Night sweetie, thanks for the call." He pushed the end button and looked down at Beckett. She just smiled up at him, feigning innocence.

"Castle, for the last time." He pulled her in for a long kiss.

XX

The brief kiss-a-thon at the car calmed her down, but she still had plenty of unconstrained energy. She clung to him, but he wasn't sure who was supporting whom.

"Beckett, you OK?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You're gonna leave a bruise if you hold on any tighter. "

"Oh, sorry," she relaxed her arm as they made their way from the car to the house.

"Hey how about we watch a movie, if you're not to tired."

She blurted, "I get to pick!"

"The girl is pushy! I'll take that as a yes."

They ended up watching _Guardians of the Galaxy._ "You know what I like most about this movie?" Her eyes bright.

"It's got to be the music."

"Nope Castle. The music is great, but it's the tree and the weasel," She let out a laugh, "you know, they _are_ the main characters. The rest are just supporting actors, the stand-up humans."

"That's true, the story line thrives on them."

"I especially like the heart of Groot and the way only the weasel can interpret what he's saying." She laughed against Castle.

"How many times have you seen this Beckett?""

"Only three or four."

"It's not that old!"

"Between the music and the strange characters, I was hooked on it from the git go."

They watched in silence for a bit, "You know Castle, I like your heart too."

He pulled away from her so he could face her, "Where'd that come from?"

"The things you said at dinner...they make me feel very special. But they're not just words with you. I think about the way you stopped being angry with me when I ditched you, and immediately fussed over me...cuz of the anxiety, and welcomed me in to nap. The way you cared for me in rehab, night after night, came back to help..." she was silent again, and then added, "but also our first meeting." He pushed the pause bottom.

"I thought you didn't remember much about our first meeting?"

"Well..."

"Well what Beckett?"

"I was in a really bad place at that time, and I remember when the waiters charged into the elevator, and pushed me against you...you asked me if I was OK. I said I was fine, but I was dying and you were so kind to me."

"Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Because it sounds corny. I didn't know you, but I felt an immediate connection. I thought to myself, how sick is that?"

"It pales to what I've told you."

"But then I sorta...stalked you the whole evening."

"Stalked?" He laughed, "You Detective, you do not seem like a stalker."

"Not stalker, stalker, I just kept an eye on you and made sure we ran into each other, a lot."

"Stalker!" He poked at her she yelped and he laughed hard, "Let me guess, your arrival at the freight elevator as I tried to escape was..."

With a wide grin, "Successful stalking!"

"This is a side to you, I would have _never_ suspected."

"When I called and you didn't...I was embarrassed for the next month. I never told anyone how stupid I'd acted."

"I wish it had worked out differently." He pulled her against him, and pushed play.

After another great song he asked, "So what's your favorite song from the movie?"

"Hard to say, but I'd go with, _Fooled Around and Fell In Love_ or maybe _Hooked on A Feeling,_ and you ?"

"Ooga Chaka , Ooga Chaka, really Beckett?"

"Your song Castle, I'm waiting". She punched at his shoulder.

"Cherry Bomb!"

"Oh Castle, that song sucks! You're not serious are you?"

"To each his own, or, in this case, her own Detective."

XX

She was asleep before the movie ended. He just sat and watched her as she curled against him. He thought back to Alexis as an infant, sleeping on his chest, the emotions it conjured up of reliance and tranquility. But the days with the infant Alexis were long gone, and just like then, he wanted this moment to never end. He wanted Kate always near, but he knew such could never happen, still he could dream. She brought calm to his world, her laughter was like a balm to the weariness, in that drab exhausting land he had inhabited for months. It wasn't just the rest she brought to him, she was light, she shimmered throughout his day and in his head. He leaned down and kissed her head gently, taking in the scent of her hair.

"Beckett, Beckett. Time to get up and go to bed."

She stirred, "No...stay."

"We can't sleep on this sofa."

Without a word she stood and walked toward the stairs, but never slowed and never even looked up, but headed straight to his bedroom. Over her shoulder she asked, "Do you have a shirt I can sleep in?"

She changed in the bathroom and climbed into bed. He had waited for her and then when in to take a shower. When he returned she was asleep, sideways across the bed, clutching his pillow. He gently extracted the pillow from her grasp and laid down beside her. She stirred, "Castle..." and moved against him, leg across leg, arm over his chest, her head on his shoulder. He thought to himself, _dreams do come true._

The sound was part of his dream. A bell, maybe a chime? But it didn't quiet fit. His eyes rolled open, slowly, still heavy with sleep. It was his cell phone. He looked at the clock radio, 11:37 pm.

He felt a stirring, it was her still pressing against him, "Castle your phone."

He reached over and pulled the phone to his chest, swiped and answered, "Castle."

It was Gina, "Rick are you still asleep? It's only 11:30, I need to see you." Without giving him a chance to respond, she pressed on, "You canceled the meeting and the publisher is getting pretty antsy. We need to talk."

"Gina I'm in the Hampton's," voice still heavy with sleep. Beckett burrowing against him.

She continued, "I know where you are, I'll be at your place by 11:00 tomorrow morning. I need to see you, will you be ready?"

He was waking up fast now, "Why Gina?"

"Rick I'll see you at 11!" She hung up.


	14. Part II - Chapter 13 -The Agent

**AN - Thank you for your comments and reviews. Any mistakes are mine.**

* * *

 **Part II**

 **Chapter 13**

 **The Agent**

The sun poured into the room. He stirred trying to orientate himself, he was not alone. He looked down at his companion, her deep green eyes staring up at him. He smiled, and with a yawn, "Have I told you you're beautiful today?"

"No, why is that?"

"Oh, snarky Detective, I'm not even awake yet, but...you are beautiful in the morning. Say, how'd you end up in my bed?"

"I'm not sure how I got here, but thank you for the compliment. But, ah, you don't look that hot. You sleep OK?"

"Slept great, and I've never looked that good, so you can't hurt my feelings." She squeezed him as he spoke.

"You are ruggedly handsome to me...I was just teasing you." Kissing his shoulder and neck. They folded together for a minute.

He pulled his head back to look at her, "You're killing me Beckett."

Still laying on his shoulder, "Am I too heavy?"

He laughed softly, "No, the weight is on my heart."

She scooted up a few inches and kissed his neck, then his ear, "Does that help?"

"No!" Kissing the top of her head.

A few moments later, his phone buzzed with a new text. Gina was running late, she'd be there around 11:30. After reading the message, he set it down. Beckett rolled onto her pillow, "I take it that was Gina?"

"Yeah Ms. Personality." He sat up, and huffed, "I'm going to go start some coffee. Do you want me to bring you a cup?"

"No, I'm going up stairs to shower and get dressed before your agent arrives."

He threw a shirt at her as he left the room.

XX

At 10:15 Beckett walked in the kitchen, "Castle what have you fixed?" Taking in the spread of food before her.

He smiled and handed her a cup of coffee as she slid onto one of the stools in front of the large granite counter. "Just a little bacon, a vegetable scramble and there's sour dough or wheat bread for toast. Oh! And some orange slices." He looked around making sure he hadn't forgotten anything.

"Wow, what if I'd been gone for an hour?"

"I'd come looking for you." Moving to her side of the counter to wrap an arm around her.

"You surprise me Castle! A great, clingy, cook!"

"One sounds like a compliment, the other a dig." Still holding on to her.

"Nope, I'm good with both, which is..." She stopped, and he jumped in.

"Which is, what Beckett?"

"New for me, I'm not a clinger by nature, but...here I am." She tightened her arms around his middle to illustrate her point.

He said nothing, but leaned his head down, buried his face in her hair, breathing in the fragrance of shampoo and Beckett. He was instantly transported back to the accident, the hair brushing across his face, her imploring him to hang on and whispering that she needed him. He smiled into the hair and said to himself, _'No, I needed you.'_

"Let me dish you up a plate!" And he went to work.

XX

At 11:20 the door bell rang. Castle grabbed both crutches and made his way to the door. Swinging it open, and then backing up, "Gina, come in."

He led her into the front room, "Can I get you some coffee or something to drink?"

She moved across the room and gave him a hug, "It's good to see you!" She eyed him from head to toe, "I was concerned when you didn't return to the city." Beckett entered from the kitchen just as Gina moved in again and planted a kiss on Castle's cheek. She stepped away when she saw Kate.

"Kate, you've met Gina before."

"Hello Gina."

"Detective Beckett," smiling weakly, "Thank you for watching over my best writer." Placing her arm on Castle's shoulder.

Beckett thought to herself, _Shall I tell the truth...h_ _e's the one_ _watching over me. Or just play along?_ "Happy to help!" She looked at Castle, trying not to let her face reveal the rest, ' _..._ _like_ _being held, kissed and sleeping_ _next to him_ _each night.'_

"So Richard what have you two been up to?"

"Just resting Gina. What brings you two hours out of your way to see me. You could just use the phone."

"Business, Black Pawn has some concerns, so I agreed to check on you. They we're elated to hear you were writing." She paused, glanced at Kate, "But, how about we go to lunch to discuss it." She turned to Beckett, "I'd invite you, but it's pretty tedious stuff." Again the watered down smile.

"I understand. I've got some calls to make and reading to do. I'll see you guys when you return." She had no desire to be with Gina.

Castle looked at the two woman, the vibe was not good. "I need to change. Gina make yourself comfortable."

Gina asked where the bathroom was and headed in that direction. Once gone Castle turned to Beckett.

"Castle I've never kissed my boss...ever! What was that about?"

"Kate, I don't have any idea! I don't even know why she's here."

With a glare, "How about marking her territory...how old are you Mr. Castle?"

"What does that mean Beckett?" Looking genuinely confused.

She just shook her head. "You need to get cleaned up, go!" Before he could speak she turned and headed toward the office, away from the kitchen end of the house, and their room.

"Beckett, wait!" She didn't turn around.

XX

She was sitting on the sofa reading when Gina returned.

"So, Detective, how is he really doing?"

Beckett was conflicted, she didn't like the way Gina both hung on, and pushed Castle, but understood. After time with him and seeing how scattered brained and flighty he could be, she knew he needed a push from time to time. His health was a legitimate issue, but it was his to tell, not hers. Underneath her expressed concern was her designs on Castle, or her intent to exclude Beckett from the inner circle, that seemed evident.

"He seems to be doing OK. He's sleeping, eating and appears fairly well rested."

"That was scary, the sleep thing..." Gina looked away and at that moment Beckett was embarrassed at her early musing. The look on the agents face was a mingling of concern and fear, no faking there.

"I didn't see much of that, I was...well anyway not around. He's talked about the exhaustion, but he doesn't say much about the accident. It clear it's been very hard for him." _Enough said._

"Well maybe it's the salt air?" Gina smiled. Again Beckett smiled to herself, ' _It ain't the air.'_ But left that one alone.

"When did he start writing? And what's he writing about?" She saw the switch in Gina's mood and her interest in the subject. Was this at the heart of her visit?

Beckett considered how to answer these questions. The hard one first, but then maybe an insinuation on the easy. "I have no idea what he's writing about, I haven't asked and...figured it wasn't any of my business."

"He hasn't said anything about the story?" Sounding slightly sarcastic.

"Not a word."

"When did he start?" Beckett considered again, _'I could say, after I had another attack, crawled onto his bed, wrapped myself around him, like a snake,_ _then_ _we both slept like a babies.'_ _Hum, n_ _ot a good idea._

"I woke up and," _How to say this?_ "Found him in the study firing away on his lap top." Beckett kept her eyes level and face as blank as possible.

Gina looked unsatisfied with the answer, but didn't press, "Oh. So Detective how are you feeling? I recall you and Rick met in the hospital or rehab, after your coma ended."

"First please just call me Kate and I'm doing fine. This has been a nice break for both of us."

"So will you be returning to work when you get back to the city?"

"That's the plan, I'm looking forward to it..." She was interrupted by Castle entering the room. Beckett wondered, W _hy the two crutches?_

"Ladies, I'm back and ready." He smiled at Beckett and started to move towards her, struggling with the urge to touch her. It was just a pause but Kate saw it, she wondered if Gina had too.

"Beckett, you sure you won't come with us?" Gina started to protest, but Beckett was faster. "Nope! Things to do here."

XX

The call was answered on the third ring, "Hey Dad, how are you?"

"Katie what's up and how about you?"

"I'm good. It has been so relaxing here."

"And how's Rick? Is he sleeping?" He voice reflecting concern.

"He's good Dad, and yes he's sleeping." She felt her mouth tighten into a smile.

"Katie I felt so sorry for him in the hospital. The guy looked like he could audition for the role as a zombie, no make-up required."

"Well he's sleeping and seems very happy."

"How could it be otherwise?" And he let chuckle, "He's spent nearly a week with my amazing daughter."

"Dad, the lawyer slinging-it-thing has taken over this conversation."

"There was no slinging it, you are amazing Katie, but ..."

"But what Dad?" Now sounding resigned to what he was going to say.

"But tell me, my superstar defective daughter, that you don't know what's going on here?"

"Dad, I'm not sure what you mean." Realizing she'd just lied to her father.

"Well for a cop, you're really scaring me. How is it that you have one of the highest clear rates in the police department , but can't tell when two people are..."

She spoke over him, "Can we change the subject?"

"Sure, tell me about you? Any problems?" She didn't want to answer. Didn't want to talk about the whole anxiety thing. But her Dad had been so supportive, she needed to tell him.

"Dad it's been really good. I've had only one problem after we...we had a small argument." She paused, quieted by re-running the scene in her head. Not one of her best moments.

"Are you there Katie?"

"Yeah, anyway we talked. I haven't needed any medication since I've been here."

"Wow, that's good! Must be the air!" She rolled eyes at 'the air' comment, "You know it's funny, he was good for you before you two could talk about anything." Another pause, she knew her dad had likely drifted to the hospital and rehab days, "Listen I need to run. When will you be back in the city?"

"Thursday, not sure when."

"OK Katie, take care sweetheart," then a brief pause, "of both of you."

"Thanks Dad. I will."

She sat for awhile and considered what had been happening to her. She was away with Richard Castle, the man she had secretly sought many months early. They had been nearly connected at the hip, and now with him away she felt odd. In the last six days almost ever minute had been either with him or asleep against him and now the private and reclusive Beckett was waiting on his return. She thought, _What was this?_

She made more coffee, grabbed a book and headed for the back deck. The last time she'd been out there alone was after their disagreement and her leaving him with the one crutch. Which reminded her of earlier, why was he using both of them again?She'd have to ask.

She read for awhile before being interrupted by her cell ringing. She hoped it was him, but shook her head at her need to speak to him, he'd just left, then she saw Lanie's face light the screen. "Hey Lanie! How are you?"

"Beckett where are you? We have an after-work dinner date tomorrow." Then added, " Girl, you sound really good."

"Oh Lanie I'm sorry I'm not in the city. I meant to call you yesterday but we were busy." _Oh crap did I just say we?_

"Before I yell at you about dinner, did you just say _we_? What _we_?"Her tone becoming more shrill. "But first where are you?"

"Lanie, you need to slow-down. I'm in the Hamptons, with some friends, that all." _That's a lie, Gina_ _'s_ _no friend of mine._

"Are these friends male, which wouldn't be all that bad! Or female, probably not that much fun, or family? What family, you don't have family in the Hamptons." Kate laughed at her friend comments and accompanying commentary.

"Lanie, you need to take a breath, slow down. How much coffee have you had today."

"No, no. You're not doing that! I get the 'she-who-asks-questions' controls the conversation thing, so spill, who are you with?"

"Rick."

"Katherine Beckett! Who is Rick?" In full grump-mode now.

"Rick Castle."

"Why is it always so hard for you to answer questions Beckett? Wait, wait is Rick Castle, Richard Castle the author?"

"He is."

"Oh yeah! You little deceiver!"

"Lanie I was not deceiving you. I just didn't think it was a big deal."

"OK, let me get this straight, you're in the Hamptons in a mansion, probably on the ocean, with Bachelor # 6, living like a queen and you didn't think it was a big deal. Really?"

Finally she took a breath, "Fine Beckett, so how many are there with you?"

"His mother, his daughter and today his agent is in town."

"So you're there with his mother and daughter?"

Silence.

"Beckett, what? Cat got your tongue?" Still nothing. "You're lying again! You're alone with him. Oh, yeah."

"Lanie, you have a dirty mind and assume things. We have been alone since Sunday when his Mom and daughter went home. But..."

"So you're shacking-up with this guy?" She blushed, she wasn't technically shacking-up, just, resting next to him. That was different.

"No, I am not shacking-up with him!" And without missing a beat asked, "So how are things in the city?"

"Negative on how-are-things-in-the-city?" Adding a little sing-song to the response, "Are you shacking-up or not?"

"I am not, shacking-up. Come on Lanie!"

"OK, again. You're alone with Richard Castle and you're what, reading poetry?"

"Why can't I just be here with him? Why does it have to be something else?"

"Fine. I've been worried sick about you for nearly a year. You've been in the dumps, then a coma and now, you're in the Hamptons with some hottie. Why should I expect more?"

"You make it sound worse than it's been."

"Beckett," All the fun immediately leaving her voice, "I love you, but you are both bull-headed and blind. You have been so miserable, we've all been worried sick about you. Let us at least want happiness for you."

The frank expression of love and friendship struck hard, she felt her eyes sting with tears at her friends words, "Lanie I know... and I know you mean well, but you always get the cart before the horse. Honestly...I'm not sure what's happening here."

"Oh," followed by long pause, "Girlfriend that sounds pretty complicated, now you're scaring me. I was teasing before, I don't want you hurt, we don't want you hurt, just happy."

"I know, I'm trying to be careful, he's..."

"Beckett?"

"I know...I know, careful."

"OK, let's go back to something safe, dinner. You'll still be reading poetry in the Hamptons tomorrow night?"

"Shut-up! I'll be in the Hamptons, yes, but there's no poetry."

"We'll that's a good start. When will you be back?"

"I think in the afternoon on Thursday. We're not sure yet."

"I just love hearing you say _we_." Then all Beckett could hear was Lanie's laughter.

"We are not a _we_! I meant it generally."

"Whatever! It just sounds great hearing you say those words." Kate heard the phone ringing in Lanie's office, "Girl I gotta go, call me when you get back."

XX

They sat in the same restaurant he and Kate had been to just the day before. He was not happy. He did not want to be with Gina, and he wondered why he'd made the decision to return to the same place. It was clearly a mistake that only made Kate not being here worse, maybe that was the point.

"Rick, so soon, good to see you again." His friend smiled at him and clapped his shoulder.

"Marty, this is my agent, Gina Cowell. Extending his hand toward Gina. "We have some business issues to go over and need a great lunch to help us through it."

"Ms. Cowell it's nice to meet you?" He bowed slightly, "So Rick is Kate OK?"

"She's back at the house Marty, she's fine, this would be too boring for her to sit through."

After being seated they ordered, he relaxed back into the chair and waited for Gina to explain the urgency of this meeting.

She waited for the other man to leave and then glared at him. "Why is he asking about Kate? And how does he even know her?"

"Gina, we had dinner. I introduced her, just like you. I've been coming here for years. Marty's like family. What are you so upset about?"

"Rick, you've been in a slump. You haven't been on the circuit for nearly a year. You do know people can forget about authors, right? Just like everything else, yet here you are the social butterfly."

"I understand being out of circulation, it was never my choice. But social butterfly, give me break." His turn to glare, " Thats an overstatement, don't you think?"

"I don't think you do. Part of your persona is the rebel-playboy thing. If anyone sees you with a cop, the rebel thing is dead. Add a woman on your arm, more than three times, and you'll kill the playboy angle. We don't have the luxury of losing either of the publics fantasies. Thus my concern about Mike back there knowing her name." She still looked angry.

"It's Marty, not Mike and he's never said a word to anyone about me. So we're fine."

"You're still not seeing the big picture. This is not the time for a girlfriend. We need everything we've got, and, we need a book." Without a beat she switched topics, "So tell me about this story you're writing."

At first he begged off, but knew, despite his reluctance that she had a right to know what he was thinking and planning. She'd have to sell it to the powers at Black Pawn. As he worked the story, she had to work her sales pitch, both took time. So, he laid it out for her.

When he was done she sat for a few minutes and stared out the window. He said nothing.

Finally with narrow and cold eyes she spoke, "What's going on here Rick?"

"What are you taking about? You don't understand the plot? My ideas for the characters?"

"Oh I get that! But what I don't get is _her_! This Nikki Heat character, it's _her,_ right?"

"It's not her, it's a character based on her. This is not the life story of Kate Beckett, but a fictional character based..." She didn't let him finish.

"Yeah, yeah I get that. But what I don't get, is how you talk about her."

"What does that mean?"

"Let me ask you a question are you in love with her?"

"No, I...I like her and we seem to get along well. But..."

"The reason I ask, if this is about being in love, and..."

"And what Gina?" His anger evident in his tone.

"And if it goes south, we can't undo the idea with Black Pawn."

"Is that what this conversation is about Gina?"

"Yes and no. I thought _we_ had something going, or could have...I see her for what she is, an interloper. She's not part of _us._..and maybe not the best thing for you at this time, career wise."

"Talk about mixing apples and oranges. You covered at least five or six topics in that sentence."

"Fine, I think you and I should have priority over everyone else. It seems strange to me that you brought that cop to the Hamptons, before me."

"Gina, I'm not up for this discussion. In fact I'm tired and would like to go back and lay down for awhile. I'm sleeping much better, but I'm still not up to par."

Gina processed his response to her. He was cordial alright, but not fun, nor was he mysterious like he used to be. Something had changed. She wondered why things had never clicked with them, come close, but never there. She was not smitten with him. He was smart, witty and different than most of the people she crossed paths with and that made him attractive. But everything had changed since the shooting. And now, just as he seemed to be returning from his place of torment, he moves, not back to her, but into the world of this Detective. The whole thing was depressing for her. She hoped she was misreading him, but she doubted it.

They talked some more about the book, then he paid the bill. As they were walking out the owner called to them, "Rick, something for you to take home."

"What's this Marty?" The owner leaned in and lowered his voice," Cheesecake for Kate, I liked that girl." Castle smiled inwardly, Marty wasn't the only one.

As they got to the curb Gina asked what's in the bag."Oh some of his homemade cheesecake for later."

When Gina went to start the car, it turned over very slowly and then nothing. She looked at Castle, "You've got to be kidding me, this thing is as dead as a door-nail." She hit the steering wheel with heel of her hand.

"Let me call the garage down the street, they do a check-up on my car when I come up for a week-end. They're always a great help."

Twenty minutes later they were being driven, in a tow-truck, back to Castle's. His friend said he'd check the car out and call them within an hour.

Castle entered the house first, Gina thanked the driver again. He went to the kitchen and sat down the cheesecake, then called for Kate. When she didn't respond he noticed the back door ajar and made his way to the sitting area. She was asleep with the book open on her lap. He sat in the chair next to her. He just stared for a moment, she was stunningly beautiful to him, he felt his chest tighten. Without a thought he leaned over and kissed her forehead, "Hey Kate, we're back."

When she didn't wake immediately he studied her for a few moments and then shook her shoulder, she stirred, "Hey Castle."

He sat beside her and she sat up but kept the blanket around her shoulders, their knees laced. Still not awake she leaned into him. "How was your meeting?"

"It was fine. Wished you had been with me...Oh Marty sent you, some cheesecake." At once they both remembered they were not alone. Each straightened up. Castle stood and extended his hand.

"I'm fine, I don't want to knock you off balance." She stood on her own, then instinctively looped her arms around his waist to make sure he was stable. Again they quickly stepped apart and moved inside. " He really sent me cheesecake?"

"Yeah, said he liked you.!" She smiled.

XX

Gina watched as he kissed the top of her head. He had lied to her. This was serious between him and this woman. She steeled herself, it wasn't over yet. She'd have to wait until they got back to the city, maybe she would be able to change things, but not here, not on this trip.

Castle and Beckett entered and were laughing about something.

"Gina can I get you a glass of wine while we wait for the verdict on your car?"

"Sure Rick that would be nice."

"So Kate, were you able to make your calls?" She would try at least to be pleasant.

"I did, all is well back home."

"You know I think you were holding back on me?" Gina smiled but Kate looked confused.

"I'm not following?" Beckett thought, _yeah on lots of things, but what's she referring to?_

"His new book, his new idea..." Castle walked into the room at that moment.

His face in a scowl, having heard her question to Kate, "Gina, you're my agent and initial reviewer, I haven't told Kate anything about my idea. I don't tell people about my stories until they're finished, because they're not done until then."

"I was just thought Kate knew."

"She doesn't!" Still glaring at her, "It's a work in progress, drop it." Kate looked embarrassed at the exchange, wishing she was in the other room, obviously there was some literary dispute taking place, with she being the odd man out.

He turned to her, "Beckett, I opened the wine and poured, the glasses are on the counter, but..."

She jumped up, "Castle you should of called me, I'll get it." She started to pat his arm as she walked by, but caught herself.

As she went into the kitchen, his phone rang. He swiped and listened without saying a word, then "What time tomorrow?" Followed by another pause, "Thanks Fred."

"Gina you're car needs a special battery. They can't get it until the morning. He says they'll get to their supplier early, he thinks you can be on the road by10."

"Then I need to make some calls and change my schedule for tomorrow, can I use your office?"

"Right that way, second door on the left."

Kate had set down the glasses of wine during the garage call. He turned to her, "Are you OK with her being here for the night Kate?"

She stared at her wine glass, then spoke softly, "No."

"I can try to get her a room at one of the Bed & Breakfasts."

"No, you can't do that. I'm not OK with her here, but I'm not stupid. You have plenty of room and it's not my house. You work with her. It'll be fine. If you want give her the master bed room. I can move my things out and move into one of the other rooms."

"No!" As he shook head, "I only want you in my room."

"Castle you're on your own tonight, especially with her in the house."

He ignored her comment, "I meant that, I don't want Gina in the master bedroom."

"Oh!" Kate flushed at the implication, "I understand." She was fine, and Gina,was not. She liked that idea.

He sighed, "Good thing Alexis changed all the linens before she left."

XX

The remainder of the day and that evening were, awkward. Castle played the happy host but came to several realizations in a first twelve hours of having Gina in his house. He was more than attached to Kate Beckett and, he just wanted to be alone with her. He wanted her near, not close. He resented Gina's presence stopping him from being able to reach out and touch Kate, to kiss her. So he tried to at least, not stare at her, but failed.

"Can I get some more coffee for either of you?"

"Yes please, thank you Kate." Gina smiled again, but it seemed a bit forced.

As Kate walked toward the kitchen, Castle stood and followed. He turned to Gina, "Be right back."

In the kitchen Kate spoke first, "Castle, you've got to stop staring at me."

He ignored her, but mumbled, "Have I told you you're beautiful today." Then smiled widely.

"Yes, now shut-up!" She stood before him and smiled, putting her fingers to his lips.

"Remind me to tell you about shimmering Detective."

"What?" Before she could say another word he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

"Castle!" She hissed with gritted teeth.

"I needed that." He then turned and headed towards his bedroom.

XX

When he returned they watched some TV, but Kate went to the office and read. She returned later and announced she was going to bed. Before she went up stairs Gina asked a favor.

"Rick, I don't have anything to sleep in, do you have a shirt, maybe some sweat pants I could use?"

"I think so." He turned to Kate, "Beckett can you look in the master bedroom closet, there's a cabinet of drawers at the back. I think there are cotton pull over shirts and some sweats."

"I'll go see." Beckett disappeared upstairs.

"Thanks for putting me up tonight." She looked around, "Ah, where do you sleep if Kate's in the master bedroom?"

"Gina, I don't do stairs, my bedroom's on the other side of the kitchen."

"Well thanks again. Sleep tight." She patted his arm as she exited the room.

XX

He slipped into bed and read until nearly midnight. He doubted he'd be able to sleep. A few minutes later he heard a creak from the upper floor, then another on the stairs. He turned off the light and laid back, just listening. He didn't know who was up, or why they were coming down stairs.

He was amused by his own rapid heart beat. It was his house and either Gina or Kate were roaming around. The pressure in the room changed when the door opened. Then it closed. He felt the bed dip on the other side. He still didn't move.

She slid against his chest, kissing his neck and then his chin. He still didn't move. She was not dissuaded. And started to giggle.

"Don't pretend to be asleep. You think you can kiss me like that in the kitchen and then send me upstairs to an empty bed?"

"Oh Beckett, is that you?"

"Castle, you're so full of..." He cut her off and pulled her down for a kiss.

She lay against him and he shivered with delight.

"Beckett," he growled into her ear, "Can you lose that shirt?"

"I thought you'd never ask." He heard it hit the wall.

When he reached for her, she had nothing on, "I said the shirt?"

She laughed, "I misunderstood you...looks like everything fell off."

"Beckett, you realize my agent is up stairs?"

"Don't worry...if you cry out my name," biting his ear, "I'll cover your mouth."

"You are a wicked woman!"

She laughed again, "You have no idea."


	15. Part II - Chapter14 - The Toad

**Part II**

 **Chapter 14**

 **The Toad**

The room was near black, he lay perfectly still listening to the faint churning of the ocean. But that was not the only sound, there was also the distinct soft rhythmic pace of her breathing. He guessed it had been hours since they'd fallen asleep. After waking, it dawned on him that he was inhabiting a new world. It was a shift he had not expected tonight and certainly not in his present circumstances with Kate and Gina occupying the same house.

He had gone to bed alone. He knew that with Gina in the house Kate would stay in the master bedroom. But he had been wrong. Around midnight he heard a noise and she'd slipped in bed beside him, but it was not going to be the typical night of refuge in each others company. Kate had ended up beside him, with nothing on. The step across the line of a supporting-friend had given way to months of tension and the need for each other. They had teased and flirted, acted like teenagers dating, but no lines had been crossed, before tonight. Then the world shifted and they were now lovers.

He had always wanted her, certainly as a friend, but also as a lover. But he had resisted and resisted, and now it was suddenly over. He felt his life as an independent single father was gone. He speculated that when the sun came up, nothing would ever be the same again.

He was not a teenage boy who got to sleep with the high school beauty. He was a dad, a writer, a page-six guy, who had entered into a labyrinth of mystery and uncertainty. His senses were flooded with contradictory thoughts, like fear, but also a calm. There was anxiety too, but he could not deny the feeling of near bliss. He recalled the days at the rehab, by her side and the ache that had grown for her to return. He'd negotiated with God for her life and ended up fully invested in someone who might never wake and if she did, there was a possibility that she would have no interest in him. He still willed her back.

He had been wrong again, and everything had changed for the good. She was awake and nearly fully recovered. She was, as he thought many months before, a force to be dealt with. She was strong-willed, even bull-headed, but also kind and caring. His attachment to her made him feel vulnerable, in way he'd never experienced before. He was emotionally exposed, a strange thing for him. He mused that he had cold feet, and smiled over how stupid that seemed.

He had never even considered that sex might be a mistake. It was just sex, at least it had been with other woman. He would normally lose interest and move on, often by morning, but none were like her and this was not like the past. Their first night together had been wonderful, a blend of hunger and tenderness. He wondered how he could have climbed in bed so confident, and five hours later be wrought with insecurity. His head was full of what ifs and it sent a chill through him. But before finding any answers, he felt her move against him, burrowing closer, and then sleep took him away.

XX

He wasn't sure what he'd heard. He was half awake, half asleep, and then there was another creak of the floor. It came from the ceiling, someone was moving upstairs. Castle opened his eyes, a mop of dark hair was splayed across his shoulder, she was still with him. He smiled, but then recalled his musing of only hours earlier. The shadow of uncertainty clouded his mood again.

Beckett began to stir, it dawned on him that she was using him as a blanket because she still had nothing on. He tried to remember if any of her clothes were even here in his room.

"Hey Kate, we need to get up." Whispering into her ear.

A sleepy voice next him muttered, "No."

"Kate, Gina's up and we're down here, and you're...in your birthday suit."

Her eyes rolled open, "What you don't like naked?"

She started to squeal, but pulled her own hand over her mouth. Castle disappeared under the covers and began kissing her shoulder. "Castle, stop!" Followed by a groan.

His head came up from under the sheet, "What, you don't like kissing in the morning? There were no complaints last night, in fact..."

She was still laughing softly, "I'm just concerned about your self-control, writer-boy."

"Really, you've been testing me for nearly a week. I think I should be sainted for resistance and self-control." He pushed the blanket back with his head and gave her the evil eye, then disappeared again.

Her voice was low and unconvincing, "Castle you have to stop. We need to get out of this bed before _she_ comes downstairs."

"Why don't you count to one-hundred, I'll stop when you get there." He laughed. She pushed him away.

"Hand me my shirt please, it's on the on the floor, I think you tossed it over that way." Pointing to the wall.

"I didn't toss anything, and you know it, Detective Peeler."

"Oh, what can I say...I'm having trouble remembering."

"Beckett, you are such liar."

XX

The coffee smelled wonderful. Castle was working on breakfast while Beckett sat across the counter from him, reading the news on her tablet.

Gina, walked in and smiled at Castle, but then focused on his guest, "Oh, Kate, I didn't know you were downstairs all ready. I didn't hear you. You must be an early riser."

"Yeah, part of being a cop." Kate looked up. Gina was wearing the _DS_ _NY Garbage Union_ sweat shirt.

"Wow, you've got on one of the promo shirts from Derrick Strom." Kate's shirt read, _I Only Let Richard Castle Sleep With Me._ Gina let out a small laugh, "Boy did we take a lot of heat over that campaign. Do you remember Rick?"

"Yeah, I do. You might even have made my mother blush with that one."

As Kate passed behind Gina, to get more coffee, she gestured at her own shirt, then towards Gina, and tilted her head, offering a cheesy smile. Castle was about to sip his coffee but smirked and set the cup down.

"Beckett everything OK over there?" Trying to get her busted at her game.

"Just fine Rick," slightly extending her tongue at him.

XX

At 10:00 am, on the money, they pulled up to the service station with Gina. As promised the car was ready. She and Rick chatted briefly and he assured her he'd call upon his return. She encouraged him to keep writing and finally conceded his idea was a good one.

They stood in silence, leaning against the VW as they watched her car exit the station and head south down the main road. When Gina pulled away from the second stop signal, Castle pulled Beckett over and against him. She wrapped her arm around his waist. He thought he felt her tremble.

He looked down at her, "Hey, you OK?"

She squirmed a bit, "I'm good." But her voice was thick.

He stood up and pushed her back enough to see her face. Her cheeks were wet. "Beckett what's wrong?" She smiled and rubbed her sleeve against the dampness on her face.

"Nothing is wrong." She squeezed him tight, "I was just thinking about how miserable I've been for the past year, and angry, it's just been...ugh." She shook her head, "But it only dawned on me here, away from it all, and being truly happy again...what a mess it's all been."

Castle remained quiet, still looking for a footing in this new world. He was glad Gina was gone. He was certain one thing, he hated giving up the 24 hours she taken. This time with Beckett was running out and they'd soon have to get back. And now things had changed, and drastically since Gina's arrival and departure. But he was surprised at his response, an intense jealousy for time he did not want to waste or share.

"Hey, lets go find some coffee."

"That sounds good," she lifted her head and looked as if whatever it was, had passed.

XX

They sat facing the ocean, shoulder to shoulder, coffee cups held two-handed just below their chins as they breathed in the mix of salt air and the aroma of the French Roast. She let her head roll onto his shoulder. Each sat with closed eyes and soaked in the sun.

"Castle." In a sleepy voice, then a pause, because there's no rush.

"Kate?" Quiet and back at her.

"Are you OK? You seem very quiet, like, you're somewhere else."

"I know...sorry." He knew he was spinning. The former him was probably lost, almost gone. The new him was with her, crowding into every thought, it was overwhelming. He had thought more about it all, and still came back to the same conclusion, it was not the sex, but then it was. He was gone long before they lost the clothing and dove into each other. The dye was cast months ago, probably the first night at the Mayors party, and then reinforced during the time of her coma.

"Are you," she stopped, "sorry about last night?" She sounded thin and uncertain to him.

"No Kate, I'm certain about you. You are strong and good."

"That was not very reassuring Castle." She had sat up and was facing him.

"Something happened last night." He stopped and turned his face back to the sea. "I'm not sure what it means, but something big shifted in me."

"Castle I didn't...misread...or..."

He sat up and faced her, "No, you read everything right. The bottom line is...it blew me away."

"This sounds serious...no that's the wrong word...sounds uncertain for you?" Her cop senses were on high, she felt he was holding back and it scared her a bit. She decided to veer away from those dark waters.

He wanted to concentrate but he felt like he had a hangover. He wanted to engage, but could not focus, no matter how hard he tried.

He was pulled back, "Castle, hey! Why did you start using the second crutch again?"

He didn't say anything at first. "Can I refuse to answer by invoking the 5th?"

"Sure, if you want to sleep alone tonight?" They both felt an immediate lighting of the mood and laughed.

"Beckett, why are you like that?" He smiled and shoulder bumped her.

She just smiled, "So...why'd you bring the other crutch out?"

"I think you know the answer."

"I have no idea, so tell me."

"Because of you." His look was intent and serious again. She thought, _so much for light._

"Why me? What do I have to do with it?"

"You're the one who pushed me to lose one crutch, to get better and, to lean on you for support, if I needed it."

"That's true. I think you'll get better faster with more mobility."

"Gina would of liked to have me lean on her, to show how kind she can be to a cripple. It wouldn't be about the cripple, but all about her. I don't mind making her look good, I just..." He stopped, considering his words.

"Castle, what?"

"I didn't want to lean on her," his words clipped, even harsh, "I didn't even want to touch her."

She waited, let him calm, "And why is this so incriminating? So hard to tell?

He paused, looked at her, then, "That's not all of it."

"There's more?"

"Yeah...I only...only wanted to lean on you...only wanted your help."

She got up, walked around behind him, leaned over and slid her arms across his chest, then kissed him once on the cheek, "You're toying with me Castle, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not!" He swatted at her, "Go sit, I have a question for you. But wait! Can you get us a refill?"

He pulled money from his pocket and slapped it on the table. She shoved it away, "You're money's no good here." She taunted him.

"Really, it worked for the first round!"

After she returned and had barely sat, he cleared his throat, "Detective! Your turn, wanta tell me about the shirts?"

"What shirts?" As she looked away.

"Beckett, don't lie, you're terrible at it."

"I'm still not sure what you mean?"

He began slowly, like instructing a class, "OK! How did Gina end up with a _DSNY_ shirt with the slogan, _Just Leave Me At The Curb_ , and, refresh my memory." He looked up at the sky, studying nothing, "Oh, I got it, and you show-up in a Derrick Storm shirt with a slogan, _I Only Let Richard Castle Sleep With Me_. Now that was...an accident?"

"No matter how I answer that you won't believe me."

"Not so. You tell the truth and I'll believe you." His eyes returned to the sky, looking for the answer, "But come to think of it, I think I'm feeling cheap." He smiled broadly.

"Why so?"

"Do the time-line Detective. I just thought about it. You went and got those shirts _before_ you and Gina went upstairs to your bedrooms. But your shirt said you were going to sleep with me." He looked at her suspiciously, "You planned the whole thing, and played me like a cheap fiddle." Laughing loudly at his own cleverness.

"That's not true, I chose the shirts to taunt her. Period!" She paused, "But I was almost asleep when I decided what I wanted..."

He looked at her, let her stew in her half declaration, but she stopped.

"And what changed? What made you decide to come down stairs, and?" He let the words trail off, unspoken, but delivered the message.

She studied her hands, and then looked up at him, "I wanted you...in a way she could not have you. I wasn't going to sleep alone, but it was more..."

He waited again, wondering what was going on in her head and if she was off balance because of their love-making. When she stayed still, he prodded gently, "More what Beckett?"

"Gina was flaunting her role in your life, flaunting a history I didn't have with you. I was jealous and tempted to let it slip that we'd spent every night together...or hold on to you and let her see, but it all seemed childish. Later it dawned on me that I had been playing like a child, using you like a teddy bear, a blanket to keep me warm and safe. But that was not what was going on...I decided...I wanted to give everything, no holding back...all of me for...all of you."

Now he was still, _all of me for, all of you_. They had been on a collision course, though it had been a rather circuitous route over months and months, now they were nearing their final destination. He pondered the implications and the impact it would have, on everything.

He was pulled back by her voice, "Let's changes subjects. I'm curious about your argument with Gina, over the new story or idea." She looked up for his reaction, "But, you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Beckett...you were talking about important things, my story is just a story." This time he stared off towards the ocean, but his face was serious and she saw he was struggling.

"Rick, can we switch gears for a few minutes." She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"No, it's OK."

"Obviously you weren't happy with the subject when you were talking to Gina. If you don't want to talk about the book, I understand, I don't need to know."

"No, no, I wanted to talk to you about my idea, I just wasn't sure when I'd be ready. It's hard to come up with good ideas and..."

Jumping in and trying to move to away to give him room, "Tell about the process. Where do you get your ideas?"

He smiled, "There are times when, honestly I feel like they get me."

"What does that mean?"

"A writer is always looking, always listening to the world around them for ideas. You know things that pull at their attention. A conversation overheard, or a song that makes a space and creates an idea. The question is, how do you make that idea alive?"

He paused for a few beats, "There's a story about Hemingway where he supposedly bets a group that he can write a complete story in just six words. They accept the wager and put down their money. He takes a napkin and writes, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn," and wins the bet.

"Ah Castle, that story hurts."

"It does, but it reminds me of the work required to make a story good. Obviously Hemingway set-up his friends, but he had to think it through first. I've tried and it's not that easy. The idea sets a high bar, it makes me cautious with how I tell a story, the number of words I use. Genius is often in brevity."

She looked at him, "Do you have a six word story?"

"I was thinking about the actor who died recently from an overdose. The was a lot of talk about how the drugs had killed her. It's an oft repeated story, "Hollywood death, drug of choice, fame."

"Yuk, again."

"The point is stories have to have; truth, tension and grit. People have to connect or you lose them. But enough of that."

He turned and looked at her, "I need to tell you about my idea...because it involves you."

"What do I have to do with your story?"

He shifted his gaze from to a look of studying her, brown-auburn hair, the hard line of her jaw, her fierce green eyes, and smiled.

"What Castle? Don't sit there and give me _the eye_! Tell me what did you, and what got Gina so cranked up?"

"She was surprised with the story and, I wasn't sure if it was really my idea or my character selection."

"Give me noun. What's the story about?

"You!"

"What about me?"

"The story is about a Detective, based on someone like you, or actually you."

"Castle, have you lost your mind?"

XX

"We have to stop this." She blew her hair away from her eyes. She tried to move it with her hand, but her arm was more jello than muscle, and refused to respond.

"Why?" He didn't move, didn't even bother to open his eyes.

"Just should." Her tone was flat, sleepy and without conviction.

The comment evoked a response. He bit at her eyebrow, then moved to the bridge of her nose. She squirmed, "I'm going to die. I might be dead already."

He laughed out loud. Pushed her off his chest, rolling her over against her own pillow. Then went after her neck with the lethal combination of lips and teeth.

She captured him with her arms. "Castle," and them almost prayer like,"Castle...be still...let me hold you."

He stopped his assault of affection, relaxed in her arms and huffed, "Beckett, where have you been all my life?"

"Waiting for you Castle, waiting for you." The laughter stopped in this exchange. Tears skidded down her cheeks.

"Hey, what is this?" He kissed away the moisture.

"I am so happy..."

He said nothing, but rolled back over, pulling her with him and back on his chest.

He buried his head in her hair and whispered, "Me too Beckett."

XX

They had talked about doing many things this day but, never escaped the house and each other. Hand in hand or bound in each others arms, it all seemed to lead to entangled bodies.

"We can't go home Thursday." He was laying on the sofa, his head on her lap as she read.

"I know." She didn't miss a beat in her response.

He smiled to the back of the book, "We've got to stop arguing!" She put the book aside and gently kissed his forehead.

"And how do you know?" Ignoring his tease.

"Because the only thing I _need_ to do, no, I _have_ to do is be here. Everything else can wait."

Another kiss on to his forehead, " I just need to make some calls."

"Me too. But first," He pointed to in the direction of the kitchen, "Let's see if we can find some food in our frig. If not, I'll order in."

As they made their way to the kitchen she quoted him, " _Our_ frig?"

He grabbed her and held her tight, "Yes, _our frig_. That thing over there that feeds you

and me."

She escaped his arms, and swung open the door. "Well Castle, no need to order. I think you still have one of everything on the planet either in here, or in that pantry of your's."

XX

He and Dr. Strait sat enjoying their lunch. The noise of the restaurant filled his ears. Then an awareness, a knowledge, of where he was began to tug at the edges of his consciousness. His chest began to constrict, making it difficult to fill his lungs with air. They stood and moved toward the door. He wanted to resist, but could not. Strait led the way and, in slow motion he saw the doctor grasp the handle and start to open the door. Then a hand touched his shoulder. He felt the pull as he was turned away from the door, then a voice in his ear, "Come sit with me." With the voice came a barely detectable dance of dark hair against his face, his nostrils filled with the fragrance of cherry's.

"Rick! Rick!" He heard the voice and forced his eyes open. Kate sat on the edge of the bed. She was gently stroking his face.

"Hey, why are you over here?"

"You were thrashing around, mumbling in your sleep. I couldn't wake you up." She was slightly breathless. "I keep pulling on your shoulder but..."

He sat up and pulled her against him. He head buried in her hair, he floated in the fragrance,"Thank you..."

She whispered against his ear, "Do you remember anything? What scared you?"

He loosened his hold on her, "It was the dream."

"The shooting?"

"Just the beginning...but you wouldn't let me leave the restaurant." He pulled her back and rocked with her in his arms.

She straightened up and looked into his eyes, "What do mean, I wouldn't let you leave?"

"Like before, it's you who steps into the dream, breaks the chain of events...you keep me from the sidewalk...from the death scene."

She said nothing but simply leaned back into him and let him hold her.

"Kate, get back in bed. I'm OK." She moved around the bed, climbed in and slid up against him.

They lay tight against each, their breathing matched, after awhile he kissed her temple,and sighed, "Kate, Kate."

XX

She awoke first an studied the rise and fall of his chest. She thought back to the papers she'd received, just months ago, confirming her divorce. She saw herself again, sitting at her desk and staring into the black hole of her life. She was so full of herself when she and Will started down the road to their private disaster. When it was finally over, she promised herself she would never do that again. She swore she was a fool on the path of love. She honestly questioned if she could ever love. She had decided, taken an oath to herself, that her focus would be on one thing and one thing only, work.

She hadn't pledged to join a convent, but with like commitment, made her plans, banning herself to three years of no relationships. No boyfriend, no dating, no sex, nothing. A smile crept across her face, she gently lifted up the sheet and looked underneath. She was naked, he was naked and, the rest was history. Good thing there was no Mother Superior, she's the one that would be with the trash at the curb.

He stirred next to her and she moved in for a closer look. He groaned as her legs snaked around his, her hands slithered across his chest. One blue eye looked down at her, "Is that you, my green eyed horny toad?"

"Are you referring to a Horned Toad?" She said smugly.

He laughed, " No I'm referring to this wanton woman in my bed," pulling her against him, "my little horny toad...you."

"Let me demonstrate the difference Mr. Castle." Biting his ear and then running her tongue along his neck.

"Bad toad, Beckett, bad toad."


	16. Part II -Chapter 15 - The Killing

**AN - Thanks to all for the reviews, favorites and following.**

 **A WARNING - this chapter discusses a murder in detail, if blood or gore is offense, please avoid the first half.**

* * *

 **Part II**

 **Chapter 15**

 **The Killing**

It had been thirty-six hours and he was still fusing over his internal head games. He had never felt more foolish. His heart was racing in excitement, he was struggling to keep his hands off her, yet in the back of his mind there was still that nagging voice, suggesting some caution, some danger. He thought the only danger was his own stupidity. He had been single for years, he'd not given up on love, or a relationship, or maybe he had. He was certainly not looking for someone, and this one, the dark eyed beauty was storming the castle, he laughed at his own pun.

He filled his cup with fresh coffee and made his way to the frig for some cream. When he turned back Kate walked into the kitchen and stood on the far side of the large granite topped island. She smiled as he looked up at her.

"What are you doing over there?" A larger smile spread across her face.

"I consider this the...how shall I say it?" Looking around the kitchen, "A safety zone."

Knowing full-well her meaning, "And what, in this kitchen, do you need to be safe from?"

"Wrong question writer-boy, not what, but whom."

"Detective, need I remind you of your conduct, twenty minutes ago, with a man who uses a crutch?"

"You're confused?" Now directly across from him and separated by the twelve-foot slab, and still smiling like a kid playing hide-and-seek.

"Beckett! Get your bony butt over here!"

"Hummm, I may have to call 911."

"Really, and what? Show them the bite mark on my shoulder?" Pulling down the top of his shirt and exposing red puffy skin, "And whose teeth do you think match this?"

She scurried around the island and looked closely at his shoulder, "Castle I'm sorry about the bite, I...got a little carried away."

"I feel like I'm being marked." He feigned with a pout.

Her eyes looked up at him, dancing, reflecting no remorse, "Clever boy."

XX

After a leisurely breakfast they moved to the deck. The sun was bright, their cups full of Guatemalan roast this time. He was reading the paper, she surfed the web.

"Castle."

He grunted, "Hum?"

"Put down the paper and look at me." Her voice was serious.

Being overly dramatic, he simply let it fall from his fingers and turned to face her, "Yes."

"Do you remember last night?"

"Which part of last night? Pre-sleep? Naked cop? Post-sleep? Biter?" He smiled, teasing her.

"No, none of those." Her face turning even more serious. "The middle of the night, the nightmare you had?"

"Of course I do...but what I remember most is your arms and your hair...and comfort." The smile had dropped like the newspaper, his eyes turned dark.

"You know we have go back, soon?" Along with the reminder she offered a weak smile.

"I know, but honestly over the last week, I've felt like there's nothing to go back to." He paused, "I know that's not true, but this time for us has been..."

"Wonderful," she offered, extending her hand to take his.

"Yeah, and that might even miss the mark." His face was warm as he stared at her.

"My point is, how do we...do our old lives Castle?"

"I've been thinking about that too. My guess is, you'll be back to work soon, and I need to get some writing done." Another long pause while his eyes drifted to the sea, his hand still in hers.

They watched the gulls for few moments, "A week ago I questioned if I'd ever get beyond the sleep and nightmare thing" He squeezed her hand, "I've slept like a baby, which is hard for me to believe. I was just so exhausted." He exhaled, "I actually feel hopeful again." He went silent, taking in the sun, eyes closed, thumb moving across the top of her hand.

"Castle, don't be upset, I'd like you to tell me about the shooting, about your dreams...can you do that?" His thumb stopped and she instantly feared she'd gone too far. But it was the elephant in the room, they'd both been moving around it, never naming it. The truth was, it was one of two elephants, hers, which had been quiet for days, and his, which was alive and well.

He looked at her. He didn't want this thing to intrude on their time together. It crowded into his nights, stole his sleep, maybe his mind, but he'd have to deal with it. But she was the only real help he'd received, still in the end it was his demon to fight. He was stuck between it and her. He did not want to exclude her with macho talk, she had rescued him over and over. How could he not let her in and tell her all. He may be stuck, but she wanted under his skin, her tentacles wrapping around his heart. Intuitively he trusted her, felt safe with her.

He started slowly, "You know, I've written lots of books...all about murder. About people acting their very worst and slaying one another. Done a lot of studying on the mind of the killer, the deviants, sociopaths, and the everyday people who, just snap." He looked down at their hands, his thumb had unconsciously started to move again, she let out the breath she'd been holding.

"As a writer you try to develop a cleverness. A mechanism of murder for your story. You don't tell the reader what it's like, the work is to place them in the shoes of both killer and prey. If it's done right, the reader can explain what it's like. But...after all the writing, describing, creating, the real moment of death is...indescribable."

She stirred, considering whether or not to speak, or to even move. She decided to remain still.

"The dream usually starts with my friend Dr. Strait, pulling open the door at the restaurant and we move onto the busy sidewalk in Manhattan. There are tables, chairs and umbrellas against the front of the restaurant, a low iron fence separating pedestrians from patrons. A few diners are seated finishing lunch. From the fence out, the side-walk is open to the curb. We're making small talk when someone calls out his name and then the world," another long pause, and she feels his hand go limp, "...the world shifts into slow-motion." She looks at him, but he's just sitting, silent, his eyes almost blank.

"Castle," no response, so she raises her voice, "Castle!"

His eyes refocused, "I'm sorry, where...where was I?"

Softly, almost a whisper, "Slow-motion..."

"Yeah," but he pauses and drifts for second or two, "Janie Silver was a 20 year-old beauty...not as beautiful as you." And then he's at a full stop, Beckett hears as he draws in a quick breath. As she looks up, she sees a single tear course down his cheek. She stands quickly, pushing back her chair and hold him against her stomach, hands at the back of his head.

They remain still for a long time as she holds him in her arms.

She then feels a thick voice rumble against her, "I saw her beautiful smile fade, heard the roar of the gun and watched as the face...just disintegrate." He trembled slightly, "The light went out in her eyes, and then blood, blood everywhere...it sprayed towards me, it seemed to cling to my skin." He stopped again and she moved back to her place, turned her chair to face his and held his one large hand in her two.

When he spoke again his voice was slow and hushed, to her it sounded like he was uttering a deep truth, something not open to debate, "Blood is strange. It's almost metaphysical. It's wet, sticky, but feels and acts like a living thing, even when it's splattered on you. I felt like Janie Silver was clinging to me, through her blood." He moved his eyes to her, "Is that weird? Am I crazy?"

"Not weird! You're not crazy. Life is incredible, almost undefinable."

After a few moments he continued, "As she crumpled to the walk, I saw McKuen, the shooter, move the gun to his mouth. Strait, shouted, No! And in that instant I made a decision, I will not watch this twice in one day. I jerked my head towards the street, not even carrying if he changed his mind and shot me. I will not watch either of us die. As I closed my eyes against the crowded street, the gun roars and I know he's dead."

Beckett looked at him. It appeared as though his bones had gone soft, he seemed to be melting under the weight of just telling the story, "Hey Castle, are you OK?"

He didn't seem to hear her, "My nightmare, is the a loop, thirty seconds to a minute in length. In the restaurant, Strait's hand on the door knob, steeping onto the sidewalk, then death. The spray of blood is always the same, the fragments of the living Janie Silver are crying out to me, to save her, and the agony of knowing that I cannot. Then sleep flees."

She knows it's not the right time to speak, but she's wants to comfort him, she wants to help undo something she can't. There is no erase button for things like that, they're etched indelibly in our memory.

Beckett found herself thinking about her first shooting, the days and weeks that followed. It was clean, she had followed all the rules. Deadly force was the only option left. She'd been a good cop, but, at night her head had done what Castle's was doing, running and re-running the final seconds of the man's life. When it was all over, he seemed so young and certainly not menacing. She was not prepared for the conflict between, Protect & Serve, and life-taking.

She brought his hand to her lips, first for a kiss and then simply to rub it against her face. "Castle I wish I could help..."

He smiled first at her touch and then at her, "Kate, are you kidding, it's you who's there each time. It's you that pulls me away. It's your hair across my face, the fragrance of you, and I'm free. It's been you since the first night I slept next to you at Tryon."

She lowered his hand from her cheek and looked into his face, now less than a foot away, "I don't want to sound or be morose but, I want to tell you about my first shooting, where the prep died." He said nothing.

"My partner and I had been in a car chase involving a drug dealer. He'd been busted before and had done time. We knew he was a rough character and would certainly put up a fight. We cornered him in a cul-de-sac, in an industrial park. A bad setting. The plan, after we called for back-up, was to do a tag-team, moving and covering until we forced him into the opening at the top of the street. I'm waiting and covering as my partner Jeff moved on the right side, fifteen or twenty feet up. If the guy pops out, we have an additional angle on him." She paused, reliving the scene in her head.

"On my move I see nothing and give Jeff the clear sign, indicating he can move forward...then out of no where the perp jumps from behind Jeff knocking him down. The guy has a gun, he points it at me, and says "Whata ya gonna do bitch!" taunting me and then Jeff. When he swings the the gun towards Jeff, I dropped him, three shots, three hits to the upper body. He was dead in less than a minute."

She paused again, "I was so worried about my partner...so glad we both got out alive. I'd followed every rule in the book. Everyone cheered me for having Jeff's back. His wife hugged me so hard, I thought she'd break a rib. It was investigated, and ruled clean shooting."

"About ten days later...the nightmares started."

Castle's eyes went wide. "What do mean?"

"I started having dreams. I was back in the alley, I could hear him yell at me and then the shooting was re-running in my head. I'd come straight-up out of bed. At first I thought I was crazy. The guy was going to kill my partner, why was I having these nightmares? I didn't do anything wrong! So why did I even have to take out the trash, and then relive the last scene of the idiot's life of crime."

Castle found it hard to speak, "What did you do? How did you stop the..." His words trailed off.

"There were some veteran cops at work, they noticed the signs, almost immediately. I was obviously tired and cranky, but most of all, just angry. They insisted I go have a beer after work. They told me about the shootings they'd been involved in, how things didn't fit. Yeah, they thought what had happened was right, but the emotional baggage, was something they just didn't expect."

"How long did it take Kate?"

"Months, but it got better. I relied on them as sounding boards. I was brutally honest every time we talked. They were never shocked. In fact the deal was, when I had a problem I went to them, that same day. If I couldn't sleep, I could call them, or find them first thing in the morning. No questions asked, no sugar coating." She paused, "It was surprising, that once it was out, it started to dissipate."

Castle shook his head, "Kate no one would understand this craziness I'm in here. So how do I do that? Where do I go?"

She stood again, and slid hard against him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "You come to me, do you hear ?" He took in her hair as she nuzzled into his neck and kissed him gently. "To me Castle, come to me."

XX

From the evening of the Mayor's fund raiser, to the present, there had been a tension building between them and when they finally gave in, it was more difficult to handle than either expected. It was decided that a drive was in order. They needed to stay away from the house, it was a means of controlling their impulses. The hunger for each other.

Castle worked on a box lunch while Beckett made a couple of calls.

After calling the doctors office she was able to move her appointment from Friday to the following Wednesday. The call was easy, the next one would be a bit harder.

"Hey Lanie, it's Kate."

"Sweetie, good to hear your voice. We still good for Friday night since you stiffed me for Tuesday?"

"Lanie, ah..."

"No! No! Katherine Beckett do you hear me? There's is no...Lanie, ah! We have a deal, you'll be there!" Kate moved the phone an inch or so from her ear, as Lanie switched into her loud and bossy voice.

She responded softly, to the ranting ME, "Lanie, I won't be back until next Monday."

"OK, that's it. I'm not taking any of that! You need to explain..."

"Lanie wait, I will explain." But she remained silent, stumbling for the words.

"OK, I'm waiting, but, I don't hear anything." Another pause, filled with huffing, "So, tell me that Castle guy doesn't have you chained in the basement?"

Beckett laughed out loud, "No, no basements, no chains."

"Then what's up girl, spill, like now!"

"Lanie, I think..." Again a pause, the unspoken words clinging to the tip of her tongue.

"Kate, damn it just talk!"

She was wanted to tell her best friend, everything, but. She half-smiled over where she was, what she was thinking, this was just not her. What of her early declarations? Her plans? Her tightly clinched and angry resolve? But she could no longer deny the things she'd felt on the elevator many months ago. There had been an immediate and undeniable connection to him. When the waiters pushed her against him in the elevator she felt a current, nearly electrical run through her. She wondered if he had felt it, wondered if she was simply star struck. Still she pursued him throughout the night, wanted to be near him, to banter, to just talk. Afterwards, when he didn't return her call, the answer was clear, it had been only her. But now everything had changed.

She let the words free, "I think I'm in love." She waited for the shoe on the other end to drop, for Lanie to scream about details. But that didn't happen. There was nothing, just silence. She checked the screen to see if the call had dropped.

"Lanie, are you there?" Then she heard her friend draw in a breath, followed by a soft sob like sound, "Lanie are you crying?"

Lanie spoke, but her voice came out in broken phrases, she tried to hold back the interruption of her tears, "Sweetie," a long pause, "I have been worried sick about you." She paused and sniffled again, "I thought you would die when your marriage fell apart. You were so...so Beckett on yourself."

Kate jumped in trying to lighten the mood, " And what is ...so Beckett mean?"

The ME's voice cleared slightly, "You know...stiff upper lip, closed down to the world. Sad, vacant eyes." The ME stopped, took in short breaths and sniffled again, "You'd visit me in my lab...when you left I'd cry over the dead." She let out a small laugh, "I was afraid someone would catch me splattering crocodile tears all over everything and I'd get fired."

"You're lying Lanie."

"Kate,I'm not. It was the worst I'd ever seen you. But now, I hear the old, happy you. I even thought I heard it the last time you called. I knew something was happening with your heart. Is he in love with you?" Her voice growing thick again, stumbling over the word love.

"He hasn't said so, but I think he is. His eyes say yes." She stopped for a second, "Lanie he is so good to me. I had no idea how much I needed arms around me, lips on mine..."

Both woman were quiet for a few moments. "Kate, be happy. Call me when you get back." The ME words were warm and happy.

"Thanks Lanie."

Castle had come into the room, but she hadn't heard him. She was standing near the door to the back deck area, facing the ocean. He moved behind her and leaning on his one crutch, put his chin on her shoulder. She shuddered in surprise and then turned to face him.

"Hey, why are there tears on your cheeks." He thumbed them away and kissed the corners of her eyes, "Is everything OK? Who did you call?"

"Everything is fine Castle. I was talking to Lanie, told her I'd be back on Monday."

"And that made you cry?" He looked concerned, maybe something was wrong, "We can go back sooner?"

She laughed, "No, staying here with you does not make me cry. The tears are..." and then they began to flow again.

"Beckett, what's happening to you?"

She leaned into him and pushed her face into the crook of his neck, and whispered, "Happy...just happy."

XX

"Dad, it's me."

"Hey Katie, you home yet?" He was clearly pleased to hear her voice.

"No, I'm still here in the Hamptons with Rick. We're going to stay until either Sunday or Monday, I wanted you to know...I wouldn't be there for coffee on Saturday."

"You two didn't elope did you?" He let out a laugh.

"Dad, that is not funny." Trying to sound offended.

Castle was across the room and couldn't clearly hear what her father was saying. But heard Beckett scold him.

"It was just a joke Katie, you're not getting sensitive are you?"

"No Dad, I'm not sensitive." She wanted away from that discussion, "Listen, I don't want to keep you, I know you're busy, but I'll call you on Monday when we return."

"OK, thanks for calling. "

"Love you Dad. "

He stared at her with a smile on his face.

"What Castle? What do you want to say?"

"What were you chastising your Father about?"

"Nothing!" The word spewed out, a little to fast.

"Beckett, did you not just tell me to bare my soul to you, anytime, any place...less than an hour ago."

"This is different, it was just my Dad trying to be funny."

"That's nice that you and your Dad have that kind of relationship, so tell me the joke."

"Castle!" She looked over at him, his face was down he was reading something. He didn't say anymore.

She sat and watched him. He was trying to wear her down, which doesn't work on her. She got up and walked over to were he sat, "What are you reading?"

"Nothing, my resident shrink has cut me off?"

She swatted his shoulder.

"Ouch! Careful someone bit me there?" He looked up from his book and just smiled at her.

"He wanted to know if we had eloped! You happy now?" She huffed and turned to go into the kitchen. Over her shoulder she heard his response.

"Only if we had." She came to a dead stop, spun and faced him.

"What did you say?"

"You asked if I was happy now, after telling me what your Father said, I said, only if we had." His face was expressionless.

"Only if we had, what?"

"Eloped Beckett, eloped."

The phone shook on the coffee table, he looked at the screen, it was from Gina. He pushed it away.

"Who was that?" Still frowning at him.

"Gina! Whatever it is can wait until morning."

"You sure?"

"Come here my cranky Detective, clearly you have no long term interest in me, and I'm willing to be used." He patted the sofa next to him, "We'll plan a fun and leisurely day for tomorrow." She feigned another frown, and slid up against him, thinking to herself, _this man is certainly a slow learner._


	17. Part II -Chapter 16 - The Press

**Part II**

 **Chapter 16**

 **The Press**

Gina Cowell had a problem, in fact she had three. The first was Richard Castle. He'd been her best writer, as well as her most celebrated writer. But he'd stopped writing after a murder-suicide had been rubbed in his face. She had a hard time understanding how a murder mystery writer could be so affected by someone getting shot in front of him. But it had thrown Castle a curve and he'd yet to recovery.

The next problem was Black Pawn. They made money by promoting, printing and and selling books. Their number one writer, had offered them nothing to sale. They were not going to cut him loose, but they wanted their star to shine again. Gina had explained the problem to the powers at Black Pawn, in generalities, since Castle's health issues were not exactly their business. They had an idea, the shoot-out was a world wide story. Having said that, his health was significantly impacting their income. She had been dancing on a tight rope between writer and publisher for almost a year and she saw signs of the rope dangerously fraying.

Finally there was a new problem, or at least new variable, Kate Beckett. She was not crazy about this intruder cop. Nor was she sure how the tall dark-haired woman had so effectively wormed her way into Castle's life. But she was a force to be dealt with, Gina had not doubts that she was up to it. On the brief stay with Castle and Beckett, territorial lines had been drawn, but they may not be as permanent as the Detective thought.

Gina had gotten to where she was with her street smarts. The vibe from Beckett suggest the cop resented her presence. When Ms. Detective had given her the _Leave the Trash at the Curb_ shirt, and then conspicuously worn one about being in his bed, Gina got the point. Beckett was declaring, Castle was hers.

But the clock was clicking and she needed to find the right mixture of things, a catalyst to move Castle back on course. One part of the mix she had decided on and felt certain it would be easy to achieve. But the second part was an unknown, she wasn't sure how to use it, or how to use _her._

Gina contacted several close friends in the press, who happened to be fans of Castles work. After seeing his excitement over the new story line, she wanted to help him focus, to commit to the project. She had decided the best way to do that, was to leak the premise. The downside of the leak was Beckett's reaction. Gina surmised that by now Castle had told her about his ideas. The question was how Beckett would react? It could go a couple of ways, like end the relationship, which wouldn't bother Gina, but she had to consider how that would affect him. She was willing to take the chance. She sensed an undercurrent in Beckett, a fierce protectiveness. Gina wasn't sure if it was for Castle or herself, or for _them_. The cop would either take the exposure and dig in to weather it out, or reject it as as unacceptable. Then she'd be gone.

There was one other idea to get the most from the push, she'd have to work on that.

On Thursday evening she sent a text to Castle, unfortunately he didn't answer. She reasoned, she'd tried to warn him of the media storm before the story hit the newsstands. Her hands were clean, well almost. She'd let the story line out of the box and had attempted to warn him. He was there, but obviously too busy with his little Detective friend.

She dialed the number. It went to voice mail, she waited five minutes and called again.

"What, Gina, it's 7:15 in the morning!" He sounded sleepy and not happy. "What won't wait?"

"Why didn't you respond to my text last night?"

"I didn't see it until this morning." He lied.

"Please! You've never turned off your phone in your life Rick." He didn't want to argue, it was too early.

"What it is it that you need to tell me Gina?"

"I was thinking about your idea on the police story, the more I considered it the more I liked it."

"You called to tell me you liked my story line, at 7:15 in the morning?"

"No."

"Then what Gina? What can I do for you on this Friday morning?" His tone was still agitated, speech clipped.

"Be ready."

"Ready for what?"

"I leaked the premise of the new story, you know chummed the waters." The line went silent, she wondered if he had hung up.

Beckett was next to him and felt his body go tense. She could hear most of Gina's side of the conversation but with the word 'leaked" he had flinched. She ran her hand across his stomach and felt his arm pull her tight against him.

His voice was low, but terse, "Damn it Gina, why would you do that?"

"Rick, your job is to write. Black Pawn has advanced you, no us, money...they're not the tooth fairy. They expect either a book or a return of the money. I have been telling them soon, for months. You've been writing, they need to know. The world needs to know."

"We don't do it that way Gina!" His tone tight and angry.

" _We_ , haven't done anything in over a year. _We_ need a new way, and this is it!"

"I'm not far enough along to even know where this idea is going. I can't be straight-jacketed into a story line Gina, you know that."

"I don't think; _Action-thriller, female detective,_ is a straight-jack. I suggest you keep working, tell your muse what she's in for and answer your phone the next time I call you." She hung up.

XX

Castle looked at the green eyes that stared up as him. I'm sorry Kate, I did not mean for you to be drug into this mess." He paused, "Gina's gone off the deep end."

"So, I'm your, muse? Your words or hers?"

"Hers."

"Good, I think I'd kill you if you called me a muse."

He laughed. "She's trying to bug me and divide us. I'm glad I told you the story idea. Gina thinks she's pushed me into having to confess, spill my guts to you. She wants me to explain that I'm writing a book about a female detective. Well she's wrong, I'm writing a book about you."

"You'll run of things to write if it's about me, I'm just a plain-Jane cop, Castle."

"We'll see about that, I've already got an idea for my second book, PJ2."

"What's PJ2 stand for?" Her face was curious and open.

"Plain-Jane two!" He laughed. She swung at him.

"I have to stop believing you Castle, you're like a lawyer, if your lips are moving.' She paused for effect, but he jumped in.

"I know, I'm lying. But I'm not, I do have some ideas for my next story on you."

XX

They sat in another oceanside restaurant, it was fairly new, no one knew either of them.

"Forty-two." He shook his head.

She reached across and took his hand. "Are you going to answer them?"

"No, it's obviously hit the press like a bomb. I just hope she didn't tell them where I am." He shook his head some more, "Wouldn't put it past her."

"You seem pretty upset with her, isn't press good for you in this situation?"

He started to speak, but stopped. He tried again, "It has been a terrible year. I both love and hate to write, but without sleep...and the trial..."

"You don't have to explain."

He held up a hand, "I need to explain, I need you to understand." Another pause, "I'm still fearful of what's ahead. Gina wants to sell books, and I want to survive. This has been like a dragon circling my life, breathing flames, terrorizing, trying to kill me." He looked up at her, to make sure she was following him. He saw only concern.

"Have you ever thought you were crazy? Wondering if you've come unhinged?" He look down at the table and just stared, "Trust me, enough nights of missed sleep and you find yourself living at the gates of la-la land."

"Castle, nothing you do suggests you're anywhere near la-la land."

"It's only you that can say that Kate. No one else can." He felt he had said enough, but he was still holding back, not being completely honest with her. Once he'd started to sleep again, once his sanity returned, other demons were there to takes its place. He being schizo for the last day or so. His brain fighting with his body and heart. But there was also a fear of losing this woman. He knew it was her who calmed him. Her presence was a balm and without her it was just a matter of time before he ended up in someones rubber room.

He had discovered something about himself with her. It first hit him when they were crushed against each other on the elevator. Initially, he reasoned it was just the pheromones thing, the unspoken tug of chemicals. By experience he'd rubbed shoulders with the famous, the mighty of this world, and in almost every case he was happy to see them go. Stars were best observed like those in the sky, from a distance. Up close, the mystic disappeared. Just like everyone else, the ordinary duties and calamities of life swamped any allure or sparkle. They were in most cases, hicks in the head lights. Not so with Beckett. In fact the complete opposite was true. The more he knew her, the more he wanted to know. She'd was different from any person he'd ever met in his life. She was living and breathing, extraordinary. She had from the beginning left him floundering in her wake.

"Hey, you in there?" He felt her hand on his arm and turned to look into her besetting green eyes. He felt the familiar jolt in his stomach.

"Yeah, guess I just drifted off."

"And where did you drift to?"

"It's a secret Detective, can't a man have some secrets."

"That depends. Are you scheming to slip away...to ditch this oh so ordinary cop?" Before she moved he leaned to her chair, taking her face in his hands and kissed her hard and long. When he pulled away, her eyes were wide.

"Whoa, what was that Castle? Should I assume there's no ditching planned?" She looked into his eyes and saw a desperateness she'd never seen, maybe even fear, it scared her, "Castle?" Stretching out his name.

"Never Beckett, never!" He spoke softly but with force behind each word.

"Rick are you OK? Tell me what was that about?"

His heart had sped up, it frightened even him. He decided to slow his brain down, as well as his racing heart, "It's nothing Kate, I'm good. Let's take a stroll. I need to keep working on this leg."

XX

After a big lunch and their afternoon enjoying the coastal air and sun, they decided on a light dinner. Beckett was sitting up on the kitchen counter, Castle was standing between her legs as she pulled him against her and the counter. Her arms were on his shoulders while he tried to feed her an over-sized bite of cheese, with his teeth. Beckett was laughing at him. She tried to take a small enough bite, while mumbling, "Are you nuts."

He gave up and just kissed her, the cheese feel between them. The both laughed at the stupidity of it all. It was both goofy and tender. Circumstances had forced them together again, just like the elevator ride. Gina's push to force him to write and the attempt to drive a wedge between them, had created a deeper bond than existed only 24 hours earlier. Another shift in their newly forming world. She erred and created a different type of battle for them to wage, together. The team had stepped up and won this round.

It was her phone's time to ring and interrupt, she gasped.

"Who is it?" He mumbled, still biting at her ear.

"It's my Captain." Her face showing concern as he pulled back.

"Beckett," she answered in a clipped profession tone.

"Detective, Captain Gates here."

"Hello, Sir, how are you?" While her brain screamed, _what this was about?_

"Actually I'm calling to see how you're doing?" The Captain sounded, actually concerned and warm.

Castle had not moved. His crutch was a out of reach and Beckett had been steadying him with her legs. He decided he would focus on her shoulder and explore his favorite tattoo, as well as the adjoining areas. He nibbled at it while she talked. She swatted him on the back. He pulled up to see her frown at him and mouth, "No!"

She tried to continue, "I'm doing much better sir. Looking forward to returning to work."

"I never doubted that, any time frame yet?"

"I have some appointments next week, I'm hoping soon."

Gates paused for a moment,"Detective do you remember the Mayor's gala earlier his year?" Castle's eye's widened as he stared Kate.

"I do, sir."

"You recall Richard Castle the writer?" His eyes went wide in surprise, he smiled at the comment.

"Of course. I met him again in rehab after my accident."

"Well I've had several calls today, from various," she paused, sounding like she was looking for the words, "News outlets, asking for comments on the fact that Mr. Castle is writing a book about you."

"News sources?" Again glaring at Castle who was trying to push his hand up her top.

"Yes, TV and newspapers. There was a news release by his publisher, citing anonymous sources of course, saying the story is about you."

"Sir..."

"Detective have you seen Mr. Castle recently?"

"No sir, not since the Rehab." Castle gave her a, _I-can't-believe-you-just-lied-to-your -boss_ look, and then put his hand over his mouth.

"Well if you do, and if this is true, we'll need to have a talk with that writer."

"I understand sir."

She paused and then returned to the earlier subject, "Would you let me know how things go after you've seen your doctor?' Another pause, " I don't want to rush your recovery, but we are looking forward to your return."

"Thank you sir."

"Have a good evening Detective." The Captain ended the call.

She looked at him, "Castle! I should kill you! Trying to feel me up while I'm lying to my boss!" She swatted at him, "What's wrong with you?"

He looked shy, or the best shy he could muster, "I just can't be this close, and make my hands mind."

"Liar!"

"What was that all about?" He added some tease to his voice, "So, Richard Castle is writing a book about you? Pray tell?" He smiled like some gossip hound.

She pulled him tighter against her, "Castle you are impossible."

XX

The first text came through at 10:45 pm, Beckett's phone vibrated, Castle was fading in and out of sleep and muttered, "Kate, who is it?"

She looked at the phone: _We need to talk, now!_

"No one, wrong number," She patted his hand.

She put the phone back on the night stand on her side of the bed, and continued to read her book. She struggled with focusing, _W_ _hy this? Why now?_

It took twenty minutes before she could get back in the story, lost to the writers world, except for the of Castle's breathing and his hand on her hip. From the second time her attention was drawn away by the vibrating intrusion of another text: _What are_ _you_ _doing in the Hamptons? Who are you with? Kate, please just call me. W."_

She wasn't afraid, just angry, for not turning off her phone GPS. She was foolish to think he would play by the rules, especially with all the toys at his disposal. She hit the setting button, then the connections screen, and disabled the GPS location switch. She knew it would require more.

She slid from the bed, made her way through the kitchen and then out onto the deck. She dialed the number, he answered immediately, she cut him off with a single irritated, "What?"

"Kate I've been worried about you. I've called your apartment, your Dad, and I get nothing. I've even called Lanie."

Her voice still flat and hard, "What do you want?"

"I need to see you, need to know you're OK."

"Will, how I am, is none of your business. You're years late on that accord, and understand this, we are done! The divorce is done, you're at your dream job Will, enjoy it!"

"You're still angry over …"

"No! I'm not angry about anything, I'm finished. We were a mistake. But it's history Will, so stop calling. Nothing is going to change."

"Why are you in the Hamptons?"

"Will, stop it! Stop tracing me. Stop calling me, just stop it all. Do you understand?"

"I was just concerned..."

"No you're not! Will get this straight, I'm not your concern, so stop pretending. You had years to worry...and you chose the FBI." She paused, "We're not re-hashing any of this, Good-bye." She ended the call.

As she crawled back in bed, she tried to be quiet. She smiled as Castle's arm snaked over her hip and across her stomach. His voice was thick with sleep, "You want to talk about it."

"No, love, go to sleep" She wrapped her arm over his.

It took awhile but he responded with a sleepy, "Nite."

She smiled to herself, _"Did I just call him love?"_

XX

He was standing at the counter, filling his cup with coffee. She'd slept in and he'd been writing.

"Hey beautiful!"

"Castle, coffee." She plunked her face down into the hand and huffed. "Don't feel beautiful."

"That's because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the beheld." He smiled at his own wit.

She lifted her head, and opened one eye, "Really? Sounds like either poetic license, or just BS."

"This cranky you is just so refreshing."

She stood grabbed her cup, "I'm going to go drink this standing in the shower, see if the combination of hot water and hot coffee can revive me."

"Would you like some help?" Flashing her his usual lecher grin.

She shook her head and pointed her finger at him, like a dog, "You stay!"

Smiling, he never missed a beat, "Get hot Beckett! I'm taking you to this great breakfast spot...best French Toast on the Atlantic seaboard."


	18. Part II -Chapter 17 - The Open Road

**AN - Thanks for reading and your kind reviews. All mistakes are mine. The characters belong to ABC and _Castle._**

* * *

 **Part II**

 **Chapter 17**

 **The Open Road**

When they returned from their drive, both were tired. Beckett mostly wanted a bath, she hadn't had much luck with his fancy tub.

"Castle do you think you can make it up the stairs?"

"Why, I have everything I need down here."

"Well, I was hoping I could take a bath, and," she paused for effect, "A famous author could read to me." She smiled coyly.

"You just want to get one of my books wet don't you?"

"No, what I want is a bath, and for you to read to me."

"You don't want me?"

"Yes I want you, but while I'm in the tub, it's your voice I'm looking for, can you do that?"

"Can I?" He smiled at her, "I am at your service Detective."

XX

The tub was large, with jets to move the water, but not tonight, it would be just her, hot water, ample bubbles and the voice of her favorite author. Once she was situated, only her head appeared above the blanket of suds. She had moved a chair in for him, he sat and read to her. She luxuriated with contented smile.

After about forty-five minutes he stopped reading, her eyes opened, "Beckett, enough tub, you're going to turn into a prune. Let me see your fingers." She held up her right hand, each finger was wrinkled deeply by the warm water.

She sat up, still covered in suds. "Castle, I have one more favor to ask."

"As I said, I'm at your service." He stopped for a few beats, "Well as long as it doesn't involve those stairs."

She laughed, "It does not. Will you put down the book and get in this tub with me."

Now he smiled broadly, "If someone has to do it, let it be me."

"Well, in that case, lose those clothes and get in here."

XX

They awoke in the master suite. After the bath, Beckett had scurried downstairs checked the doors and turned out the lights. Castle never left the second floor. Each slept like babies.

She awoke and found him looking at her, "Beckett, I think this is a better bed." Half awake and mumbling.

"Me too." She was plastered against him.

She opened and eye and looked over at him, he was counting on his fingers, she had no idea what he was up to, "Remedial math Castle? I'm afraid to ask what you're counting."

"You wake up so...lippy! So smarty pants, what day is it?"

"It's Saturday, I think."

"Yes, but more than that, it's our 8th anniversary."

She sat up, " Your going to need to help me with that."

"It was seven months ago today I took the most important ride of my life?"

"Yeah, and, what ride?" She looked skeptical.

"With you Beckett, with you, on the service elevator at the Mayor's party."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, held him tight, "Castle you are so sweet. But we didn't reconnect until August, did I miss some dating?"

"Only in my dreams and during your coma, we got especially close."

"Yeah, sorry I missed that part." She pushed herself away and laughed.

"Actually you didn't. You responded every time I visited you, or called, or talked to you on the phone. It all counts."

She pushed away and sat up moving to a cross-leg position, pulling up the sheet and leaning against the headboard. "A while ago you said something about shimmering, what did you mean?"

He smiled, rolled on his side and took her hand. She thought his face was almost like a child, about to tell some amazing adventure.

"When I met you on the elevator I thought the lighting was broken or, I didn't know, just not right. There was a strange hue around you." He paused, "When a fluorescent light is about to go out, the light will pulsate, it creates a...shimmering effect. So I thought the lights were broken on the service elevator." He scooted up and joined her against the headboard, "When the Mayor introduced us , it happened again. The light around you was strange. Gates and the Mayor seemed less luminous than you, even though you were all standing together." The child-like look had been replaced with a serious face.

"Were you drinking before the party Castle?"

"No! It wasn't like that." His response was quick and short, he sounded offended, but pressed on, "So I really started looking around to see if it happened anywhere else. Wondering if maybe I was having a migraine, with an aura, or a stroke, a TIA, I didn't know. Then you came back, attacked me at the bar."

"I didn't attack you, maybe...taunted you a bit."

"You can come across as bored, impatient and even unfriendly, Detective. Like I was wasting your time by standing alone at the bar."

"Castle, I'm sorry I was...rude to you, but you just threw me off my game. You made me feel, dizzy."

"Ditsy?"

"Dizzy, not ditsy. Those are your dates on page six."

"And here we have, the mean Beckett."

"Not so. I'm not being mean, you know those tramps are ditsy." He watched her nostrils flare a bit.

"Ditsy tramps? Beckett."

"Castle, shut-up and finish the shimmer story."

"When you did your thing...whatever you call it at the bar, you shimmered again. Every one around you was like, the bokeh thing in photography, they were out of focus and only you were in focus. Then on the elevator at the end of the night, it happened again, just as we parted"

"And, what does that mean to you, Castle?"

"Well...has anyone ever told you that you shimmered before?"

"No, you're the first, the only."

"Did I shimmer to you?" Without humor in his voice.

"No, but, you still made me feel like...like a time-traveler. It seemed like I was skipping through the night. Things only synced when I was near you."

"Whoa? What does that mean Beckett?"

"The party was too big, too glitzy for me. The noise, the people, it all bothered me, plus I was tired before I got there. My Captain and I had a run-in before the party, she sorta... kicked me out of the office and told me to go home and get cleaned up. I was sneaking in the back to avoid her as long as possible."

"That doesn't really help me understand."

"My angst evaporated when I ran into you. It was as though you turned down the roar, with you, it all seemed calm. I could hear you better than anyone, the distraction of the crowd faded into the back ground."

He leaned over and kissed the side of her head, stroked her cheek. "You asked what it means, well, it's making me re-think what my friend said about bashert ..." He held up his hand, "I know that's really an out there thing, but …"

She touched her fingers to his lips, "We seem to have...a very special...way of connecting."

"Do you want to elope?" Raising his eyebrows in glee.

"Castle, I'm being serious here. You know I've only been divorced for three months, so don't talk about eloping, unless you want to get hurt."

Ignoring her, "Yeah but if you take the years since my divorce and the months since yours, add them and divide by two, its..."

"Castle, stop! Be serious, what does this all mean?"

He looked the most serious she had seen him, "Kate, I have a hard time seeing anyone but you. They are all shadow people to me. Oh, I see them, but they're not you. No one is you, no one has ever come close to you." After the rush of words, he stopped, laid is head back at stared at the ceiling.

She pulled on his hand. "Hey."

"Kate, I don't get scared, at least not easily, but this really scares me. _We_ scare me."

"Why? What's scary about us?"

"Kate I can't imagine any future that does not include you."

"Castle..." but he squeezed her hand.

"I've never thought of another person like that, except Alexis. I know she's growing up, getting near...but then...here you are, pulling me, a drowning man from a sea of dreams and a sleepless nights..."

"Castle, I am not pulling you, it's you who's rescued me. Certainly from the coma, but also from the torments of anxiety. We're in this together, we'll get through it."

"This make me feel insecure. I'm too old for insecurity."

"Why would this make you insecure?"

"Kate, my fear is that once you're well, and you will be soon...and once you've returned to work...what if I'm not better? You're the only person who seems to be able to help me." He stopped talking.

When he spoke again, his voice had changed, it was now low and tentative, "I do not want to be a a burden to you not someone you've had around, but then...out grow, someone..."

"Hush, Castle." She moved and straddled his legs, careful to not hurt injury leg, and wrapped her arms around his neck, "That, will never happen."

XX

Following a lite breakfast they agreed he would do some writing and she would take a drive. On her way back she would stop at the village for bread and a few small things. Kate thought she'd like to do a little window shopping. The weather was still nice, but the forecast was for clouds later in the day, then a stormy week-end.

Castle had been feverishly making notes all week, but hadn't spent much time actually writing. Beckett knew he needed a few hours to get his thoughts on paper, to let all this pent up creativity loose. He had not said much more about his new character but had been asking her questions as ideas popped into his head.

As she was about to leave the house, she found him at the desk in the study. She suggested the sofa might be more comfortable since he could elevate his leg.

"Kate, I'll be fine. I have my phone, you have yours, call me if you think I've fallen up the stairs." She jabbed his arm and headed for the car.

It was nice to be driving, she was pleased with how pleasant the weather was, despite the pending rain. The traffic was no existent compared with the City. She headed west on Rocky Point Landing Road, taking in the scenery. Cops didn't live out here, people of means did. She felt out of place, in fact these people _were_ in league of their own, she laughed, thinking, _so was Castle_ , but he had brought her here.

This was the first time she'd been alone in over a week, except when Castle went to lunch with Gina. What surprised her was the immediate sense of his absence. It was funny and also scary. Funny because after her declarations to make her life that of a recluse, she had broken every pledge, but she was so happy, she didn't care.

The scary part was her growing dependence on him. She knew he was the only one who could push darkness back for her. Like the weather, a clouds were beginning to cover her thoughts and her mood turned heavy. She was a cop at her core and but she was uncertain how the anxiety and her job could ever be reconciled. It was not a case of mind over matter, there was no matter, nothing solid that she could wrestle to the ground, subdue and lock away. This thing was shapeless, allusive and devastating.

Her focus returned to the road, She found herself drawn back to a drive, years ago, with her parents. It was a day trip to the Hamptons. They had toured the beautiful area, she got to play on the beach while dad and mom looked on. The area was so different from New York, it had been a great day, a wonderful memory. It made her smile.

She laughed at herself, amused at how dialed back her cop eyes had become. The hyper-vigilance, observation skills, the search to categorize data was replaced with a impressionist sense of the world. It was a pleasant respite.

She stopped for another cup of coffee, chanting you could never get enough caffeine. Then continued her drive west on Rocky Point. When she arrived at a three-way intersection, she waited for her turn to go. As she sat she could see a Toyota FJ Cruiser going east on the green light. She noticed the driver didn't look to see if the other traffic had stopped. Beckett watched as a large pick-up, maybe a Chevy, came barreling south on Hallock Landing. She would learn the names of the streets later. She found herself screaming at the Cruiser's driver to turn their head and look, the Chevy wasn't going to stop.

It hit the the Cruiser at a 45 degree angle, traveling about 50 mph. The Cruiser was peeled apart all the way down the right side. She heard the ripping of metal, and felt the world shift.

For a few seconds she was not sure where she was, she blinked her eyes wondering if the VW was upside down? Was she still in inside? Would she wake up?

She blinked again, her head felt strange, her vision was playing tricks on her. She realized she was still sitting at the stop sign. She blinked several times and saw car parts strewn across the intersection.

She heard a voice, her own, _"Wake up, move it!"_ She did, and pulled the VW to the side of the road. She exited the car and ran to check on the driver of the Chevy. He appeared to be in shock, not focusing, stunned by the events. She talked with him, telling him to slow his breathing, not to hyperventilate. He finally focused on her, listened, did as she instructed and then calmed down.

Another driver jumped out of their car and checked on the FJ Cruiser vehicle. The driver also appeared dazed. She didn't leave the car until after the police arrived, along with an EMT unit.

After Beckett gave her statement and contact information. She returned to her car, turned around and headed back east on Rocky Point.

She was in for yet another surprise. Immediately following the accident she had been disorientated, confused over where she own location. Was she in the Hamptons? Or Central Park in Manhattan?

When she stepped into the cop mode, she sensed the old rhythm of police work. Her helping at the scene, felt comfortable and it felt good.

The elation of familiar ground was short lived. Fifteen minutes later she felt the first wave of anxiety. She pulled over, hoping she would feel better if she was upright and walking. It didn't help. She tried to re-run the details of the accident in her head, reciting the facts, the conversations. A distraction for her growing panic, again it didn't work. She could sense the increase in anxiety, her breathing became more labored, the panic escalating.

With hands on her hips she paced, like a winded runner, trying to talk herself back to calm, but without success. In desperation she reached into her purse for the anti-anxiety medication. As she searched, she bumped into her cell phone. She stared at the phone thinking, _he could help_. She reasoned, if she took the meds it would be a set-back, she had to get clear of this.

"Hey Beckett!" His voice of cheerful, relaxed.

She tried to speak, but was having trouble breathing and let out a small gasping whimper.

The cheerfulnesses was gone, "Kate! Are you OK?"

A gasping, "No" was all he heard. Now he was the one panicking.

"Kate are you hurt?"

Another small, weak, "No." And he knew what was happening.

In an instance his voice switched. It reminded her of him reading to her in the tub the night before, "Have I told you how beautiful you are Katherine Beckett? How wonderful this time with you has been?"

She offered a slightly stronger, "No."

"Have I told you that you look better naked than dressed?"

"Castle," still weak, but a little clearer, "Talk...to me." And so he did.

Fifteen minutes later he finished a story about traveling with his mother and all the crazy people they had met. He told her about a few of the many schools he had attended, as well as the one's he had been kicked out of, of course unjustly so.

He could hear hear breathing slowing as he talked. When she spoke it was almost normal, not breathy, "Castle you are so full of it."

"Oh Kate, it's so good to hear your voice. You doing better?"

"Yeah," she paused, "Thanks."

"Where are you?"

"I'm on a road named Rocky Point Landing, not sure how far away it is from the house. I pulled into a Teachers Credit Union to a call you, I think I see North Country Road."

"You're about 20 minutes away, do you think you can get home?"

"I'll try." Her voice was small again.

"Kate, listen to me. Get in the car, and let me talk you home."

Without hesitation, "OK."

As she drove he told her about the time in college when he and some friends, put a VW on the roof of the school. The owner was so upset he thought she was going to need medical attention. Beckett laughed weakly at the story. He had stretched it out as much as possible.

"Castle," her voice very thin, it sounded like she was losing it. "I'm in the driveway."

He was sitting on the sofa, his feet swung to the ground, his lap top closed when the door burst open. Her face was wet from tears. She made her way across the room, sinking half on the sofa, half onto him. He pulled her in tight.

It made Castle think of all the times Alexis had been hurt. How she'd come in, tears running, needing comfort. He knew he was holding, one of New York's finest in his arms, and she was hurting. This tough cop had wrestled preps to the ground, dispatched others to a higher court with her gun and now found herself out of control and at the mercy of this unseen tormentor.

She said nothing for nearly 10 minutes, just sat, head against his shoulder. Her breathing slowed more and more. He could feel the tension slip away in her back and shoulders. At first she had felt like a bundle of wire, now she was soft and warm.

"Kate is there anything I can do for you?" His voice soft against her head.

"Bed."

XX

After the love making, there was sleep.

He was the first to awake, she was coiled around him, as close as she could be. He wondered about them. They were a mess. The only good news was their ability to pull each other out of the their personal storms.

He gently kissed her head, careful not to wake her, wanting her to rest.

She'd been so upset by the recurrence of anxiety. She'd told him it was a minor traffic accident, but the whole aftermath made her fear she'd never be a detective again. She was more panicked by that idea, then by the anxiety itself. She said if she wasn't a cop, she wasn't anything. She longed to get back, she needed to lick this, or she'd never be cleared.

His thoughts were interrupted by her voice, sleepy, her mouth partial block by his chest, " Don't start something you can't finish."

He laughed, "Have I failed to finish anything I've started Detective?"

He could feel her smile against him, "Just suggesting..."

"You were tired Kate."

"I know, I'm a damn whimp." She sat up, "Castle this has got to get better, I wasn't kidding, I have to get better or..."

"Hey, you didn't take the meds, that's a good thing."

"Yeah but if it hadn't been for you, I would have had to."

"Beckett, you don't know that. You would of probably waited it out."

"Castle, I wish that were true...but it was you who got me through this, again."

"Then keep me close, I'll be there for you."

She laughed, made her voice deeper, trying to sound like someone in authority, "So Detective your cure for anxiety is?" Then making her voice high and whinny, "Oh, I just call my boyfriend, lay against him for twenty minutes, have a nooner, and take a nap."

"A nooner Beckett?"

"Yeah, you know..."

He cut her off, "I know what nooner is, it's just really funny hearing you say it."

Castle laughed until he nearly cried. When he caught his breath, she had been infected by his laughing fit.

When they both calmed again, she spoke, "You get my point Castle."

"I'm your boyfriend? I like that, and the laying against me part, oh yeah, especially the nooner. Where do I sign up?"

"How about you just shut-up, and lay still?'

XX

Sunday had been as forcasted with wind and blowing rain. The morning was leisurely over breakfast. In the afternoon Kate had read and Castle did some writing.

That evening they relied on leftovers for dinner, avoiding the outside storm. She convinced him that for the last night, she needed, no, they needed the tub. They ascended the stairs, she slid into the hot bubble bath and relaxed as he read to her. He didn't last long and soon made his way into the hot water with her.

The storm was not confined to only the outside of the house. Waves of melancholy had been lapping at them all day. By evening they were swamped with the foreboding sense of what was ahead.

When they climbed into bed, Kate slid close. She said nothing while he quietly studied her.

"Hey!" He whispered to the side of her head.

She looked up at him. Her eyes had been dark all day. Now they were nearly shrouded. She smiled at him, but it failed to cover her sadness.

"Kate," He stretched out her name, "Don't look like that."

"Like what Castle?" Eyes still heavy.

"You know, like you're going to your own execution."

"I just..." She stopped.

"I know, but don't worry. You said something yesterday, about how at ease you were in, what did you call it? Cop-mode...at the scene of the accident."

He paused, and rubbed her shoulder, "I've been thinking about that, it's seems like that's really good news."

"Why?" She sat up, looking curiously at him, her legs crossed.

"The fact that the car accident was upsetting is no surprise, but Beckett, even in the middle of that, you were calm, doing your job." He looked at her, hoping she would see his point. "Don't you see, you're going to be fine back at work."

Another weak smile, "What about the rest of my life? Nights, week-ends, all the rest. What if it spills into the job? I'm..." She dropped her eyes to the pillow on her lap.

"Beckett, look at me!" Her head came up and she made eye contact, "How did you do in the non-work parts of life here in the Hamptons?"

She smiled weakly, " _We_ Castle, _we_ did fine."

"And there you have it Kate! _We_." He pulled her and the pillow over to himself.


	19. Part III- Chapter 18 - Back To The Apple

**A/N - Thank you for reading and your reviews. Mistakes are mine, characters belong to ABC and Castle.**

* * *

 **Part III**

 **Chapter 18**

 **Back to the Apple**

In the end, Castle called his driver to come and pick them up, instead of driving the VW back to the city. It was always handy to have around, he preferred to leave it in Hamptons.

As they watched the scenery pass by they sat close, hands entwined, but the dread of the pending gulf between them, was still palpable. They had left the most obvious question about the future unanswered. The cocoon they had lived in for over a week was behind them, the looming skyscrapers of New York City erased any lingering doubts.

"Kate," he murmured softly, she turned to look at him. "We need to talk about..."

"I know." She scooted tight against him and laid her head on his shoulder. He lifted the arm and brought her in closer.

"We've spent the last week...within a few feet of each other, except for your trip..."

She mumbled, "You're being kind, you mean my disaster?"

"It wasn't a disaster" He kissed the top of her head, "We solved the problem."

She sat up straighter and looked at him, "Castle, I'm a cop, or I'm suppose to be." Now shaking her head, "How does this work out...'Oh excuse me mister bad-guy, I'm upset and need to go wrap myself around my boyfriend?"

"Today, maybe, but not in week or so. You had one anxiety attack in seven days."

"No, two, and each time we ended up in bed together."

He chuckled,"Detective, if that's suppose to elicit concern, it failed, I will never complain about you in my bed, anywhere."

She smiled at the ridiculousness of the comment. "Ah...I'm well aware of your willingness to make room for me. But, that's not my solution."

"OK, back to serious...what is the solution?"

"I have no idea. But I need one Castle. I _need_ to get back to work." She sounded, desperate.

"Kate, I know you do and I think we can make it on our own" Castle looked out the window, then back at her, "I think what helps us is knowing the other person is there."

She looked down at their hands, "I wish I was that sure."

"This past week was more than just a great time. I think each of us is better, stronger. It's not like we just took a feel good pill and as long as we take it, things will be OK. Our connection is our strength, not just physically, but knowing that we care about each other, that we are there for each another..."

"Knowing you cared about me didn't stop the road trip from hell."

"But you called me, we talked you through the trip home...that's what I mean. If one of us gets in trouble, we promise, if we're awake, we'll respond to each other's calls or text messages, immediately. We'll be electronically tethered."

She smiled, "Sounds like a parole ankle bracelet, but I'm willing to try."

"And if you have the need for my bed..."

"Shut-up Castle, I know where you live."

Quiet filled the space again. She wanted to trust that each of them could return to their normal lives. At the same moment he felt the tug of fear over the nights ahead. Both knew only time would tell.

Castle broke the silence, "I'll have Bob drop you at your place. I'll walk, OK, crutch you to the door, make sure you're in and head home. Remember, we're only 20 minutes away from each other."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Beckett, you have to make a promise."

"What?" She looked dubiously at him.

"Promise me first. This is not a joke."

"Castle I don't want to make a promise I can't keep." Now focusing on the back of the seat in front of her.

"You can keep this promise." Squeezing her hand.

"Fine, I promise." She huffed, "What is it?"

"No meds and no wall climbing."

"That's two, Castle."

"No, it's really one in the same. It means is, if it doesn't work, we go to plan B."

"And what is plan B?"

"We work out a better weaning process."

XX

As the car pulled away from Beckett's apartment Castle felt the loss of her presence. His brave face and pep talk was replaced with a sinking fear of what was ahead. His inclination was to turn around, go back and get her, to remain together, and figure it out. But with great effort he resisted the urge, because most of all, he wanted her to be strong and independent again. She needed her work. She needed to get back to it. He'd seen her light up when she'd talked about things that happen in her day-to-day work as a detective. Stories she had told him when answering his questions. He loved the dancing strength that filled her eyes, that strong and happy version of her. He knew he was pretty selfish, but it was her well being that crowded his head and heart. He wanted Kate's recovery, even if cost him.

Richard Castle loved his life, his career and all that writing had brought to him. But he'd been teetering on the verge of insanity in the long weeks and months of sleepless nights. It had been a dark, even terrorizing, lonely road. As the gnawing fear set in, he began to seriously question if he would survive. If in the malaise he would lose himself.

In retrospect, he looked back at his encounter with Kate Sorenson. He had been disappointed when he found out she was married. But something had happened in that short evening. This stranger had stirred a sparked of belief that had gotten lost in him. The night made him hope that he could get back, could escape the web that held him so tightly. She'd made him want to believe. And then she was gone and the flicker of hope faded.

When he'd first seen her in the rehab, unconscious, nearly lifeless it had been a painful blow. His own reaction surprised him. They had encountered each other as equals, pushing against one another, taunting, jousting, fending off each others words. But that Kate was gone and only a shell of the former person lay in the hospital bed before him. And then yet another emotional jolt, he was swamped with the sense of an unrecoverable loss, like the death of someone dear, someone he'd needed and now losing.

Before she returned to the world of the living, he had felt, and she had evidenced, an unconscious connection that existed between them. Castle was, at the end of the day a pragmatist. His belief in things, not seen, hardly existed. But then had seen what happened on a level he could not explain, with his unconscious acquaintance.

After she'd awaken, after they started to talk, to interact, his heart had lurched again. She did incredible things to him, things she was totally unaware of, but he had kept quiet.

There was a growing urgency in him to help her be well. He knew in his heart that he had never been selfless in a relationship. Never placed the well being of the other person above his own. But he found himself compelled to do just that, what ever it took to make her strong, what ever she needed, he wanted to give her.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone vibrating: _This isn't right!_ _W_ _here are you?_

He smiled and dialed her number, "Hey beautiful, long time no see!"

"Hey Castle, just wanted to check on you."

"Kate I'm 20 minutes from your place. You can't be lonely."

"Actually, I am." She was silent for a few beats. "I've been sitting on my sofa, smiling so much my face hurts."

"Was is something I said?"

"It was the million things you said, and did for me this past week. I'm not sure I've ever been so overwhelmed by happiness. I just wanted to thank you."

"Kate." He stretched out her name like a prayer.

"You're always teasing and funny with me Castle, but I wanted you to know just how much it all meant, will always mean to me."

He felt an immediate clinching in his stomach, this was starting to sound like a good-bye. His chest constricted at the thought. It sounded like the part where the girl tells the guy, he's a great person, but...had he completely misread them?

He started tentatively, "Kate is there a but coming?

She laughed, "No Castle, there are no buts. If you hadn't thrown me to the curb I'd still be with you."

This was a lie and she knew it. He had hinted over and over that he wanted her to be with him, wanted her to stay at the loft. She had not taken the bait. But she had no doubts on where he thought she should live.

"Don't give me that curb crap! You know,"...but he stopped.

"I know what Castle?"

"You know it all, so I'm just shutting up."

"I gotta see this." She waited, he said nothing.

"Castle?" Still nothing. Her phone chirped: _You know!_

"Told you you couldn't shut up!"

He laughed, "Call me before you go to bed."

XX

There were good things about being home. It seemed like the week away was only a day, but it could have been a year. So much had changed in the eight or nine days. He went to the Hamptons knowing he thought the world of Kate Beckett, but returned convinced he was in love with her. For the first time in his life he questioned whether he'd ever really been in love before her.

His mother had been waiting and greeted him like it had been a month.

"Mother, you didn't burn down the loft. You do love me."

"Richard, flattery still gets you nowhere! So where is your better-half?"

He turned and looked at her, his eyes wide, "Why did you say, better-half?"

She smiled smugly, and then saw the ghost like expression on his face, "Richard why are you looking like that?"

He shrugged attempting to dispel her concern, " Like what? You're imaging things. I just thought that was a weird thing to say."

"OK kiddo, now you scared your Mother. Are you going to tell me? Or do I call her." She crossed her arm across his chest and stared at him defiantly.

"Fine, fine, it's more than weird. It's just your choice of words...was strange."

"Better-half is that strange? It was a compliment about the two of you."

"It's just you're the second person express that idea, in a very short period of time."

"Who else suggested the better-half concept my Dear?"

"Dr. Dubbles." He left his face neutral and added nothing.

"Your shrink actually suggested that Kate was your better-half?"

"Not in so many words. He mad a reference to the Kabbalah."

"Your shrink is a priest?"

"No Mother. Because you mention the Kabbalah, doesn't make you a priest."

"I meant that loosely. But seriously, he believes in that mystical book?"

"Not sure but when he could not explain the connection between Kate and I when...when she was in her coma..."

"What connection, Richard? You've never mentioned that before."

He told her about reading to Kate, about her response to his voice and, his ability to sleep near her.

"Richard, I'm not sure I know what to say. That is a...well let's just say...an unusual tale." Her serious look was replaced with a smile.

"What Mother?"

"To bad you didn't think that up for a story yourself. Now that would be a best seller."

"There's more I didn't dream up." He paused, she said nothing. "When I told Dr. Dubbles about the...anyway, he said he didn't have a medical explanation, so he came up with the Kabbalah thing."

"And what was his non-medical explanation?"

"It's called bashert. It means destiny, in a sense, but the roots are in a connection before life. The story is that when a soul is created, it done so as a pair. At birth the soul is dividend in halves. The two halves must find each other. The doctor thought it described Kate and I."

"That is an unbelievable story. One that most people would think was crazy, until they saw you two together."

Sensing anew the weight of what it all meant, he became very still, after a minute, in a near whisper confirmed her conclusion, "I know."

"Richard, I don't think you ever let, _the one_ , get away. I think you may have just found her." She gently patted his leg, turned and headed upstairs to her room.

XX

It had been four hours since he'd dropped her off. She was alone in her apartment. It felt like home, even comfortable, but now slightly off. She didn't have to think, or really even guess at what was amiss, it was him.

She picked up her phone. Swiped and his picture came up. She typed: _Great to be home. Not so great to not have you with me._

He'd promised he would be there, promised he would respond. She waited, about twenty seconds. _Slumber party?_ She laughed.

She texted back, _Yes, but no. I have to do this on my own. I think."_

Her phone rang, "Why Kate?"

"Because we agreed we need to get back to our lives."

"I'm thinking that was a mistake. Can I take it back?"

"No, you can't. It's nearly ten and I'm about to crawl into bed."

"I can help you with that."

"You will. Keep your phone next to you and call me any time." He was quiet after her words.

"Good night Beckett."

XX

There were no calls or texts throughout the night. Both sleep well, no anxiety, no nightmares.

At 7:45 the first text pinged: _Castle, are you ignoring me?_

Her cell rang, "Never. I woke up around six, you were nowhere to be found, so I've been writing. I didn't want to bother you."

"Are you feeding me today?"

"What would you like? Somewhere out, or shall I fix you lunch here at my place?"

"Well," she stretched the word, "How about that Italian place near your loft."

"And what time would you like to lunch Detective?"

"How about 1:00, I need to make a few calls and do a little cleaning."

"Do you want me to come by and pick you up?"

"No that's OK, I'll get there. See you then." Her voice was happy and light.

"Sounds good."

XX

At 11:20 am there was a knock at her front door. She put down what she was doing, smiling with the suspicion it was Castle. She flung open the door ready to launch herself into his arms. Instead she froze.

"Kate."

"Will! What are you doing here?"

"Is that anyway to greet your husband?"

"Will, you're not my husband, we're divorced!" She started to close the door.

"Kate, please," Putting his hand against the door, "Let me talk to you, at least for a few minutes."

She wondered how she could go from such happiness to sheer frustration in only moments. This was behind her, she wanted it left done. No more talk, no more accusations. It was over.

She remained at the door, not allowing him to enter.

"Will, as I told you last week, there is nothing to discuss."

"Kate I've been worried about you. I visited the hospital and then the rehab after your accident. I know you've been having a hard time. Why is my concern for your well being wrong? We were married."

She soften slightly. "No Will, it's not wrong, just misplaced. Our life together is over, I'm fine, thank you for your concern." She tried to mask her simmering annoyance.

"Kate why don't you come to DC. Take all the time you need to recover. When you're well, I can help you get into a new position." He paused trying to read her, "Probably not the FBI, but some place where you could start afresh."

"Why would I leave New York Will? I have a job here, I have my career, what's changed?" She let the anger show into the response.

"I just meant, until you get over your..." He stopped. He could see her jaw tighten, the veins bulge in her temple.

"Get over what Will?" Anger filled her eyes and voice.

"Kate," his tone conciliatory, "I know you've been struggling."

"What exactly do you think you know Will?"

"Kate..."

Her voice now sharp and too loud. "Explain it to me now Will!"

"Anxiety, I know you've been treating for it."

"Who the hell told you that?" Eyes full of fire.

"Kate, I'm trying to help."

"No, you're not. What you're trying to do," she paused and looked at the floor, "You're trying to have things your way, like you always did."

"No, that's not true."

"Really? So you come over to offer your broken ex-wife shelter in DC, while she mends?" She stopped and took a deep breath, "Knowing full well I don't want to be in DC! You're the one who wants DC, remember?"

He opened his mouth, but changed his mind and remained silent. This was not going to have a good ending.

"Will, its time to end this conversation."

"This is because of him, right Kate?"

"Will! Leave him out of this" She looked down at the floor trying to contain her anger, then looked up and spoke firmly, "Good-bye." She closed the door, crossed the room and sank into the sofa.

Her heart was racing. She was so angry, but not at Will. The old resentment she harboured against her own mistakes, her own stupidity roared back in. She stared gloomily at her hands and then closed her eyes.

XX

She didn't know how long he'd been gone or how long she 'd been sitting. She was pulled back to reality by the vibrating of her phone. She looked at the screen, it was a text: _1:_ _15_ _\- at DiCicco's, you OK?_

She sat for a minute more without responding. She did not feel like company. She didn't want the eyes of all those strangers on her. She huffed, Will had won another round, beat her down, trying to drive his own wedge. She just wanted to be alone.

Suddenly she stood up, she would not grant her ex-idiot husband the win. She grabbed the phone and dialed. His voice flooded into her ear, "Kate, is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'll be there in twenty minutes."

XX

As she entered the restaurant and looked for him, he spotted her and could tell by her posture that things were not right. She made eye contact with him and made her way, shoulders down, no bounce to her step.

"Hey," she said as she slid into the booth.

"Kate, you don't look like it's been a very good day."

She bit at her lip, studied her thumb nail, "It started great and..."

"And then what?"

"My ex-husband showed-up to give me some crap."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. SOS, just another day with him."

"When did you eat last?"

"I had some oatmeal for breakfast. I really need to get to the store."

"Do you like meat-ball soup? This place has the best, the broth is not too heavy."

"That sounds good Castle. What are you eating."

"Some of your soup and half of a plate of veal ravioli."

"Why only a half?"

"The other half is yours. We need to save room for the Spumoni Ice Cream." His eyes sparkled.

She laughed. Already the misery Will brought to her door was starting to slip away, she reached across the table and squeezed his hand.

They chatted throughout the meal. He teased her for eating more than half of the soup, she retaliated saying he'd eating seven of the twelve raviolis.

"You counted the raviolis?"

"No," Snorting accidentally, "but I certainly got you!"

As they spooned at the Spumoni he reached into his shirt pocket and put something in his hand.

"What-da-ya got there writer-boy?" He smiled at her quip.

"Really, writer-boy? Well Detective, give me your hand."

She reached her hand across the table, palm up.

"I need you to close your eyes Beckett."

"Why?"

"Trust me for ten seconds...just close them." She complied.

She felt something on her palm, "OK Kate, you can open them."

His hand now covered hers. She looked up into his eyes, they were filled with kindness and caring, "What's under your hand Castle."

He lifted his hand revealing a a single shiny key. "What is this?"

"It's your key...to my loft."

She smiled and then her eyes clouded. She looked across the restaurant and then back at him. A single tear streaked down her cheek. "Castle" It was almost too soft to hear.

"Kate, are you upset with the key?"

"No." She looked into his blue eyes, "I'm shamed by your kindness."

His hands grabbed hers and he pulled her finger to his lips to kiss. "I want you to know, you are always welcome, any time, any day, everyday."

They finished the ice cream in silence. She clutched the key in her left hand.

He fidgeted, and she smiled at him, "What Castle? Is there something on your mind?"

"I...I just wondered what your plans were for this afternoon?"

"Well," she paused, and studied a spot behind him, "I don't have too much planned."

"Do you need a ride somewhere?"

"I do." She held the key between her thumb and index finger, "I'd like to try out this new key I just got...and do the Goldilocks thing."

"What?"

"Find a the right bed and take a nap!" She smiled at him.

"I can help with that."

XX

The driver dropped them at the curb in front of his loft.

Castle climbed out, and grabbed his cane. She looked at him, "So you thought I wouldn't notice the cane? When did you graduate?"

"You didn't say anything, I thought you..."

"Nothing about you gets by me writer-boy." She gave him a hug and quick kiss.

As they entered the lobby they stopped at the small desk area. "Charlie this is Detective Kate Beckett." He extended his hand towards her, "Kate this is Charlie, the keeper of the kingdom."

"Detective Beckett, shaking her hand, a pleasure to meet you."

"Charlie, it's nice to meet you too."

"Charlie I would like you to add Kate to the anytime access list, she has her own key. Can you make sure the other doormen know this?"

"Let me snap a picture and put it in the computer, we'll be good to go."

Once the paperwork was done they made their way to the elevator. As the doors closed behind them she crashed into him and gave him a crushing hug, "Castle! Are you trying to steal my heart?"

"Every chance I get Detective...every chance I get."


	20. Part III- Chapter 19 - In Our Skin

**A/N - Thanks to all of you for reading, following and providing your reviews. This summer has generated a great batch of stories, just so many good writers. Also there are many wonder archived works. A favorite of mine is, _Win A Date With Richard Castle_ , by Natalie Elizabeth, if you haven't read it, take a look. Hope you enjoy this chapter.  
**

* * *

 **Part III**

 **Chapter 19**

 **In Our Skin**

He teased her later about acting like a kid in a candy store. Kate was practically bouncing off the walls as they made their way to the loft's front door. Her eyes sparkled and dancing as she put the key into the lock, twisted and opened the door.

"That wasn't too hard, was it?" He smiled over her shoulder.

"Nope, worked just fine." Shoulder bumping him.

This was by no means her first time at the loft. But it was her first with _her_ key. It felt like ownership, it felt like a new home to her. She closed the door and turned to face him, extending her arms, inviting him in, "Can we go lay down for few minutes. I need to rest...but I want you near."

He stepped back and smiled, "You do look a little frayed around the edges there," then pulled her to himself again, for another long embrace, nuzzling her hair and neck.

When they separated she held his gaze, "Thank you Castle, for this," holding up the key, "Show me our bedroom."

He led her through the office and into his room and, with a raised eyebrow asked, "Ours?"

"Oh yeah, ours!" She closed and locked the door.

XX

After her introduction to his bed, Kate fell into a deep sleep. But Castle was not tired and quietly got up, found his laptop and then returned to their bed. He sat against the headboard with some pillows as props. He was inspired by her, the words flowed and he wanted to seize the moment.

As he quietly typed he felt her twist and move, trying to get comfortable, but never waking. He smiled as he watched her, relishing over how happy he was to have her with him, thinking she could stay forever, if she wanted. She finally stopped moving after pushing back against his side, making adequate contact. He gently moved the hair from the side of her face so he could see her profile clearly.

She slept for over an hour. Then the squirming began again. He folded the laptop and sat it on his nightstand. Then slid down against her, almost immediately her arm slid across his chest, the deep breathing stopped. "Hey Castle."

"Is that you Goldilocks?" She smiled and squeezed him.

"Kate, I have to re-read that story, I completely missed the naughty Goldie thing."

"Still full of it Castle, you never seem to run out of..." She pulled herself half way onto his chest and kissed his neck. "Did you sleep?"

"No but I had the best of worlds, a chance to write and simultaneously have a beautiful woman wrap her legs around mine."

"Still working on your new story, about..." She stopped without completing the sentence.

"About you? Yes. But I need some help, need to pick your brain."

"About what?" Her eyes mostly open.

"Details about the day-to-day. The big and the little things of a detective's work," He paused for a few moments, "It needs to feel real, not like a TV script."

"I'll try," rubbing her eyes, adjusting to the light, "but I need a cup of coffee."

"In bed or in the kitchen?"

"I can't trust you in bed, so let's head for your kitchen."

"Really? Let me quote you Detective," he looked at the ceiling like he was thinking, "Was it, take me to bed! Or...take me now!"

"No, Castle! It was can we lay down...then you got carried away." Pretending to be incensed by the suggestion.

"Maybe a bit, check the bite mark on your left thigh." He jumped from the bed.

"You better not have bitten me."

"Do you want me to quote you again?" He paused for effect, "Or shall I go make coffee?"

"Coffee!"

XX

After some shop talk, at least her shop, and several cups of coffee each, they moved to the living room sofa. He propped up his feet, and she laid her head on his lap. Just as they got comfortable the front door flung open.

"Darling...Oh, I mean darlings." Barely missing a beat, "Kate it is so good to see you." Stretching the word, so, Beckett was reminded by the greeting, Castle's mother seldom used conjunctions, they were just not elegant enough for her.

As Martha moved toward them, Kate sat up and then stood to greet her. The older woman pulled her in for a hug. She whispered into her ear, "Thank you my dear, you've helped him so much."

The women separated, Kate trying no to blush, "So what are you two up to?"

"We had lunch and," pointing to Beckett and added, "Goldilocks here took a nap."

"Well both of you are looking better everyday." Martha beamed.

No mother tolerates an ill child, nor a convalescing one. Mothers want their offspring to thrive, and her son had been knocked down hard. She had feared for him, then along came Kate and his life did a 180 degree turn around. To say she was happy would be an understatement, watching them warmed her heart. The power of love, whether 'the kids' knew or not was the most powerful thing in the world. But she surmised they knew that already. "What's on the agenda this week?"

"Kate's got some work things to follow-up on," actually a run to the shrink on Tuesday or Wednesday and a visit with her boss, "I've got to see Dr. Dubbels and then the sharks at Black Pawn, Gina has chummed the waters. They want to chat."

"Progress! Tell me my dear what is this new story you're writing?" Pausing for him to respond, and, when he didn't, she pressed on, "Is it really about a female detective?" Kate started turning pink.

"Mother I never tell my stories before they're published." Looking indignantly at her.

"Then why is the Detective next to you blushing?"

He turned an looked at Kate, "Great, you look like you swallowed the cat." They all laughed.

As Martha started to leave the room Kate stood, "Martha, it was good to see you. I have to run. I'm having dinner with my Dad, haven't seen him since I got back."

"Please come back soon Dear."

"I will." She turned to Castle, her face warm and happy. She cautiously waived her key.

"Let me call the driver,." and when she started to protest, he held up his hand. "Do it for me."

"OK," shaking her head, "Thank you."

He made the call and ten minutes later they exited the lobby to a waiting car. He kissed her on the cheek, "Please call me after you see your Dad."

"I will," she paused and looked wide-eyed at him, "Thank you Castle."

XX

The next day was busy for each of them. It of course started with them together. Beckett had made Castle promise to go to the gym with her. At first he declined but then agreed he could use a stationary bike and do some swimming.

Kate preferred to jog in the open air, but she preferred time with him more. Her sleep had not been as good the last two nights, she had a bad attack after the run in with Will. Castle was looking worse for the wear. She used a treadmill while he was on a bike near-by. First he tried a recumbent but then switched to an upright because of his reduced range of motion.

When she finished they headed for the pool. The water was warm and Castle found swimming a delight. He wondered why he had not taken it up sooner. The natural buoyancy took all the pressure off his leg, he felt like a human being again.

"Castle! I will swim away if you do not move your hand."

"Beckett, it was accident, I thought I was drowning."

"Right! Two legs, two arms, and you grab my breast?"

"Hey, can't I die a happy man?" She splashed at him.

They climbed out of the pool, showered and thirty minutes later were having a quick lunch at the deli next store.

"Based on what we're eating, our caloric intake has exceeded whatever we've burned off, by a factor of ten." She shook her head.

"Hey at least we work-out?" Castle trying to look earnest.

"Castle one day at the gym is not a life style change."

"I was not even suggesting it was...well maybe a little." He took another bite, "What time is your appointment?"

"2:30. Yours?"

"Dubbels changed it until 4:15."

XX

She paced on the side-walk in front of the building, not looking forward to this appointment. She knew it could make or break the chances of her return to work. The trip had been great and she considered it a significant shift in her life. Her concern was how the doctor would react after she laid out the story, and explained how she had stopped taking the anxiety medication. She would also have to explain the coma, and Castle's connection, she shuttered at the implications, took a deep breath and muttered, "Here we go."

Dr. Burke, her PD shrink, greeted her warmly. She'd seen him once after her release and then missed an appointment while she and Castle were in the Hamptons.

"Kate, you look good."

"I feel very good." She tried not to smile as much as she wanted to, she'd been incredibly happy with Castle, despite all the problems swirling around them.

"Well the last time I saw you, your anxiety was a big issue. Has that changed?"

"I missed the appointment because I was out of town and I had a couple of incidents but, I was able to get over them without the medication."

"Where did you go?"

"Richard Castle is a friend and he has a house in the Hampton."

"You didn't mention Mr. Castle last time. Is he the writer?

"He is."

"How long have you known him?"

"I met him early this year and he was the man who read to me in the hospital when I was having the attacks. He was able to calm me down, even though," she hesitated at telling the whole story, but added, "...I was unconscious." Dr. Burke shifted slightly.

"How often did that happen?"

"According to my Father, a lot."

"That's...well lets say, very peculiar." Kate watched as the doctor tried to process the information. "How did you end up at his home in the Hamptons?"

"Castle invited me along with his mother and daughter. I met him earlier this year at a political event for the Mayor. We talked and laughed and seemed to get along pretty well...but we didn't see each other again until after my accident." She paused, "Then he met my Father at the rehab hospital where we both were being treated."

"And why was Mr. Castle in rehab?"

"He'd been in an MVA, a car accident, and was having therapy for a broken femur."

"I'm not clear on how he found you...since you were, unconscious."

"Castle was having problems sleeping. My Dad would visited me late at night after work. He kept running into Castle and they started to talk. After listening to Dad talk about my work, Castle put the pieces together and realized it was me." She looked up at Burke who was waiting.

"Dad was surprised at how upset Castle became when he heard about my condition. Seeing his reaction, "Dad asked him if he knew me, Castle explained our earlier meeting."

"And how did it happen that Mr. Castle started reading to you and the connection to your anxiety was discovered?"

"Dad had been told by the staff that I should be read to...talked to, so when he had to be out of town he asked Castle if he would cover for him...and he agreed."

"And how was the anxiety connection made?"

"I started having more and more attacks...they had to restrain me...until...Castle came in and talked to me."

"How did that work? Or should I say, how did they explain it to you?"

"Dad said I would turn towards him, towards Castle, take his hand and, and then... calm down."

"Did this happen more than once?"

"I was told it happened every time. Once he went away for week-end, during that time I had a bad attack. Dad called Rick in the middle of the night, they put the phone next to my ear so he could talk and read to me. Dad said I calmed quickly, and then went to sleep. Rick came back the next day and was in and out of my room, reading and sitting with me, until I came out of the coma."

"Well, that's an incredible story."

"I know doctor, I'm...a little hesitant to tell it."

The doctor sat silently for a while, "Tell me about your anxiety attacks since you've been out. How frequently do they occur?"

She looked at her hands, fearful Burke would consider her a complete loon. The Doctor interrupted her thoughts, "Kate is there more?"

"Before I left rehab, Dad asked Castle to record a book, his voice...something for me to listen to when I went home. He did and I listened to it, and like before it helped me get over the bad times, at lease for awhile."

"Did you listen to the recording more than once? To see if it would still help?"

"I listened to the story a number times. After I got worse, my Dad and I had a fight and he told me to stop fighting this...he meant Castle and...our connection thing, and that I needed to stop being stubborn and call Castle. So I did."

"Stubborn about what?"

"I was embarrassed...over how I had...I was in a coma, not exactly my best moment." She paused, "I wasn't sure there was in connection...maybe my father was...embellishing."

"But you called?"

"I did."

"And how did that go?"

"It was good, just like when we met at the Mayor's event. I felt stupid for delaying our meeting again."

Kate was doing an internal squirm, not comfortable with the line of discussion. She was here for one reason, to be cleared to return to work. The more she talked, the worse it made her sound. It was true, she wasn't taking the medication but she was main-lining a person. She feared the doctor would interpret it as a weakness.

Burt was reading her turmoil and changed the direction of their discussion, "Kate what made you decide to go to the Hamptons?"

"We started seeing each other. The book wasn't working anymore and we started to talk, then visited each other. He was taking his family and invited me."

"And how did you do with the anxiety there?"

"Only a couple of instances, but we talked and everything was fine."

Burke looked away, out the window and took some time before he spoke, "I've never heard of something like this Kate. I'm struggling to put the pieces together. I understand the impact friends and family can have on a recovery, support is normal, but it's just that, support. In your case, Mr. Castle seems therapeutic and normally, an individual is not therapeutic." He turned away from the window, leaned forward, placing his elbows on the arm rests, "What do you think about this?"

"Hearing myself...telling you this story, it scares me...it sounds crazy."

"Why would it scare you? You know everything here is confidential."

"Doctor I've been in the divorce process for the last year. It has made me really distrust my skills at relationships. With the divorce behind me, I set some very rigid rules for myself...but I feel...emotionally...I'm in deeper than I've ever been in my whole life...and...I don't trust myself."

"What is it that you don't trust?"

"Me! Doctor this all sounds like...I don't know what...but I'm a cop...I do facts. But here...I'm dealing with something I can't explain. We have an influence on each, a connection...that doesn't neatly fit..." Her voice trailed off.

"I don't think you can ever underestimate the power of friendship, even love." He paused and looked intently at her, "Kate, how would you describe your relationship, not just the connection, but emotionally with Mr. Castle?"

She didn't respond. Just stared at her folded hands.

He tried again, "Is it professional?"

She shook her head back and forth, signaling, no.

"Would you describe it as just friendship?"

Again, she shook her head, no.

"OK, is it romantic?"

He waited for her to respond. She found her throat had closed with the questions. She studied the floor and then her hands. Finally she looked up at the doctor, eyes wide and brimming, a tear slipping down her cheek. Still no words.

"Why does that make you cry?"

She cleared her throat, pushed away the tears with the back of her hand, "I'm incredibly happy with him...I shouldn't be, I'm recently divorced...but I'm happier than I dreamed possible..." The tears interrupted again, "and...pretty emotional."

"It's never wrong to feel things strongly Kate."

Sensing the need to move along, he asked, "Tell me how long since your last anxiety attack."

"Earlier this week." Another pause, "My ex came by to give me some grief. That night about 2:00 am, I had a...a mild attack."

"Did you have to take the medication?"

"No." Her answer quicker than intended.

"How long did it last?"

"An hour or so."

"Kate how do you work through an attack?'

She frowned, she was back in trouble. Talked into a corner and forced again to tell this doctor more than she wanted.

"Kate?"

"I called Castle?"

"How does that help?"

"He...his voice...conversation with him is soothing for me."

"And you were able to go back to sleep?"

"Yes," but leaving out, ' _especially after I got to his house and was tucked in next to him._ _'_

XX

Richard Castle, hated doctors, even before the accident. Now he hated them more. He didn't want to see them and certainly had no interest in doing what they said. The old adage about, 'practicing medicine' seemed more true to him than ever. Time made things better, but it was Beckett who helped him most.

Dr. Dubbels had been involved in the whole Beckett-Castle phenomena and had been scratching his head from the beginning. He'd been so taken back by what he observed that he'd abandoned medicine and gone to the bashert idea, a spiritual level to explain it all. Castle was surprised by the idea at first, but the facts revealed things no one could explain.

Castle thought over and over about the idea of destiny and then added the twist of predestination. Destiny was full of adventure, hope, and the joyous mystery of discovery, but the other side of the coin was predestination. To him it seemed ominous and constraining. He was caught in a dilemma between freedom and a planned future, but the tie breaker had beautiful green eyes, arms that encircled both him and his heart, legs than entangled with his and then bound him to her. With that reality, he didn't care what they called it, it wasn't an 'it', wasn't an 'idea.' She was real and she was with him.

"So Rick, how you doing? You look the best I've seen you look in months."

"Things are good. I'm sleeping and writing."

"Have you been taking the medications to sleep?"

"No! No medications." The doctor raised his eye brow at the response.

"OK, six week ago you hadn't slept in..."

"In forever! Or it seemed like it." Castle shook his head at the memory.

"So what's changed?"

"The thing you called it bashert, and all the...well, I just call her...Kate." Dubbels smiled.

"Tell me about her Rick."

XX

He called her after he got home. They swapped stories on how the shrinks had gone. Kate was concerned about the direction of her session. Fearful her doctor would think she was simply avoiding the real source of her anxiety and relying on Castle.

"Why would he think you're avoiding the cause?"

"He kept asking questions about...us."

"And what did you tell him?"

Her reply was delayed, sounding exasperated, "How we met months ago, and then how you found me in a coma and we connected..."

"You told him about the reading and stuff?" Unable to hide the surprise in his voice.

"Castle he's my shrink! Am I suppose to lie to him?" Her voice tight.

"No, no, I didn't mean that." He paused, "I think...it's just people find the hairs on their necks standing up when you tell them about...about that."

"Yeah I know it's..."

"Kate you should have seen the way people looked at me at rehab, after they heard about us. They sorta steered clear, looked at me like I was the 'patient whisperer,' it was really creepy."

She laughed, "Me too, Doctor Burke tried not to, but for a second he looked at me like I had slipped and landed on my head. When he gave me the crazy-as-a- hoot-owl look, I asked him, to explain the time line. I'm in la la land, we hadn't spoken to each other in six months and some how I'm responding to you."

"What did he say?" Castle pulled the phone tight against his ear.

"He just looked, baffled. He had no idea what to say." She paused, her voice changed, "Enough about me. How did things go with Dr. Dubbels?"

"Pretty good. He knows about you and wondered how things were going. He could tell I have been sleeping and wanted to know how."

"What did you tell him?"

"That what he thinks is _b_ _ashert_ , is beyond me. I just call her Detective."

"Castle, I could kiss you."

XX

They agreed to text or call if the need arose during the night. Castle had a meeting with Black Pawn the next day and she with meeting with Lanie and her boss.

After the call ended Castle did some writing, but found himself anxious and distracted but not sure why. At 11:45 he headed to bed and fell in to a light sleep.

At 1:15 he rolled over and looked at the clock. He hadn't had the dream, no thumping heart, no sweating. He groused at being awake and then he felt it. The bed shook ever so slightly, making his heart speed up. He wondered if they were having an earthquake.

When her hand landed on his stomach he jumped. He looked over at the mop of dark hair next to him. He smiled, wondered when had she come in? He started his inspection, she wore only a T-shirt. He slid his hands over her hip and then up to her stomach, he pulled her against him, "Kate." She did not respond at first. "Kate."

A sleepy voice, "Castle...sleeping."

He started at her neck, kissed up to her ear and began working on it. She squirmed even closure to him. He smiled to himself.

Next he addressed her shoulder, at least where he could find skin. Her voice interrupted him, "Castle? Are you lonely?" She paused and squirmed again, "If you don't let me sleep I'm not using my key again."

With that he pulled her up and on top of him. She started to laugh, " Kate, I'm so glad you're here."

"Well, I thought I should see if the key still worked."

"At 1:30 in the morning?"

"I was afraid you might change the locks."

"And why would I ever do that?"

The teasing and squirming lasted another ten minutes and then both succumbed to sleep. Deep, dreamless sleep.


	21. Part III- Chapter 20 - The Plan

**Part III**

 **Chapter 20**

 **The Plan**

She awoke, looked at the ceiling and for a second was confused, it wasn't hers, but then she smiled, it was bliss. Next to her she heard the soft breathing, he was still asleep. During the night he had rolled over and was facing away, she gently laid her arm over his shoulder.

She hadn't started the night with him. She had gone to bed, at home, and tried to sleep. It didn't work. She had fretted and tossed, thinking how she'd slept alone for most of her life and now, she was staring at the key on the night stand, trying to resist the temptation to go to him. The next thing she knew, she was closing the door to her apartment and heading across town to his loft. In just a short time, all the places she had been comfortable in, had been reduced to, just that, places. But home was only where he was, and she had decided, this had to stop, she needed to be with him and they needed to talk.

She knew he was not an early riser and did most of his writing far into the night. Even with her leaning on him, he was not stirring and she was growing impatient. It was her turn to get hands under the shirt.

"Beckett, what are you doing?" He mumbled in a sleepy, heavy voice.

"How do you know it's me?" She teased him.

"Cause you broke into my house in the middle of the night."

"You gave me the key, and told me to use it." Still whispering against his neck.

"I did, and I'm happy to have you here. But why aren't you sleeping?"

"I'm to wound-up about being here."

"Liar...can't sleep! Why?" He rolled over and looked at her.

"I need to talk to you."

"Beckett it's 6:15 in the morning and," he took a deep breath, "you are talking to me."

"I need you to get up, make some coffee." But then she paused, "No! Lets get dressed and go have some breakfast, out."

"You mean shower, dress, and..."

"No, pull on what you've got, it's a hat day." She smiled.

XX

"Oh man, these waffles are to die for?" The words were not that clear, his mouth was to full.

"Castle, did your mother never teach you to eat with your mouth shut?"

"My mother, never came home for breakfast. I'm a breakfast orphan." She just shook her head.

After finishing the meal, she leaned to the center of the table, her hands wrapped around her coffee mug. She extended two finger and rubbed the back of his hand. He raised his eyebrow. "You OK Beckett?"

"If you count the coma time, we've been together about three months. If you count the Mayors thing, three months and six hours." He smiled at her math.

"I'm callin' it ten months." Dismissing her numbers. "You tried to steal my heart the first night, or, at the least get your hooks into me."

"What hooks?"

"I've had women chase me all over the planet. You were like a ninja! Stealthy and cunning. Bumping into me, teasing me, making fun of me. Grinding against me when we danced." He paused, she was the one now raising her eye brow, "Did you skip any trick in the book? You were lethal!"

"You make me sound terrible?"

"You were terrible." He shot back. "I was played...like a cheap fiddle."

"You're not happy with us Castle?" She looked betrayed, or at least a little rejected and sat down her coffee.

"Are you nuts! I'm crazy about _us!_ Crazy about _you._ " His eyes danced as he grabbed her hand and kissed her extended fingers.

She smiled, "I have to confess, I'm a little embarrassed by my conduct that night."

"Why?"

"I was drawn to you, I thought it was a game and, I hadn't had any fun in a long time. But when I thought about it later...I was...a bit, over the edge."

"I wish you taken me away and kept me locked up Detective."

"OK, enough of that. I got you up early so we could talk".

"Ah, we are talking."

"Not this kind of talk."

"Me telling you I'm crazy about you is, what, too boring?"

Now she took his hand and kissed it, "That is never boring, and that's sorta what I want to talk about, but not about the Mayor's thing."

"The floor is yours Detective," spreading his arms.

"When I was at Dr. Burke's I was reluctant to open up and be honest about how I feel about you, about us. I was holding back because of how fast our relationship has developed and afraid what he would think. It might seem..."

"Reckless?"

"Yeah I guess reckless works." She shook her head, "If I had a friend who had done what I've done, I'd tell them to slow down." Adding emphasis to the words, slow down. "Maybe suggest they're acting irresponsibly or...something along those lines."

"It sounds like we're heading for a but?" He looked at her with a strained, questioning expression, "Are you about to send me on my way Detective? Make some space between us? Let us mature?"

"No, absolutely not." Again pulling his hand to her cheek. "What I'm doing is ignoring my fears and the looks of 'how reckless can you be?' I know I haven't been divorced very long, but I hadn't been married for quite awhile. Last night I laid in my bed hating where I was, fighting with myself over whether you wanted me with you, _whenever_ , like you said. Then telling myself to stop thinking, just get up and go."

"You should know I meant I what said Beckett."

"The night has it own special monsters of fear. I was just feeling insecure about barging into your bed."

"Was it really that hard to come me?"

"Yeah, until I crawled in beside you, and you started pawing on me."

"I did not paw you! I thought I was being attacked by a half-clad woman with dark hair and beautiful green eyes." The sentence came at double speed and he gasped for air.

She chuckled at his delivery, "Castle the lights were out!"

"All the women in my dreams have dark hair, green eyes and a mole on their hip." She swatted at him.

"Please focus and let me finish." He put his finger to his lips, suggesting silence would be observed.

She started slowly, "I think we need to be together every night, no more nights apart. I don't care how it looks. I don't care if it seems rushed to...to others. I knew the first night, the first contact, and with each dance, that something was stirring deep in me, because of you. I don't have a name for it. But I'd never felt it before. It wasn't lust, it was deeper than that. Like an ache, but also relief at the same time. It was as if I'd found something I'd lost...like"

He leaned across the remaining space, pulled her to himself, holding her hands in his and gently kissed her.

"Beckett, you should be the writer. I'll be the cop."

She leaned back and just smiled at him. He thought her face was the picture of contentedness. She was always beautiful to him, but today, the light was just perfect, he froze as he stared at her.

"I need to tell you something." He paused and squeezed her hands, "It happened at my appointment with Dubbels. He thought I looked much better, in fact he said, the best he'd seen me in months. I told him things were good, I was sleeping and writing."

Castle stopped talking and looked away for a few moments, then made eye contact, He asked, "Is it because of my bashert?"

"And what did you tell him?" She smiled at the reference.

"I told him I don't call it bashert, I call her Kate."

Her face changed from serious listener to a full bright smile, eyes alive, "Castle, you're killing me here," she started tugging on his hand, "You want me to jump across this table and grab you, don't you?"

"You could do that. But I should warn you, we'd be thrown out of here, but..."

"But what?"

"I didn't tell you that...just as a compliment, I meant it. I think there's merit in his bashert idea, but it's an idea. People talk about ideas, they talk about life and love, as ideas. But when your ideas are wrapped in flesh and blood, they're not ideas, they're so much more."

She closed her eyes for a moment, and then, "And what did the doctor think of your explanation?"

Now Castle was gone, either not hearing or lost in his own thoughts, he continued, "I've thought a lot about the idea of destiny, that you and I could be destined to find each other...I liked that idea." Another long pause, "But then I thought of it as being predestined, like there really wasn't a choice on our parts, and ..."

"Let me guess, it creeped you out?" She leaned forward again, elbows on the table, her folded hands under her chin, the intent look was back, listening to each word.

"It did! As I thought about the idea, I disliked the whole bashert thing more and more, for taking away my right to choose you. But then I thought, I'd choose you in any world, in a heart beat." She smiled again.

He continued, "When I thought about you, as the breathing and living reality of destiny and predestination, the words, my struggles, meant nothing. If you're my bashert and it was predestined, I happily embrace you. I'd choose you over everything, and everyone in this world." He stopped, "Kate are those tears?"

"Castle..." he squeezed her hand gently and then wiped an errant tear.

Then the intent look returned, "As I look back over _us_ , from the first meeting to now, I remember something strange from our first dance. I found something with you, honestly just being in your arms, that I'd never known before." He stopped again, looking as if he was rerunning something in his head.

Voice still raspy and thick, "What...what was it?"

"I felt safe. I realized, like the old song, that I'd never been safe in anyone arms before. I wondered if that's why I dreamed of you at the accident? Why you can save me in my nightmares over and over?" He stopped and looked down at his hands. His confession spent.

She sat quietly and watched the top of his head for just a moment, then reached over and put her hand on his, "Let's go out and walk a little."

After paying they left the restaurant, setting out at a leisurely pace. She took his free hand in hers. She wanted to lean against him, but knew better. The cane was in his other hand and his balance was still not the best.

After several blocks she pulled him to a stop. He faced her as she looped her arms around his waist. When she spoke, her voice was soft, but thick, "Can I ask you something Castle?"

He answered without a moment of thought, "Of course."

"Wait til you hear it, then decide. If...well..." Still soft, speaking against his shoulder.

He thought he felt a slight tremor, "Kate, you can ask me anything. What is it?"

She pushed back, moving her her hands to his chest and looked up at him. Her eyes clear, "Do you love me?"

XX

For some people, it takes time, they mull things over and over, trying to sort it all out, trying to get it right. Castle was no different. He'd been rehearsing how he would tell Kate Beckett he was in love love with her. He had been admonishing himself to resist the growing urge to share his heart. He did not want to scare her away. He'd seen the movies where the guy tells the girl he's in love and she gives him that you-must-have the-plague-look. He didn't want that to happen, she was too important to him.

But again Kate Beckett had hit him without warning. She seemed to be able to do that, just when he least expected it. She hadn't said she loved him, but wanted to know if he loved her. Based on the way she had asked, the hesitation, he was willing to take the risk, to tell her the truth.

After the words, which surprised even her, as the left her mouth, she held her breath. But he had gone silent on her. The exuberance and courage that had bubbled the question out of her, was beginning to be replaced with fear. She had just told him they needed to live together, or at least always sleep together. Love, she reasoned, was there. She did not want to run him off, but he made her feel bold and strong, capable of anything, especially when he was near. She loved him. But he wasn't speaking. Her thoughts, and fears, were interrupted by his voice.

"Kate, of course I love you."

She spoke hesitantly, "It took you awhile to answer. Are you sure?" She looked frighten, or uncertain in his delay.

"I've been trying to hold back, to not tell you." He spoke to the ground.

"Hold back, what?"

"The truth about how I feel, how I've felt for awhile."

"Why would you hold back? Did you think I'd bite?"

"No, I just didn't want you to run."

She shook her head, "I would _never_ run from you."

He had pulled her into an embrace, and whispered into her hair, "I've known since the coma."

Now she stepped back, "How did you know then?"

"It was a number of things." He looked down at her, it was as if her eyes were a question mark. "First was the sheer panic I experienced over whether or not you would ever recover. It's normal to want someone to get well, but this was different. It was a crushing fear along with constant anxiety. I was surprised at my response to your condition, and the possibility of you not coming back."

As he paused, she broke her silence, "Things?"

"I was grounded...no, sustained by your touch. Not just the sleep, but the contact. I could survive with you near, I felt I could survive with you in my life." He was silent for a minute, "When you didn't want to see me after you came out of the coma, I was an emotional wreck. I felt stupid, but more than stupid, I felt more alone than I'd ever experienced in my life."

"Castle, I so sorry about those early weeks afterwards. I was the stupid one. I should of listened to my dad." He put his fingers to her lips.

"It's done, we're together." He ran his hands up and down the back of her coat. ""Do you know the song _Mercy Street_ by Peter Gabriel?"

"I do, I like it. It's so ethereal, so beautiful."

One of the lines is about the priest hearing someones confession, it says, _he can handle the shocks..."_

She watched him, he was silent again. She let it run it's course.

"There's a poem I like, it's serious, like _Mercy Street,_ it's called the _Confessor_ _s'_ _Death_. It's about the loss of a friend, one with a non-judgmental heart, a sympathetic ear." He began to quote from memory,

O _h heart of grace why silenced now._

 _The dust of death upon thy brow._

 _The patient eyes will hear no more,_

 _so where to plead, to lay my scorn_

 _I need your voice, I need your heart,_

 _I cannot bear what fills the dark._

 _Like gentle priest, you took my pain,_

 _and pardoned each and every stain._

He looked up at her, eyes glistened, at the edge of tears. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed his fingers.

"You pulled me from certain death Kate." Another long pause, "I need your voice my love, and your heart. You dispel the darkness in me." He looked away again, hesitant to make eye contact.

"Castle." She moved back against him.

After a moment he spoke, "I didn't want to freak you out...with a declaration of love, the bearing of my heart." He pulled her tighter against him, spoke into her hair, "Love strips away all the pre-tense, it lays the soul bear before the beloved...I hoped that you would stay long enough to feel the same. But I was afraid to risk being honest...it can be very dangerous."

"Thank you Rick...you know I love you." It was barely audible, but loud enough for him, whispered like a pray at the side of his face.

XX

Over the next month they spent even more time together, as Kate had suggested. They saw each other daily, ate most meals together and spent the nights at either her apartment or his loft. They were a healing balm for each other. The nightmares ceased for Castle, the anxiety stopped for Beckett. She insisted they religiously go to the gym. He concentrated on the bikes and swimming. She used the treadmills or ellipticals. Progress came quickly, he needed the cane less and less but confessed to her that it was more for his protection than walking. He'd found that with cars people used turn signals, brake lights, even back-up lights. Not so with pedestrians, they were all over the place. Turning, stopping, reversing and all without warning. It was a true test of his stability. He used the cane to guard himself, in people traffic.

Beckett had continued with Dr. Burke and received her clearance to return to work. At first Castle was excited, then he wasn't. She had five days left, it was Wednesday and the upcoming Monday her life as a detective would resume. She studied him across the room, working on his tablet, but mostly fidgeting.

"Castle!" Sounding like he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

His head popped up, and then he returned to the tablet, but he said nothing.

"Castle are you going to talk to me or do I have to cuff you, and start the interrogation?"

As his head came up, he smiled, "Cuffs?"

"Rick," her tone was soft, "What is it that has you squirming like a little kid over there? Ants?"

"Not ants, you!"

"What did I do?"

"You haven't done anything, it's what you're going to do."

"Oh, I see." She furrowed her brow, "You mean Monday?"

"Kate, we've spent almost all our time together and," he paused, "I don't like the idea of that ending. At all."

"That's true, we have spent nearly every hour together for the last couple of months." She paused and picked her words, "Rick I don't know of anyone who's together as much as us. But that can't go on. I have to go back to work. You have to work. Black Pawn is eagerly awaiting your next book."

"I know, no whining! But, screw Black Pawn."

"No, you are not going _screw_ Black Pawn. You're going to finish the book, and a bunch more after that one."

"I have an idea," The kid look on his face, "Why don't you just concentrate on spending my money?"

"What? Are you seriously suggesting I turn into a gold digger and latch onto a old rich guy?"

"Old guy, did you say _old guy_? She laughed hard, he ignored her, "I'm suggesting you latch onto _me_ , and spend _my_ money."

"You know that's not going to happen. I'm a detective, that's what I do, that what I love, and I want to return to work."

"I thought you loved me?"

"My love for you, and my love for work, are not comparable, but...I need to work, and, I'm not staying at home."

"I know and I'm pleased that you've been cleared to return. But damn Kate, I just don't want to be away from you that much. Happy now? Your guy's a wimp! Needs his woman."

She crossed the room and crowed into his space. "This woman needs you. I've haven't figured out how I'm going to do without you at my side. I'm not looking forward to that part." She kissed his neck and held him tight. They sat for several minutes, locked in each others arms. Finally he spoke, "I have an idea."

She pushed herself up and looked at him, "I'm open to ideas, what's yours?"

"Take me with you?" The eyes of a nine-year-old dancing before her.

XX

Fifteen minutes later she was still shaking her head, "You're serious aren't you?"

"Yeah Beckett, serious as a heart attack."

"You're just working an angle so you can be with me all day long."

"Hell yes!"

She laughed, "Castle I don't want you to hold back."

He tried again, "But the second reason is what's important, working with you would be the best research, ever. Readers know when you're telling a story based on a life experience and not just regurgitating something you looked up on the Internet. Things come out, tell-tale stuff, it can't be hid. Hands on research cures that problem."

"You know I can't take you in with me. Certainly not at the beginning, like you're a pet. I can see the look on everyones face if I showed up with _you_."

"What does that mean? Sounds like I'm something on your shoe!"

Raising her voice, to sound like a dingy air-head, "Morning everyone, this is my lover...it's bring-a-lover to work day isn't it?"

"Kate, there is a such a cruel side to you. You make lover sound something dirty."

She had been pacing during the conversation, but made her way back to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "Not true, I just can't take you to work so you can do research."

"You don't think my Mayor angle would work? He owes us!"

"I think it would be better if after I get back, you and I approach Gates and try to get you in, the right way, instead of the political angle."

He conceded, "You're right, we need her on our team."

"We don't have a team."

"What do you call the last six months?"

"You mean three and an a half months?" She wagged her finger at her.

"Literary license my hot one! Literary license!" He beamed at her.

* * *

 **AN - A special thanks to you who have taken the time to read, send PM's and write reviews. Always know that it all helps fuel a story and move the writers over rough spots. In the next week the final chapter will be published for Nightcaller. It has been fun.**

 **I have ideas for future stories, but. The heart of this story, all stories about Castle flow from Andrew Marlowe's idea of this complex and wonderful couple. This season has wounded my muse, I'm not sure to what extent. Writing is often a mix of love and hate, a vexing voice in your head, the lines and ideas seep out the writer into everyday life. Notes are scribed and become stories. Fundamental to this process is a belief in Caskett, I am pleased that it is alive and well in the land of Fan Fiction. To all the writers and readers, carry on.**


	22. Epilogue

**The Nightcaller**

 **Epilogue**

It had been nearly a year since their last meeting. It had been a causal dinner, just old friends, Victoria Gates was among them. Like others attending, she had done well, moving up in the ranks of the NYPD and becoming a detective quicker than any police officer, save one. She had then been promoted to Capitan and now headed the 12th precinct.

He had also climbed through the ranks, but his climb was on the political ladder. He greeted her with a hug, "Hey Vick, my most famous partner in crime, good to see you."

"And you to Mr. Mayor."

"Really, Vicki, there's ten of us here and you're going to call me Mr. Mayor."

"You are the Mayor." She glared at him.

"You know you never could bend a single rule, and there's no rule that says you need to address me as Mr. Mayor."

"Sir, it is out of respect for your lofty position."

"Great, no respect for me, now it's _'the office'_ you're honoring?"

"That is not what I meant and you know it. I'm proud as can be of you." She shook her head, thinking, _he's still full of it_ , "Where's you're wife?"

"She's over there." He turned and pointed to the kitchen.

"Good! Later Mr. Mayor...Sharon is much easier to deal with." Heading for the kitchen.

The dinner had been fun, a group of old friends laughing and enjoying each others company. The Mayor had cornered the Capitan again later. They were discussing work and what great people they had working along side them.

"Tell me about your star Detective, what's her name?"

"Kate Beckett."

"Yes, Detective Beckett. Great clear rate."

"She doing very well. Really smart, good intuition, she thinks very abstractly...she can develops leads from very limited evidence."

"What is she like as a person?"

Captain Gates sighed.

"What? Is there a problem?" His face reflecting concern.

"No, no, she's a great person. She's just been working through a divorce, and, it's been difficult to watch the toll it's taken on her."

The Mayor was quiet for a minute. He crossed his arms and rested his hand against his chin and bottom lip. When he spoke she could tell he was still slightly distracted. "You know I do tons of fund raisers. I meet all sorts of people, everyone looking for something. But that's not fair, not every one, I've developed some really good friends through that process." He paused again. "There was a recent shoot-out on a side walk in Soho. A kid went nuts and killed his girlfriend, then himself."

"You're talking about the McKuen and Silver case. The guy confronted his doctor and killed the girl and then himself, an 'in your face' conclusion to treatment."

"That's the case. My connection is a friend, he was with the doctor. He's taken it really hard and I'm very concerned about him."

"You mean the writer, Richard Castle?"

"Yeah, do know him?"

"No, but I've read a couple of his books."

The looked away, thinking, "In about six week I've got this big Gala thing coming up. Why don't you bring your Detective, I'll bring my buddy. Maybe fate will intervene."

"I thought you were the Mayor, not a match-maker."

"Vick, I make deals all day long. Once and awhile it's fun to deal in love."

"I'll make sure she's there."

XX

These shakers, movers and sometime match-makers hoped on a plan to draw two broken people together. They would help a little, but would not be the masters of this pair. Fate, months later would use the spark of the first meeting to ignite a bomb fire, but it would not be through, laughter, dancing or cajoling.

The road to love and union, would occur without the benefit of conversation, although there would be words. Instead, they would be drawn together by a vigil. The flamboyant writer, and the comatose detective, not the typical characters of fiction love. But survivors of two separate accidents.

In mostly silence, Richard Castle's heart would be bound to a sleeping beauty. He would begin to fear, and then believe that he had forever lost her. Dealing with this potential, over weeks, as she lay in silence nearby. This process had stripped from his heart all reservations. It had been a time of clearing the cob webs. Not your modern love story. He had carried only snippets of conversations from months early, but his heart didn't need conversation, it was content with just her. The heart led, the head followed.

She had awaken to something, no someone she could not imagine. Her last recollection, was flying through traffic and then the thunderous sound of a collision. Next she found herself in a strange dream, and then awake, starring into the eyes of Richard Castle. His connection to her and the hospital was a mystery. She was not a beautiful damsel in distress. She was a patient with tubes running out of her nose, and weeks of bed hair. She had died a thousand deaths considering how unattractive, how unappealing she must have appeared to this man. Her resistance to the new reality of Richard Castle was short lived. As with him, the heart led.

There were some external factors, some forces, bad police press and political needs that would allow them to be together, publicly. But at the end of the day the result was the changed hearts of the two people, Beckett and Castle. Within the year, the two hearts had found their 'home', in each other.

While the movers and shakers believed they had made it happen, the truth was, it was much bigger than them.

XX

The contact came through one of the staff members. The Mayor had a busy schedule and was to call between 6:45 and 7:00am. She confirmed she would be in her office and awaiting his call.

"Vicki, how are you?" The Mayor voice boomed across the line.

"Mr. Mayor I'm well thank you."

"Vicki, still stuck on the Mr. Mayor thing."

"Nothings change, you know the rule, when you became the Mayor, you stopped being Steven, sorry sir."

"Again, we'll sort that out later. The reason I called is about your Detective Beckett. "

"Yes, as you know, she returns to work today."

"I was informed that was the case," he paused, "You recall our conversation before the Gala, what, almost a year ago?"

"Certainly, sir."

"Well despite a miss start, I'm pleased with the progress that's been made. As I told you last year, I was very worried about Mr. Castle, after the shooting. But I was also concerned about your best detective. It seems there's been improvement on both fronts."

"I think that's an accurate statement."

"Well as you know Rick is writing a book about an NYPD detective. My sources say it is both with and about Detective Beckett."

"Sir I knew the _about_ part, but not the _with."_

"Rick is very protective, particular with his family, but also with those close to him. I think she falls into the later category. I'm not spying on your Detective or my friend, it's just several people have seen them together and they appear to be...close. More power to them."

"Am I missing something sir?"

"No. I'm doing this poorly. The call is about you as a Captain and me as the Mayor." Not missing a beat he pressed on, "August, September and October have been terrible months for us. Every person with a cell phone is trying to catch one of the City's finest doing something stupid. Unfortunately there were a couple of instances..."

"Sir, I think the press..."

He cut her off, "Vick I'm not bashing here. I just want to improve our PR with the citizens of this fine city."

"OK." Her response was hesitant.

"If you're agreeable, I would like you to speak with Detective Beckett and see if she would be willing to have Mr. Castle shadow her and her team. I've known him to always hustle for good sources, and to do extensive research. Since he's writing about a NYPD detective, how much better could it be, than following one?"

"Sir I have some concerns about that sort of an arrangement. I can order it, but she's a very strong-willed cop and her agreement is needed."

"There's more to my idea. If both you and she are willing, at least to try the shadowing of the team, I want to suggest to Castle that he serialize his book. I'm not sure which magazine would be the best, but it can be worked out. My hope is that it would generate some much need positive press for the City and all your Departments."

"I'm not the one to decide this. You know that?"

"I started with you Vicki because I didn't want to big foot the idea. I want you to talk with Detective Beckett. If you and she are on board, that's a start. If Castle's a problem, I can handle him, and I'll think 1PP will go along with us. Let's talk next week. I know she needs to get back into the swing of things and you can approach her as you see fit." She could hear him mumbling, with his hand over his phone, "Vick, I need to go."

"I'll talk to you next week, sir." The line went dead.

XX

She arrived at the 12th nearly four months after the accident. It had been a long and strange journey. The weeks in the semi-conscious state, then her recovery with the lingering anxiety issues. She had never encountered anxiety before but now was a firm believer in it's ability to send someone into a tail spin. Her worst battle was with Castle in the Hamptons, but he had coached her home. It was the low point of her, but they had gotten through it, together.

Castle. She would have never believed the impact he would have on her life. He was an author who she read about in the newspapers. She had even gone to a couple of his book signings and met him. But all that was from another life. From early in the year, when the fire in her started at their first meeting, to the present day, everything had changed. Now she could not imagine life without him, her head was spinning, but she was not confused, just surprised.

The air at the precinct had a distinct odor, industrial yet gym like. It took some time to get used to it. The old buildings left much to be desired, but it was home for her, at least for work. As she walked onto the floor familiar faces greeted her, others stood and welcomed her back. She was elated, her heart surged at the response.

"Yo Beckett, is that really you?" Esposito called as he looked up from his desk.

"Hey Beckett, we were about to put your desk on Craigslist," Ryan chimed in.

"Hey guys, I missed you too." She smiled at her partners.

"So Beckett what brings you to the 12th on a Monday morning, and so bright and early?" Esposito sneered.

"1PP called and said I needed to get back to clean up the place. Apparently the solve rates are in the tank." She glared, or at least tried.

"Well that's crap, who told you that..." Ryan added, taking the bait.

He was interrupted by the voice of authority, "Detective Beckett, good to see you." Beckett turned to see Captain Gates strolling towards her with her hand extended.

"Thank you sir, good to be back."

"Why don't you come into my office," the Captain extended her hand towards her door.

The two women sat. "I see you've been given a medical clearance, good news. Once you have your range certificate, you'll be good to go."

"I've been chaffing at the bit to get back, I've really missed the work."

"That's good to hear. New York City is no kinder than when you left."

"I was certain that wouldn't change sir."

"So, how is the author doing on his new subject?" The question floored Beckett. She knew Gates had seen the press stories weeks early, but her asking, was unexpected.

"You mean Mr. Castle sir?"

"I do." Then her boss smiled, another surprise, "Are you in contact with him? Is he picking your brain?" Kate smiled to herself thinking, _it's more than my brain he's picking._

"We've talked quite a bit. He's been pressing me for more information to make the stories realistic. He's wanted to come with me today, wanted to visit the 12th to do some observing. I told him this wasn't a field trip."

Gates looked away for a minute, then she smiled, "You know, maybe we can work something out. The connection between Mr. Castle and the Mayor might work to our advantage. We need all the good PR we can get."

"I've seen the news, but I hadn't thought about that sir." Beckett looked quickly down at her hands, _crap I'm back five minutes and I'm lying to my boss._

"Do you remember the Mayor asking you and Mr. Castle to dance at the Gala months ago?" Beckett nodded and the Captain went on, "Well no doubt he's read the paper about the new book, and made the connection between you two meeting and, how did he say it, 'helping him out' at his big shindig."

"I remember sir."

"The Mayor commented to me about the book and had some thoughts." Another pause, "Why don't you ask Mr. Castle if he's interested in maybe following your team? If he is, we can run it up the chain of command and straight to the Mayor's office if necessary."

"Sir the next time I talk to him, I'll ask." Thinking, _even if he's_ _in the middle of_ _trying to rip my clothes off._

"Well I'll let you get to your desk, you probably have 1000 emails. Welcome back." Captain Gates stood.

"Thank you sir." Beckett stood and returned to her desk. She thought her face would break from the smile she was trying to hid.

"Hey Beckett, what are you so happy about?"

"Ryan I'm just happy to be back to work. So, what do we have?"

Esposito and Ryan led her to the current murder board and filled her in.

XX

It was around 10:30 that Lanie dropped by, "Well well look who's back?"

Beckett stood and embraced her friend, "Lanie it's good to see you."

"Whoa girlfriend, what's the glow you got going. You look as happy as I've ever seen you."

"Just happy to be back!"

"You still can't lie. So how is he?"

Beckett smiled again, "He's wonderful."

XX

After several hours of work her phone vibrated. _So, how goes it?_

She smiled, _It goes...real good._

Then he asked _, Are you hungry?_

She typed quickly, _I'm going to run out and get something._

Her phone vibrated immediately, _If you walk around the corner, and up a half block there's a black limo, tinted glass with a lonely man and a lunch for two,_ _waiting for you._

She laughed out loud.

"Beckett, what's so funny."

"Nothing I was just reading a text."

"From who?"

"You mean, from _whom_?"

"Whatever."

"What are you Esposito, my big brother?" He smirked but before he could answer she added, "I'm gonna go out for a few minutes. I'll be back within a half hour or so."

"Hey we should be taking you to lunch."

"Maybe tomorrow!"

"But Ryan was going to pay." Esposito added laughing. She just waved her hand over her shoulder.

She made her way out of the building and turned the corner. She immediately spotted the large limo. Her impulse was to run to it, but she resisted. As she got within a few feet the back door opened half-way. She pulled it the rest of the way open and slid in.

"Castle, you didn't have to do this." Before her sat a picnic basket and a champagne holder, that was filled with ice and bottles of water.

"For you Beckett anything. Plus I'm going _nuts_ without you at home."

"It's been five hours, Castle!"

"No, it's been five _lonely_ hours, a big diff!"

"Have I got news for you," she beamed at him, "You're gonna love this!"

As they ate she relayed the conversation with Gates. To say he was excited was indeed an understatement. She feared he was going to hit his head on the roof of the car.

"Castle calm down this car is rocking."

He moved the basket from the seat and pulled her over to him. "I am so excited about us getting to work together." He kissed both sides of her face and hugged her again.

"She didn't talk about any length of time. So don't get your hopes up too high."

"We're talking about research Detective!"

"So!"

"It could take years." His eyes danced and he kissed her again.

XX

It had been over a month since Rick Castle had started following the team, the changes in Beckett were unmistakable. Part of her sanity was in his presence, and his touch. She would often put her shoe against his, or even extend a finger to make contact with the side of his hand. Alone she would hold his arm or hand whenever possible.

Castle loved her touch. It exuded care for him. She was his anchor and he relished in all things Kate.

But there were other eyes, seeing the connection between the Detective and her ride-a-long writer.

The boys had taken to commenting her about her 'contact issues.' They had teased her and prodded at every opportunity.

"Beckett, what's with this touchy thing with you and Castle?"

"You're nuts. Both of you." Offering her best denial, scoffing at the idea. Hoping the lie would work. She did not want Castle kicked out if the 'powers' found out they were together, together.

Esposito would not let it go, "Yo Beckett, you know we're detectives. We get paid to see things, like your footsy thing."

"Put a sock in Espo, there is no footsy thing." She would put her head down and focus on her paperwork and just smile. It wasn't a footsy thing, it was contact, a life line. She was more at ease when she touched him. It didn't really matter, a shoe against a shoe, elbow to elbow or just her finger bumping up against his. There was a calm that flowed through her with him near. Espo would have to bite the bullet, and hopefully shut-up.

"Hey Ryan, you see those two bumping around each other?"

"Yeah maybe. But I also see a very different, happy Beckett. If bumping into Castle, helps her, so be it."

"Yeah, so we owe it to her to give her some crap. Right?"

"Of course, but if Gates gets wind of it. She could ground Castle." Holding his hands up, "You want to be the one that gets Beckett's toy taken away?"

XX

In May, the the final chapter of _Blinding H_ _eat_ was published. The Mayor's idea had been a great success. The story had been altered slightly during process of serializing so it would fit a broader audience. But also, as Castle spent more time with the Beckett, Ryan and Esposito, he learned many story enhancing details. He felt he had previously skipped over a number of finer points, which when added, helped breath additional life into his story.

Castle had calls from the Mayor every time a new chapter was published. The shift in the attitude of the department, and the press, was a fresh breath of air. The Mayor loved it. No one believed it undid the problems, but it dialed the confrontational mind-set back a bit. The readers where seeing, first hand, the difficulties the police dealt with in solving crimes. Castle had emphasized the frustration of chasing dead ends and anger when their hands were tied by the courts. Adding in bad press and the mad dash for lead stories certainly did not bring justice to the victims. He had also captured the essence of the day-to-day battles of crime fighting. It was a great success.

The characters of Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook were splattered across the city, and beyond. The press sought the real life versions in Kate Beckett and Richard Castle. It drove her crazy, just as portrayed the Heat character. It didn't require much creative writing by Castle. While Kate was bothered by the attention, Castle got what he had expected. She often summed up her frustration with a deep vocalized growl.

"You look so cute, when you're mad." His face full of mirth.

"I'm a cop Castle, a cop, what don't you get?" Delivered with an appropriate hate stare.

"Enough time with you!" He softly replied, revealing only admiration for her.

"Damn you Castle." Her hand brushing his face.

Black Pawn was in hog heaven. Their best writer, who'd been down and out for a year, was back with a fury. There were only so many sources in which to push a book. One they had never used was the Mayor's office. But because of the negative publicity on the Police Department, the Mayor had welcomed the alliance with open arms, as did Black Pawn.

Gina Cowel both loved and hated the success of _Blinding_ _Heat._ Her writer was back. If he shinned, she shinned. Black Pawn was clearly elated at the success. She had not told them he was working on at least two additional Nikki Heat books, and outlining a third. She would be in the money for years. But.

Nikki Heat was a great fictional character, but Gina knew that was lie. Nikki Heat was the woman that forever would stand between her and Richard Castle. She had never seen him so swept away by someone. He rarely called, had stopped confiding in her about anything, in fact he almost ignored her. He stopped all his teasing and flirting. It was strictly business for him. She still believed there had been a chance for them, even if he never figured it out. But there was a new reality and like a hurricane erasing a city, every hopeful suitor was gone. He and Kate Beckett were an inseparable pair with eyes only for each other. She wondered if he could speak a sentence without her name in it.

The Mayor, Black Pawn and Gina were not the only ones happy. Kate Beckett had been along for the re-birth of Castle. He had blossomed since the Hamptons trip nearly ten months ago. He was working feverishly. Scribbling notes all day, and writing late into the night. He was full of questions and had proved to be an important part of her homicide team. Her boss was excited at the beginning with his help at improving the perception of the Police Department. But there was an unexpected bonus, it was how he and Beckett worked together. With their collaboration, her precincts crime stats improved even more.

For Beckett, the dark night was over. She would comment on how good he was doing, but he would rejected credit, especially when the bravado was pushed aside. He repeatedly said there was a single reason for his success and recovery, her.

She was working, pushing paper, answering phone calls, when Castle spoke under his breath, "Stop!"

"Stop what Castle?"

"You know what!"

Without looking up again, "Do you want me to have you escorted from the building?"

He huffed, "Me? You do that thing! And I get tossed?"

"Castle," still writing, "What have I done?"

Another grunt, "The taunting! I'm talking about you, taunting me Beckett."

Now she looks up, "Castle, keep your voice down, and what the hell are you talking about?" Her face tense.

"You think I'm dead. I feel your foot again mine, those eyelashes fluttering, a burst of emerald as you glance up at me." He paused and leaned closer, then just above a whisper, "Taunting me with your beauty, Beckett."

She started to speak, but he raised his hand to cut her off.

"You know it, so don't deny it."

She repressed a small laugh of delight, "If you weren't so serious, I have to laugh out loud..." This time she was cut off by Esposito.

"Yo, Sparky, you ogling my boss again? It's disgusting to watch you two." Stretching out the word disgusting.

Castle refused to take the bait. He stood calmly and headed for the break room to get them coffee, Esposito on his heels.

"So, Mr. Writer, care to tell me what's up with you and the boss?"

"Nothing to tell." Trying to dodge the obvious one more time.

"You know we're detectives? Right !" Ryan added shortly after entering the room, knowing full well what Esposito had in mind.

"Sorry guys, I don't follow what either of you are getting at."

Ryan continued, " We're detecting, and it seems clear to us that there's more to you two than meets the eye."

"Hey guys, what's happening in here?" The three men spin at the sound of her voice.

Castle said nothing. Ryan and Esposito started examining the the 50 year-old floor tiles.

"You know I heard you!" They still refused eye contact, "I hear everything." She just glared, letting the words sink in.

"Is there something you want to ask me Espo?"

"No...no nothing."

"How about you Ryan?"

"Nope, I got nothing."

"Let me clear the air." Both men finally looked up to meet her eye.

"I'm with him!" Taking two steps and then wrapping her arms around Castle's waist. "I live with him and I love him. And you two better keep your mouths shut."

Ryan spoke first, "We...ah...of course we will..." his only words before she cut him off.

"End of story, you guys here to work...or just galk!" Then she planted a kiss on Castle.

Kraj

* * *

 **A/N - This is my final chance to say thanks to each of you who have read this story. So many 'followers' and 'favorites' and of course the numerous reviews. The writing is much more fun with your input, again thanks.**

 **In the last chapter I commented on my struggles with Season 8. Well my muse has been howling. I've got some ideas, some pretty dark, others much brighter, we'll see.**

 **My thanks for the inspiration from Mr. Marlowe, the great cast of Castle and finally a thanks to ABC. Take care, Madreag.**


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